Notes: Thanks so much to all of those who reviewed! I'm glad that it's OK so far. I just hope I can keep it up! The idea's sort of been in my head for a while. In fact, it originally came to me while watching Overboard a few months ago. You can probably see the similarities. Anyway, enjoy! ^_^

Chapter 2: Welcome to the House of Black

It was shaping up to be another boring day. Sirius had felt it the moment he'd gotten up that morning. The dense fog outside hadn't let up, and his bedroom was veiled in a gray light that made the drabness of the place even worse. Breakfast had been boring as well; Lupin was absent, and there was only the miserable house elf for company.

Thinking of Kreacher dampened Sirius' already dour mood. He wondered where the little monster had gotten to. Perhaps he had finally crawled into some corner and died. With an irritated snort, Sirius stomped into the drawing room and began to flip through some of the books laid on the coffee table. He had read "Quiddich Through the Ages" at least two dozen times, and "The Iron-Fisted Wizard" had turned out to be a cookbook. He was scanning the pages of a romance novel left by Molly when he heard the front door open.

"It's me," he heard Remus call from the hallway.

"Oy!" Sirius tossed the book aside and went to join his friend in the doorway, "Where've you been, mate? It's been too dull here without someone to talk to!"

Remus seemed fidgety. "Ah, let's talk in the kitchen, shall we? I'm a bit hungry."

"Sure, sure," Sirius followed Remus into the kitchen and leaned against a counter as his friend rummaged through the pantry, "So, where have you been, eh?"

"Well… You see, ah, there's something we need to discuss…"

"Out with it, then!"

"It's about Snape…"

"Oh, really?" Sirius snorted as Remus sat at the table with a cut of salted beef, "What about him? He didn't snort a student up those big nostrils of his, did he?"

Ignoring Sirius' chuckle, Remus cleared his throat and said, "No, this is a serious matter. Hear me out, will you?"

"Sure, go on then."

"There has been an accident," Remus avoided Sirius' eyes, "He… ah… he will have to stay here for a while…"

"WHAT?!" Sirius leapt upright and stomped towards the table, "You can't be serious, Moony! Snivellus, staying here? What, does he want a rematch? What about Harry's Occlumency lessons?'

"Calm down, Sirius…" Remus sighed, "Please, listen. He's been injured. There was an accident, and he's… well, he's lost his memory…"

"Lost his--" Sirius cut himself off, his brain kicking into high gear. He didn't know what to make of this development yet, but he saw the potential immediately. There was surely a laugh to be had, somewhere down the line.

"Yes, he's suffering from retrograde amnesia. He needs to stay someplace quiet until he can begin his recovery. Now, I know that you're thinking about all the mischief you can cause here…" he gave Sirius an accusing stare, "However, it could severely hurt him if you were to pull one of your pranks. He barely knows who he is, and he probably doesn't even remember us."

Sirius remained quiet throughout Remus' lecture, weighing the pros and cons of starting something. Pros: He would get to add another victory over Snivellus to his rather long list. He would also probably have a good laugh. Cons: …Well, he couldn't think of any, really.

"…your best behavior," Remus was saying when Sirius tuned in again, "You should also refrain from trying to make him remember anything; Dumbledore said that he needs as much rest as possible."

"Moony, I hear you," Sirius sat down next to his friend and put an arm around his shoulders, "And I would have disagreed, had this happened a few years ago. But I'm an adult now," he grinned, "I can contain myself. I can even help the little git!"

"What do you mean, help?" Remus wondered, but Sirius was already walking out of the room, "Wait a minute!"

"Hm?" Sirius paused in the doorway.

"He'll be here this evening," Remus said, "I won't be here, as I have business to attend to for Dumbledore. You promise to behave?"

"Remy," Sirius' face broke into his trademark charming smile, "I wouldn't dream of crossing you! If it's rest he needs, then it's rest he'll get!" "And after that…" he thought as he walked out of the room, "Well, we'll see…"

*****

12 Grimmauld Place was as dreary a dwelling as anyone could imagine. Severus looked up at the gray building with a feeling of foreboding. Dumbledore had told him that he had been here before, though Severus didn't recognize it. However, he couldn't shake the feeling that he disliked this place immensely. It wasn't the drabness that bothered him. He couldn't quite explain the reason for his feeling. He and Dumbledore ascended the steps carefully due to the dampness on the stones. As the old wizard reached for the knocker, he gave Severus a reassuring smile. For a moment, Severus felt a little better.

