Sometimes I feel I've got to Run away
I've got to Get away From the pain that you drive into the heart of me
The love we share Seems to go nowhere
And I've lost my light For I toss and turn I can't sleep at night
Once I ran to you Now I'll run from you
This tainted love you've given I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all
Oh...tainted love Tainted love
Now I know I've got to Run away
I've got to Get away You don't really want IT any more from me
To make things right You need someone to hold you tight
And you'll think love is to pray
But I'm sorry I don't pray that way
Don't touch me please I cannot stand the way you tease
I love you though you hurt me so
Now I'm going to pack my things and go
Tainted love, tainted love Touch me baby, tainted love Tainted love
She was out again, it was starting to feel like she away from him more than she was with him, it didn't help that when she was there she was so vacant and distant that it didn't even feel like she present anyway, in Bellatrix' world there was one person and It wasn't him. He did he best, making idle conversation, trying anything to win her over. She had been that way since they had first been introduced, he thought with time that he could have won her over, that the silence and death like shroud she put on every day was just a face to the world and that with him she would be different. He was wrong.
Rodolphus sat staring into the flames of the fireplace and drained another glass of brandy. Once again he sought his Dutch courage at the bottom of a bottle, once again not to find it. If she didn't love him there seemed no point in wasting his time with her anymore. He had written the note once again telling her he was leaving. Maybe if they had had children he would feel guilty, but she had seen to that and he couldn't understand why, the scornful way she treated Draco, any child of hers would only have a life of misery, even though he would have loved one more than himself.
He leant on the mantle above the blaze, looking at his wedding photo, her deep sullen black eyes, giving away nothing even close to an emotion on what should have been the happiest day of her life, and he sneered at his own stupid grin. It had been the happiest day of his. He remembered the jokes "good luck, you'll need it... she is a handful... " It was Lucius who had given him the final pat on the back, "take good care if her, she is practically my sister!"
He threw the now empty brandy glass into the fire, yeah right sister, if normal people fuck their own sisters. Every death eater gathering he had to endure it. The way Bellatrix would always lean that little bit closer to Lucius, the way her gloved hand would always find a excuse for contact. Did she think he was stupid? That after all those years of rattling around with her in the semi- life they had created together, that he wouldn't know every little move of her body, the rare occasion an emotion would blink in her dead eyes, that he didn't smell him on her when she came home.
He remembered when they had been caught at school, Lucius with his hand snaking up her thigh beneath her skirt, her lips parted and panting waiting for him. How he envied Lucius then, every moment she spent wanting him like she yearned for no other man. He remembered the tears when Lucius announced his engagement to her sister, they were silent and they were beautiful. He had wanted to be there for her, to make it all better, he would have walked over broken glass to make her happy.
His bag was packed and he was ready, the note was on the table, he just had to walk out of the door. But if that was all he had to do, why was it so hard? She treated him like shit and worse. She had never loved him, when their marriage was arranged she didn't even pretend to be pleased with him. He sat on the stairs looking at the front door, willing his feet to carry him out of it. To start a new life somewhere, any where away from her; to get over her one day at a time and move on and live his own life.
The more he tried the harder it seemed, it would be more of a dishonour than anything else he could ever do to her, and despite everything, he couldn't shake the fact that he loved her to much to do that to her. Someone had to protect her in the world, even from herself.
As he placed his robes back in the wardrobe next to hers, he brushed the soft black velvet of one of her dresses, he remembered it well, the way she danced and moved in it at one of the rare social events she had blessed with her presence over the years. Looking back on it she may have even smiled that night. It dawned on him then, if Lucius had indeed broken her heart, how could he ever expect her to love him? The answer was simple he had fallen in love with someone who did not have it in her to love him back. He made sure he burnt the note and then went to bed to wait for her and clean up whatever mess she was in. Again.