The cafe drifted into my view of sight and welcomed me with the thought of food. I pulled my car slowly up to the pavement and headed inside. The small round tables were dotted around the cafe with tiny pink paper hearts on every available surface. I groaned, today was Valentine's Day. Confetti was strewn all over the cafe and large, pink hearts hung with ribbon from the ceiling. I breathed slowly in and out, today would be especially difficult for me.

I sat at my normal table which was in the far corner and was the furthest from the other ones, unfortunately it was covered with confetti like everything else, but I sorted that out with one quick brush with my hand. I had a view of behind the counter here and saw my old friend Georgiana, she had her light brown hair tied back into a messy ponytail and had framed her eyes with light mascara. She noticed me and sent a shy smile towards me before carrying on with tying her apron up. I nodded as a reply, even at my small token of a gesture she looked taken aback, usually I would completely ignore her. If I wanted her to, Georgiana would take me back as a friend instantly. But I didn't think I ever wanted to have friends, people just let you down in life, all the time. I didn't want that to happen to me again, so I avoided people.

Another waitress came up to my table with a beaming smile on her face, of course when she saw it was me again the smile disintegrated. I rolled my eyes, people would never accept me.

"Hello Melissa, it is lovely to see you yet again" I said in a sickly sweet voice to show my dislike for her.

She shook out her light blonde hair behind her shoulder and narrowed her eyes.

"Whatever, just tell me what you're ordering, I don't have time to talk to someone like you"

I knew she was hinting at me cutting myself but I acted as if her last statement didn't fall from her lips.

"A coffee and buttered toast is enough" I retorted sharply, wanting to end this conversation.

She swung round the opposite direction, to block out the other sounds in the room I took out my iPod and began listening to AC/DC Back in Black. It was Georgiana who came with my order, I was thankful for that. She slipped the plate and mug onto my table and motioned for me to take out my headphones.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Scarlett, I was just wondering, will you come here every day cause during my break I'd like someone to talk to and Melissa really pisses me off" she asked.

"Ummm, Georgiana, you know how I am with people" I stated, I had nothing against the girl before me, I just liked being alone, she must have grasped that by now.

"Okay, it's just you were fine with me before you....changed" she said simply and got up to leave.

"Wait" I called out quietly.

Georgiana turned around to look at me expectantly.

"I guess if I come in tomorrow we could talk, but it does depend on my mood, because despite all of this" I gestured towards the decorations, "I am in a relatively good mood today, but I can't guarantee tomorrow I will" I explained.

She nodded and went back to her job. I took a sip of my coffee and leant my elbow on the table whilst thinking. Maybe I could begin to build my life again. Georgiana was a start, who next? As long as I didn't become too close to anyone it was possible. I shook my head, I vowed to myself the day I had a final conversation with my mum I would never get close to people. It hurt when they left too much.

My phone vibrated in my pocket and I took a quick glance at the small screen and I saw I had a text from Matt. Surprised, I pressed open and read his short text.

Hey, haven't talked in ages. You okay? Thought I'd check if you were alive still, I don't want you to become suicidal on me. Talk later? Matt

I chuckled a little at his message, Matt could always make me smile whether intentional or not. I sent a quick message back saying I would talk to him on msn. Couples had started to enter the cafe so I gulped down my coffee, ate my toast and grabbed my bag and left the right money on the table. I shrugged my jacket back over my shoulders and headed to my car. I pushed they keys into the ignition and twisted them slightly. Checking over my shoulders I was free to go so I left the car park. I decided to drive back home and to go on the computer. Everywhere else would be occupied with couples that made my heart twang knowing that it was too late for me to be a part of that kind of stuff.

I heard my mum in the kitchen so I walked straight past that door and went to my own room instead. I swung the door lightly open and walked over to the laptop and logged onto my msn account. Whilst it was loading I looked around my room, since my father left I had painted the walls a deep purple and had put blinds over my window. The walls were covered in posters of bands where I had taken down photos.

Once msn had loaded I noticed immediately Matt was the only one online, everyone else was probably enjoying Valentine's Day I thought bitterly.

Hey Scarlett (Matt)

Hey (Scarlett)

You weren't lying then when you said you would talk today

What made you think I was?

Only the fact that you always do...

I'm going to choose to ignore the fact you just said that

You can't ignore me Scarlett

Give me one reason why not

Because I'm the only one who will talk to you from what you say, and no one can go without talking to anyone

I'm willing to give it a shot

Really?

Well no, but only because I seem to feel a little happy when talking to you

I'm better than I thought then

What?

Don't worry; it's just that your old friends want me to 'knock some sense into you'

You actually listened to them?

Well yeah, we're all worried about you Scarlett

Not you too

It isn't good to get through life the way you do

Maybe I don't want a good life, maybe I want to be on my own

And you really believe that?

Well I guess if my Dad was back I might go back to normal, or whatever I was before

You were normal, but why is your Dad the key to stopping?

He in a way started it I guess

No he didn't, you did

Bye Matt

What? Why are you leaving?

