AUTHOR: Silver Foxfire
SERIES: Escaflowne
RATING: R
PAIRINGS: Folken/Allen, Various sub categories of pairings :)
WARNINGS: Yaoi Lemon/Lime, Silliness, Language, little bit of Het, *giggles* and some Allen-teasing. ^^
DISCLAIMER: Don't own, don't earn, don't maim, don't flame.
FOLKEN'S FAIRY TALES : RAPALLEN
By Silver Foxfire
There once was a man and a woman that lived by themselves deep in the forest. They were nestled away in an old castle that had been in their family for generations upon generations... and it showed. The castle was falling apart on some places and threatening to collapse in others. But they didn't mind it at all! The woman was the sweetest natured woman that anyone had ever seen. Her gentleness and light was famous and she was never-
"LEON!!! GOD DAMN YOU!!! I WANT RAPUNZEL AND I WANT IT NOW!!! HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO ME?!"
... and she was pregnant.
Her husband searched long and hard for his beloved wife, but he could find no rapunzel. Just as he was about to give up and run off with an older man, he found some! He peeked through his fence and saw the most beautiful patch of rapunzel that he had ever seen.
"I MUST get that for my wife!" He cried, clinging to the wooden fence. "Or she'll make my life a living hell for another four months!" ;_;
"LEEEEE~EEEEEOOOOOOO~OOOON!!!!!" Came the shriek of his hungry wife.
He winced before making his decision. He leapt over the fence and snatched up as many of the vegetables as he could before running back toward the fence.
"Excuse me. WHERE do you think you're going with that?" An icy voice hissed.
"Oh, SHIT!" Leon shouted, dropping the rapunzel and clutching his chest. "You scared the life out of me!"
He stopped where he was and looked up at the man in the long black cloak before him and his eyes widened as he took in the appearance of his sorcerer of a neighbor.
"I... I... umm... I..."
"Have taken what is not yours. I should kill you now." The sorcerer said, raising a metal talon.
"NO! Please! I'll give you anything you want! Money! Land! Sex! Yes, sex! Lots and LOTS of SEX!" Leon begged.
O.O;;; "Sex? Why would I desire such a thing from you?" The sorcerer murmured, lowering his hand.
"Because... umm...-"
"LEON!!!!"
_-*^0^*-_ " Because my wife won't put out!!!"
o.o;;; "That's your problem. Not mine. Now get out of here and leave the rapunzel." As the man turned to walk away, Leon leapt and wrapped his arms around his knees, sobbing hysterically.
"No! Please! Let me keep it! She'll keep screaming if I -*hiccough*- don't!"
-.-;;; "On one condition you may have it."
"Anything! Se-"
"NOT sex. I want her child."
O.o;;; "Her child? But she can't get you pregnant."
X_x;;; "NO. I want the child that she will bear. Do you understand?"
"Yes! I'll tell her!" Leon shouted happily, snatching up the vegetables and going over the fence and fleeing to his wife, whose cooing was immediately heard before Leon informed her of his deal.
"WHAT?! YOU BARGAINED OUR CHILD FOR THIS??? YOU BASTARD!"
The sorcerer smirked.
_-^-_ 4 months later _-^-_
"LEEEEE~EEEEEOOOOOOO~OOOON!!!!!" Encia shrieked. "I HATE YOU!!! YOU SON OF A BI- AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Leon cried as his hand was clutched painfully tightly as his beloved wife performed the miracle of birth.
"MIRACLE?! YOU CALL THIS A MIRACLE?!"
O.O;;; I'm only the narrator, ma'am...
"FUCK YOU!!! YOU WANT A MIRACLE, YOU GIVE BIRTH! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
O.O;;; Okay... ahem... and soon a baby boy was born, complete with a mirror and small brush.
"Ugh, MOTHER! Look what you have done to my beautiful hair! It's so SLIMY and red! Ugh!"
"Oh... he's gorgeous..." Encia said happily, clutching the tiny bundle that was wrapped in his father's coat.