Then the door opened, and he came face-to-face with a villain.

The man was scraggly and much taller than him, staring down at him with piercing gray eyes. He was handsome, but the scowl on his face was menacing. Severus was sure that he'd never seen this man before, but he knew immediately that he disliked him. Cocky, arrogant… these words seemed to describe the man who was now ushering the visitors into the house.

"Hello there, Sni-- er, Severus," Sirius had to bite his tongue to keep back the insult he so wanted to throw at the other man, "Dumbledore, good to see you."

"My, my," Dumbledore smiled faintly, "You seem to be much more polite than when I was last here. Has Remus spoken with you, then?"

"Yeah," Sirius closed the door behind the two, scrutinizing the potions master with a calculating look. He seemed to be utterly confused, and was looking about the place with a little frown.

"Then can I assume that you will be on your best behavior?" Dumbledore asked him, "You won't be letting silly boyhood differences cloud your judgment, will you?"

"Don't worry, sir," Sirius grinned, "I promise to be good. Maybe this is just the chance Sevvy and I need to… ah… start over."

Severus looked at Sirius dubiously, and Sirius flashed him a smirk that he hoped would put him ill at ease. It seemed to work.

"Well, then, I must be off," Dumbledore turned towards the door, taking Sirius off guard. He had expected the old man to stay a bit longer, or at least to "introduce" them. "Farewell, Severus, Sirius," he opened the door, "Remus will be here to check on you shortly." With that, he left the two younger men alone.

Sirius turned to Severus only once the door was shut. He already had a plan in his head. "Well, then, do you know who I am?" he asked the amnesiac.

"I suppose I should, but I do not," Severus said calmly, eyeing the other man cautiously. He hadn't liked the way he had smirked at him. His strong feelings of dislike were growing stronger by the minute. He had a brief, almost imperceptible conception that he was facing the devil incarnate. The man had Lucifer's good looks, but an evil glint in his eyes.

"Then allow me to introduce myself," Sirius gave a mock bow, "I am Sirius Black, and this is my home. Welcome back, Severus."

"…Thank you…"

"So, Severus, what has Dumbledore told you?"

"Nothing…" Severus said almost bitterly, "He told me my name, and that I have lost my memories. That is all."

"Well, then perhaps I should enlighten you?" Sirius said with false concern; Severus could detect the note of sarcasm in his voice, "I know they said that you can't handle too much at once, but… well…"

Severus frowned as Sirius held up a strip of something. It was a collar. He held it before Severus' face, allowing the silver tag to dangle in front of him. It had Severus' name on it. The amnesiac's eyes widened as he realized that it was his.

Still holding the black collar, Sirius said, "You're mine, Sevvy. My slave, you know."

"Wh- what?" Severus tried to recall if there was still slavery in Britain. For all he knew, though, it was alive and well.

"Yep, I bought you a few years ago!" Sirius continued, trying to conceal his grin, "You cook, clean… You know, the usual things." Barely able to keep a straight face, he moved forward to put the collar around Severus' neck.

Severus, however, wasn't having any of it. He backed away into the drawing room, covering his neck with his hands. "You can't mean it…" Severus muttered. He may not have known very much, but he did know that he detested the thought of being someone's slave. It almost made him sick.

"Aww, Sev, it's OK!" Sirius put an arm around the other man's shoulders and held the collar up for him to see, "It's not spiked or anything. It's the most comfortable one we could find, remember? You liked it so much, I bought it for you straight away, despite the cost."

Severus stared at the offending strip of leather for a minute. Then he looked up at Sirius and stated, "Proof. I want proof that I am indeed your servant."

