AN: So here is chapter two. It took me a while to finish it but I guess I expected a little bit more reactions from you guys. I would like some kind of reaction... This chapter is a little bit longer than the first one. This chapters flashback is from 3.17.

I am sorry it took so long. But I have chapter 3 planned already.

Thank you too all who have reviewed so far:

OTHGirl24 and RJMoonspell24 my loyal readers.

Jamyj30: Thank you.

LukePeyTLA: You got my idea. Its about how Peyton remembers them and what realizes because of them. This is why I place a poem at the end of the chapters. They mirror her feelings. Thank you.

I love reviews. They make my day. I check my Email account every hour to if I got something.

Disclaimer: I don't own OTH and its characters. They belong to Mark Schwahn and the CW.

Just a feeling

by Maroon 5

Seeing him so hurt made her want to run toward him, embrace him in a hug and give him as much comfort as he had given her. It was hard to resist this force within her but she did not want to hurt Brooke anymore than she already had so she fought with all the strength she had. She would not let history repeat itself.

But you gave me the best mix tape I have
And even all the bad songs ain't so bad
I just wish there was so much more than that
About me and you

Peyton sat in the library with very dim light coming through the windows. It was late evening and it was supposed to be quiet, late at school especially in the library. She could hear her classmates enjoying their get-together, well as far as it was possible after what had happened here only a week ago. This tragedy was hard for everyone, for some more traumatic then others but there was no one who was not affected.

She had wanted to stay alone here. Even though this very place held so many painful memories she preferred to be here. She could not imagine to participate in this ritual Brooke had organized. She was too far from being good company to anyone.

She heard footsteps heading in her direction. Whoever this was was alone and had decided not to join this party, too. He or she wanted to be alone. There were several people she could think of but not one of them she was prepared to face right now. She did not want to get those looks full of pity. She hated that and the fact that this clingy, annoying pain in her leg pain had started again, as if it wanted to remind her of something, did not made anything better.

Two people had lost their lives, Jimmy and Keith, and Lucas had lost his father – figure shortly after Keith had returned to their lives and it had looked so good for them. Karen and Keith had been engaged and they had planned to adopt Lucas – not that this little, official detail made him any less Lucas' real father – but this tragedy had made this happy – end impossible. This was really hard for Lucas. She saw it in his eyes everyday. It filled her heart with sorrow. She had lost her biological mother recently, too and she could sympathize with him. The situation to which he had lost him, though, had made it even more painful.

This morning had showed her and everyone else how much he was struggling. In the hallway, at Jimmy' s locker he had lost control. He had kicked all the little gifts that had shown some respect to his former friend. He had been so full of hatred, desperate. He had even scared her. The guy who had stayed calm, even in the library with her bleeding to death, had freaked out so much that everyone had taken several steps back and nobody but Mouth had dared to mention Jimmy since then when Lucas was in earshot.

It had caused a sting in her heart to see him like that and she had debated with herself to go to him and talk to him. She had felt his eyes on her ten minutes ago and at the wake but Brooke was close so she didn't return it. She wanted to help him through this. She owed it to him.

He had given her the comfort when she had needed it the most and if it was not for Lucas she would have given up weeks ago. And now look at her. She was far from fine – there were way to many confusing thoughts and unresolved problems she still had to deal with, not to mention that she had almost been killed – but she could be worse and she knew who to thank for that. If it had not been for Lucas she would not be here in the first place. He had fearlessly entered the school to save her, like he already had so many times and without him being there she would have freaked out, bleed out, lost consciousness even earlier and in the end joined her mothers.

Now she was filled with confusion, guilt, and other feelings and pain that did not seem to plan on going away any time soon, but she was alive and had stuff on her mind that might not be pleasant – not all of it – but reasons to go on.

She had been so engulfed in her memory lane that she completely forget the approaching student. So when Lucas appeared between the bookshelves she did not expect him, and it made her almost jump out of her seat, setting her leg in the floor and causing a stream of sharp, piercing pain to go from her leg through her whole body and make her groan in pain.

Lucas looked at her, at first taken aback and her surprise mirrored on his face and then his expression shifted to concerned, worried and relieved and after looking around – as if to make sure nobody was there – he sat down next to her and leaned against the chair, his eyes not leaving her face for a second.

She tried to look away for a second, but gave up. His gaze caught her and the warmth in his eyes looked their gazes. She found comfort in them, but there was something wrong. There was the warmth and gentleness she usually saw their but it was weak and he looked exhausted. He was still struggling, she realized, of course. He also seemed to have rings under his eyes, so he did not slept well, too.

She wanted to cheer him up. She knew it would take a while for him to get really better, but she wanted to help him like he had helped her.

"Hey...", she said. She wanted it to come out cheerful, but it came out kind of weak.

She saw a smile tug at the corner of his lips. She had tried to sound optimistic and smile, but it was forced and she knew he could see through her facade.

He did understand what she was trying to do, as she had expected him to, and he sighed and said with a smug expression that did not quite reach his eyes:

"We really have to stop meeting like this.", he said, obviously trying to cheer her up instead, but his voice had a serious edge to it.

