Author's Note: The second half of the premier is here, no rhyme intended. This episode was difficult for reasons I'll get into in the post script. For now, let's enjoy some Total Drama.
Disclaimer: I don't own Total Drama (If I did Courtney would be the first one gone), the characters (save for Malcom, Victor, and Kitsune), or the shuffle idea.
Remaining Campers:
Screaming Gophers: Alejandro, Gwen, Heather, Kitsune, Leshawna, Malcom, Noah, Sky, Staci, Trent, Victor
Killer Bass: Amy, DJ, Duncan, Harold, Mike, Sammy, Scarlett, Shawn, Sugar, Tyler, Zoey
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Last time on Total Drama Island...
22 campers have signed up to spend eight weeks at this crummy old summer camp then, have to face the harsh judgement of their fellow campers.
"It's our first challenge," DJ tells Sammy, "How hard can it be?"
"Oh [BLEEP]
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(As the opening theme begins, various cameras pop up and displace wildlife in the process. A cue card marks the transition to a moving camera flying past Chris as the lyrics start.)
Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine
(The camrea flies up to the 1000 ft high and peers over the edge)
You guys are on my mind
(The camera jumps from the cliff under the water; Sugar swims through the water in a bikini and farts. The gas blows behind her and kills a fish.)
You asked me what I wanted to be
And now I think the answer is plain to see
(On the surface, Gwen and Trent are floating by in a canoe. The latter playing guitar to the former. Both have smiles on their face that turned into wide-eyed disgust as the dead fish surfaces; a bird swoops down and grabs the fish.)
I wanna be famous
(The bird flies off into the sun and drops the fish. The camera pans down to a clearing where Malcolm is sitting peacefully. The fish falls in his hands and he looks confused, then scared as he runs off-screen and a trio of bears runs after him. The camera pans out to show Duncan laughing at the scene, and once again to show Sky watching in concern.)
I wanna live close to the sun
(The camera zooms to another part of the camp, where Amy and Sammy are arguing in a canoe and don't notice the waterfall until they fall over the edge.)
Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won
(The camera pans further down the waterfall, where DJ is standing on a log suspended on two rocks. He looks off-screen and his eye widen as he tries to run away, but he doesn't manage to outrun what turns out to be Tyler swinging on a vine. The two collide and both fly off to the left.)
Everything to prove, nothing in my way
(The camera fallows DJ and Tyler as they fly through the camp and eventually slam into the outhouse. Leshawna, who was walking toward it, is knocked down as the collision forces the door open. The camera pans to the main lodge and Chef's silhouette is visible in the window.)
I'll get there one day
(The camera moves in past the window to where Chef has his arm in a large pot of something that is unnaturally green with a disturbing smirk. He looks behind him where he has Harold and Scarlett tied up; the redheaded twins share a nervous glance.)
'Cause I wanna be famous
(The camera pans left to where Noah is trying to read with an annoyed expression as Staci gabs to him. The camera zooms out of another window to the edge of the docks, where Heather is sitting and glaring at something to the right. The camera pans to the right to show she was glaring at Alejandro, who smirks and winks at her.)
Na nananana nanananana nananananana
(A pan to the right shows Shawn nervously glancing around until a zombie walks on screen to scare him off. The zombie then takes off its mask to reveal Kitsune, who giggles to herself.)
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous
(The camera pans right again, to the end of the docks. Victor waves at the camera and bows.)
I wanna be I wanna be I wanna be famous
(Water splashes down on the teen, he looks up to see Chris in a helicopter with a bucket of water. The host flashes a smile and the gleam becomes one of many stars in the night sky. The camera pans down to where Mike and Zoey are sitting by a campfire and leaning in for a kiss but they're interrupted when a fedora lands on Mike's head. He inhales and takes on a smug look and Zoey's face falls into one of annoyance. The camera pans out one last time to show all the campers sitting around the campfire and whistling the last few of the theme song.)
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"Ok!" Chris said to the campers, all in their swimwear, "Today's challenge is threefold. Your first task is to jump off of this 1000 foot high cliff into the lake!"
"S-sounds easy, right?" Zoey said nervously.
