A/N: If you are reading this, you are one of my favorite people because 1. you liked the first chapter of my Ruffnut homage well enough to move onto the second, for which I am eternally grateful, and 2. you take the time to read the author's notes, something an alarming number of the population does not do. So thank you very much!

Several people mentioned in their reviews that they noticed last chapter referenced my series of oneshots, This is Berk (which made me happy, because I honestly didn't think anyone remembered that, lol). This is true! If you would like the full account of Ruffnut's and Snotlout's first kiss (and it's a doozy), check out chapter two of This is Berk. /end shameless self-plug/

So, in regards to the Thorston family: the entire Thorston family tree I'm using, minus Tuffnut Sr., Tuffnut Jr., and Ruffnut, was invented by me. I AM IN NO WAY STATING THAT THIS IS CANON. The only non-canon character names I did not invent are Ragnhild, which is a traditional Norse name, and Bloodnut; kudos if you know what other DreamWorks movie I borrowed the name from! If you would like to use any of the names I invented, PLEASE ASK MY PERMISSION FIRST.

In regards to the accents: I am horrible at writing accents. I openly admit this. I've attempted to do the Viking burr justice, but I have a feeling I failed miserably. Basically, don't judge, because this is as good as it's going to get.

On a totally random (but not really) note: HARRY POTTER. THIS THURSDAY NIGHT. OMG. Holla if you are also dressing up and going to the midnight showing!

Huge thanks to the people who were kind enough to review a first chapter: NinjaKangaroo, Raee, MWA220, BlindMaster, RockstarVikingAngel, ichthyosaurus, and Darned4AllEternity. It truly means a lot!

Enjoy!

"Ruuuuuuffy!"

Enter Tuffnut Thorston. Tall, blond, fourteen, and a pain in the ass. My brother.

I glared at him from where I'd been sharpening the spear Uncle Bloodnut had given me for my twelfth birthday. "What?"

Tuff leaned against my doorframe after throwing the door open. He has this thing about not knocking, which is why when I change, I have to barricade the door. Because apparently walking in on me half-naked all the time didn't get the message through his thick head. "Mom and Dad wanna talk to us."

I groaned. When both our parents wanna talk to us, it's usually about something serious, like our future, or having an intervention for Uncle Bloodnut and trying to convince him that trolls aren't drinking his ale while he's asleep. I dropped the spear and shoved past Tuff, making sure to push him out of my room. He pinched my rib and I slapped him before jumping down the stairs two at a time. "You rang?" I asked, plopping onto a chair facing my parents. I shoved Tuff when he tried to take my seat.

Dad smiled. My dad's a cool guy. He's one of Stoick's best men. When I turned thirteen, he sent me and Tuff to be on water-patrol. Water-patrol is where you run around with a giant barrel of water from the springs and throw buckets of it on the fire from dragon raids.

…did I mention we had dragon raids? Yeah. Ever since our ancestors came here, like, three hundred years ago, dragons had been attacking Berk, and everytime it looked like we were close to getting rid of them, more would show up. There were only four main species that ever came to Berk: Gronckles, huge dragons that look like stupid flying rocks; Deadly Nadders, which are like giant birds with poisonous darts in their tails; Hideous Zipplebacks, which are two-headed dragons that I secretly thought were kinda bad-ass; and Monstrous Nightmares, which can set themselves on fire. Sometimes we got Terrible Terrors, which are like dragon midgets, and every once in a while a Night Fury would show up. Except "show up" doesn't really fit, because no one ever actually saw a Night Fury—just ducked for cover whenever we heard it coming. It never took food like the other dragons; it just blasted us from Odin-knew-where and destroyed anything in its path.

I looked at my mom and could tell that something cool was about to happen, because Mom always gets this constipated kind of look whenever she doesn't get her way—meaning, whenever I don't have to do something boring and girly. I wondered if they were getting me my very own sword like they promised they'd give Tuff as soon as he started fighting dragons; I hoped it was a Flashcut…

"Ruffnut, Tuffnut, yer mother and I have been talking…" Dad looked at Mom. "…and due to the increasing number of attacks lately, we've decided that perhaps it's time yeh both start learning to fight dragons."

I stared. "Are you serious?" Fighting dragons was everything in Berk. You weren't worth anything unless you'd killed one.

Dad grinned. "Aye. Stoick spoke to me this morning, asked if I thought my children were ready to train. I said yes; I hope that's not a problem."

