Genre: Hurt/Comfort ; Drama
Ship: Kakashi & Sakura
Triggers(s): Angst, Implied child abuse, Mental health issues, depression
Rating: M
Additional Tags: Sasuke doesn't appear much in this, fuck Sasuke, BAMF!Sakura, Kakashi as a good teacher
Sakura struggled to keep up with her sensei as he weaves through the morning crowd. "Sensei?" She calls out, her stomach churning from the too-full feeling. He doesn't pause or even indicate hearing her calls, his unkempt hair just inches above the crowd like a wisp of onibi guiding her to somewhere ominous.
Where is he bringing her to? Her gut twists like that time she accidentally drank some of Ino's mum's poison. Sakura falls back far enough that Sensei notices and he loops back to her; his tall figure cutting through the crowd with ease.
"Sensei, mission room is in the other district." she says, trying not to give in to the turmoil that Inner is making.
"Today we have other things to do other than missions." Sensei crinkles an eye at her.
"But-"
He swings her over his shoulder like a sack of rice, cutting her protests off. Perhaps she's overthinking it, but Sakura can't help but think that Sensei is acting differently than usual. For starters, he had let her use his shower and towel, made even made her breakfast! Sakura can't remember when she had a breakfast, let alone a freshly cooked one. Mama had rarely let her eat at home. Children weren't meant to be seen or heard. Even after she had gotten her hitai-ate, Mama and Papa said she wasn't a real adult.
Bad children get taken away. Is that is Sensei doing now? But she's been good right? Or was she getting punished for not washing the towel? Or is Sensei punishing her eating the breakfast? He said look underneath the underneath, right? Maybe it had been all a test that she failed.
She grips the back of Sensei's vest, watching the direction that he is carrying her to. A district that she's never been to and very few of the people they walked past had children. Sakura forces herself to slow her breathing down. Wherever Sensei is bringing her to, going hysterical would only make things worse. She could feel Inner rising, whelming at the base of her throat, her fingers tightening her grip on his vest. Then his large hand rests on her head, ruffling her hair almost like trying to comfort her.
"Don't worry Sakura-chan, Sensei will be right beside you," he says.
"I'll be good, Sensei," she half-sobs. Tears streaking down her face and though she tries to scrub it away furiously, the more they persisted. "Don't-"
She gulps and he sets her down on an empty bench along the pathway, squatting before her. "Shssh, it'll be okay. Everything will be okay." He pulls out a ragged handkerchief from one of the various vest's pockets and wipes her tears away. "I already did all the paperwork, we're just going to cremate your parents, okay?"
Cremate what?
So he wasn't going to give us to the creepy old man? Inner says.
She takes the tortoise print handkerchief from Sensei's hand and wipes the rest of the tears.
"Are you ready?" Sensei asks. The look on his face is unfamiliar and Sakura almost giggles at the idea that she might be tell what Sensei is feeling from just the tiny square of his eye. Whoever who can decipher his emotions from that tiny square must be someone very, very close - someone who isn't his least favourite student. Awkward, she guesses judging by the way he squares his shoulders. She clenches the handkerchief and nods, following closely behind him.
Now that she knows where they're going, it makes sense why the people they walked past barely had children following them. She's going to go and watch them burn. The discordance of joy and grief stirs in her chest.
She has to look sad.
Normal people look sad when their parents die. Sakura casts an eye to the other families huddling together, memorising their emotions. Inner picks out a mask, a mimicry of the emotions that the families she passed by portrayed and Sakura slips into it as they approached the funeral house.
Her shoulders once relaxed are now shaking, her jaw clenching so hard she thinks she might break it. Inside she is hollow, feeling none of the pain she fakes outwardly. Sensei's warm hand on her shoulders warms her as they enter the funeral parlour and a man approaches them, taking the paperwork from Sensei. How had sensei known about her parents?
She stares resolutely at the ground even when they are steered into a private room.
"Sakura-chan, do you want to say anything to your parents?"
See ya like never later! Inner crows.
