Dollhouse MD
By GirlX2
-
The time passed relatively quickly once House managed to maneuver the remote correctly and turn the TV on. Wilson suspected he was trying to figure out how this had happened and the TV was just serving as white noise.
A loud boom at the door interrupted the doctor's thoughts.
"What is that?!" Wilson jumped up. It sounded like a cannon going off.
"That would be Chase." House winced. "Everything is going to sound really loud because of how tiny our eardrums are. Just be glad I don't have a doorbell."
Wilson listened as a key jangled in the door. "I see he found the key."
"You left a spare key in the lobby? What are you, an idiot? Anyone could take it!"
"Yeah, that's the worst thing about this situation!" Wilson growled. "We've mysteriously shrunk to four inches tall, but clearly keys are more important!"
The door opening cut off any further argument. Wilson gaped as a giant Cameron came into the room. She didn't spot them, taking a rather guilty look around the room first.
"He's not here Chase." She called over her shoulder. Wilson winced. Her voice sounded much louder than normal, and she wasn't even facing them.
"He must be, all of his vehicles are in the lot." Chase came up behind her. "Dr. Wilson's car is here too."
"Chase got Cameron to go with him. Did he think he was going to get laid?" House tried to sound flippant, but was obviously just as stunned as Wilson.
"They're dating. They probably wanted to come together." Wilson managed.
"So many jokes I could make about that."
"Not now."
"Did you hear something?" Chase's voice boomed over them. "I thought I heard a noise."
"They're going to deafen us if they keep talking at that volume!" Wilson put his hands over his ears.
"Look down here you stupid wombat!" House shouted, trying to draw his underling's attention.
"Maybe it was just a floorboard squeaking." Chase turned away from the couch.
"Remind me to fire him." House growled.
Cameron's eyes flickered over the couch. "Looks like they left without fixing the…Oh!"
Wilson didn't have time to react before Cameron reached down and picked him up. Fingers the size of tree trunks wrapped around him, pulling him into the air. Instinct took over and he began to struggle against the grasp. She wasn't hurting him, but her grip was firm, and pinned his arms to his side.
"Cameron, put me down!"
"Chase, look." She whispered.
"What?" Chase turned back to her. He glanced down at Wilson and did a double take. "OH MY GOD!"
Wilson, unable to cover his ears, cried out in pain. His eardrums were ringing with the sheer volume of the shout.
"Not so loud!" He managed.
"Oh, God, I'm sorry Dr. Wilson." Chase dropped his voice down to a whisper. "It's just--I was startled. What happened to you?"
"The same thing that happened to me!" House shouted.
"Oh!" Chase whisper-shrieked. "House, how-"
"We don't know." House cut him off.
Wilson watched as Chase laid his hand palm-up on the couch. House glared at him for a moment before climbing on.
'Why couldn't Cameron have done that instead of just grabbing me?' He thought miserably. While he knew Cameron wouldn't hurt him--not intentionally anyway--he didn't like being held. He felt trapped. House at least had the small dignity of standing up.
"This isn't possible." Cameron began inspected him. She turned her hand in order to get a look from different angles. He suddenly felt very exposed.
'She won't hurt you, she's just curious.' He tried to keep calm.
"Quit that." House growled, obviously able to see Wilson's discomfort. "You can play doctor later with an actual doll."
"Huh? Oh, I'm sorry Dr. Wilson." Cameron blushed slightly. "I just got a little carried away."
"You got carried away?" Wilson muttered as she turned her palm up and eased her grip. He climbed quickly to his feet.
"We'd better take you guys to the hospital." Chase said quietly. "Maybe there's something we can do."
"I doubt it." House snorted. "Unless we shrunk because of some really cool disease or a really rare cancer we're going to have a hard time figuring this out. And since our clothes are tiny too, I'm betting not."
"We've got to at least try." Chase insisted.
Decisively, he dropped House into the front pocket of his coat.
"Hey! What are you doing?!" House's muffled voice barley registered.
"Sorry House, but we can't let anyone see you." He said. "Cameron, let me have Dr. Wilson too. My pockets are bigger than yours, it'll be a little more comfortable for them."
"You don't have to talk about me like I can't hear you!" Wilson cried out as Cameron dropped him into the square of cloth beside House.
"I am so firing them." House growled.
"Good luck. They're not listening to us." Wilson said quietly. "I think that doll remark hit a little closer to home than you realized."
House made a face. "God, I hope Cameron didn't save her Barbie stuff. With our luck she'll make us live in 'The Dream House'."
Wilson shuddered. "I don't want to think about it."
"Me either. Hopefully Cuddy or Foreman will talk some sense into them."
"Yeah." Wilson leaned against him. "Cuddy doesn't seem like the doll type."
"Other toys, maybe." House grinned.
Wilson just sighed and laid his head on House's shoulder. Tiny or not, House was still House. That was somewhat comforting.
The drive to the hospital wasn't bad, aside from the traffic noises. It was rather loud, but the fabric of Chase's jacket muffled it somewhat. Wilson just moved closer to House. After an unexpected blare from a horn he found himself practically in House's lap.
An abrupt change in position forced the two of them apart. Chase was leaning forward, probably grabbing something from under the seat.