"Oh my gods, Dad, you totally rock!" Tuff shouted, jumping up and high-fiving me. "This is awesome!"

"We're gonna be Vikings!" I said, jumping onto his back. He ran around the room in circles, both of us screaming and shouting. Until the idiot ran into the wall. Seriously, how do you even miss that?

"Who else is training?" I asked, rubbing my head.

"Snotlout Jorgenson,"

No surprise there whatsoever.

"Fishlegs Ingerman,"

I raised my eyebrows at Tuff. Even though Fishlegs is the biggest member of our motley crew, he's probably the least aggressive. Of course, he is part-Berserk, so maybe fighting dragons would bring the warrior out in him.

"…and Astrid Hofferson."

So basically everyone on water patrol.

I made a face. "Astrid's training with us? Oh, fantastic." It's not that I don't like Astrid, because I totally do. Hel, she's my sister from another mister, you know? When it's just the two of us, she's totally fun. We even kissed one time when we were twelve so we could have practice for when we were kissing, you know, boys. We have a bond, man. But. She tends to get really, really competitive in these kinds of things. I hate playing games with her because she freaks out if she doesn't win. She has this "I have to be the best" complex, and I knew that she was gonna be a total pain in the ass during dragon training.

"What's wrong with Astrid?" Dad asked.

"She's…competitive," I said.

Tuff snorted.

"Oh, she can't be that bad," Dad said. "I'm sure she'll be just fine in training."

I stared at him.

"And if not, axe-related accidents happen all the time…"

"Tuffnut!" Mom scolded while me and Tuff roared with laughter.

Oh, right, the name thing. My brother was named after my dad; I guess you can only find so many names that end with "nut." See, my great-grandpa's name was Cuffnut, and he had a twin named Stoutnut. Cuffnut had twins named Gruffnut and Buffnut, and Gruffnut had three kids: my dad and his twin, Bloodnut, and the first girl for a few generations, Duffnut. "Nut" names are kind of a tradition; having twins is kind of a tradition too, I guess. Aunt Duffnut was killed in a dragon raid before I was born, so I never got to know her. My Uncle Bloodnut, on the other hand…

My Uncle Bloodnut is kind of like the village freak. He lives in his own little cabin by Madman's Gully.

…did I mention he was kind of a freak?

Uncle Bloodnut has tons of weapons and dragon claws and teeth and other sharp things all over his cabin; now I know why my mom never wanted Tuff and me to go over there when we were kids. When we were really little, he gave me and Tuff dragon fangs that we still wear today. I like his cabin, and not just for the sharp stuff (although that's totally awesome too); sometimes it's nice to just get away from my family. Especially my mom. Uncle Bloodnut isn't my mom's biggest fan. He and my dad used to be best friends until Dad fell in love with Mom and married her; Uncle Bloodnut didn't like sharing my dad or whatever, so he built a cabin and moved away from the village.

Again, he's kind of a freak.

Mom and Dad thought I was gonna be a boy, so I was gonna be Bloodnut II—my parents have a thing about reusing names, apparently. Only I was a girl instead, and my parents decided that a girl probably shouldn't have the same name as a boy, because it was like a curse or something. I don't know. So they decided on Ruffnut.

"Aw, I'm just kidding," Dad said, but he winked at me anyway. "All right, I'm off to the hall; I'll be back fer dinner."

I can't really handle my mom when Dad isn't there, so I went back upstairs to finish sharpening my spear. I'd barely sat down when Tuff just strolled into the room. "Dude, I am so pumped for dragon training!"

I grinned. "Yeah." I turned back to my spear. "It'd be cooler if Astrid wasn't there, though," I mumbled.

Tuff flopped on my bed. "You're so jealous, it would be hilarious if it wasn't so pathetic."

My mouth actually came open. I mean, what do you say to that? "Shut up! I am not! Why would I be jealous of Astrid?"

"Well…because she's perfect. And you're, like…" he waved his hands like he was trying to find the right word. "…not."

I huffed and dropped my spear on the bed. "I don't care if she's perfect; who'd want a perfect girl? Hiccup can have her, for all I care." I started to walk out of my room.

"Who said anything about Hiccup?" Tuff wanted to know.

Oh. Shit.

I turned around very casually. "Uh. What?"

Tuff looked like he had found a bunch of Bog-Burglars bathing or something. "Oh my gods, you like him, don't you?"

"Shut up, fart-face!" I shouted, feeling my face get hot. I love my brother, I do, but the guy can't keep a secret to save his life, and I just knew that he and Snotlout would have some laughs over this.

