Disclaimer: I don't own GH. I don't any characters. This is purely for amusement and to enhance my writing purposes.
Summary: Familiarity breeds contempt, and after all that had happened the last time with Jason, after learning Jake Doe's identity, Elizabeth has more realistic reaction.
Pairing: Mentions of Liason and mentions of Jasam
Warning: There is no bashing. Not of Sam. Not of Liz.
I want to thank, , for the follows.
Guest 1: I didn't want to Sam bash. It's a hollow endeavor in current events because I feel Sam has truly changed from who she was in 2006. Liason writer here, so they will always be my pairing unless I pair Liz intentionally with someone else.
Mari: Thank you so much! I wish the show would bring this type of Elizabeth back. Yep, Liz would have totally put Nic in his place, but the writers ruined it. They could have Nic threaten her to keep the secret, and had a similar storyline without assassinating her like they did.
Pamela: Thank you so much. I, too, believe this could have been way more angst and drama, too. It would have given RH, BM, KeMo, and JT so much to work with, and I think would have won them Emmys. Alas the writers lost that chance.
Guest: I agree, too. Liason fanfic writers really need to get out here. I know what happened on the show was disheartening, but we are a tight nit group, and the majority of the fanfiction is our only way of having our couple. Thank you so much!
CHAPTER TWO
"All or Nothing at All"
The drive to her home was long, and silent. Both of them stewed in their own thoughts, and Elizabeth silently wondered why she allowed him to drive her home. It was because there was a weak part of her that didn't want to be alone, and he didn't need to be alone, either. It wasn't a good idea. It was foolish, because she needed to close up her heart and keep him far away from it. She stepped into her living room, and felt a coldness settle into her blood. There were many regrets left in these walls, but the one that hurt her the most was the fact this house was bought to build a house and family with Jason. For some reason, that hit her harder right in this moment than it had ever before and she drew in a deep breath. "You can stay the night, and tomorrow I'm sure Carly will set you up with a hotel room at the Metro Court. I don't think she ever lets anyone stay in your old room," she said, but she barely recalled speaking at all.
"Why are you doing this?" Jake stared at her. She wouldn't face him, her eyes looked everywhere, but at him, and it was driving him mad.
"Doing what?" She asked, lightly.
"Shoving me away," he stated, fiercely. "Ever since we left the Nurses Ball, ever since you learned my identity, you've looked at me differently."
Elizabeth felt her heart break even more. "I don't want to look at you differently, but everything changed the moment I know you were Jason. You married to Sam, and you are my friend, and you mean so much to the people here."
"But there's more to it," Jake stated, with a shake of his head. "You have these walls that weren't there before. You don't trust me like you did before, and I just can't figure out why."
Elizabeth looked at him, sorrowfully. "I'm sorry. Jason and mine's relationship was complicated, even when it was just a friendship. Jason never gave me a real chance to be with him. It wasn't just his fault, we had hurt each other through the years so it made it hard to make a commitment, but when we started to try again," Elizabeth said, dropped onto the couch. Her arms cradled around her midsection, and she closed her eyes against the wave of memories that bubbled to the surface. "It was always excuses about dangers, and having to sneak around. I'm not going to say that it was all him," she said, her finger fiddling with her necklace. It felt too tight almost like it was choking her. She looked at Jake Doe, and now she could see the familiarity to Jason. The small hints that had been staring at her for so long, and everything fell into place. "I had a choice and a voice. I should have stepped up and fought for us to, but I let myself buy into the danger. I let held myself back because he was holding himself back. We danced around each other until our time was out, and then the mess in 2012."
"Elizabeth, I…I may be Jason Morgan," Jake Doe said, quietly. "But I don't have his memories. All I remember is being Jake Doe. All I remember is waking up to you, and remembering your face."
"Not yet," Elizabeth replied, a tear streaking down her face. "But your memory isn't the issues. Not really. It's my memory that's the problem."
"I don't understand," Jake frowned.
Elizabeth pursed her lips, drawing in a deep breath. "In 2012, Jason…you weren't the best person. Neither was I, but all that happened changed how I look at Jason. He had Sam in knots over her baby because she thought Franco had raped her, and I was so wrapped in the pain of his rejection that I kept Sam from knowing her baby was alive for an entire day. I subjected another mother to the pain I felt when I lost Jake, and I hated that I could sink so low. Sam and I have done horrible, unforgivable things to each other over Jason's love that…that we both have a lot to shameful for." She wrapped her arms around her, and closed her eyes in despair. "Even though, I will always care for you…I don't think I can let you have a place in my heart. It hurts too much to build the vision of us up inside of my head, only to have it crumble apart because our love wasn't enough for you."