"I hate this." Wilson groaned, his stomach dropping.
"I am never going on a roller coaster again." House mumbled as the space returned to an upright position. More vibrations shook them; Chase had gotten out of the car.
"We must be there."
"Goody." House grumbled morosely. "Maybe if we're at work they'll remember that we're department heads, not toys."
"I don't think so." Wilson said with dismay as a hand plunged in to the pocket. Cameron's nails gave her away as she picked House up.
"I think I would actually prefer being Ken doll sized at this point." House complained as he was lifted. "Gay jokes be damned."
Wilson stifled a yelp as Chase retrieved him. His grip was a great deal firmer than Cameron's had been, bordering on painful. He drew in a shaky gasp as Chase set him down on the glass table in House's office. House leaned heavily on him.
The sight of a very shocked Foreman met them. "I thought you were kidding!"
"What's funny about 'House and Wilson are the size of mice'?" Chase demanded.
"Nothing, but you have a weird sense of humor." Foreman bent down to get a better look at them. "God, they're like dolls."
"I prefer the term 'Action Figure'." House glared up at him. "And either lower your voice or back up. You're going to pop our eardrums."
"Sorry." Foreman's voice dropped a few decibels.
"Still too loud." House shook his head. "It's not rocket science, people. Either whisper or don't talk."
"All right." Foreman whispered, looking a little annoyed. "What happened to you guys?"
"Not a clue." Wilson shook his head. "We just woke up like this."
"We've got to start running tests to figure this out." Cameron put in. "They're too small for the MRI to register them properly, but maybe we can rig something-"
"I may have turned into a smurf but I'm still your boss." House interrupted sharply. "I say what tests are done Cameron."
Cameron looked a little startled. "I just thought-"
"That being physically smaller reduced our mental capacities as well?" He snapped.
"We should see Cuddy before we do anything." Wilson interrupted them. "She'll want to know why we didn't show up for work and why you guys are suddenly running a bunch of tests."
"Good idea." Forman offered his hand to them. "May I?"
"Um…" Wilson shook his head nervously. "No."
"Bring Cuddy to us." House waved him off. "I'm sick of being manhandled."
"Alright." Chase left to get her.
"Thanks Chase." Wilson spoke a little louder than normal to make sure he was heard. Just as the normal sized staff sounded distorted to them, he and House would seem quieter and higher-pitched. Another little annoyance they'd have to deal with until the situation was fixed.
"I really wish we didn't have to do this in the clothes we fell asleep in." He looked regretfully at his rumpled clothes. "It's not enough that we're tiny, we have to look unprofessional too."
"I think Cuddy will understand that your couldn't do your morning beauty regiment." House replied. "Although seeing you work the hairdryer in this state would be interesting."
"I could check the dolls in the pediatric wing and try to find you something." Cameron offered.
"No." Wilson suppressed a shudder.
"I know it's hard for you 'Barbie-girls' to understand, but dolls don't solve everything." House said
"I'm just trying to help." Cameron looked miffed.
"Help by listening to me."
"Maybe if you didn't sound like a chipmunk I could listen to you." Cameron apparently didn't realize her mutterings were completely audible to the shrunken doctors. House was getting ready to fire off a retort when the office door opened. Cuddy was hurried inside by a determined-looking Chase.
"All right, what is so important that Chase had to drag me away from the directors meeting?" She demanded.
"Oh, nothing." House called nonchalantly. "Just wanted to say 'hi'."
Cuddy's gaze slowly fell onto the table. Her jaw literally dropped as she caught sight of them.
"Hi." Wilson gave a weak wave.
"No."
"Yep. You're now the proud employer of the world's smallest diagnostician." House smirked up at her.
"Are…are you okay?" She bent over them.
When House didn't speak up Wilson glanced at him. He was ogling Cuddy's massive cleavage.
"House, quit it."
"It's like a train wreck. I can't look away."
Cuddy straightened up quickly. "Well, I can see their personalities are intact."
"You do realize her breasts are a lot more likely to crush you than provide sexual relief?" Wilson hissed.
"Yeah." House grinned lecherously. "But what a way to go!"
"They were like this when Cameron and I went to House's apartment earlier." Chase put in.
"No idea of what happened?"
"I'm afraid not." Wilson said sadly.
"Of course. It would be too easy if we knew how it happened." She replied. "Then we might actually be able to fix it."
"It might be environmental since our clothes were reduced too." Wilson replied. "But everything else in the apartment looked normal."
"Which means we have to do tests on the two of you, all of your things, and quarantine everything you've come into contact with." She said. "Who brought them in?"
"Cameron and I." Chase looked a little uneasy.
"We better get the four of you into a clean room." Cuddy drew away from them slightly. "Foreman, if you didn't touch them-"
"I didn't."
"Then you get to check out the apartment. Get a full hazmat setup." Cuddy ordered.
"We're not radioactive!" House complained. "And don't want to be stuck with Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum until this is over."
"House, I can't risk this becoming an epidemic." Cuddy edged a little closer to the door. "If we confirm it's not spreading we'll lift the containment. Until then you better get used to the idea."
Wilson watched with dismay as Foreman and Cuddy fled the room. "We're screwed aren't we?"
"Oh yeah."
-
End of part two