Dated out of sequence. Actual date of writing unknown.
Name: Will the Homo Simians raise their hands please? Chapter Two
Fandom: . House, MD
Pairing: House/Wilson, Chase/Cameron, Foreman/Fangirling Nurses (He knows he loves it)
Summary: Wilson, House, and the fellows get a big surprise from all corners of the animal kingdom!
Disclaimers: The feature presentation is crack!fic. As in, but not limited to: involuntary species change (don't worry! it's funny, not sad.), magic spells being used, and umm, well I can't think of a third thing right now. But its all good.. It is also probably supposed to be rated R for themes and language.
Spoilers: Minor one for the season one episode "Poison", I doubt anyone will find it, though. (Internet cookies for the person who DOES catch it though)
"How am I supposed to get over the wall like this?" Chase asked, putting his paws on the top of aforementioned wall and peering over quite comically as rustling sounds came from Wilson's office. He hoped Wilson was alright, House seemed to have gone from 'pissed off' to 'on speed' in like two seconds flat. Albeit being turned into various animals might be a rather disconcerting experience, but that was a pretty impressive mood swing House pulled off.
Foreman hopped up onto a nearby lawn chair and onto the edge of the wall. His roly-poly frame bounced a little on impact, and his grabby little paws made fun little pad noises as he regained his balance. Foreman had absolutely no jumping skills. But it was interesting to watch, anyway. Chase lumbered over to the chair, and began hauling his little wombutt up onto it. He'd just about managed the whole way up when Cameron finally made it out the door and started squawking.
"Guys? How do birds fly?" she asked, spreading an impressive crimson wingspan and flapping it with no effect. Foreman stared. Chase fell off the chair.
"Bollucks, Cameron, couldn't you have waited until after I'd gotten on the chair? Owww..."
"But I cant't fly, and my feet don't walk very well anymore." Cameron looked sad.
Foreman groaned.
"So? You're not supposed to flap straight up and down, real birds twist their wings a bit and they flap... much... faster?" Foreman watched as first Cameron twisted her wings back as far as they would go. Snapping them forward in a powerful downstroke, she flew up about half a foot before landing on her beak.
"Well, now you know as much about flying as I do." Foreman said, when suddenly there came a shout from behind them.
"Hey guys! I found a bushbaby who thinks he's an oncologist." House shouted, easily finding little chinks between bricks with his little fingers and climbing at speeds high enough to require evasive maneuvers on the part of Foreman if he wished to not be run over by PowerHouse Lemur.
"House, how the hell did all this hap- AUGH! RACCOON!" a brown furry lemur had climbed much more slowly up the wall and had puffed out all its fur at the sight of Foreman, and was now backing away while showing off some impressive while tiny primate teeth.
Chase put his paws on the wall again, coming nose-to-tail with Wilson. He quickly put his paws down and moved to a different peer-over-the-wall spot and coming up again, this time next to House. Chase silently debated whether or not that was a wise idea when Wilson saw him.
"Dr. Wilson? Is that you?" Cameron asked from behind the wall. Wilson didn't answer at first, Foreman was busy looking affronted at Wilson, House was busy sitting in between Foreman and Wilson, and Chase was laying low. Cameron flap-hopped up Chase's back.
"Hey, watch it with the sharp feet!" Chase whined. Cameron ignored him and landed on the wall, cocking her head to regard Wilson. Wilson took another step back, and House shoved her off the wall.
"You're scaring Wilson, you morons," he shouted. Cameron birdglowered at him from the pea gravel floor.
"Foreman, stay away from Wilson. He doesn't like raccoons." Chase whispered up to the angry little ball of fur. It relaxed infinitesimally, then uncurled and jumped to the floor to help set Cameron upright. She was having getting off her back troubles.
House surveyed his side of the balcony, then turned to Wilson, who was still radiating Galago tension off his lithe prosimian form.
"Wilson, calm down. Forman is not a real raccoon." House admonished.
He pushed Wilson over, distracting him. It worked, because Wilson took a swipe at him and caught him on the ear. House learned that he was ticklish there, and Wilson learned that he could run much faster now. House ran as fast as he could to get away, but Wilson was laughing and tackling him on the corner of the wall. The fellows were still trying to figure out how to teach Cameron to fly.
Wilson had House pinned upside down to the lawn chair when something picked him up. Chase stared down at the ring-tailed prize in his hands.
"Huh, I guess I can pick them up. Thanks, Foreman." Chase commented with some air of satisfaction in his voice. Chase carefully hobbled over to Cameron, unsteady because wombats do not usually walk on their hind feet alone.
"Hey! I was playing with that!" Wilson shouted, in a tone of voice that expressed a childish anger at having their toy taken from them and the much more familiar emotion of disbelief at the things coming out of his mouth. Did these new bodies come with new instincts also?
"Chase, put me DOWN." House gasped, attempting to squirm out of the wombat's surprisingly powerful grip. Chase didn't.
"You know all the useless stuff. Explain the mechanics of avian flight." Chase directed, clearly enjoying being the biggest one there. House froze, staring at Cameron. Then he laughed.
"You don't know how to fly?" he managed to say between fits of laughter, "But you're a bird!" He kept on laughing until Chase, fed up with having his precarious balance thrown off by House gave the lemur's soft middle a squeeze.
"Wahh! Can't...Breathe!" House shuddered, and stopped laughing. Wilson huffed and jumped on Chase's head, sending the three of them careening into Foreman, who fell on Cameron. Cameron's feathers got ruffled.
"No shaking House." Wilson declared, primly hopping off the top of the animal pile as House sat up, angling for escape from the evil fellows. They got their chance, because Foreman had to help Cameron set her feathers straight and Chase had to start his chair climbing process All. Over. Again.