He started laughing really hard. "Ruffnut liiiiikes Hiccup! Ruffnut loooooves Hiccup! Ruffnut wants to huuug him, she wants to kiiiss him! Ruffnut wants to get rough with—" He stopped, praise Odin. Then he looked sick. "Never mind that last part."

I kicked his shin. "Shut up!"

He snorted. "Why, don't want Hiccup to find out you like him? I don't blame you; I mean, I wouldn't want anyone in Berk to know I had a thing for that loser too—"

We wrestled for a good ten minutes.

"If you tell anyone," I warned, pressing my hands against his neck.

Tuff gagged a little and tried to pull my hands off. "I won't, I won't!" When I let him go, he sat up and rubbed his neck. "You think I want anyone knowing my sister has a thing for Useless?"

"Shut up, Tuff!" I screamed, burying my head in my knees. "It's not like I'm happy about it or anything!"

I'm pretty sure he tried to pat me on the back all comfortingly or whatever, but he did it so awkwardly that it felt more like he was swatting at a fly or something. "Well, you could do worse, I guess," he said in a very not-Tuff voice. "I mean, at least I don't have to worry about him, like, taking advantage of you or something."

"He wouldn't if I wanted him to," I said to my knees. "He likes Astrid."

"Yeah, but I mean, I'm pretty sure Astrid would pick, like, anyone over him. Even Fishlegs. Or maybe even Gobber."

I didn't wanna think about that.

"Gross."

"I'm just saying, if Astrid's gonna go for a guy, it is not gonna be Hiccup," Tuff pointed out.

I thought about it for a minute. He had a point; if she had to pick, Astrid would go for someone more…Vikingly. I felt a little better; at least I wouldn't have to worry about the competition.

"Did you know you have a zit in your eyebrow?"

Sometimes I wonder how I came out of the womb with him.

"Wake up!"

I rolled over. "No." I'm pretty sure I was still asleep when I said that.

I sure woke up when Mom started shaking me, though. "There's an attack; get dressed quick as yeh can and get te the hall. Hurry!"

That got me up. I jumped out of bed, pulling off my nightgown before both feet were on the floor. After a year of water patrol, I'd learned to get dressed really fast in the dark. I was glad I'd left my braids in—one less thing to get in the way. I ran out of my room while I was still pulling on my vest and crashed into Tuff, who was hopping into a boot.

"Watch where you're going, butt-elf!"

"Sorry I didn't have time to light a candle, troll!"

"Get up to the hall!" Mom screeched. She grabbed her sword in one hand and axe in the other and ran outside, shrieking. My mom is the only person I know who makes the Hooligan War Cry sound ladylike.

We grabbed the buckets by the door and sprinted to the hall, dodging other Vikings and burning houses on the way over. Astrid and Snotlout were already there, pulling the cart carrying the giant water barrel down the stairs. Fishlegs ran up a few minutes later; the barrel was a lot easier to handle when he was helping.

"Where to first?" I shouted as a Gronckle flew overhead.

"The forge," Astrid said. "If the weapons are destroyed, we're screwed."

My heart did a stupid little flip-flop. The forge. That was where Hiccup worked. I wondered if he'd be there tonight, helping Gobber. I wondered if he'd see me.

"All right, let's go!" she said, and we set down the barrel to fill up our buckets. Me and Tuff were trying to share a bucket, which was a really stupid idea—he went one way and I went the other. He finally tugged it out of my hands, so I went to get the other bucket and fill that up. I saw Astrid dump her water on a small fire that I could've stomped out, no problem; right after she put that one out, a Monstrous Nightmare burned down an entire house behind her.

Way to go, Astrid; you're saving the village one flame at a time.

We went to fill up our buckets again and decided to spread out; if we could take out the serious damage first, hopefully someone could stomp out the fires that wouldn't leave permanent damage. We had to pass the forge before we could spread out, and I saw Hiccup watching us out the window. I knew he was probably insanely jealous; I mean, who wouldn't be? We were out saving the village, and he was sharpening swords in a forge. I forced myself not to look at him; instead, I stuck out my chin and tried to look as cool as possible.

I mean, not that I needed to try or anything.

Tuff had run out of water and was stomping out a fire by the Duhbrain chicken coop when someone shouted, "Night Fury!"

