Chapter 2: Take Your Time

The door slammed open as Lucifer stormed into the office, beginning to rant, not even bothering to greet his therapist and close friend. "'Don't blame yourself they said. Grief takes time they said. Take it one day at a time they said. Your pain won't last forever,'" he suddenly stopped pacing and turned to face Linda. "Oh really?!" he bellowed, his eyes sparking. "I'm immortal. Of course my pain will last forever! Chloe is gone! I'll never see her again!"

Linda's eyes widened as she caught his words. He had always referred to Chloe as "The Detective" whenever he spoke of her. She could see the pain in his eyes despite the anger he was expressing. The therapist stood and hugged the tall man, feeling him freeze.

"It's okay Lucifer. You can take your time. Grief cannot be wrapped up in a box. Each person is different and handles it differently." Linda sighed sadly, her heart going out to him. "It takes as long as it takes, and with time, comes healing. I'm not telling you that you'll ever forget her or that you won't remember this pain someday." Linda stopped and stepped back to look up into his eyes. "Just take your time, Lucifer."

Lucifer wrenched himself away from her at that statement. "Take my time? Take my time?!" He huffed in frustration before resuming his pacing. He knew she meant well. She always meant well. He took a deep breath, attempting to force his irritation and frustration of the well-meaning words to drain out of him, but failed in the effort.

"Doctor," he ground out, his eyes changing as his anger intensified. "You don't understand. This is my fault! MINE!" He stopped pacing and suddenly seemed to deflate as his anger suddenly left him. A deep, soul-crushing pain filled his expression as he slumped to the couch, burying his face in his hands. He was silent and still for a few moments, before speaking, his voice soft. "Doctor…Linda," he paused, looking up at his friend, tears beginning to fall. "She died because of me. She stepped in front of me you know, after Cain said he wanted me dead. I should have shielded her instead of allowing her to shield me. I could have grabbed her and flown her out of there the minute I saw Cain and his gunmen. I should have tried!"

Linda sat back in her chair, allowing her patient and dear friend time and space to breathe without any pressure. She took a deep breath jumping into the deep end that is sad-guilty-angry Archangel/Devil. "Lucifer," she began softly. "Chloe died because Cain chose to attack the two of you. You said once that we are all responsible for our own actions. Let go of all the should-haves and could-haves. You did not pull the triggers on those guns. You are not responsible for her life ending. I'm sure that you did everything that you could to save her. You mustn't blame yourself."

Lucifer looked up at her then, his eyes rimmed red. He knew she was making valid points, but he was struggling to believe her. He had been having the same nightmare off and on for nearly two months, and it was taking a toll on him. At first, he had been in denial that she was gone and kept hoping that reality was the nightmare he would wake from. But now, he had begun blaming himself, was angry with himself. He had tried to make his friend understand, but she would not budge. And now he was just tired. Tired of all these emotions. "What can I do, Doctor? I've tried everything I could think of: drugs, sex, alcohol…but nothing helps. All these emotions…how can I fix the way I feel?" He was at his wits' end and was willing to try anything, even following her instructions without misinterpreting this time. "Doctor…please tell me what to do."

Linda wasn't sure if she had ever heard him beg before. Him. The Devil, seemed like he was actually willing to listen to her and take her advice directly. "Well," she began, "you're experiencing grief right now, and as I said, it takes time. But-" she held up a hand to stop him from interrupting, "grief is different for everyone so while are… well, you, it seems to me that while your partying may have been your cure to all that ailed you in the past, you have changed. And with your changes, comes a need for a change in the cure. You have friends here, I know you do. When you said 'they' earlier, were you talking about them or your groupies?"

Here, she paused, waiting for him to respond, and when he gave her a knowing look, she sighed, knowing for sure now that he didn't really know how to handle this in the healthiest way. Of course he didn't. For all his growth over the past few years, Lucifer was still Lucifer. Taking a deep breath, she continued. "Reach out to your friends: Dan, Ella, Maze…call Amenadiel even. Spend time with them, not your groupies. Not the poor souls who yearn for a deal, or…what did you call it? 'The best night of their lives.' As I said, grief is different for everyone, but once you reach out to and talk with your real friends, you will find that the journey is not insurmountable. Remember, no man is an island. You are not alone."

Linda watched as he stood and nodded to her with a small smile as he left. She knew from Maze that he seemed to have shut his true friends out, so she had been surprised that he wasn't too bullheaded to at least come and talk to her. Chloe had been her friend, her Tribe, yes, but her life had not been changed by the late detective the way Lucifer's life was. The fact that he seemed to be listening to her now gave her hope; hope that they wouldn't all lose him to his grief.