"Elizabeth, my feelings for you are genuine," Jake said, taking a step forward. He gently took her hand in his, and held it tightly. "I don't remember being Jason. I barely recall Sam, and that memory did nothing for me. It didn't stir up any feelings. I don't remember Carly or Sonny. All there is in my memory is you. You are what stirs something inside my chest. This connection to you that I couldn't explain is what has kept me here."
"I know that they are. I know that you've grown to care for me. We've always had this…connection between us that we couldn't fight. It always pulled us back to one another in one form or another," Elizabeth choked, her heart twisting inside her chest. "But I'm not sure I can start something with you when there is so much…" She shook her head, and gently pulled her hand free from his. "I do care for you. I've been fighting it just like I always had to fight it before, but I can't start something with you. Not when there is a chance your memories and feelings for Sam can come back. It would just hurt us in the long run, and you owe it to her to figure out if you can be with her again. To figure out what will happen to your marriage, and what will happen with Danny."
Jake's shoulders slumped. His eyes were filled with so much pain, and he stared down at Elizabeth's pale and stricken face. He wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms to ease her pain away. But he couldn't because he was the cause for it. He had known that no one wanted to say anything bad about Jason, and in his heart, he had known that the mobster hadn't been perfect. In fact, it had irritated him that everyone would praise him especially after all he had learned. Perhaps his mind might not remember who he was, but his conscious did and it was screaming at him that he did not want to be that kind of man that could do that to Elizabeth, and to Sam.
"What if after trying to figure things out that I still want to be with you? That after spending time with Sam, and Danny that my heart still wants you? What then Elizabeth?" Jake demanded, his blue eyes searched her face.
"I…I don't know," Elizabeth whispered, wiping away the tears.
"What if…if I prove to you that I am a man capable of loving you?" Jake asked, his voice filled with pain. He took a step forward, hesitant as if not to scare her away and he searched over intently. "What if I prove that I am ready to give you everything this time? Could you find in your heart to give me everything, too?"
Elizabeth couldn't speak for a moment. The knot of emotion swelled in her throat because being with Jason had always been this unattainable dream. It had no place in reality, and she could only hold onto the memories. To have him say those words touched her heart no matter how she fought it. "It would be all or nothing," she said, her voice trembled. "I can't do any more of this in-between, or being uncertain where we stand. I can't live like that because it's not healthy and it only hurts both of us. So if you still want to be with me after everything, and you really mean to give your all…" She drew in a shaky breath, and ran her fingers down the side of her face. "I will, too. But not now. Not yet."
"But you'll wait for me?" Jake asked, the pain in his heart eased. He licked his parched lips, and looked at her hopefully.
Elizabeth told herself that she was foolish. That she shouldn't do this. That she should just walk away, and that way she wouldn't be soul crushed once again when Jason went back to Sam. But when was the last time she had started a relationship without reservations? It wasn't with Ewen. She couldn't even be with him because there was something she felt off about him, and she had been proven right when he turned out to be working for Jerry Jacks. It wasn't with AJ. There was always the fear of him cheating after he did so with Carly. Nicolas could never make up his mind about her or Britt in the end, so the feelings that she had for had all but evaporated. As for Ric, she had thrown herself back into their relationship feeling that she owed it to him and to keep her away from temptation when she thought Jake was married to Hayden.
The only time she had been ready to dive in was with Jake Doe.
"I'll wait," Elizabeth whispered, brokenly. "I'll wait if you really mean what you say, but know I…I will understand and a-accept if you fall back in love with Sam. I know that she is important to you—"
"Sam was important to Jason," Jake corrected, his tone not unkind. He said it very matter of fact, and ran a hand down the side of his jaw. "I don't know, Sam, beyond the rocky start we had when I was under Helena's control. She is an acquaintance to me, and the wife of the man I used to be. But Elizabeth, I can feel it in my heart that I am not that man anymore. Even if my memories return, I don't think I can go back to being Jason Morgan, the right hand of Sonny Corinthos. The thought of violence makes me sick," he said, with disgust written plainly on his face. "It's not a life that I want. It's not what I need in my life."
Elizabeth sighed, running her fingers through her hair. "How is that I resolve myself not to fall in love with you, and then you manage to break through every wall I have like they were made of nothing more than sand?" She whispered, her tone morose and longing.
"Because in your heart you know that this time isn't like the last time, or the time before that," Jake told her, feeling emboldened by her promise. "You know that this time there isn't the past or obligations that are going to get in our way. That I'm not going to let them get in our way because my heart is yours, Elizabeth Webber. It's been yours since the moment I woke up, and I can't imagine being with anyone, but you."
Elizabeth never felt so tore in two directions in her entire life. Part of her wanted to sink into his arms, and come what hell may. The other part was more cautious, and didn't want to get heartbroken once again. Her hands trembled, reaching out to take his when the front door burst open. The two of them turned to see a stricken Sam McCall standing there, her expression was pained and hurt and angry.