"If you look down," the host continued, "you will see to target areas. The wider area represents the part of the lake that we have stocked with psychotic," he paused to chuckle, "man-eating sharks!" The campers all shared nervous glances as he finished explaining. "Inside that area is a safe zone. Which, we're pretty sure is shark free."
"Ex-cuse me?" Leshawna asked.
Chris ignored her as he continued. "For each member of your team that jumps and actually... survives, there will be a crate of supplies waiting below. Inside each crate are supplies you'll need for the second part of the challenge; building a hot tub! The team with the best one gets to have a wicked hot tub party tonight. The losers will be sending someone home. Let's see, Killer Bass you're up first."
Mike peered over the edge of the cliff. "Ok," he said dragging it out with a nervous chuckle. "So who wants to go first?" The Bass then decided to become ground and sky inspectors.
"I'm not that worried," Scarlett said, "it's common knowledge that reality television shows force their interns to do all stunts to ensure the safety of the competitors."
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(FLASHBACK)
"We need to test the stunts first." Chris said to a swimtrunk and floatie-clad Chef. "You know that."
"Do I look like an intern?" the cook asked with a glare.
"No, but the ones we had are all in the hospital," the host said matter-of-factly. "Come on just jump it, you big chicken. Bawk bawk!"
"I don't get paid enough for this man." Chef said as he prepared to jump. He jumped and screamed the entire way down, but landed outside the safe zone. "Hey," he said in surprise, "I made it! I made it man." He look of relief quickly became panicked. "Something just brushed by my foot! Hey Chris man! Somethin' ain't right down here!" He was dragged underwater for a moment before jumping out with a scream. "Down boy!" he yelled as he ran to shore.
"Well," Chris said, "that seems safe enough."
(END FLASHBACK)
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"Now," Scarlett said, "who would like to go first?"
"Ladies first," Duncan told the brainiac.
"Very well, I'll jump. There really is no reason to be afraid. The number of fatalities blamed on sharks each year can easily be counted on one's hand." She said as she jumped. She landed in the dead center of the safe zone and calmly waited for the Boat of Losers to ferry her to the shore.
"Yeah! She did it! I'm next! Woohoo!" Tyler said as he took a running start and jumped off the cliff. "Cowabunga!" He cried as he fell toward the water. Scarlett winced, but was otherwise unaffected when the jock crashed into a bouy and slid into the water. A montage of Killer Bass members jumpig showed. First Mike, screaming the whole way down; then Zoey, also screaming; then Sammy, falling at an angle that suggests she was thrown Amy shortly therafter calling out "Try not to screw this up Samey!" Duncan was last, arms crossed and silent.
DJ looked down at the target zones with a grimace. "Uh uh. No way man. I'm not jumping." He said.
"Scared of heights?" Chris asked.
"Yeah, ever since I was a kid."
"That's ok, big guy," the host said walking toward the bickhouse. "Unfortunately, that also makes you a chicken. So, you'll have to wear this," he says putting a chicken hat on DJ, "for the rest of the day."
"Aw man, for real?" DJ asked.
"Bawk bawk bawk! That means the chicken path down is thataway," the host said pointing to an escalator that wasn't there earlier. "Next!"
Shawn was the next to jump. "Can't get me from up here, undead freaks!" He called out before he landed in the wider area. "But sharks sure as heck can!" He cried as he swam away from the sharks.
"Yes!" Harold called out before his jump. He yelled in glee the whole trip down before he groaned in pain. Birds flew away, and various campers and even the sharks cringed as the dweeb sank into the water holding his groin.
"Oh, hate to see that happen." Chris said from the top of the cliff, Sugar right next to him.
"Well, that's enough of that." Sugar said.
"You're not gonna jump?" the host asked.
"Heck yeah I'm gonna jump!" The pageant queen said as she jumped into the lake.
"Now," Chris said, "let's tally up the results. That's ten jumpers and one chicken. Screaming Gophers, if you can beat that we'll throw in a pull cart to put your crates on."
"Nice," said Trent, "Ok guys, who's up first?"
"I'm sorry," Heather said while crossing her arms, "there's no way I'm doing this."
"Why not?" Malcolm asked.
"Hello, national TV?" she replied as if that were enough explanation, "I'll get my hair wet."
"You're kidding, right?" Gwen asked.
