Opening Montage
Music: "Who Says You Can't Go Home" by Bon Jovi, featuring Jennifer Nettles
We first see Quinn boarding a train. She takes her seat. Jim sits next to her. They have a conversation. Next, we see a train arrive in Lawndale. Quinn gets off. This is followed by Quinn and Jim on a date. Next, we see Chuck and Stacy's wedding. This is followed by Daria and Jane looking at an eviction notice, which leads to a scene of Daria moving back in with her parents. Next, we see Jim proposing to Quinn. This is followed by a shot of Stacy holding a newborn baby. Next, a shot of Quinn and Jim's wedding. Then we see Kevin playing with his kids while Brittany makes out with Daryl in the background. This is followed by Quinn making a "Smores 'n' Pores" video. Next, we see Quinn and Jim at the hospital with newborn triplets. Next, we see the boys as six year olds while Quinn is chatting with Lindy, Stacy, Sandi and Brittany. Next, a shot of Jim, Mack, Chuck, Chris and Kevin drinking beer in the back yard. Final shot is Jim taking out the trash. Quinn and the boys join him. This pans out to a group picture of them and all of their friends. Below them, we now see...
"Life After Thirty"
Ep. 2
"Bad Influence"
story by
WildDogJJ
Lewis Elementary School, day...
Mrs. Henderson is teaching her first grade class. The students include Tommy, Timmy and Teddy Carbone along with Quinn Ruttheimer, Kevin Thompson Junior and Shane Sloan along with his two lackeys, Al and Lou. Mrs. Henderson is a dark haired woman in her thirties with thick rimmed glasses. She's drawing a math problem on the black board. 2+9=
"All right, class," she said "Who knows the answer to this one?"
When no one volunteers Teddy immediately sighs and raises his hand.
"Yes, Teddy?"
Teddy said "Eleven."
Smiling, Mrs. Henderson said "Very good, Teddy."
Rolling his eyes, Teddy said "Not really. I can do long division."
Tommy muttered under his breath "Brain."
The teacher continues the lesson while only Teddy is paying any attention. Tommy is staring daggers at Teddy while Kevin Jr. looks like his mind is elsewhere. Quinn, who everyone calls Q, is staring admiringly at Teddy.
What a hunk! she thought. Someday, I'm going to marry Tommy.
Timmy, meanwhile, is looking at Q in a manner similar to how she's looking at Tommy.
She's so beautiful! he thought. I wish I had the guts to talk to her.
While this is going on Shane nods at Al and Lou. Al hands Shane a drinking straw while Lou wads up a piece of paper for Shane. While Mrs. Henderson is writing another math problem Shane launches a spitball that hits her ass.
"Bullseye!" Shane gloated to his buddies as Mrs. Henderson turned around.
"Shane," she said, "I'd appreciate it if you didn't do that."
Rolling his eyes, Shane said "Whatever."
Mrs. Henderson said "My patience won't last forever, young man."
Shane smirked. Mrs. Henderson can do nothing but complain and he knows it. Perk of being the son of the richest and most powerful man in town. As Mrs. Henderson turns her attention to the black board Shane hurls another spitball, this one hitting Teddy on his glasses.
"Mrs. Henderson," Teddy said, "Shane just hit me with a spitball."
"Shane, stop that!" she said sternly.
"Or what?" Shane challenged.
Mrs. Henderson groaned in frustration, knowing full well that Shane Sloan is off limits. She continues the lesson. Shane hands his straw toward Timmy.
"Wanna try it, Titty?"
Timmy said "But, won't I get in trouble?"
Shane withdraws the offer.
"Wuss."
He now offers it to Tommy.
"How about you, Tommy?"
Tommy said "I don't know."
Shane said "You don't want everyone to think you're a wuss, do you?"
Tommy said "No."
"Then do it."
Tommy takes the straw. As Mrs. Henderson turned around Tommy launched a spitball that hit her right in the face.
"Thomas Carbone!" she growled, "We're going right to the principal's office."
The principal's office, a short time later...
The principal is Jaimie White. Jamie is just as fit as he was in high school due to his time in the Army. After he got out he went to college and became a school administrator. He sits behind his desk while Quinn, Jim and Teddy sit in front of his desk.
"Sorry to call you in like this, Mr. and Mrs. Carbone."
Jim said "What happened?"
Jamie said "Your son was hurling spitballs in glass."
Tommy whined "This is so unfair. Shane did it first."
Quinn asked "Then why isn't he in here?"