"Sam, what are you doing here?" She asked, though she had a good idea. She could only imagine what Sam's reaction to finding out Jason was alive, and had been right in front of them this whole time. It was the only reason she wasn't going to say anything about the woman barging into her house like she owned the place.
"Looking for him," Sam said, with a glare. She shut the door behind her none too gently. "When he left the Metrocourt, I figured that there were only a few places he would go to."
Elizabeth could read between the lines. Sam had hoped he would have gone to the penthouse, or Sonny's. Hell, Sam probably would have wanted to find him at the Quartermaine's rather than here. But Elizabeth's house had been the only home that Jake Doe knew, and Elizabeth was beginning to realize that she couldn't judge Jake like he was Jason. It wasn't fair to either of them, to place the blame for Jason's action on Jake who couldn't remember any of that.
"Here I am," Jake said, quietly. "What did you want me for?"
Sam stared at him as if he had grown a second head. "How can you ask that? Or has Elizabeth not told you? You're Jason," she said, her voice wobbled over the name. Her hands had curled into fists, as if trying to keep herself from touching him to see if he was real. "You're my husband."
"Elizabeth told me," Jason said, nipping that thought in the bud quick. This revelation was killing everyone, and he didn't want anyone placing any sort of blame on Elizabeth. She had told him about Nicolas's lie the second she saw him.
"Then how can you ask what am I here for? I'm here to see you," Sam said, running her hands through hair. "My God, Jason, you're alive. I always dreamed about this, but I never thought…oh, Danny! Danny already likes you so much, and I always wondered why he took to you so instantly. I guess he just knew. You should come and see him and…"
"Sam, I know that this…is a big deal. I know that it is going to change things for everyone involved, but I need time to figure things out," Jake told Sam, honestly. "This…this has hit all of us very hard. I can't decide anything tonight."
"And so you came to Elizabeth's to figure things out?" Sam said, caustically. She was hiding the hurt that burst up in her heart with sarcastic and biting tone. "My God, you just found out that you were Jason. That you have a wife, and a son. A mother who is out of her mind with worry, and the first place you come to is here?"
"Yes," Jake said, his tone blunt. "Sam, I know that this is hard for all involved. It's going to be hard, and painful. But just because I was Jason Morgan doesn't magically erase the fact that I know nothing about that life beyond what people have told me. It doesn't automatically erase the last year where Elizabeth helped me, gave me a home, and was the only that stood behind when everyone else was ready to lock me in jail and throw away the key. Yourself included in that, by the way."
Sam flinched. "I know that. I just…I just had hoped…" she said, her tone wounded.
"Sam, I'm sorry you are hurting. I truly am," Jake told her, with genuine sympathy in his voice. "I can't do this tonight. It's just too much. Elizabeth has told me a little bit about Jason, but honestly, I just don't want to hear any more about him."
"What have you been telling him?" Sam said, with an accusing stare at Elizabeth. Her pain and anger was given a target. "I shouldn't be surprised that you would try to insert yourself into Jason and mine's life once again. Just like when you tried to trap with a child during that blackout."
"Oh, no, you do not get to blame your relationship troubles all on me. Not for what happened back in 2006, nor what happened in 2012. You and Carly can howl to the moon how I climbed fifteen flights of stairs to entrap Jason, when you conveniently forget the fact that I had just found my husband cheating on me again. Not to mention, Jason had just found you with Ric who was your stepfather at the time," Elizabeth stated, with a fierce glower at the other woman. She understood the other woman was in pain, and sympathized with her, but she would be damned before she let Sam twist her and Jason's entire history into something ugly. As much as Sam wanted it to be, Elizabeth had never been the gold digger that panted after Jason's money. "Jason and I comforted each other that night. We didn't plan it, but it happened. Also the trapping Jason with a child? We used protection. We had no idea that the condoms were faulty until a month after that night, and they were Jason's."
Sam blanched. She hadn't expected the other woman to lay out the past like that. The meek nurse usually just sat back and took the hits when delivered, not bothering to correct them. Something was different now. Something in the way Elizabeth held herself that made Sam confused, and wary.
"Sam, Elizabeth has said nothing more than the fact that Jason hurt both of you in 2012, and the both of you had made horrible mistakes when it came to fighting over him," Jake said, making a clear distinction between himself and Jason Morgan. Even if his memories came back, he swore to himself that he'd never be that kind of man that could hurt people and pretend to have a heart of gold in the same moment.
"Did she tell you what she did then? How she changed the DNA test results and kept my son from me?" Sam told him, her voice raw with emotion.
"She did tell me that, in fact," Jake said, biting the inside of his cheek. He knew that Sam's anger stemmed from the pain of loss, a wound that doesn't heal, and the shock of his identity been revealed. He knew it tore Sam up inside because she had been ready to move on with Patrick, and now the past was pulling on her, she stood a crossroad in uncertainty.