Victor placed himself between Heather and the others and held his hands up defensively. "Hold on," he said, "if she has no desire to do it, then we should not force the issue."
Leshawna grabbed the rich boy and tossed him aside, not noticing that he fell off the cliff in the process. "Oh, you're doin' it." She told the queen bee.
"Says who?" she replied.
"Says me. I'm not losin' this challenge because you got your hair did, you spoiled little daddy's girl."
The other members of the Screaming Gophers backed away from the two with nervous looks; except for Noah and Kitsusne, who were watching with sadistic glee; and Victor who was in the lake.
"Back off! Ghetto glamour, too tight pants wearing, rap star wannabe!"
"Mall shopping, ponytail wearing, Teen Girl reading, peaking at high school prom queen!"
"Well at least I'm popular"
"You're jumping!"
"Make me!" Leshawna picked up the popular girl and threw her off the cliff.
"She asked for it," Noah said to Kitsune, causing her to giggle.
"Leshawna!" Heather called from the lake, "You are so dead."
"Hey I threw you into the safe zone, didn't I?" She called back before saying to herself. "Now I just hope I can hit it too." She jumped off the cliff and landed in the safe zone.
Back at the cliff, Staci was talking to Chris. "So that's why my great-great-great-great-uncle Mike invented swimming, yah."
"Don't care," Chris said and shoved the chatterbox off the cliff. Another montage of cliff divers was shown: Gwen, Noah, Kitsune who was laughing the whole way down, Sky, and lastly Alejandro, who did not land in the safe zone.
The sharks swam toward the charmer but he simply looked at them and asked, "Do you magnificent creatures really plan on eating me? My muscled body won't provide much meat." The sharks however, were too busy staring to hear him. Then, they gave him a ride to shore.
"Let's do this!" Trent said to Malcolm with a high-five before he jumped.
"Ok Gophers," Chris called, "there's only one jumper left. You guys need this for the win! No pressure dude." he said to the pain magnet, "Ok there's pressure!"
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CONFESSIONAL
MALCOLM - I was a little nervous. You see I'm kinda accident-prone, and that was about a thousand feet of shark infested accident.
MIKE - So this guy starts to jump and my first thought is: "they're gonna be down a player."
GWEN - I actually thought "If he jumps this, he's gonna die."
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"Take a good run at it buddy, you can do this." Chris offered.
"So this is it." Malcolm said to himself, "This is how I die." He clenched his fist, narrowed his eyes, and ran to jump. As he was falling, he screamed "Oh crap!" the way down. He landed in the loser boat with a sickening thunk. As he lay there groaning, he offered a weak thumbs up.
"He jumped and he's alive!" Chris yelled into a megaphone. "So with a score of 11-10, the Screaming Gophers win!"
The Gophers cheered and Trent asked Malcolm, "You ok, dude?"
The taller boy just said "We better win."
(Fade to commercial)
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(BEACH)
The Gophers were happily moving along to the campgrounds. "49 bottles of pop on the wall," they sang, "49 bottles of pop. If one of those bottles should happen to fall, 48 bottles of pop on the wall."
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The Bass on the other hand, were moving at a slower pace due to their lack of pull cart. "I gotta say," Shawn said to the team, "these crates aren't as heavy as they look."
"Yeah," Harold replied pushing a crate through the sand, "the main problem is that they're big and kinda hard to carry."
"I know right," Amy said, not carrying or pushing a crate. "I mean. even Samey can't screw this up."
"Um, hello?" the nicer twin asked in mild outrage, "I'm like, not the one who's not doing anything."
"Ugh!" the mean twin groaned. "Can't you like do something without trying to grab attention?"
"Yeah Samey," Sugar said. "We're all doing our part. Ain't no trophy for just doing what you're supposed to." Sammy just sighed and kept pushing her crate.
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"32 bottles of pop on thr wall," The Gophers sang, "32 pottles of pop. If one of those bottles should happen to fall"
As they were singing, a fly flew into Malcolm's face. He tried to swat it, and wound up hitting himself in the eye.
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The Bass were slowly but surely making progress; however they were still noticably behind. Tyler then put his crate down and said "I gotta take a whiz." and walked off.
"Yeah sure," Duncan said, "put us even more behind."
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"-should happen to fall, 28 bottles of pop on the wall."
