"Oh! Alphys, darling~!" A certain flamboyant robot rolled down the lab at an angle at which he should've fallen over. "Alphys! What do you think you're doing?!" The lizard had fallen asleep at her keyboard. On the monitor in front of her was a concluded recording of the mid-season finale of the first season of Mew Mew Kissy Cutie, the anime-turned video game, or maybe vice-versa? The robot didn't care to remember. The address bar consisted of an endless and ongoing chain of the letter B that would probably take a good while to clear with just backspace alone.
The robot played a booing track in protest. His monitor displayed an exclamation point for a moment, and then he played it at a wonderfully ear blasting volume. "Ack!" Alphys reared her head up from the keyboard and ended the stream of b's. "Wh-what was that for?!" The robot wrapped a hand around the lizard. "Alphys, darling. I noticed you haven't been giving me much attention, recently!"
"M-Mettaton, I've j-just gotten the lab, so I've been cleaning it up!"
"Sure, sure, darling, but doing nothing won't pay the bills will it? You yourself promised to help me with my stardom, didn't you? Besides, I haven't seen you working on my body recently!" Mettaton's voice sounded slightly unhappy.n d"N-Not right now… please…" The royal scientist whimpered.
"Well you've had your royal beauty rest; come on good doctor, don't you think it's time for this star's stunning debut?"
"W-Well, I g-guess…"
"Good, now I've already got us a broadcasting crew! I've forwarded the bill to you, of course, doctor, you know that I, the best star, slip out of as many fees as possible!"
"W-Wait, you d-did what…?"
"Come now, the camera is waiting!" The robot grabbed Alphys by the arm and dragged her out through the door.
The pair took the elevator and rolled into the Hotland Resort. The scientist followed behind begrudgingly, at least fully awake by now. The both of them arrived in the restaurant within the resort, and Alphys took a seat at one of the tables. The robot rolled himself up a ramp and onto a stage that was traditionally used for comedy skits. This time it was decorated with a desk with three golden letters branded onto it. Next to it was a singular lounge chair. The stage was in stark contrast to the rest of the blue room; carpeted in red. Behind the robot were windows casting a yellow light on him from behind. Two cameras were set up for the robot. Alphys watched as he somehow slid on a singular yellow tie for his performance. He picked up the papers in front of it and hit the mass of script against the desk in order to look professional. "Alright darlings! Roll the cameras, if you would please!"
There was a brief clicking noise and then he began. "Welcome, darlings-" The robot dropped the papers onto the desk dramatically, "-to the very first edition of the fabulous talk show, Glamorous Gossip with a Human Eradication Robot! This is the broadcast where we hear the most breathtaking news from me and all sorts of guests- but mostly me! Today's topic, and also our very first topic if I might add, the strange epidemic that had begun involving monsters that have fallen down, and how it might be related to the production of Puppydough Ice Cream!"
Alphys tuned out the robot as he began to ramble out nonsense that had no basis in any form of reason whatsoever. Her phone made a quiet bleeping sound.
Humerist42: hey there
ALPHYS: Sans?!1?!
Humerist42: yup
ALPHYS: U want me 2 visit now? kinda busy tbh（ ;＿;）
Humerist42: it's cool. id rather u come help out tonight anyway.
ALPHYS: O. that works. ^.^
Alphys looked up from her phone to see that Mettaton was still rambling on about something. "And that's why, in my opinion, you should never let suspicious dogs attempt to make edible food! I mean just look at the tragedy that's occurred!"
ALPHYS: Not 2 be rude or anything, but it's been like a week or something. Didn't u say that this was a big deal or?
Humerist42: yeah, guess so
ALPHYS: Why did u take so long 2 text me then?
Humerist42: well i just havent been focused on it recently. I mean yeah its important but i was startin to slack off. kinda hard to break habits.
ALPHYS: (。ヘ°) but isnt it really important to u tho? Liek, i get it sorta, but...
"Alphys, darling! This is your cue!" Alphys snapped upward from her table. "O-Oh, right! S-Sorry!" The lizard scurried up onto the stage and the robot escorted the lizard to her chair.