"She did?" Sam said, faltering.
"Yes, Sam, I did," Elizabeth said, eyebrow arched. "Unlike some, I admit and own up to my past instead of dance around it. I can't change what I did, but I'm not going to let someone use it against me. Just like I wouldn't use someone past mistakes against them because I was pretty sure they had changed. I'm starting to question that."
Sam's mouth clicked shut, a flash of remorse appeared in her dark eyes. She turned away from them, a shaky breath rattled through, and she looked like her legs were going to collapse right from underneath her.
Elizabeth sighed, heavily. "Jake, do you think you could go put on some tea? I think Sam and I need to talk," she said, softly.
"You sure?" Jake asked, looking at her with concern.
"Yes," Elizabeth nodded.
"Okay, but I will be right in the other room," Jake warned, a glance over at Sam before he disappeared into the kitchen.
Elizabeth looked at the other woman who was about to crumble down into tears. "Sam, please, sit down," she said, placing a hand on the other woman's elbow to usher her to the couch. "You are about to collapse."
"I can't believe this. I…" Sam swallowed, thickly. "You should be kicking me out, you know? After what I said. I didn't intend on saying it. I didn't come here to throw the past in your face. Honestly, I didn't," Sam sniffled, wiping the tears from her face. "I came here to confront Jake. I came here to see if I saw anything inside of him that was Jason, and when he just looked at me like…like I'm practically a stranger, it was like being hit by a bullet. I just…I just wanted…"
"To last out," Elizabeth said, softly. "To make someone hurt like you hurt."
"Y-yes," came the stuttered reply. Sam looked at Elizabeth, tearfully, and apologetically. "And I hated that was my first impulse. I thought I was beyond that, especially after what I did to baby Jake by watching him…" She trailed off, her eyes closed painfully tight. "I thought I had grown since then, but after what just happened, I felt myself sliding down a slippery slope. I don't want to be that vindictive, cruel person again, but I feel so overwhelmed, and lost, and I don't know what to do."
"Sam, this is a big shock, and you don't need to have everything figured out in one night. I know that you are hurting, and you are lashing out in the only way you know how. I'm a convenient target because Helena is no one near, and you probably don't trust yourself to not hurt Nicolas. And you don't need to explain. I have been where you have been when Lucky came back from the dead all those years ago, and I know the pain and fear and being stuck in the middle of following your heart, but not knowing which is love and which is obligation," Elizabeth said, understandingly. God knows she could sympathize with Sam situation.
"And you chose what? Obligation?" Sam asked, quietly.
"Yeah, I did," Elizabeth replied, quietly. "And I lashed out against the man that I loved."
Sam knew she wasn't talking about Lucky. "How did you get past it?"
"With time, and distance," Elizabeth said, honestly. "I had to face the painful truth that sometimes things don't magically get fixed and go back to the way they were before. That sometimes things are meant to fall apart so new things can take their place. It doesn't mean that the old thing won't still be a part in your life, just what it will be there in a different capacity."
Sam's shoulders slumped. "Do you think that is what's going to happen with Jason? That I'm going to have to let go, and move onward?" She asked, brokenly.
"I…can't answer that for you, Sam. Memories are tricking. Sometimes, they are gone. Sometimes, they come back. The feelings attached to them might be there, it might not. It just something you are going to have to figure out," Elizabeth told her, honestly. "It's not going to be easy. Figuring out if you should try with Jason, for the sake of your marriage and the past, and try to rebuild if it can be. Or if your feelings for Patrick are enough to let go of the past, and make a future with him."
"What about you? I know you and…Jake were becoming something more when Ric resurfaced," Sam had to ask, and watched the conflict pass over the other woman's face.
"Nothing. Nothing until everything gets sorted out," Elizabeth swore, with a heaviness in her heart. Her blue eyes looked over at the mantle, and the picture of her and Jason that sat there. "I can't start something with him when there is a possibility that his past may come flooding back. I don't want to set myself on a path to break my own heart. I've done it too many times, and if…if after everything is figured out, that Jake still wants to be with, a hundred percent certain he wants to try, only then will I start something."
"That's…pretty wise," Sam nodded.
"Well, that's not something I have been accused of being in a while," Elizabeth said, with a sad smile. She looked around her home, and let out a deep sigh. "Whatever happens…a lot of people are going to get hurt. I just know it."
The two women fell silent, and wondered how Jason's return would change their lives, and what that meant. Meanwhile, the man whose life was at the center of the revelation was torn between what his heart wanted, and a past he didn't remember.
END OF CHAPTER!
Hope you all enjoyed! I apologize if I didn't answer your review! I will get to it, but I've been sick, so it's hard to concentrate of anything let alone a computer screen, but I wanted to get the chapter out so here it is. :D
RRs are appreciated.