"And he's mine." A cool voice came from the door, the sorcerer smiling as Encia's eyes went wide.
"NO! IÊ just gave birth, you heartless bastard! YOU try and push something the size of a watermelon out of something the size of a lemon!"
"Sorry, but your husband made a deal. He's mine. Give him over."
"I'm gonna kick your ASS, LEON! And I WILL get my baby back!" Encia roared as the Sorcerer took the child that struggled to brush his hair with his chubby hands.
Encia's shrill accusations, curses, and screams echoed in the forest as Folken carried away his little baby, laughing softly at the frightened yelps of Leon.
"You're mine now." He told the little blonde in his arms.
"I am not. I'm my own baby."
"That's what you think, little one."
The baby snorted but yawned, exhausted from his frightening ordeal. He settled into Folken's arms and fell fast asleep, unaware of the body flying out of a third story castle window.
_-^-_ 15 years later _-^-_
Allen pranced around happily, his hair, which was wound in a large, thick braid that was wrapped around him like a sash, shone bright gold in the light of the sun. He beamed up at the happy little birds that sung to him in the early morning. He heard his 'father' call him and he skipped inside.
"Good morning, Allen." Folken said, his black lace apron guarding him (just a bit) from the eggs he was frying up for his 'son'. "Did you sleep well?"
"Oh, YES, Daddy! I had the nicest dreams!" Allen sat beaming as he settled his skirt around him, perfectly happy,
"Did you? What were they about?"
"About you, Daddy." >:)
Folken smirked at his lovely little son all wrapped up in powder-blue ruffles and silk. He set a plate in front of Allen and watched as it was all politely shoveled down before he found himself with a lapful of Allen.
"Ha ha ha... and what sort of dreams were these?" Folken said, deliberately smoothing out the minute wrinkles on Allen's skirt.
"Happy dreams." >:)
"Oh? Want to tell me about them?" >;)
"Oh, YESSSSSSSS, Daddy."
~*~*~*~*~
A blue bird happily sang his song, in perfect harmony before loud moans interrupted it. His little feathers ruffled in indignation that such loud and vulgar shouts should mingle with his notes. He nearly fell off his branch as he heard loud crashes from the kitchen, signaling that the RUDE humans had moved onto the counter, scattering everything on it in search of their out carnal pleasures.
"Honestly!" He chirped. "Some people have NO respect! None at all! Nope! None!"
~*~*~*~*~
Prince Van was wandering through the forest with his magnificent white steed, Escaflowne. He tossed his hair back as Escaflowne trotted, only to be disturbed by a loud cry of:
"Yes, who's your DADDY?!"
"OH! YOU! YOU'RE MY DADDY!!! AAH!!!"
#O.O# *blush* *blush* "What... ahem... what do you think that IS, Escaflowne?" Van said in his most regal (albeit horny...) voice.
"*snort*" Escaflowne said, a bored look in his face.
"Well, then... let's go find the source..." Van nudged Escaflowne into a canter and the moved quickly through the forest until he reached a large black gate.
"My... What manner of house is THIS?" He marveled, the sloping walls were a glistening black and appeared to be made of solid onyx. "'Tis certainly odd..."
"*SNORT*"
"What? I'm simply making an observation! It's not like I'm RAMBLING or stating the obvious!"
Escaflowne just STARED at Van, hypnotizing the young prince into a staring contest, Van lost of course, crossing his arms childishly and glaring at his horse as he heard another volley of moans and cries from inside, stirring his... interest.
"Let's... go inside, shall we?" Van coughed, shifting in the saddle, watching as Escaflowne nudged (violently opened, but quietly) the gates to allow them entry, his massive hooves making only the softest clatter on the slick stone walk.
~*~*Meanwhile, inside the house*~*~
Allen purred happily as he lay in Folken's arms, his dress loose and slipping off his sweat-slick shoulder. He was busy nuzzling Folken's throat when Folken's arms tightened possessively around him.
"Someone's here."
Allen blinked up, quite confused.
