"I don't see why you're so stuck on this," Simon huffed a few minutes later, once we were in his room. White walls with a dresser and bed, a solitary wooden chair in the corner; the only difference from mine was that I have a mirror propped up against the wall.

"It's just so weird to me, I mean; I've never seen him before… ever."

"Well of course you haven't, he is the captain's apprentice, and he's probably spent his whole life getting special training. The only reason I even know him is because he came in for our Men's Health and Fitness class, and that's for boy's only."

He stopped for a second to examine me, my face carefully neutral.

"I didn't really like him," he continued. "He seemed like he thought he was better than everyone else just because he is going to be running things someday and is mostly kept separate from us. Jace is his name."

We sit in silence for a minute as I contemplate what he said. I have no problem admitting that I find myself interested by him. The problem is that I don't know why. But I do know that pondering about unimportant things leads to nowhere.

"Yeah, he seemed kind of like a jerk," I say, hoping I sound dismissive. "Anyways, what did you want to talk to me about?"

Simon seems nervous, drumming his fingers against his leg.

"Listen," he starts, swallowing loudly. "I'm not really sure how to ask this so I'm just going to go for it… So, you know how you can request your partner for the pairing next week?"

I know. It's true, we were told that if you have someone in mind that you'd like to be partnered with, and if they agree, the evaluators examine what each of you have to offer and if your genetic compatibility is good enough. In the first few weeks of being paired though, couples are encouraged to physically experiment in case they discover that they would prefer a change. This won't always happen apparently, but they like to give you a secondary option. Producing children to contribute to society here is of course most important, but picking partners is allowed if approved, since happiness and enthusiasm is said to produce healthier babies.

Simon meets my eyes and suddenly I know what he is going to say before he does. My stomach twists.

"I was wondering if maybe… you'd want to request each other as partners…"

I don't know what to say. I'm surprised but not shocked, since it would be the logical thing to do. Simon and I have been best friends for as long as I can remember.

When I don't respond, Simon quickly adds, "I just thought, I mean, we know each other, and I thought it might be better for us to end up with each other instead of someone we don't know. You might not be so nervous if you knew it was me."

I nod, knowing he is right, yet I can't seem to get myself to answer. The words are stuck in my throat and I can't figure out how to force them out.

I know of course, what happens between a man and woman when the time comes for her to get pregnant. We have all been taught what to do and that it is simply necessary for us to contribute in this way, to have children for the next generation. But Simon is my friend and although it is explained that there is nothing to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable about, the thought of it makes me blush. But he is right; I would rather be partnered with him than a number of boys from my classes.

We are not supposed to judge people by their physical appearance or let shallow thoughts influence our actions or opinions, but I can't help but find some boys more pleasing than others. Boys like Jace.

The thought of Jace is like a slap in the face. What am I doing? Why am I even hesitating? Simon was right to ask for this and I should feel fortunate.

I force my mouth into a smile and nod. "Yes, of course, I'm sorry; you just caught me by surprise. It makes sense for us to partner up, thank you for thinking of it."

Simon's face is uncertain but hopeful and it makes me feel sick.

The next day, Sandy's voice wakes me up, the same as every morning. Except today is different. Today is when I will take a test to decide how I'm going to contribute to our life here, whether I get put in health services or become a mechanic for the ship. Today is also the tenth day of the month, which means we get to go visit our parents. I get to go see my mom.

The generation before us, the first one, the ones who helped build the ship and chose to stay on it when it left, all of our parents, are kept in a different part of the ship, the level below us. At the age of one, we were all moved up here, to be raised. Living and growing up with our parents would have resulted in us already forming biased opinions and being influenced by them. This way, we get to start with a clean slate and truly be our own person.

But on the tenth day of every month, we get to visit. And although I'm not supposed to, I miss my mother.