Tommy said "Because Mrs. Henderson is a mean old bitch."
Jim barked "Tommy, language!" Turning to Jamie, he said "Sorry about that, Mr. White."
Jamie said "It's all right. I'm afraid I have to suspend your son for the rest of today and give him detention tomorrow."
Quinn reassured him "Don't worry, Mr. White. We'll punish him too."
Tommy said "But, Mom..."
A stern look from Quinn immediately shuts him up. Quinn then said "Let's go."
She and Tommy get up to leave while Jim remains seated. He said "You two go on ahead. I'd like to talk with Mr. White for a minute."
Quinn said "We'll be by the car when you're done."
With that, she and Tommy left. Jim asked "I'm curious, why is it Shane never gets disciplined when he acts up?"
Shamefaced, Jamie said "It's complicated."
Not willing to back down, Jim said "Enlighten me."
Jamie explained "The Sloan's are very generous donors to the Lawndale Public School District. So generous that the School Board has us under strict orders not to discipline the boy in any way, shape or form."
Jim said "You gotta be shitting me!"
Jamie said "If it were up to me, he'd be treated no different from any other student but the School Board's afraid that the Sloan's will stop donating if we upset Shane."
Rolling his eyes, Jim said "So you let that little brat do whatever he wants just because they wanna keep the money rolling in!?"
Shaking his head in frustration, Jamie said "Yes. My hands are tied."
Jim looks like he wants to punch Jamie.
Casa Carbone (Quinn and Jim's house), that evening...
Quinn and Jim are sitting up in bed discussing this latest development. Quinn said "So they let Shane do whatever he wants because of his family's money?"
Jim said "Pretty much."
Quinn said "So, of my three biggest admirers in high school one became a psycho stalker, another a cheating jerk while the third one turned into a male version of Ms. Li."
Jim asked "Who?"
Quinn said "My old high school principal, the one who was arrested for embezzlement during my senior year."
Remembering the stories now, Jim said "I guess some things never do change."
Quinn said "What worries me is that seeing Shane do whatever he wants and get away with it seems to be influencing Tommy. I don't like it."
Jim said "So, what do we do?"
Quinn said "What can we do? He sees this and thinks it's cool. I'm worried about the other two boys."
Jim said "Well, I know Teddy's too smart to fall into that trap but Timmy's so impressionable. You see how he always follows Tommy's lead."
Quinn appears to think things over for a second.
"What we need to do is find a better role model for those boys. Someone who isn't gonna lead them to do bad things."
Jim said "Like who?"
Quinn said "Well, Teddy seems to like Daria. Maybe we need to find someone like that for Tommy. Someone who's on his level but isn't a bad influence."
Now, Jim looks thoughtful.
Mrs. Henderson's classroom, a few days later...
While Mrs. Henderson is leading the class in a reading of Charlotte's Web Tommy, Timmy and Kevin Jr. are whispering among themselves. Kevin Jr. asked "How was detention?"
Tommy said "It sucked."
He turns his attention to Shane.
"Hey, Shane."
"Yeah?"
Tommy asked "How come you didn't get in trouble?"
Shane said "Because I'm too cool. You need to be cool."
Tommy said "But I'm cool."
Shane said "You need to be cooler. Just do what I do."
Tommy said "I don't wanna get in anymore trouble."
Smirking, Shane said "Aren't you cool?"
Tommy looks uncertain. Shane said "Check this out."
He throws his book at the wall. This gets Mrs. Henderson's attention.
"Shane, please don't do that." she pleaded.
Smirking, Shane said "Make me, bitch."
Mrs. Henderson graons in frustration. Shane turns his attention to Tommy.
"Go ahead."
Nervous, Tommy said "I...I don't think I should."
"Oh," said Shane, "So I guess you want everyone to think you're a dork."
"I'm not a dork."
Smirking, Shane said "Prove it."
Feeling the pressure, Tommy throws his book at the wall.
"Tommy," Mrs. Henderson barked, "I want you to pick that book up and sit in the corner for the rest of class."
Tommy is about to do as he's told when he notices Shane watching him.
"No."
Raising an eyebrow, Mrs. Henderson said "Excuse me!"
Tommy said "I said no."
Angry, Mrs. Henderson said "You just bought yourself another trip to detention, young man."
Tommy looks defeated. Shane said "Tell her off."
Not wanting to be labled a wuss, Tommy said to Mrs. Henderson "F# & you, you c&%# bitch!"
The whole class gasps in shock while Mrs. Henderson looks absolutely enraged.