"Guys look!" Kitsune pointed, "We made it!"
"It's a good thing my great-great-great-uncle Alfred invented that song." Staci said, "That would've like totally taken a lot longer, yah."
"Whatever you say Stace." Noah deadpanned.
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"I'm back," Tyler said.
"Good thing, I can see the camp from here. We're still in this." Zoey said.
"As long as Samey doesn't slow us down." Amy added.
Mike stopped pushing his crate to look at the cheerleader, "Oh for the love of-" He started to say, but he deeply inhaled, hunched over, and closed one eye. "Oh you darn kids today and your bellyachin,'" He said in an old man's voice. The other Bass stopped and looked at him.
"Uh, Mike?" Zoey started.
"Nope. Name's Chester."
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CONFESSIONAL
MIKE - So, he started nervously, I have Multiple Personality Disorder. My other personalities just come out whenever they want and they always cause trouble. Like Chester, he comes out when I'm frustrated. And with Amy around, he'll be out a lot.
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"Remember guys," Chris told the Gophers, "you can only use your teeth to open the crates. I thought of that one.
"Hey!" Malcolm said with a rope in his mouth. "I got it open!" The crate popped open, but his celebration had ended. "Rope burn on my tounge!"
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CONFESSIONAL
MALCOLM - That was a new one.
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"Come on!" DJ yelled. "We're almost there!"
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"The other team's catching up," Chris told the Gophers. "What happened?"
"You try opening a bunch of crates with your teeth!" Malcolm told him.
"Gah!" the host cried, catching sight of the boys swollen eye. "Oh my boxers, that bad!"
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CONFESSIONAL
SKY - Malcolm's nice, but he's hurt himself four times today. I don't think he's cut out for this.
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"Hey!" Kitsune said holding two wooden planks, "I got wood."
"I got some tools here," Trent said at his own crate, "and what looks like a pool liner."
Leshawna was digging through her crate when Heather and Victor walked up. "I just wanted to say," the queen bee said, "I didn't mean that about you being a ghetto rap star wannabe. And I love your earrings, they're so pretty."
"Straight up?" Leshawna replied. "Well, I'm sorry for pushing you over the cliff and all."
"No worries, I needed a push. Truce?"
"Yeah, you got it."
Victor and Heather walked off. "Do you truly desire a truce with Leshawna?" He asked her.
"No," she told him, "She's going down. And P.S. those are the ugliest earrings I've seen in my life."
"Why the duplicity then?"
"Have you ever seen one of these shows before? Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. And she's our enemy."
"Our?"
"She threw you off the cliff too, remember?"
"That is... a fair point."
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The Bass finally made it to the campground. "Finally!" Harlold said.
"Hey, what's up guys?" Trent asked.
"Your attempts to distract us with false pleasantries will not work." Scarlett irately told him.
"Gosh Scar," Harold said, "remeber what Dad says."
"Right. I apologize." She said sheepishly.
"No worries," the cool guy said.
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"Come on guys!" Shawn said. "It's not too late. We can build this tub, and avoid any zombies that may be here. Now let's win this challenge!"
His attempt at rallying was met with a sleeping Harold and Chester, and a mildly disinterested Scarlett. "Well I for one have no wish to lose without even trying. So let's attempt to build something."
"What's the plan, Red?" Duncan asked.
"Start by opening the crates. We'll see from there."
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And so the two teams began building their hot tubs. Both the Gophers and Bass had nice looking tubs, and a montage of how they were built was played.
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Heather handed Trent a hammer, and he hammered a nail.
Tyler and Duncan fought over a hammer. The hammer flew out of the boys hands and hit Malcolm in the crotch.
The montage ended with both teams filling their hot tubs with water.
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Chris inspected the Gopher's hot tub. He looked over the tub for a moment and declared, "This, is an awesome hot tub!" The Gophers cheered. Then he went to the Killer Bass's tub. He poked it and it groaned a bit but it held up.
"These are awesome hot tubs. But the Screaming Gophers were just a little more awesome. Gophers win! Gophers, you're safe from elimination and you get to rock this awesome hot tub for the rest of the summer. Bonus! Killer Bass, what can I say? It sucks to be you right now. I'll see your sorry butts at the campfire tonight."