Tuff and me dove for cover, trying to squint through the smoke to see it. Like that was gonna do us any good; no one had ever actually seen one clearly, and a couple of teenagers putting out fires weren't gonna be the first. And anyway, we couldn't see the sky overhead; it was all yellow smoke. I could tell by the dark blue on the edges of the island that it was almost morning. What an awesome way to start my day. Uh, not.

"C'mon, let's head back to the barrel," I said.

The fires had mostly gone out, and the ones that were still burning weren't gonna leave anyone homeless. We hadn't even made it to the barrel when we ran into the others. Astrid shook her head, flipping her fringe out of her eyes. "We're out of water, and by the time we make it to the spring and fill up the barrel, it'll be over."

"Hey, guys, check out Hiccup," Snotlout sniggered.

I was not surprised at all to see Hiccup screaming and running towards the main square with a Monstrous Nightmare chasing him. It would happen to him. I know I should probably sound a little more concerned, but…it's Hiccup. He's been chased by more dragons than I can count on one hand. On both hands, actually. And sure enough, Stoick distracted it right before it snapped its jaws around Hiccup, and he managed to scare it off. Then, one of the enormous torches we used to keep out dragons fell over and crashed through several layers of the bridge leading to the docks—the shouts and crashes and sheep baaing was comforting.

Not.

Hiccup was standing all nervously in the square, so we knew that somehow, the torch falling over was his fault. The dragons that hadn't been scared off flew away with the livestock they'd caught. There was a long silence. Then everyone turned to stare at Hiccup.

He blinked. "Okay, but I hit a Night Fury."

"Didn't he hit one last time?" Tuff said, smirking.

"Only it was like, a tree?" I snickered.

"Hiccup's gonna diiiieeeee," Snotlout was singing under his breath; Stoick had Hiccup by the scruff of his neck and was half-walking, half-dragging him away.

"It's not like the last few times, Dad!" Hiccup was shouting. "I mean, I really actually hit it! You guys were busy and I had a very clear shot—it went down just off of Raven Point! Let's get a search party out there before it—"

"Stop!" Stoick bellowed. In a calmer voice he said, "Just. Stop. Every time yeh step outside, disaster follows. Can yeh not see that I have bigger problems? Winter is almost here and I have an entire village to feed!"

"Eh, well, between you and me, the village could do with a little less feeding, don'tcha think?" Hiccup suggested.

A few people gasped. I smirked.

"This isn't a joke, Hiccup!" Stoick snapped. "Ach, why can't you follow the simplest orders?"

"I, I, I can't stop myself—I see a dragon and I have to just…kill it." Hiccup made an awkward hand motion that I guess was his idea of killing a dragon. "You know? It's who I am, Dad."

"Oh, you are many things, Hiccup," Stoick groaned, rubbing his forehead. "But a dragon killer is not one of them. Get back to the house." He looked up at Gobber and said in a louder voice, "Make sure he gets there. I have his mess to clean up."

Gobber smacked Hiccup upside the head. I leaned on Tuff's shoulder, laughing meanly.

"Quite the performance," Tuff said as Hiccup walked past us. "I mean, that was—"

I shoved him to shut him up without thinking about it as Snotlout said something to Hiccup. Then I froze. "Um…"

Tuff looked like he was gonna shove me back, but then he smirked—he knew why I'd shoved him. "What was that, Ruff?"

I ignored him and turned to watch Hiccup walk away. "Thank you, thank you; I was trying, so…" he said miserably.

Gobber shoved Snotlout and walked away.

"Ow!" Snotlout jerked his helmet back into place and tried to laugh it off, watching Astrid. "Sooo…"

"I guess we'd better fill up the barrel for next time," Astrid sighed, standing up.

"Ugh, I'm tired; can we just go back to bed?" Tuff groaned.

Astrid glared, putting a hand on her hip. "There could be another attack tonight; what happens if we don't have any water to put the fires out?" She didn't wait for an answer, just turned around and shook her head to get her fringe out of her eyes. Okay, confession time: the fringe is my fault. Astrid was complaining about her hair getting in the way, only she didn't want to cut it herself because she couldn't see what she was doing, so when she asked me to cut her hair, of course I was like, "Hel yes!" I cut off enough so that it wouldn't be too noticeable, only I got distracted and accidentally sliced through her hair and gave her bangs at a weird angle (although she totally rocks the look, that bitch). I apologized over and over (although, again, she looks totally hot), but she still beat me up. Moral of the story: don't ever cut your best friend's hair.

Tuff crossed his eyes and imitated her in a high-pitched whisper, but he followed her anyway.