"HOW DARE YOU USE THAT KIND OF LANGUAGE!"
Tommy, feeling the spotlight, said "Bite me, t#%$!"
You could now hear a pin drop. Kevin Jr. turned to Timmy and said "Whoa!"
Casa Carbone, a short time later...
Quinn is making a podcast video with Sandi. Sandi said to the camera "...and never mix primary's with pastels. That is so...shudder...eighties."
Quinn now spoke to the camera.
"If you like our new podcast segment don't forget to like and subscride. As always, I'm Quinn."
"And I'm Sandi, fashionista extraordinnare."
Quinn shuts off the camera while Sandi takes a flask out of her purse and starts drinking. Quinn is about to say something when the phone rings. She immediately picks up.
"Yes?...Hi, Mr. White." Quinn covers the reciever and turns to Sandi, "It's the principal at the boys' school."
She listens intently. Suddenly, her eyes go wide with shock.
"WHAT!?"
Casa Carbone, that evening...
Quinn and Jim have sat Tommy down in the living room for a very stern lecture. Quinn said "Cussing out your teacher! What the hell!?"
Tommy said "But Shane told me I was cool."
Jim snarled "I don't care who thinks it's cool, your mother and I are very disappointed in you, young man!"
Quinn said "You are so grounded. Also, I don't wanna see you on the Playstation for at least a month."
"But, Mom..."
Jim continued "No video games, no comic books, no playing with your friends and I want you to clean the storm gutters this weekend."
Tommy protested "That's not fair!"
Jim said "You wanna know what would've happened to me if I cussed out one of my teachers. My old man would've put me through a wall face first and beat me senseless with his belt. And if I cried out he would've beat me harder while planting a shoe up my ass!"
Jim's expression darkens as some unpleasant memories come to the surface.
"Oh, yes, would he ever have beaten my ass. "Drop and give me fifty, Jim.""You're an ungrateful little shit, Jim." "Awww, you gonna cry now, Jim? IS DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL UPSET!? THAT TEARS IT, YOU LITTLE SHIT! I'M GONNA F$%^IN' KICK YOUR WUSSY LITTLE ASS! YOU'RE NO GODDAMN SON OF MINE!""
"JIM!" Quinn barked, "Calm down and focus!"
This snaps Jim out of his rant. He turns his attention back to Tommy.
"My point is that you think this is harsh, but compared to my Dad I'm pretty easy going."
Tommy lets out a defeated sigh.
The Master Bedroom, later that evening...
Quinn and Jim are sitting up in bed discussing Tommy's increasingly out of control behavior. Jim said "Maybe I should kick Tommy's ass. Our usual approach doesn't seem to work anymore."
Quinn sternly said "Over my dead body are you hitting those boys."
Jim said "I know. It's just that times like this make me wonder if my father had the right idea after all. I know his way of disciplining me was wrong, but when the kids act up it's hard not to wonder."
Quinn said "The problem isn't how we discipline Tommy. The problem is Shane Sloan. Tommy seems to be emulating him."
Jim said "But Shane's not our son. How are we gonna get him to stop being such a bad influence on Tommy?"
Quinn looks thoughtful for a second. She gets an idea.
"We can't discipline Shane because he's not ours. The school won't discipline him because they fear reprisal from the Sloans. But what about Shane's own parents? I know both of them and I'm willing to bet they don't know what's going on."
Jim said "So, you think we should tell Tom and Tori?"
Quinn said "It can't hurt. If they know what's going on they can get Shane to stop."
Jim smiles.
"Finally, some light at the end of the tunnel."
Sloan Residence, the next day...
The house is a huge multi-story brick mansion with terra siding, a five acre lawn that's professionally maintained and a fleet of high end luxury cars in the ten car garage. Inside, the servants are going about their housework while Quinn is in the sitting room having tea with Tom's wife, Tori Sloan (nee Jericho). Tori is the gossipy popular girl from "The Invitation".
"Thanks for seeing me, Tori."
Smiling, Tori said "No trouble at all, Quinn. I love catching up with old friends."
Quinn asked "So, how have you been?"
Tori said "Schmoozing at social events and getting all the best gossip. Do you know who the Vanderlind's are?"
Quinn said "As in Vanderlind shipping?"
Tori said "That's them. Apparently Mr. and Mrs. Vanderlind are having problems." Whispering in Quinn's ear, Tori added "She caught him banging the maid."
Quinn giggled.
Tori asked "So, how have you been?"