She almost laughed at his comment, almost. If they stopped meeting like that, what would their life be like? What would it have been like if they had not taken part in each others life? There were numerous things that slipped into her mind, and the most recent, meaningful meeting that reminded her so much of this was enough to make her see that she did not mind these meetings. Just before his arrival here she had debated with herself that she would not be here if it was not for him.

And she knew that with his comment he meant exactly the same memory she had just recalled. But he did not just thought about saving her but also the events that followed he rescue and she saw guilt sparkle in his eyes. She could imagine what he was thinking right now. 'If I had not run back into the school that day, Keith would still be alive. If I had not come back, none of this would have happened.' He was blaming himself, because he did not want to accept that Keith was dead. So to get through this he was going through all the what ifs, as if this could change anything. He had to see the good that came out of his actions, so she knew what she had to say.

"You know I never did thank you..."

'...for saving me. ', she added in her mind. She still saw the pain in his eyes, but there was also gratefulness. She knew that he had understood her, even without her speaking the words out loud.

A small smile graced his lips, one that even reached his eyes, and she felt a little bit better. His whole tragedy should not have happened in the first place and once again she wondered why all bad stuff and tragedy usually happened to people who had already suffered a lot, like Lucas and herself.

It made her sad that they could not do anything to stop these things from happening. God knew she would have done everything, but after all her own experiences with loss and death she knew deep in her heart that you had to learn and appreciate the good things that already and will happen. If you don't look forward and tried to move on, without forgetting of course, you would break. She knew this all to well.

Lucas reached across the table to touch her hand and squeeze it. This gesture of comfort made turn her head. She felt small tears dripping on her cheeks. His touch was warm and familiar and those feelings rushed through her whole body, calming her.

Great, here she was trying to comfort him and it ended up the other way around.

Lucas' blue eyes sought her green ones and when they connected, she saw understanding, comfort and warmth in his eyes. He did not mind this awkward situation – being who he was – and then he said what she had sensed him trying to say, but it was good to hear him say it nonetheless.

"It's gonna be alright.", and his voice sounded hopeful.

"God, I am such a girl!", she could not help herself say and she wiped her eyes, avoiding meeting his gaze, again. She did not want to see pity in his eyes.

But when she looked up she saw him smile, for real this time. And she saw compassion and the light return to his eyes, the spark that made him himself, the one that could infect everyone. Happiness and a wave of comfort rushed through her, knowing that even though she had not intended to cheer him up this way, she had reached her aim. She felt herself blush and she could hear him grinning, but not in a mean way, more like a happy, amused smile. He tried to muffle it but when she looked at him with what she hoped was a annoyed glare, he did not tried to hide his smug smile anymore and said while shaking his head.

"You love me." His words hurt her. She had tried to convince herself that her confession had not meant something, that she had spoken those words because she was going to die. But at that moment she knew it was more.

Yes she had been in pain when she had confessed her feelings for him, yes she had thought she was going to die and he had been the only one that had distracted her and kept her awake. But at the same time she admitted to herself that she had had those feelings for some time then and she had kept them buried inside her because she was very aware what those feelings would do to her friendship with Brooke. But it had been real and they still were and him joking about it made her feel like someone was sticking needles in her heart so that it bled and there were no stitches that could stop the bleeding.

"Hey that's so not fair!", she blurred out, and she hated that her voice sounded so whiny.

She knew it would do no good to admit any of the stuff that ran through her head right now. She could barely admit those things to herself, little less to him or Brooke or anyone else.

He looked at her for a second and then, as if he did not realize how serious this was for her he added:

"You probably just wanna kiss me again."

Her mouth dropped open. How could he say stuff like that to her? She knew he was going through a rough time but this? She did wanted him to be better but not by making fun of her!

"Hey this is so not fair!" and when his grin seemed frozen on his face she yelled : "Dude, shut up!"

She had meant it as a warning but it came out differently because just then she saw his lips tug upwards, as if he was trying to tell her to not take this situation so serious, to think it was of it as an inside joke or something like that. He was taking some pressure of the situation and the conflict it could create if they continued to think everything through. They were both like that, stubborn to no end. This was what kept them from just living their lives at moments like those when they should be happy that they were still there and that they had each other.

He seemed a lot better, you could hear that in his voice, see in his face and even in his eyes.

He wanted to start live again and not think less about the recent tragedies, even though it would take him a long time to forget it completely.

He had slight hope again, and that was all that mattered. So she tried to go along with his chatty tone, but first she felt an urge to explain to him about the kiss.

"OK I kissed you but...", she thought about telling him about the conflict she was struggling with, her reawakened feelings, but then she thought about not knowing herself if this was just the aftermath of her rescue and her lately vulnerable state so she decided on a half-truth.

"...I thought I was gonna die and you took care of me. So..."

She did not finish this sentence, not yet. But she saw in his eyes that he knew what she had not said. He understood.