"We're victorious!" Victor cheered.
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(MAIN LODGE)
Both teams were eating in the hall, but the Bass were trying to figure out who to vote for.
"So like, what do we do now?" Sammy asked.
"Now, we decide who we vote off," Scarlett told her.
"Well I think we should vote off Red," Duncan said. "Or the brickhouse."
"What?" Haraold asked. "Why her?"
"Because, she led us in building the tub and he's the only one here in a chicken hat. And if we ever have to lift a truck, I like our odds with the big guy."
"Well I think we should vote out Samey," Amy said. "She's been like totally useless the whole day."
"Oh dagnabbit!" Chester yelled. "Stop with the Samey business!" Amy just rolled her eyes and glared.
"And what's with the old man act?" Duncan asked him.
"Just do go and try and vote for me," Sugar said. "Y'all gonna need me for the talent portion."
"Talent portion?" DJ asked.
"Yep, Ole Sugar Silo can win that with her hands tied behind her back." She then opened her mouth to begin to sing.
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CONFESSIONAL
MIKE - One minute I'm hearing Amy berate her sister, next thing I know I'm hearing Sugar do some weird rap and country mix while they're trying to see who to vote off. Question is, when did we lose?
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(CAMPFIRE CEREMONY - BASS)
The eleven teens sat down on the stumps. "Craptry?" Duncan asked Sugar. "Well you're half right."
"Killer Bass," Chris started, "at camp marshmallows represent a tasty treat you enjoy by the fire. At this camp, marshmallows represent life." DJ looked wide-eyed, then subtly winked at Sammy. "You've all cast your votes and made your decisions. There are only ten marshmallows on this plate. When I call your name, come up and claim your marshmallow. The camper that does not recieve a marshmallow tonight must return to the Dock of Shame to catch the Boat of Losers. That means you are out of the contest, and you cant come back... ev-er. The first marshmallow goes to... Shawn. Tyler."
"Whoo!" The jock cheered, "Place at the table!"
"Amy," the host continued. "Samey." The cheerleaders looked surprised, then turned into looks of annoyance and relief respectivley. "Zoey, DJ, Harold."
"Yes!" The dweeb said.
"Mike, Duncan. Campers," Chris told Scarlett and Sugar, "this is the final marshmallow." Both girls looked nervous. The host looked to the two, then dramatically pointed to the sky then to Scarlett, then Sugar, Scarlett, Sugar, Scarlett, Sugar, then he rubbed his chin in thought and finally said, "Scarlett." The brainiac sighed in relief. "Can't say I'm shocked man," He told Sugar, "Heard your singing in the main lodge. Kinda suckish. Dock of Shame is thatway man." The pageant queen got up and walked off dejectedly. "The rest of you, enjoy your marshmallows. You're all safe, for tonight."
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CONFESSIONAL
GWEN - Yeah, this place still sucks. But now that I'm here, I might as well try to win.
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(GOPHER HOT TUB PARTY)
"Friends," Victor said holding a glass a juice, "I would like to propose a toast to the Screaming Gophers."
"The Screaming Gophers!" The rest of the team echoed.
Then Leshawna started a cheer, "Go Gophers, Go Gophers!" And Noah and Sky joined in. "Go Gophers! Go Gophers! Go! Go! Go Gophers!"
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COMFESSIONAL
ALEJANDRO - Winning the first challenge was... welcome. He told the camera with a dark smile. My team can cheer all they want, but at the end of the day, I'll run this game. One by one, they'll all go down!"
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Author's Note Post Script: The first elimination is over. I'm sure you were expecting Staci to be the first one gone and in truth, that was my original plan. But axing someone who was the first one gone seemed like a cop-out, so I sent Sugar home instead because I just don't like her that much. Mike's confessional at the end was just a way for me to skip over her song. The logic in the Bass vote was to get rid of Sugar before the inevetable talent show, since she's talentless. I hope that makes sense. I have another reason to keep Staci, but I'll get into that later.
But still, review! Did I verdo Malcolm? Did you want to see more from some character? Less of others? Am I getting the Scarlett/Harold dynamic right? Tell me please.
And with that, I'm signing off.
-TotalDramaFan14
RDI ELIMINATION TABLE:
22nd Place - Sugar