Part 2: Far too many thoughts
Sam's perspective
25th February 1997
She's going to be okay. Okay. A tiny word that holds so much meaning in this context means so much to me. Because for more than a fleeting moment Jude was far too close to death and I had far too many thoughts flying around my head at that time to be of any use. I watch her now, she's been put in a private room and Matt's sat next to her, their fingers entwined and they're having some sort of intense conversation. He set off as soon as you called him, as soon as he knew Jude had been hurt. You could see how much they loved each other and you wanted to feel like this. You watch them now, entirely contented in one another's company her head now resting against his shoulder and dark hair flooding over his shoulders, spilling down his back. You place your hand up to the window because, for some obscure reason, you want to run your fingers through that hair, feel your fingers weave through the tiny tangles, tiny imperfections.
You wonder what they'd think if they knew you were watching. Jude might think you were after Matt, that you were jealous. You were jealous but not in that way. You didn't want Matt for yourself, or Jude for that matter, but you did want what they had. Something solid, a relationship that would last, even when it seemed that everything was on the downhill. Not that you were a particularly romantic person or anything, you just liked couples and the idea of true love. You weren't entirely convinced it existed but it was a comforting thought. You watch as Jude begins to cry and you want to rush in and comfort her, hold her in the way you did when she was stabbed.
Your mind turns back to the events of the day leading up to the eventual stabbing. Everyone had seen Jude's patient, he was unstable, a heroin addict. She'd been the only one really prepared, really willing to deal with him. You immediately feel guilty and begin to think you could have prevented what had happened or it could have happened to you instead of Jude. You certainly feel like you'd deserve it far more than Jude, she never did anything but care. You didn't have a bad word to say about her but you were sure many people had plenty to say about you. You try to shake these thoughts out of your head, these little niggling feelings that seemed determined to flutter about your head and latch onto various parts of your brain.
Now you know you're being silly, you're making it sound as if the thoughts have personalities.
Notes: I'm telling you, I love Jude and Sam to pieces, this is just making me miss them so much *sobs* I think I'll go and watch lots of old episodes! Thank you Gemma, (tatty ted) for reviewing, favouriting AND following and to hanflan for following. Hopefully the next update should be quicker but probably not much longer as I've chosen to keep these short, they're more of character overviews than a story (although the next part does contain a considerable amount of make-believe on my behalf)