"Well, of COURSE I am, Daddy."
-.-;;; "Not you, darling. Someone else has decided to enter the courtyard."
Ào.O? "There are other people besides us?"
"Yes. Now get dressed. I'll take care of this intruder." Folken set Allen on the couch, the pout on the blonde's face almost irresistible... well... it must have been because Folken couldn't resist going in for one more kiss... which lead to quite a lot more.
~*~*~*~*~
O.O "Do you suppose it's a banshee???" Van whispered fiercely, the cries beginning again and so much louder and higher than before.
Escaflowne only shook his head and continued to walk, flicking his tail nonchalantly. When he'd reached the front door, the shrieks were reaching a frenzied peak, curses, growls, and all manner of yelps were coming from beyond the door. Van found himself quite... curious about the sounds and slid slowly off Escaflowne's saddle.
"Oh, it sounds as if... mmm.... a maiden may need our help..." Van murmured, chewing delicately on his lip.
He opened the door and waltzed right in, (as these fairy tale heroes will often do. ^_~) and gasped when he saw a gorgeous blue-haired man and a pretty blonde... woman? Man? ... Hermaphrodite? ... a blonde someone writhing together on the floor.
#O.O# *BLUSH* "Uuuhh... I'm sorry... I, uhh..."
"Are leaving. Get out." The icy one growled, thrusting his hips harder into the squealing mass of hair beneath him.
"I... I CAN'T..." Van whispered, eyes wide and extremely well-focused when he saw the undeniable proof that the blonde was male. "I... I have... a.. quest..."
"Then go seek it-" the blonde screamed in elation, joined by a grunt from the other man, "-elsewhere..."
*SNIFF* *stifles nosebleed* "I CAN'T!"
Van watched, awestruck and dumbstruck, as the icy haired man withdrew from the sexy blonde bishounen. His deep Earth-colored eyes watched as a monster trouser snake was put safely back into its den.
"If you do not leave of your own accord, I shall thrust you from this place myself." The man growled, a smirk curling his lip as the blonde wrapped his arms around him from behind, nuzzling his back and peeking at Van from over a broad shoulder.
"You... you can't POSSIBLY! I AM A PRINCE OF FANELIA!" He said, righteous indignation in his voice.
"I don't care if you're Mary, Flaming Queen of Scots. Get out."
~*~*~*~*~
Folken could have laughed as the irate boy seemed to swell up with his indignation.
"How DARE you speak that way to me?!"
"How dare you come in here while Daddy and I are busy? Completely unannounced and unsolicited?" Allen purred, his deep eyes fixed on the boy and smiling behind Folken's neck as the boy blushed and seemed to deflate.
"I... thought there was a damsel in danger..."
Allen laughed softly and whispered something in Folken's ear, the little prince looking at them fearfully.
"Indeed." Folken said, waving his hand.
They heard the surprised shouts from the boy as he was sent flying through an open window onto his horse, only to be carried swiftly away.
"Allen, dear, THAT was the sixth prince that came looking. You go in the tower."
*O.O* "But Daddy! I don't LIKE the tower! *whine*"
"Allen. *the Glare of Impending Disaster*"
*POUT* "All right, Daddy."
"Good boy. Let's go."
~*~*In the tower*~*~
Allen sat, bawling on his bed as he clutched at his skirts and wiped away his snot with a handkerchief.
"DADDY DOESN'T LOVE ME!!!" He wailed, his voice echoing in the circular room.
"YOU!!!" A blue-bird shouted. "You were the rude boy who interrupted my morning song! That was my best one too!"
Allen blinked at the huffing bird perched on his window sill before leaping up and catching it in a huge hug.
"I have a FRIEND!"
The bird squawked and flapped his wings frantically before giving up.
"What is with you, boy?!" He chirped angrily.
*sparkle* *sparkle* "YOU DON'T LOVE ME!!!"
o.O "Kid... what the HELL is wrong with you?"
*blink* "What?"
