In my own hell
Abby looked out of the living room window at the children playing in the street. Isabelle should have been out there. With them, she should be sitting out there talking to the other mums. But she wasn't one now...a mum that is, she'd lost that now she was just Abby, just Abby.
A single tear ran down her cheek she looked down at the dark substance in her cup, Coffee that had long gone cold, not that she would have drunk much. She never did anymore. She got up and walked down the hall stopping in front of a closed door with a fairy on it. Izzy's room. She opened the door slowly revealing what had been her daughter's room. All neat tidy and clean. Toys in their places, books on their shelves.
She looked over at the small bed, Isabelle had just moved from the cot to the big girl bed. Abby sat down her thumb running along the fabric that had fairies on it. The small tatty old bear sitting on the pillow had been a security bear, for her growing up and she'd given it to Izzy a year ago. When Izzy had said her first word. 'Mama'.
Abby could feel another stream of tears coming she picked up the bear cuddling it close. As the tears fell down. Once again. It wasn't fair why did this have to happen to her. It wasn't like Kate, it never would be. She been there she'd seen it happen and nothing ever could change that.
The bear smelt like Izzy that clean baby smell. A smell Abby would never forget. One that she would never want to forget. The feelings inside of her became over whelming she had to leave this room. Putting the bear back on its home on the small pillow. She got up closing the door, and heading back into the living room.
The mail had arrived by now, Abby bent down and flicked through the letters, till she came one addressed to her daughter. Opening it slowly she found it was a invitation. This was the straw that broke the proverbial camels back. Abby broke down on the spot falling down and crying her, hand covering her mouth to try and stop the sobs coming out. Tears fell on to the invitation smudging the words so they were unreadable.
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Tim climbed out of his car rolling his neck it had been a long day one he wished he could have spent with Abby this was the first day he'd left her alone. He was anxious to find out how she was. He made his way to the front door, and turning his key in the lock. He walked in and found Abby curled up in a ball asleep on the floor the tear stains on the mail and tracks running down her face told him all he needed to know he placed his things on the sofa and picked her up gently then carried her to their room, where he laid her in bed, pulling the covers over her. She hadn't even bothered getting out of her PJ's today. He wanted to do more for her. But he wasn't sure what to do.
Walking down the corridor again he stopped in front of the same door Abby had a few hours earlier, he sighed and kept walking he wasn't ready to look in there not yet. Every thing had happened so quickly that his brain was still processing it. His heart had closed to all possibilities of Izzy no longer being in his life. It wasn't ready to deal with that information yet. So he did what he always did and immersed himself in work.
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Abby walked out into the lounge room seven the next morning wondering how she'd ended up in bed Tim wasn't next to her when she woke up. His side hadn't even been slept in she thought Gibbs had kept them over night again. Till she saw him asleep on the lounge papers around him. This hadn't surprised her. This happened a lot lately it was how he dealt with things. She sighed and walked into the kitchen and poured her self a cup of coffee. She sat down and started her day again. Looking out the window at the kids going to school. She sighed and took a sip of coffee and noticed it was ice cold she got up and tipped the rest of it into the sink and made a new pot. She rubbed her eyes and noticed how dirty her hair was. She knew she needed to wash it but she never went anywhere or did anything so what was the point. She smelt her clothes they didn't stink yet still good for a day or so. Till they needed a wash. She'd shower then when she needed to change her clothes due to they were to smelly to continue to wear.