"Slave," Sirius corrected, "And of course I'll give you proof! Just a minute…" Sirius pointed his wand towards the doorway and said, "Accio photographs!" Four pieces of paper came zooming into the room, and Sirius caught them and handed them to Severus. "Have a look!" he said triumphantly. After all, it had taken him the better part of an hour to transfigure the photos. He was proud of the results, as apparently they were plenty of proof for Severus.

The slender wizard stared down at the pictures, speechless. There he was, smiling and wearing the collar, as he swept the front hallway of the house. The next photo showed him kneeling before Sirius as the latter reclined in an old armchair. Severus was offering him a tray with a bottle of fire whiskey on it. In the next photograph, Severus was proudly displaying the collar with its shiny silver pendant; the last one was similar, only Sirius was in it as well. He was standing with one end of a leash in his hand. The other end was attached to Severus' collar.

"Well, then, that enough for you?" Sirius crossed his arms and tried once more to keep the grin off his face.

"…Y- yes…" Severus let the photographs slide from his hand onto the coffee table. He suddenly felt a little weak. "Tell me… I don't ever try to escape, do I?" his eyes searched Sirius' for some hint of uncertainty. Perhaps he really was lying…

"Of course not!" Sirius didn't even falter; Severus saw nothing but shock in the gray eyes, "You once told me that I'm much better than your last master!"

"My… last master?"

"Yeah, he was a real blighter," the grin was back on Sirius' face, "He used to beat you, you know. Would only let you eat once a week. He also made you sleep on the stepping stones outside his house!"

Severus arched an eyebrow at this. He could hardly believe that he had been subjected to such mistreatment without retaliating.

"Of course, he sold you because you hexed him," Sirius added, seeing the look of incredulity on Severus' face. He had always seen Snivellus as ugly, greasy, sneaky, and weak; but stupid was one thing that he could never accuse the Slythern of being. The man before him had always gotten better grades than him, proof that Snivellus hadn't ever had anything better to do than stick his large nose in a book and study. Sirius puffed his chest out a little in satisfaction of where his thoughts had taken him. Of course, the git's grades had all come from essays and the like; extra credit work. He wasn't very proficient with his wand.

"I hexed him?" Severus asked, thinking that it sounded a bit more believable.

"Sure," Sirius plopped onto the couch, "You, uh, hexed him really badly. He had great big scars all over his face." He had always been a good liar.

"I see…" Severus was giving him a scrutinizing look, "If I have such a history, then why did you allow me to keep my wand?" He fished the wand out of his cloak pocket and held it up for Sirius to see.

"Well, you're not much of a danger to me, eh?" Sirius chuckled, "I mean, you always said how kind I was. You didn't even have that wand when I bought you. You'd stolen his wand to hex him, and I bought you that one years ago. For Christmas."

Severus looked down at the wand, and then put it back into his pocket. "Any more questions?" Sirius asked, lounging with his hands behind his back.

"… What about my parents?" he asked, "Where did my former master acquire me?"

"Oh, well, you've been a slave your whole life," Sirius said absent-mindedly, "Yeah, your mother was a slave too, I think. Don't know where she is. Anything else?"

"No."

"Good! Then I guess you can get started on dinner. I know it's a little rough, being your first day back, but I'll clean up afterwards, OK?"

"Fine," Severus sighed. He still couldn't believe it. He walked into the hallway and, upon turning around to inquire about where to go, was pointed in the direction of the kitchen. As he walked into the room, he had to admit that it was familiar to him. He was even right when he guessed at where the pots and pans were kept. With another sigh, he set to work preparing the roast that he found in the icebox.

In the drawing room, Sirius was still lounging and allowing himself a laugh. The git actually believed him! He hummed to himself, reveling in how good life was. He got to pull one over on Snivellus, and he now had a much better and hopefully more proficient servant than the blasted house elf. Beginning to smell roast beef, he grinned to himself. "I should have thought of this years ago!"

TBC

Well? Reviews are always appreciated! Oh, and I'm thinking about changing the genre from Humor/Romance to just Romance. I think there are some funny moments, and the whole scenario is pretty funny, but it's just not the slapstick comedy that I had thought it would be. Not that it's a bad thing, but I think I'll change it.