Disclaimer: I do not own the greatness that is Criminal Minds!

Penelope could hear yelling from behind, but as she ran she threw the bouquet, tore of the gloves and dropped the ring off her finger. She had the small white purse she was told would complete her ensemble and stuffed inside was her mobile, her keys, her money. She whistled for a passing cab and jumped in, she gave the address she needed and settled back.

No second glance at the church as her mind rallied to one of her most fateful nights.

She'd been home no longer than 40 minutes, she'd almost lost him that day, nearly lost Hotch too but nearly lost Derek, her best friend, her confidante.

Crazy Unsubs came with the job she knew that, gruesome cases had also been part of the requirements she knew about. What never got normal and what never got easier was one of her family members getting hurt. Even brushes with bullets or close shaves with knives never gave her a settled night's sleep.

Like tonight, it was well after 1am in the morning. Well after the end of the last case. But nowhere near the end of her panic and troubled mind. She'd been on the phone, just like with the New York case, when an explosion rang out and she'd thought for the second time that she'd lost Derek.

Crumpling down on the sofa, the tears brimmed and spilt everywhere and she was happy that she'd sent Kevin packing with his idea of looking after her because she was crying crocodile tears over a hero complexed jerk but Derek wasn't that and the tears weren't those type, it was all real because the moment she thought she'd lost was the moment she gained something. Gained perspective of what Derek was to her. He was and always would be the man she loved.

The knocking on the door came and she pulled herself off the couch, opening the door she didn't look. 'Go home Kevin, I said no.'

'Now baby girl, is that a way to talk to your God of Chocolate Thunder?' Wordlessly Penelope had flung herself into his arms, her arms wrapping around his neck pulling him close. 'That's better.' He murmured happily. 'What's wrong?' He asked a couple of minutes later as he carried her into her apartment and closed the door, he heard her hiccups as she cried and he worried about it. 'Hey, hey, hey.' He said as he pulled away and looked at her, he pulled away, removed her glasses and wiped the tears away. 'Stop the tears baby, I hate it when you cry.'

That made her cry worse, Kevin left her to it when she cried, left her to beat her demons alone, left her to face whatever came next alone. Kevin was never going to be Derek and she had to live with that.

'Come on, talk to me.'

'You scare me.' She admitted and tried to gain her own composure. 'You never know what happens to me when one of you lot get hurt, or come close.'

'Why would I scare you?'

Then before she could stop she blurted it out. 'Because I love you.' She froze after that, her eyes wide, Derek's gaze on her. He then just grabbed her and kissed her greedily, his head playing no role in his actions and he guessed from the way Penelope was taking this easily that she was in the same frame of mind as he was.

So he took her to her bed, and did exactly that, he bedded her, well and truly screwed her on those purple sheets. Undressing her, he lavished in her curves and in the purity of her skin, the lily whiteness that was as seductive as her lips, as her eyes, as her voice and when she was how he needed her, he stripped. Then climbed on top of her and kissed her before travelling down, his hand staying on her clit, stimulating her arousal, working every second they had like it were their last. Kissing the valley of her breasts, then her navel, then further down until he removed his hand and aroused her differently, feeling her react spurred him on. Hearing her moan and groan with pleasure made him try harder, out doing himself over and over again. When he came up and made his way to her lips again he kissed her senselessly before driving himself into her.

With satisfaction filling them both, he rolled over and left her be, panting as her breath caught up and then she looked at him. After hearing his name called out in ecstasy he knew the next was coming.

'Kevin?' Penelope asked worriedly, she was in a relationship with him but had sex with another man.

Derek looked at Penelope. 'Marry him Pen, make a future with him.'

'But...' She said shocked. 'But we just...'

'Had mind blowing sex I know but I can't give you what he can, you can't live off sex, you need a man to complete you.'

'So what...' She said sitting up. 'This didn't happen.'

'This happened alright, but I can't make you unhappy baby girl, I want you happy.' Derek said and although his tone was even and calm and full of lust, his eyes were screaming with the pain he felt. 'He's the man for you.'

Penelope bit her lip, she'd just had the best sex of her life and the man didn't want to carry it on. 'Do you even love me?'

'More than the world itself but I cannot give you what you want.' He told her again with sincerity.

'So you're going to walk out of that door?'

'I am.'

'Like this didn't happen?'

'I am.'

'And I don't get a say?'

'I can't break your heart baby girl.'

'And this isn't?' She said as she clambered off the bed, grabbing her clothes, redressing herself. 'Leave Derek.' She said and then grabbed something off the vanity; right in front of him she took the pill, he just continued to watch her. 'We used no condom, let's not run the risk eh?' She asked almost bitterly.

'Baby girl... let me explain.'

'Leave.' She told him, she knew he was right but she didn't want him to be. Derek got off the bed put on his boxers and went towards her. 'Leave.' She repeated but Derek kissed her again, greedier than before, harsher, more desired, as they pulled away she looked at him. 'Leave.'

And he did, and after that they never spoke of that night. Kevin proposed to her and it never arose again, Derek went with Tamara Barnes and it was never spoken.

Now it was all they were going to talk about she decided as she entered the hospital, dressed in her wedding dress and not a care in the world.