Because I'm fed up of talk like this, when you change your mind and want to talk properly, let me know

Sorry, I didn't mean it, well I guess I did but if it's what you want then I'm fine

Whatever Matt, I don't care what I want anymore; it'll just be taken away from me

You're too harsh on yourself Scarlett; people do want to be friends with you

Sure they do, the depressed emo too caught up in this place we call a world, of course they want to talk to me

I did get the sarcasm in that

Good, I wanted you to, now I'm going offline, I need to clear my head

Then bye Scarlett, I do love you, you know

You love me?

Well not in the sense of the word, but I do care for you

Well, in that context, I love you too

Then can I meet you today?

Okay, I'll pick you up at your house in half an hour?

That'd be great

Okay, bye

Bye

I logged off msn and got my iPod to listen to. Snow patrols run came on and I occupied myself with figuring out the meaning behind the lyrics. It always made me think of wanting someone to be with, but there being no one for you.

I left my room to my car and sped off to Matt's house. He was waiting expectantly in his window watching the road. His face lit up when he saw my car. I smiled at him I watched as he left his window to meet me.

When he left his house I noticed his appearance. He had grown longish hair with a side fringe, and was wearing a silverstein band t shirt and black skinny jeans and was also wearing black vans. He slipped into the front seat and I pulled out one of my headphones from my ear.

"What are you listening to?" he asked.

"Hammerhead"

"By the offspring?"

"Yeah, it's alright but I prefer other songs" I answered.

"I know what you mean"

"So where do you want to go?" I asked whilst starting the engine.

"I don't mind, we could go watch a movie?" suggested Matt.

"Sure any ideas what one?" I asked, as long as it wasn't romantic I didn't mind.

"What about one of the old classics? I think there's a showing a couple of towns away from here"

"I'm not really in the mood for that kind of thing today. How about a comedy?" I suggested.

"Sure what was that new one?" Matt mused.

"Ghost town?"

"That was it what about that?"

"Sure, sounds good" I agreed and started some small talk during the journey; I knew Matt would bring up my life again and I wanted to try and say clear of that subject today at least.

"You know what's strange?" Matt said suddenly whilst I put my iPod into the docking system I kept into the car.

"No what?" I asked.

"Well you're exactly the same as you were before except not as cheerful, you really haven't changed" said Matt.

I preoccupied myself with choosing a song to play before answering. Another way to die came on and I looked straight ahead on the road whilst commenting on Matt's last statement.

"I have changed Matt" I answered curtly.

"How so? I can't see a way" said Matt stubbornly.

"The way I think for starters, whenever anything happens I always think of negative points first, it was never like that" I replied.

"Any chance you could change back to the Scarlett I knew before your Dad left?" asked Matt hopefully.

"No" I answered simply, "This is my way of life now Matt, I don't really want to change it, if I was in contact with Dad still then maybe the cards would turn and I'd be back to I was before in some ways, but it won't so your idea of me not cutting is a pretty bleak outlook", more like impossible I thought to myself.

"There's always hope" said Matt.

I rolled my eyes, "No there isn't, if there was I wouldn't be like this, not if there was some fairness"

I parked in the cinema car park. Matt got out and walked straight to the ticket office, obviously annoyed with my views. The girl behind the glass gave us two tickets and I noticed a sheet of paper with the tickets.

"Bye come again anytime soon" she said whilst attempting to look up from underneath her lashes.

We walked in silence to the screen and Matt passed the two tickets to the person allowing access. The paper fluttered to the ground. We were walking away until someone called us.

"Excuse me, I think you dropped this" I turned around and it was the girl at the ticket office.

She held out her hand to give Matt the paper. He took one glance at it before chucking it into the bin beside us. I saw the girls face crumple in disappointment.

"What was it?" I asked curiously.

"Her number" said Matt and he chuckled.

I smirked; it was kind of funny how desperate some girls were.

We sat down at the back of the theatre and sat through the seemingly endless adverts.

"Finally" I said loudly when the film finally started causing many people to around and scowl.

We watched the film for about ten minutes before becoming bored. I leant over to talk quietly to Matt.

"Do you reckon we should piss everyone off by talking really loudly and stuff?" I asked desperate for something mildly fun to do.

"Just like old times, before your Dad left?" asked Matt hopefully.

"Exactly like old times" I answered.

"Sure then you start" said Matt.

"Not here" I said loudly so loads of people could hear.

"Oh come on Scarlett, this is so boring" whined Matt just as loud.

"No I am actually watching this you know" I retorted.

"Fine" huffed Matt and he crossed his arms.

Everyone scowled at us and turned to the screen once more.

"Ready to turn it up a notch?" I asked.

"To hell I am" muttered Matt.

"Stop touching my leg Matt" I nearly shouted.

"Aww baby let me" he said and rested his hand on my thigh for show.

"I am not your baby Matt"

"You told me you were" he said in mock anger that only I noticed.

"I never said that, you're my mate Matt, nothing more"

"But I want more" said Matt and he slid his hand further up my leg.

"Stop it" I shouted, this time the whole cinema turned around to watch us.

"Kiss me then" said Matt.

We had had this conversation many times in cinemas to annoy everyone and I would always kiss Matt after that comment.

He leant forward until our lips were touching, but this time neither of us seeked entrance with our tongues, this time it felt more...real.

I pulled away and leant my head on my hand to think, I was completely oblivious to everyone else, and it seemed Matt was too, he never took his hand from my leg. Unable to take not being able to talk seriously I took his hand and stormed out of the dark room with Matt following closely.