"You're a MAN! Why are you in a DRESS and in a tower?!"
Allen pouted, which turned into a scowl as he flung the little bird into a dart-board, beak first.
"Because I'm Daddy's Little Girl!" He snapped dangerously, crossing his arms and glaring as the bird got himself out of the dart-board.
"Yeah, ya look like Daddy's Little Queen." The blue-bird muttered, rubbing his beak with his pin-feathers.
"WHAT?!" Allen shrieked, his hair fluffing out around his face like horns.
"Nothin'! Jeez! What a snotty little brat! By the way, blow your nose."
Allen blushed and did just that, glaring fiercely at the bird.
"What is it to YOU that I'm in a dress and in a tower ANYWAY?" Allen said, sitting back down on his bed and looking forlornly at the window, lower lip jutting out in a pout.
"Nothing to me, pretty boy. I can just fly out of here."
That was the straw that broke the camel's beck, so to speak, as a torrent of tears like no other tore from Allen's body.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! I wanna go home!!! I miss Daddy! IneedDaddytotakemeandfuckmeandmakemescreamandmakememoanandmakeme-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Allen wailed, head thrown forward into his hands as he sobbed loud enough to scare all the gentle forest creatures.
"JEEZ, kid!" The blue-bird chirped frantically, trying to get his attention. "Stop crying!"
"WHY?! I WANT MY DADDY!!!"
O.O "GAH! If I find him, will you SHUT UP?!"
Allen cheered up immediately, clearing his nostrils once more and beaming as though nothing had happened. He blew the little bird a kiss as it flew away as fast as it's wings would carry it.
"Ah. That worked like a charm. Now- *yawn* -to get some beauty sleep."
And Allen fell fast asleep, nestling into his skirts and blankets and dreamed of his daddy doing everything he wanted.
~*~*~*~*~
"Oh, Escaflowne... I need a princess." Van moaned pathetically, earning and exasperated snort from his horse, the tail flicking in irritation.
"Hey! YOU! You'll do! Come 'ere!"
Van looked, up, quite startled until he saw a blue bird land on his shoulder and chirp in his ear, "Come ON! Before he starts that wailin' again!"
*blink!* "Who are you?" Van questioned, eyeing the bird with some distaste as it tried to drag him from his horse, little wings beating furiously and occasionally slapping Van's cheek.
"Call me whatever the hell you want, kid! Come on!"
"Fine, you pesky bird! Where are you taking me?"
"To the TOWER, ya imbecile! That's where that god-awful prima donna bitch is!"
"Bitch? YOU MEAN A MAIDEN?!" ^________^!!!
"... Yeah, sure, kid. Maiden this way."
Van excitedly urged Escaflowne into a trot behind the bird, whose voice was clearly heard muttering inane things.
~*~*~*~*~
"Allen, let down your tresses." A low, smooth voice purred up the tower, instantly waking Allen from his almost comatose nap and he quickly wiped away his drool and ran to the wind, flinging his hair out and feeling a light tug on it before he started whining in pain when his daddy started climbing up.
When Folken slid gracefully into the window, he noticed Allen's pout and smiled, giving him a deep kiss of apology. Right before-
"Fair MAIDEN! Are you here???"
"Him AGAIN?!" Folken growled, walking to the window and glaring down, Allen laughing when he heard a frightened shriek, followed by clattering hoof beats and yells of, "WAIT FOR ME, ESCAFLOWNE! WAIT FOR MEEEEEE!!!!"
Folken rolled his eyes and saw a little bird glaring at him.
May I help you?" He asked, slightly testy that everyone seemed to be after HIS baby boy.
"YOU'RE the one that put him in here, aren't ya?"
"Yes, why does that matter to you?" Folken replied, not at all unnerved by the chattering bird.
"He's convinced ya don't love him, jackass."
"I changed you ONCE and I can do it again!" Folken hissed, eyes darkening.
"Oh, YEAH?!" The bird said, flying quickly up Allen's skirt, drawing a squawk from the blonde. "*muffled* Try it NOW!"