My shower is lukewarm and I only have a few minutes before the water runs out, so I get clean quickly and spend the last minute trying to let the spray of water calm me. The bathroom seems especially quiet this morning so I assume I'm not the only one who is nervous. I get dressed, the lightweight clothes that regulate my body temperature creating a nice warm glow in me.

Breakfast looks especially bland today and I worry that I won't be able to eat it all. We are all given the perfect portion based on our size and health, so not eating it all would result in an investigation. Thankfully, Simon doesn't discuss with the others about our decision the night before; listening to that and the excited tone of his voice would make eating even harder.

My mind is wandering as I try to imagine what I'll say to my mother and I notice a boy at the table next to ours keeps looking over. Dark messy hair and clearly of some sort of Asian descent, he is in a few of my classes and I think his name is Magnus. He looks over again and makes eye contact with me, then ducks his head. I try to remember if I've ever really talked to him before, but I can't recall.

"Do you guys know why Magnus keeps looking over here?" I ask the others.

Alec's head jerks up so quickly that I hear his neck crack.

"Which one's Magnus?" Isabelle asks loudly, leaning over to see better. I point him out and she shrugs.

"Oh, he just… I… I ran into him last night and he is probably just mad about it… or upset… you know… or something." Alec's face is bright red and he is talking down to his food.

I exchange a look with Simon who has an eyebrow quirked. Irrational anger or grudge holding isn't something that happens here and we know it.

Isabelle is staring at Alec, a strange look on her face, but before I can dissect it, she sighs and waves her hand dismissively.

"Oh yeah, now I remember. He found me last night after you ran into him and said he felt bad that he didn't apologize before you ran off. You should learn to be a little more social." She laughs loudly then turns to me and abruptly says, "So Clary, are you excited to see your mother?"

I see Alec let out a sigh and sink down in his chair. This whole situation seems strange and suspicious, but I know neither of them would ever keep anything hidden. Keeping secrets leads to nothing good and will not be tolerated, something we are taught at any early age.

"I can't imagine what it's like having only one parent to visit, I feel like that would make the day only half as exciting," Isabelle continues, ever sensitive to my feelings like always.

I open my mouth to continue, but the quiet whir of the door opening causes a wave of silence to sweep through the room. We are all at breakfast. No one is ever late or shows up unexpectedly.

Jace walks into the room, and my breath catches in my throat. He doesn't stop or look at anyone, just walks across the room, the sound of his shoes on the floor especially loud as everyone watches him. He goes to the door on the far wall, one none of us has ever been allowed into, and pushes the button to open it.

As the door slides open, he turns around and his eyes do a quick sweep across the room, almost like he can't help himself, then stop on me. We stare at each other for a second, my knees suddenly shaking under the table. The corner of his mother quirks up, almost like he is going to smile, but all he does is a slight nod in my direction before he turns away and the door closes behind him.

Now everyone is staring at me.

I feel my face start to burn and ignore the looks, turning back to my food as the quiet chatter starts back up again. Except I know that they are talking about me. Me and Jace.

I can see that Isabelle wants to ask, but I beat her to it. "I don't know, so don't even ask."

"But who was that?" she asks earnestly. "I've never seen him before."

Simon leans in at this point to share all he knows, and Isabelle soaks it all up. The only one in the room who doesn't seem interested by Jace's appearance is Alec, who is still looking at his food.

"By why was he staring at you? Why single you out?" Isabelle is determined to figure out what's going on.

"I don't know, I bumped into him yesterday, maybe he just wanted to embarrass me." But then I remind myself that grudge holding is not allowed here. And the look he had given me didn't suggest any dislike. More the opposite actually. And I hadn't been the only one that noticed.

Isabelle looks skeptical, but what other explanation is there? Thankfully, before she can start asking more questions, Sandy's voice alerts us that breakfast is now over, and to gather in the main hall to get ready for our visit to the lower floor. It's time to visit my mother.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed or is now following my story! I'm so excited to keep writing more for you guys.

Kisses 3