"And now dear viewers, if you would please put your hands together and welcome our special guest, the newly hired royal scientist and my inventor, Doctor Alphys!" The robot extended his arms into the air and starting clapping; he played a recording along with it for flourish.
The doctor shrunk into her chair. "U-Uh… hi…" Mettaton played another laugh track. "Now, now doctor, where's your energy? Where's your enthusiasm? Where's your smile? We're on live TV, you know!"
"O-Of course." Alphys sat up straight for once in her life, much to the robot's pleasure, and she pushed in her glasses in an attempt to be professional. "Now darling, there are these absurd papers that claim that the Capital actually isn't running out of space to support the population. What was it… something about population therum? Let's not sweat the details, what's really important is that we get an expert opinion on the matter, don't you agree? And who's more fit than the underground's very own royal scientist?"
"O-Oh! Okay! I can do that." Alphys swung her tail around her feet and inhaled. "W-Well, the paper claims th-that as society advances the population will actually start-"
"Now, now, doctor. What do you think you're doing? We don't want to bore the audience with a whole Hotland's worth of summary! We've got to stay engaged, just hit us with the facts! Is it true or not, doctor?"
"W-Well… probably not, you s-see that theory is true for some of us but c-certain monsters are well… different. S-Some produce more than one offspring when reproducing, the underground s-still needs a lot of workers, a-and for some the average f-family is much more than-"
"Yes, yes, of course darling. So as you can clearly see, not to be the bearer of bad news, but this theory is clearly false! Honestly, were they really trying to just dismiss the problem so that we may never deal with it in the future? How irresponsible!"
"W-Well-"
"That should be enough science to meet the educational quota! Now let's get into something really interesting!" Alphys shuffled of the stage as the cameras focused exclusively on the robot. "Here's a good one! There's rumor that all the Temmies of the waterfall, save for the one they call Bob, of course, are gathering into a tower formation for mysterious reasons! For instance, one monster claims that he saw-"
Alphys sank back into the chair and checked her phone.
ALPHYS: (。ヘ°) but isnt it real important to u thou? Liek, i get it sorta but…
Humerist42: i guess so.
Humerist42: but i guess i just sorta started to burn out
Humerist42: until recently
Humerist42: the other night was kinda impromptu? ya know?
Humerist42: not sure if that's a good way to describe it.
ALPHYS: SORRY! HAD SOMETHING TO DO
Humerist42: it's cool.
ALPHYS: O, OKay thanks
Humerist42: also before i forget, can you bring over some papers from your lab. Some should still be in the lab, they're the ones with the over-elaborate illustrations and the strange symbols as an excuse for writing.
ALPHYS: o, yeah i think iv seen some of them. I can do dat \=^.^=/
Humerist42: k thx, i'll see u then
ALPHYS: got it
"-she claims that the creatures are doing a rarely seen ritual in hope of luring humans underground! Personally, I find that rather absurd myself, but my good audience, sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction!" Alphys felt that about now would be a good time to pocket her phone and watch the robot's meaningless ramblings and eccentric gestures. So she rested her head on her arms and half-watched the robot, half tuned him out…. And forgoing the pocketing of her phone she checked Undernet every few minutes in a vain hope that she'd see something new. The doctor was truly the master of self-control.
"Thank you, dear viewers! For tuning in for the entirety- well maybe not the entirety, but let's be truthful here, who would change the channel- Anyway, thank you for tuning in to the entirety of the first episode of the marvelous Gossip with a Human Eradication Robot! Until next time, same time, same channel, toodles!" The robot eventually rolled down off to stage and behind the doctor. "Well, dear, doctor, I do hope you weren't too distracted… this was my big debut after all!" The machine used two lines to imitate and eyebrow rais on his monitor. Alphys slid out of her chair. "S-Sorry… It's just kind of early…" plus the doctor had no interest in the content the robot was producing.
"Well, well, welly, it's nice of you to at least somewhat admit to what you were doing, but seriously, I thought you wanted to help me become a star."
"R-Right, w-we will work on it! I'm just kind of out of it. I just got an important job and-"
"I suppose I understand, but next time darling, I expect you to care more about me! You get the big picture?"
"Yeah, I get it, I get it."
"Good, now doctor, if you would, we've got a body to work on!"