She opened her eyes slowly,blinking to adjust her vision. After she had rubbed her sore eyes a moment, she took time to look around. At first she was panicked, this wasn't her room. But soon it dawned on her that she was in the hospital. It was hard to mistake the dreaded smell of anisetic, the sound of beeping machines, and the boring walls painted white and dull light brown as being anywhere but.

"Why the hell am i in here?" She said to no one, answered by silence

.

She grunted in annoiance and moved her arm to pull back the covers. More to annoy her were the tubes and wires attached to her arm, checking her pulse, feeding unknown liquids into her veins... She reached over to take them out, but put her hand down, thinking better of it. She let out a exasperated groan as she saw she was in the paper thin gowns the hospital gives and not her own clothing. She reached to the side of the bed, pushing the call button on the wall.

A moment later, a cheerful voice answered, "Yes, do you need anything?"

"Yeah. I need to know what the hell i'm doing here." She said calmly.

There was a moment of silence before the voice responded again. "I'll send your doctor in shortly. It's good to hear your awake." Then the speaker went dead.

She sighed and fell back on her bed, laying there...Then she began to wonder. 'Why am i at the hospital? What happened?' She began looking over her arms and legs...they seemed different, probably from being in here...'How long have i been out? My skin's paler..' She grabbed the end of her gown..

"Hello, Saya." A man's voice said from the doorway.

She looked up, letting go of her gown. "Hello doctor, care to tell me the news?"

He had a strange expression on his face as he closed the door and came in. "Of course, Saya." He took a file out from under his arm and sat it in the chair by her bed. It had been positioned very near the bed, facing her head...like someone had been sitting there, watching her...Had she been hurt enough for someone to worry so?

"How do you feel?" He asked as he fumbled around in his pocket to pull out a light. "Feel strange or anything?"

"No, i feel great. A little sore, maybe." She said stretching.

He leaned forward and held her eye open as he checked it with the light, then the other before turning it off and droping it in his pocket. He put his stethoscope in his ears, and placed the cool metal of the other end to her chest, listening a moment. He dropped it from her chest and put it back at rest upon his neck.

"Hey, why am i here?" She said agitated.

"You've been in acoma for three years after you attempted to take your own life." He said, simple and to the point.

She sat there, staring at him like he was nuts. "What?" He didnt smile, like she expected him to. To laugh and say it was just a prank, a little gag. He was serious. "How?..What happened?"

"Three years ago, when you were fifteen, you had been depressed, as you might remember. You and your boyfriend, Haji, were having problems. So,it seems, you wrote a suicide letter to everyone..." He reached into the file and pulled out a envelope and handed it to her. "You arrived at the hospital in Haji's arms. He had found you when he had come to apologize...You had lost a lot of blood. By the looks of it, you had taken a butcher knife to your stomach. Many of your internal organs had been injured. It had been a long and hard process, but you survived. But you didn't wake up." The doctor said, without a doubt, it seemed almost rehersed.

She sat there silent for a long time, staring up at the middle aged man. "You have to be pulling my chain." She said, giving a small laugh. "No doctor would say it like that."

"I just did." He tapped the letter. "Read that. Maybe take a look at your scars and you'll believe me. I had just promised someone i'd tell you it that way. He said you'd want the truth and telling you only what injuries you had received would just upset you and make you yell."

"Haji..." She whispered and he nodded. "He knows me well.."

"That he does." The doctor said smiling as he glanced at the chair by her bed. He picked up the file and put it back under his arm. "I'll give you some time alone."

She looked up at him and nodded with a small smile. He nodded once in confirmation and left the room, closing the door behind him. She watched him until he left the room, staring at the door for awhile. She wasn't sure how she'd react if she saw all this was true. Why couldn't she remember doing this? It was all so strange, so unreal...Finally her eyes wandered down to the envelope on her lap. It was a faded white with drop size stains of dull red on it. It made her stomach twist...she knew it was blood...her blood.. Her fingers clumsily took the envelope in her hands, holding it in front of her. She pushed the flap up with her thumb, unwilling to pull it back.

She closed her eyes a minute to calm herself. 'It will be better to know..' She thought as she opened her eyes to the envelope.

She moved the flap up and slid the paper out as slowly, giving her a little time. The white back of the paper had the blood soaked into it also, but in a more pinkish color. She stared at it a moment, trying to remember. Then she quickly opened the letter...and began to read her hand writting upon the page:

Everyone,

I just can't take it any more! It's all so meaningless and painful, this thing called life! Everything i love hates me, no one accepts me...I thought Reed loved me, but he doesn't...I've lost all my friends...Come to find out, none of them even cared. I was just there so they wouldn't have to be alone until they could find better people to be around...LIFE HAS TOO MANY LIES! I'm sick of all this and i've decided life isn't worth living...This will be the last words i ever have to say to you all. And sadly, i have nothing good to say... I'll watch over you from where ever i go, even though none of you care...I just can't live this way...Farewell.

Love,

Saya