'You know we...', she tried to continue nonetheless. She felt like she owed it to him to speak it out loud. But when she met his gaze, his warm, gentle eyes seemed to see right through her, as if he could read her. This gut feeling was confirmed when he answered softly:

'Yeah', pausing for a second. 'I know.'

This was so like him to stop her when she was about tom admit something. She felt her heart give in a little and the corners of her lips lifted involuntarily.

As if he knew she was grinning but trying to hide it by turning away.

Then as if a thought had just crossed his mind he added smirking: 'If I told you I love you would you hold it against me...'

And she could do nothing to stop the pain that rushed through her after this seemingly nonchalant statement. She knew when she had admitted her feelings in that exact moment that is has been the truth but in the aftermath, after it had became clear that she would survive she had thought about the consequences that might follow.

'Luke when I said that...', she started following an inner force and her coincidence to explain this week moment to him, while not daring to look at him, afraid what she might see in his face.

But then she looked up to see a smile on his lips and anything but accusations in his eyes. In the contrary he seemed to get perfectly why she was struggling with her confession.

'Because I do, Peyton. But it's ok because there is this other girl, I mean, you might know her Brooke Davis and I am completely in love with her.'

'You don't know how good it is to hear you say that', she said putting up a brave face, trying to cover how much his mentioning her best friend and his girlfriend was as much the reason for her struggle as her growing feeling that might mess up everything once again.

'Because I thought everything was gonna get weird again and I really don't want it to.', biting her lip, hoping to cover up better than usual.

'We' re ok, right?' , asinsecurity took over and she added for reassurance, mostly for herself.

Lucas nodded and relieve filled her whole body.

Peyton was about to get up, following a feeling that this conversation was better finished here before they were typing into more dangerous themes. 'I should go.'

But she was stopped in motion, grabbing for her crutches when Lucas leaned slightly forward and whispered her name. This action made her turn to him again waiting for what he might want to tell her now. But what he said took her by surprise.

'I am sorry about your moms, both moms. I feel like I haven't been there for you the way I should have...' His words go right through her bones and fill her heart. This was so absurd. How can he think he had not been there? He, who always manages to be there when he is needed the most. How can he doubt that. Especially with the loss he himself suffers right now.

'I am just sorry for that.', he finishes. She shakes her head just slightly, barely noticeably. Leaningher arms on the top of crutches for a better hold, a feeling of gratitude filling her. Now it's her turn to give him some comfort. 'You know how proud Keith must be of you right now.'

Luke turns his head, smiling, a real smile gracing his lips, thinking about Keith, fond memories filling his mind and eyes.'I don't know if that's true...', his voice still tinged with doubtand Peyton answers with absolute certainty in her voice.

But she also knows that she is not the only one who wants to help and comfort him. She recalls Brooke' s sad face. Brooke really wants to support him. She just doesn't know how to reach him. Lucas is just as stubborn as her when it comes to grieving and letting people help them.

'Let Brooke help you out with this, ok? Don't shut her out.'

He looked up at her and asks 'Wait did she say something to you?' And she realizes the he really did not saw it. That he was so determined in hiding what bothers him, to deal with it on his own that he did not felt it. And she knows its her responsibility as his good friend and Brooke' s best friend to make them really talk to each other, translate what they wont understand themselves.

So she does what she has to, knowing it will bring her pain, make this situation even more difficult for her but knowing it is the right thing to do.

'No I just...I just know how you are I am the same way.', saying this in a half-broken voice.'She gave you her heart, Luke. You should give her yours back.'

When he searches and finds her gaze now he seems to translate her unspoken message. He can see it and she senses he struggles what to respond now so she aids him by saying

'I will see you', while turning to leave again and she has half-way turned her back to him now.

'Hey don't kiss anybody out there', she hears him tease, making it hard for her to keep composed. But failing miserably because annoyance and anger is clearly displayed now.

'You suck you know that', unable to keep the hurt out of her voice but he keeps on smiling as if to say her that the kiss he is referring to does not bother him like that and that he does not want her feel guilty because he certainly does not.

End of the flashback

Peyton kept on watching him. He seemed better now. It seemed like he was partly at piece with it now. It would take some more time until he would accept it completely, the knowledge that Keith would never return. She herself was still struggling with the loss of her mother, especially in moments when she felt good and knew that she had every right to be.

She told herself that her mother was watching her and it was important to share those feelings with other people. It was the only solution to not fall in a deep hole.

Lucas was standing at the opposite side of the dancing crowd and he lifted his gaze. It was as if he had sensed her looking at him and when a wave of understanding, hope and gratitude made its way over to her. A message for her.

He had heart her and not in the audible meaning of it. He was telling her that he had taken her advice serious and that it had helped him overcome his shock and he was ready to deal with it, even share his feelings because it lifted part of the weight of his shoulder to just talk about it. That once you stop keeping everything for yourself you might realize you are not alone.

And the feelings that were filling her now made her feel better about everything. Knowing her words had not only gotten through to him but had had a real impact. And this made her feel less alone, too.

'There's always

a little truth behind every

"just kidding"

a little knowledge behind

"I don't know"

a little emotion behind every

"I don't care"

and a little pain behind

"It's okay"

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