Quinn said "To be honest, that's why I'm here. Tommy's been acting up lately. Everytime he does something he justify's it by saying Shane did it first."
Frowning, Tori said "I see. What's Tommy saying?"
Quinn explained "Tommy hurled spitballs at his teacher a few days ago and said that Shane did it first. Yesterday, Tommy cussed out his teacher and claimed that Shane pressured him to do it."
Tori said "That can't be true. Shane would've gotten in trouble too."
Quinn said "With all due respect, Tori, I don't think that's true. The principal told my husband that the whole faculty have been ordered by the school board to let Shane do whatever he wants."
Tori called out "SHANE, COULD YOU COME SEE ME FOR A MOMENT?"
Soon, Shane enters the sitting room.
"What's going on, Mom?"
Tori said "Quinn just told me that you've been disrupting class and getting away with it. Is that true?"
Smiling sweetly, Shane said "No."
Quinn said "That's not what Tommy told me."
Turning to his mother, Shane said "Mom, Tommy Carbone's a bully. He hates me and makes up stories."
Believing her son, Tori said "It's okay, Shane." Turning to Quinn, she said "I deal with this all the time. The rest of the family wanted Shane to attend Fielding but Tom insisted he go to public school instead. Said it would be good for Shane to socialize with those who are less fortunate."
Quinn looks offended. Being among the top one percent has clearly gone to Tori's head. Tori went on.
"He's always being bullied because he's rich. He comes home crying that some other kid started a rumor. It's so hard. Shane's a good boy."
Shane crys crocodile tears.
"I...sniff...I just wanted to b...sob...be friends with Tommy, but he's...sniff...so mean to me. He does things like bully other kids, attack teachers and...and...HE ALWAYS BLAMES ME! WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"
He sobs on Tori's shoulder as she tries to soothe her son.
"It's okay, Shane. Your a wonderful little boy. Mommy loves you."
Shane said "Th...sniff...Thanks, Mommy."
Tori turns her attention to Quinn.
"You see, Quinn. Shane's a good boy, a sensitive boy. Your son's bullying him."
Shane sneaks a triumphant smirk at Quinn, which she notices.
"With all due respect, Tori, I know that's not true. Shane goaded Tommy, I got it from my other two boys, their teacher and even the principal."
Turning on the water works again, Shane said "Sh...sniff...She's lying, Mommy! WAAAAHHHHH!"
Tori hugs her son.
"It's okay, Shane."
Quinn said "But, Tori..."
Angry, Tori said "I think you'd better leave."
"But...But..."
"Leave, now, or I'll call security."
Tori resumes hugging Shane. She doesn't see him give Quinn the finger as she gets up to leave.
Ruttheimer house, the next day...
Quinn and Stacy are at the kitchen table. Quinn is telling her about the incident at the Sloan residence.
"I can't believe it. That kid has his mom completely wrapped around his finger."
Stacy asked "Have you considered telling Tom?"
Quinn said "Come on, Stacy. Who do you think he's gonna believe, me or his wife?"
Stacy said "I see your point."
As if on cue, Stacy and Chuck's son, Chucky, enters the kitchen. He looks at Quinn and speaks in his usual apathetic monotone.
"You got beat up by a six year old."
With that, he walks away. Quinn gives Stacy a puzzled look.
"What was that about?"
Shrugging, Stacy said "Beats me."
At this point Stacy's daughter, Quinn Ruttheimer, comes in. She sees her red haired namesake and seems to freeze with fear. Stacy said "Quinn, where are your manners? Say hi to Aunt Quinn."
Nervous, Q said "Um...Hi."
Quinn asked "Is something wrong?"
Q shakes uncontrollably, as if in fear. Stacy said "What's wrong, Q?"
Nervous, Q said "I...I'll tell you later, Mommy."
Q leaves as if she can't get out of there fast enough. Quinn and Stacy are both puzzled.
Casa Carbone, that evening...
Quinn, Jim, Timmy and Teddy are watching TV. Tommy's not allowed to watch TV as part of his punishment.
TV Announcer: "His mother was a wealthy heiress. His father was the Prince of Darkness. Devil children, next on Sick, Sad World!"
Teddy deadpanned "I wonder if we'll see Shane on TV."
"Mom?" said Timmy.
Quinn said "Yes, Timmy."
Timmy said "Shane told everyone at school that he beat you up for trying to strangle his mom. Is that true?"
Rolling his eyes, Teddy deadpanned "Oh, yeah. Because he's perfectly capable of beating up a thirty-five year old ex-gymnist."