Sakura shakes her head, forcing a tear to slide down her face.
I'm sure really sad people actually cry more, Inner says. Think of the time they brought you to the basement.
Her shoulders tremble for real this time, her lungs stuttering as Sakura struggled to rein in the memories. She looks up, seeing the roar of fire within the circle of fuinjutsu.
"They're dead-" she murmurs as if still unable to comprehend the surety of their death.
What was she going to do now? Where was she going to stay? Could she continue being a kunoichi? And how could she? Sensei never did like her. Papa said that it was because of his influence that sensei continued to train her. Now that Papa is gone, Sensei would drop her faster than a poisoned kunai. The trees worked well for a night, but could she take it sleeping there for the next undetermined period?
The fire dies and fuinjutsu on the outer circle lights up, cooling the ashes enough for Sakura to scoop them into the box. She didn't want the box or their damned ashes. She didn't care for them.
'Is it weird to feel empty inside?' she wonders. 'Empty like a doll.'
The box that Sensei places between her hands is warm. It's a nice cypress box. Sakura grips the box tightly. The allure of chucking the ashes into the trash bin grows as they pass each one. The man leads them down the hallway and into a room where he pulls out a map of what seemed to be cemetery with red marks to probably already filled graves.
"Do you want to pick a lot for them?" Sensei asks her.
She shakes her head, clenching her jaw. She's afraid that if she loosens her grip on her jaw or hands, she might blurt out that they don't deserve it. Mama said that dirty laundry shouldn't be aired out in public.
Sakura is the dirty laundry.
She ducks her head, letting Sensei take the box from her. Relief flushes through her. Sakura doesn't want to care about them. She just wants to run to Ino's closet and hide.
Sensei steers her out of the oppressing building. His hand never leaving her back even as they make their way down the streets and it's a comfortable weight. She doesn't know how long this will last, but Sakura hopes it'll last a long time - or at least another day more.
✥.✥.✥
By the time they get administrative building, the sun has risen fully in the sky. Sakura could see the two figures waiting outside. The blond one angrily pacing while the dark blue one leaning against a pillar.
"You're late!" Naruto yells. "You said nine but it's already noon!"
Sensei chuckles. "Did you two do your training routine like I told you to?"
"Of course, you know!? All twenty laps! I beat teme's time too!"
"Dobe, I ran faster than you." Sasuke sneers.
Sakura has to clutch the side of her shirt. Sensei has been giving them specialised training that didn't include her. Assuming that he did and finding out that he really did apparently isn't quite the same effect.
She almost steps back from the trio, had it not been for Sensei's firm hand on her shoulder blades.
Sasuke barely glances at her and when he does, there's a look of utter disdain on it. "Hn." He turns his head away, arms folded across his chest.
"Ne, ne, Sakura-chan, why are you late too? Are you picking up Kaka-sensei's bad habits, you know? Should we expect an orange book too from you? It's almost noon! It's time for lunch! Wanna go on a date? Or ramen? Like a ramen date!"
She leans away from Naruto. The sheer energy he is emitting is more overwhelming than prior to the Chuunin Exams. Luckily, Naruto didn't seem to demand an answer and happily skipped down the road to Ichiraku when Sensei offered to pay.
Perhaps this would be her last team lunch.
Sakura watches her two teammates' back, thinking that maybe - just maybe she could just disappear. Goodbyes are always hard. She tries not to think of the time she had to say goodbye to Ino. If she just took another turn, no one in her team would probably notice.
Or so she thought. Before she could disappear into a side road, Sensei falls beside her, his orange book open in front of him.
"Ichiraku is not for another two blocks, Sakura-chan."
Wouldn't it be easier to just let her slip away now?
He probably wants to make fun of you before letting us go, Inner says.
Sakura keeps her head bowed, finger twisting the hem of her dress. "What is going to happen to me now, Sensei?"
"Well, since neither of you three were promoted, Team Seven would continue taking D and C rank missions. Apart from the fact that most of our D ranks would consist of clearing the debris, nothing else would change."
