playing with numbers
Summer is over now. And I enjoyed its gentle breeze while it lasted, like I always do. But this is the time I feared; this is the time I feel like I owe you something. I think this should be yours. Take it all. Please, take it all.
It's just what you deserve after I mercilessly made the mess in your vision. I wouldn't stand you reminding me; you shouldn't. I played the victim... and even now, I can see that they found a little truth in me —inside of us. It turns out they weren't as wrong as I thought. But as these memories disappear and vanish, I get a clearer sight of what this meant.
You knew me, didn't you? You truly did. But I can't be your muse, even though I fought so hard to be someone. Nevertheless, or because of that, they didn't know me. I gave my all for them to understand me, and I guess it was impossible. I believe in destiny. I suppose it wasn't bound to happen.
When I sit here, I realize how far I have come. Albeit this isn't the route I should've taken, I think I should be thankful for having walked through. I learned a fair amount of things. Life has to do with learning and teaching something to somebody at the same rate. I've simply found that... that I was playing with numbers and I had no care for them, no filter to let them pass. That's where I threw everything away.
I only hope that one day we all will reset ourselves, forget what needs to be forgotten, and those numbers will rearrange to start again. I will watch from afar how they are operated once more, but not for me.