Quinn said "All I did was go over there and talk to Mrs. Sloan about Shane's behavior."
Jim said "Even if Shane attacked her, your Mom could easily take him."
Timmy said "But, Shane said he had to protect his mom from you?"
Teddy deadpanned "Well, then, it must be true. Not like Shane would ever lie about anything."
Quinn said "So, let me get this straight. Shane Sloan is telling the whole school that he beat me up because I attacked his mom."
Timmy nods. Quinn is now absolutely livid.
"That little shit."
Lewis Elementary School, the next day...
In the cafeteria Shane is bragging to Al and Lou.
"Yeah, Mrs. Carbone's a psycho. I had to totally kick her ass."
Al said "That's cool, Shane."
Lou said "You're such a bad ass."
Shane said "Duh."
At this point, they're approached by a VERY upset Tommy.
"Shane, why are you talking bad about my mom?"
Shane said "Duh, Tommy, she needs to learn a lesson."
Tommy said "But she's my mom."
"So?"
Tommy said "Everyone's gonna call me son of a psycho."
Shane said "Tommy, that's what makes you cool. You know what else would be cool?"
Tommy said "No."
Shane said "Starting a food fight."
Tommy said "No it isn't."
Shane smirked.
"You wanna be cool?"
Tommy nodded.
Shane said "Then stop hanging out with losers like Teddy and Titty."
Uncertain, Tommy said "But they're my brothers."
Shane said "Teddy's a weirdo brain and Titty's a fat chicken. Are you a loser too?"
Tommy nervously said "N...no."
Shane said "Then start picking on those loser brothers of yours. Unless you want the whole school to hate you."
Tommy now looks like a deer caught in headlights.
Casa Carbone, evening...
Quinn is in the home office going through her mail. Tommy enters.
"Mom, can I talk to you?"
Quinn turned and asked "What's on your mind, sweetie?"
Tommy said "Shane wants me to start picking on Timmy and Teddy. He said the whole school will hate me if I don't. I don't want everyone to hate me but I don't wanna bully my brothers either. I don't know what to do."
Quinn immediately understands. Tommy's in a predicament that she knows all too well.
"Tommy," she said, "I was a lot like you at your age. I wanted everyone to like me. The problem was that everyone thought my sister was a weirdo and a geek. I started picking on Aunt Daria just so the other kids wouldn't think I was like her."
Tommy said "But you and Aunt Daria get along so good."
Quinn explained "It wasn't always like that. Growing up we hated each other. I actually claimed to be an only child because I was so embarrassed to have a brainy sister. Whenever people asked I'd say Aunt Daria was a distant cousin, an exchange student or just some weird orphan that my parents took in."
Tommy asked "When did you stop?"
Quinn said "In high school, during my junior year. I finally realized just how stupid the whole thing was. When I finally admitted that we were sisters I was proud. It took me a while but I finally realized how stupid the whole popularity thing was and I wanted a real friendship with my sister."
Tommy said "Did the other kids turn against you?"
Quinn said "No. I was just as popular when I started doing my own thing as I was before. The funny thing is it turned out the other kids knew all along that we were sisters and just didn't say anything to be nice."
Tommy looks thoughtful, which Quinn notices. She presses on in her explanation.
"My point is that you should just be yourself. Having real friends is way cooler than having followers who only like you because you have a certain image. My biggest regret in life is that it took me until my third year of high school to finally understand that. Believe me, no one thinks Shane Sloan is cool. They just suck up to him because they're scared of him. If you really want to be cool just be yourself. A real loser is someone who just blindly goes along with the crowd."
Tommy now smiles.
"Thanks, Mom."
With that, he left. Quinn has just one thought.
Maybe he won't repeat some of the mistakes I made as a kid after all.
Lewis Elementary School, the next day...
The first and fourth graders are at recess. As usual, Teddy is sitting on a bench reading a book instead of playing with the other kids. He's approached by Shane, Al and Lou.
"Hey, weirdo," said Shane, "What're you reading? A book on how to be a loser?"
Teddy said "Actually, no. But it's still too advanced for you. Though, come to think of it, a coloring book is too advanced for you."
Shane is offended.
"Al."
Al snatches Teddy's book right out of his hands.
"HEY! Give that back!"
They start playing keep away. Tommy, who's on the jungle jim with Timmy and Kevin Jr. sees this. He immediately walks over to Shane and his lackeys.
"What's going on?"