All that sounded too good to be true. Nothing would change? Why would he keep her around now that Papa is gone?
Sensei taps her on the head with his book and scratches the back of his head when she looks up. Uneasiness oozes from his posture, like he's trying to say difficult words or things.
"It's ok Sensei," she smiles bitterly at him. He probably mean Team Seven without her and couldn't figure how to tell her. She bows deeply like Mama taught her to. "Thank you for all your help."
"Sakura-chan-" Sensei shakes his head.
"What is going on?" Sasuke eyes them.
"Oh, Sensei helped me with something," she replies, wondering if it would be too forward to announce that her parents are dead. People usually act more delicately around the death of people, right? Mama had done that when Nanako-obaa had died.
"Something? Are you giving her specialised training and not me?" His lip curls. "That's why you two were late, weren't you?"
You mean specialised training that Kakashi's already giving you? Inner says.
"Sasuke, we had to settle some personal matter-" Sensei starts but Sasuke presses on, stepping into her personal space.
"Why would he give you specialised training and not me? I'm better than you!"
"Ah, well." Sakura falters. She always had known that Sasuke was intense, with his one-track mind. Why would he never think that Sensei would give her any time of the day?
Probably cuz he already gave you the whole morning, Inner quips.
"-he didn't."
"Sasuke-" Sensei pulls him away from her, his eye is colder than Sakura could ever remember seeing. "Sakura's parents perished in the invasion. We went to get them cremated this morning. But I don't see how this is an issue regarding you."
Sasuke rips his arm from Sensei's grip. "It is when I spent the whole morning waiting for you and you spent the whole morning with her."
Sasuke smirks at her. "Well, congratulations on the news. Now you don't have parents to tell you what to do and what not to."
"Sasuke!" Sakura barely hears Sensei scolding him, only the roaring of her blood pounding in her ears.
Whatever happens to her now, she don't have parents to tell her what to do and what not to. She lets her lips stretch across her face, her first genuine smile since she had to say goodbye to Ino. "Yeah. You're right."
✥.✥.✥
His little genin had been unnervingly silent the whole trip from the funeral parlour. Words that he read once upon a time in Jiraiya's book were unusable in this situation. What could he say or do to make this better?
Kakashi remembers how it had been after his father dead. The look that Jiraiya and Tsunade gave him and the words only served to antagonize him. There had been nothing that could make the guilt go away and though Sakura's situation is vastly different from his, he's not stupid to assume that condolences or pitiful looks would make her feel better.
So instead of sending her back to his apartment to rest, he thought that seeing her team might help perk her up a little. She did have that terrible crush on Sasuke, after all and Naruto's cheery attitude might just help.
But instead of perking up even a little, Kakashi could see Sakura withdrawing into her shell. If only there had been time to track and ask Kurenai. Kakashi stifles a long suffering sigh. The jounin-sensei guide book indicated talking, so he fell back, hoping to talk and set her at ease. However, just like not a few moments ago, the words he wants to say were conveniently missing.
She smiles and thanks him for his assistance and maybe things are going right. Instead, his little ball of vengefulness decides to congratulate Sakura. Who in sage's balls do that?
Sasuke only jerks his arm out with a grunt and an all-too familiar sneer. "She said that too," he insists.
Why did Sandaime give him, the socially-stunted assassin, a team of itty bitty, socially awkward genins?
The smile Sakura gives them is not just eerie but disturbing.
He really has his work cut out for him.
Author's Notes: I just wanted to say that my Headcanon is that Kakashi hadn't seen Sakura say that to Sasuke. I think he'd have at least scolded her if she had said it in front of him like Sasuke did.
Sasuke's still an ass and that isn't likely to change... much.
I changed the way she called her parents, because of reasons. Also I'm very proud of Kakashi for standing in queue for 30 mins in chp 1, even if no one else is. *wipes a tear away* I'm very blown away by the reactions I got from chp 1, thank you so much for commenting and bookmarking! I hope this chp lives up to your expectations.
P.s: Kakashi definitely took that handkerchief from Gai