Folken growled and Allen's eyes went wide when his Daddy dove and ripped the skirts to shreds looking for the errant feathered thing. Allen began blushing almost immediately and squirmed, begging for attention.
Folken responded by pinning Allen and hissing, "That bird is evil! I have to FIND him!"
"Evil? You didn't say that when I LAID YOUR TIGHT ASS!" The bird huffed, sitting on a rafter.
O.O "He laid you, Daddy?"
#X_X# "Shut up, Gaddes!" *furious blush*
The bird sniggered and flapped his wings, sending a cloud of dust down to the two below him. He soon changed his song, however, when Folken snatched him up, his eyes lit with vicious glee.
"Oh, shit... HELP!!!"
"Fair BIRD!" Van cried, hopping into the window, drawing three stares.
"HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET IN HERE?!" Folken shouted, wringing the bird's neck.
"Well, DUH, I FLEW." Van said, pointing to his wings as if EVERYONE should know he did and could.
Allen, who had been getting steadily more and more upset at the whole scene, finally wailed, "WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! EVERYBODY STOP FIGHTING!!! IT'S GIVING ME A HEADACHE!!!" _-*^0^*-_
O.O
O.O
O.O
"... Darling... shut up." Folken said, pinning Allen to the bed, with the bird still clutched in one fist.
Allen went from wailing into a full blown hissy fit at being reprimanded and launched a furious kick toward Folken's groin, a task made much easier by the shredded skirt.
"BAD boy!" Folken growled, trapping Allen's leg between his thighs right before he hit his target.
O.O "Lady! That's a foul blow!"
>:0 "FUCK YOU!" Allen roared, struggling to get out of Folken's grasp.
Allen broke free from Folken's arms and stood against the wall, looking like a pissed off, powder-blue animal, his eyes narrowed.
And while Van and Folken tried to calm or trap him... someone watched and slowly fell in love.
"YO! BACK OFF MY WOMAN!"
Folken and Van turned, seeing a 'large' man standing, a furious look in his eyes. Allen blushed wildly while the man raked his gaze up and down his body, Folken and Van standing, slack-jawed as the man posed like a god himself, fists on his hips and in impossibly tight black clothes, his silver hair glinting in the light.
"Oh... wow..." Allen said, a girlish blush in his eyes as he blatantly stared at the man on the window entrance. "How did YOU get here?"
"That's a secret, dear chick." The silver-haired man leapt inside, posing to show off his blood-red armor. "And YOU are coming with ME! I am a king of the highest kind, and I desire your ass."
Allen's eyes had somehow transformed into enormous pink hearts as he threw himself forward into his arms.
"Oh, take me AWAY! They just lock me away and hide my beauty!"
"Horrible! You are almost as hot as I am and I will not stand for it!"
Folken, Van, and Gaddes gawked as the silver man leapt out the window, landing on the palm of a giant metal man before a cloak swished around is, hiding it from view. The only sounds left were sharp moans and cries from the place the man had been.
"... What do you want to do?" Folken asked softly.
"I don't know. What do YOU want to do?" Gaddes said.
"I don't know... what do YOU want to do?"
"I don't know. What do YOU want- Now DON'T START THAT AGAIN!!!"
And as Gaddes and Folken began to quarrel, Van caught site of the prettiest thing he'd ever seen... Escaflowne. He leapt out the window and hugged his horse tightly before glancing up to see a flash of light and a nude, black-haired man flinging himself forwards with loud shouts of: "Yeah! I'll make sure you SCREAM, baby!"
And Van slowly climbed on Escaflowne and they began to flee for the hills as quickly as they could. As soon as they were out of the dark, mystical forest that nearly all stories take place in, Van sighed deeply and sank against the saddle, laying his head on top of his horse's.
"... I don't want a maiden anymore, Escaflowne. Nor a man. They seem too frightening. I vow to be celibate for the rest of my li- FAIR MAIDEN! WAIT!!!"
_-^-_ OWARI _-^-_