Shane said "We're playing keep away. Wanna join us?"
Smirking, Tommy said "Sure."
Lou throws Teddy's book to Tommy. Upon catching it he hands it back to Teddy.
"Here you go."
Puzzled, Teddy said "Am I dreaming? You're actually doing something nice for me!?"
Tommy said "Duh!"
Shane gets right in Tommy's face.
"You actually did something nice for a loser brain!? I thought you were cool."
Tommy confidently said "I am cool."
Shane said "No, you aren't. If you were cool you'd treat this loser like the freak he is."
Tommy said "That "freak" is my brother."
Shane said "Cool people don't do nice things for geeks."
Tommy said "I am cool, and don't you forget it."
Smirking, Shane said "Prove it. Punch Teddy."
"No."
Shane said "If you don't punch him I'll tell the whole school what a dork you are. You won't have any friends. Now do it."
Tommy balls up his hand in a fist and turns to Teddy.
"Sorry, Teddy, but I can't be friendless."
Tommy immediately turns around and punches...Shane! Al and Lou gasp in shock as a whole crowd gathers around. Shane looks at Tommy in utter shock. It's the first time anyone's ever stood up to him. Shane's lip starts to tremble and a stray tear runs down his cheek.
"WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Shane immediately runs away crying. Al and Lou follow him.
"Hey, Boss..."
"Wait up."
Teddy is very impressed.
"Tommy, you actually stood up for me!?"
Tommy said "Hey, you're my brother. That means no one picks on you but me."
"Thanks."
Tommy said "Don't get used to it. You're still a brainy geek."
With a half-smile, Teddy said "And you're still an immature idiot."
At this point, a visibly impressed Quinn Ruttheimer walks up to Tommy. "Tommy," she said, "That was sooo amazing."
Kevin Jr. said "It's about time someone stood up to that jerk."
Chucky walks by. In his usual apathetic monotone he said "You punched Shane Sloan. You're cool."
Timmy proudly cheered "MY BROTHER THE HERO!"
All the other kids started cheering.
"TOMMY! TOMMY! TOMMY! TOMMY!"
Tommy basks in the glory.
Casa Carbone, that evening...
Quinn, Jim and the boys are at the kitchen table having dinner. Tommy is bragging about how he finally stood up to Shane.
"It was amazing. Now I'm the most popular guy in school and all I did was stick up for my brother."
Jim said "I'm proud of you, son."
Quinn said "Just don't make a habit of hitting people."
Tommy said "Don't worry. I'll only hit people who deserve it. I'm not a bully like Shane." He suddenly has a thought. "I'm not in trouble, am I?"
Quinn said "Of course not. In fact, now that you've learned your lesson you're no longer grounded and you can have your video games back."
Jim added "By the way, nice job cleaning out the storm gutters."
At this point, the phone rings. Quinn said "I'll get it."
She answers the phone.
"Hello?"
On the other end of the line an irate Tom Sloan said "Shane told me your son punched him at school today."
Holding her ground, Quinn said "First off, Shane was bullying his brother. Second, he's long overdue for a taste of his own medicine."
Angry, Tom said "How dare you! Shane's a good boy."
Quinn said "With all due respect, Tom, he's a spoiled brat."
Tom said "I want Tommy to apologize to Shane."
Quinn said "Not happening."
Tom said "Then I'll sue you for assault."
Quinn said "In that case, I'll counter sue for defamation. My Mom would be happy to come out of retirement and handle the case pro-bono."
Tom gulps with dread. The last thing he or his lawyers want to do is face Helen Morgendorffer in a court room because they know she'll hand them their asses.
Pizza King, the next day...
Quinn and Stacy are having lunch. Quinn has just told her about the previous day.
"...so after I threatened a counter suit Tom backed off."
Stacy said "That's pretty cool, Quinn."
Quinn now has a thought.
"Stacy, what would've happened if everyone knew from day one that Daria was my sister."
Stacy said "We did know. We just played along because we didn't wanna upset you. I mean she was living at your house and called your parents mom and dad."
Quinn said "I know. I just sometimes wonder what it would've been like if Daria and I always got along."
Stacy said "Are you kidding? You two would've been an unstopable combination."
Quinn said "I wonder if that's what my boys will be like in high school."
They both think about it for a second and reach the same conclusion.
"NAH!"
End.
Next Time
Jim and Quinn take the boys to New York for the weekend. Jim's inner child is awakened when they attend the Feast of San Gennaro in Little Italy. Guest starring Daria and Jane.