Author's Note: During the season 4 finale we saw a more vulnerable side of Ali. Sasha has also talked about how in season 5 you will see a lot more vulnerability with Ali's character, obviously she has gone through a lot and has changed as a person, she is now the "victim" of the group according to Sasha. So, I thought I would play with her vulnerable side in this chapter. Sasha has said that while she thinks Ali does truly have feelings for Emily, she was/is very confused about them, much like Emily was. So, the subject of her true feelings for Emily will obviously be hard for Ali, and she would probably be very vulnerable talking about them. Also, throughout the seasons we've seen Emily become much stronger. While in the beginning she wasn't one to call out Ali now she seems to be able to, for example when Emily called out Ali and Ali responded with, "who sharpened your tongue?" So since my story takes place in season 5, I'm working with Ali's vulnerability and Emily's new confidence. Please leave reviews, I love reading them and they really help me improve my story! Thanks!
I woke up tired, my mind immediately going to Ali. Did we really kiss, or was that just a dream? I had dreams about kissing her all the time, but this time felt different, it felt real. That's when I realized it was real. Ever since Ali had come back to Rosewood, things had been different between us. My relationship with Paige was over, and Ali knew that. Yet, I couldn't tell if she was trying to heal the wounds or just pick at the scabs. Last night we were kissing, really kissing. It wasn't like any kisses we had had before, it felt like she wanted it as much as I did. Yet, she pushed me away, again. My head ached, was this just another game, or does she actually have feelings for me? I rolled over and put my pillow over my head, thinking that if I fell back to sleep, maybe I would wake up with a clearer head. My phone beeped and I reached for it, it was a message from Ali. "Come over. We need to talk." I texted back, "Be over in 20." I quickly got dressed and put on makeup, and headed over to her house.
"I dreamt about you last night," she said quietly, slipping her fingers into mine. She wouldn't look me in the eye, and she said each word like she was testing the waters. She said each word like she wanted to see which ones had an affect on me. "We were in Paris, just the two of us," she said finally looking at me when she said "us," I looked into her eyes and saw that she seemed unsure of what she was saying, the usual confidence was drained from her bright voice and she sounded tired. "There was no one else there to tell us who and what we could be." "Ali, I-" I started, why did she always do this to me? She sounded sincere but maybe this was just another part of her game. She wanted me to believe her, but I didn't know how. "Please, Em," she interrupted, "try to understand." "Understand what, Ali?" I was suddenly furious. I wanted so much to believe her, I wanted to trust that everything she was saying was true. Things with Ali were never that simple, but I was okay with that. I waited for her. I waited even when I thought she was dead. The feelings never left and I didn't exactly push them away either. I held onto the single string of hope that maybe her feelings were sincere, and now she was just pulling on that string. This was all just a game to her, and my feelings were her dolls. Now she's asking me to understand? I pulled my hand away from hers. Tears welled up in her eyes, "I never meant to hurt you, Em. Please, please. I'm so sorry." She was crying, and I felt so lost. I wanted to leave, to go home, but I also wanted to stay, I wanted to kiss away her tears and tell her that it's okay, I understand, and that I forgive her. I didn't forgive her, though. I didn't forgive her because I still didn't know the truth. I still didn't know if her feelings for me were real. "Ali, I need you to tell me how you feel. About me. If you want me to stay you need to tell me." She started crying harder, but her words came out clear, and I'll never forget them, "I don't know." Ali had never been so unsure about anything. Even when she was looking for -A she had a list full of suspects, but when I looked into her eyes I just saw confusion. She started to cry even harder and her mascara started to run down her cheeks, but even with her makeup smudged, her eyes red and puffy, and her blonde hair a mess around her face, she looked like the most beautiful girl in the world. I grabbed her hand and held it firmly, she seemed relieved and squeezed it, holding on tight like she would never let me go. I couldn't look at her but I whispered, "I'm sorry Ali, but that's not a good enough answer for me." I pulled away and got up to leave. I started to walk away and I heard her crying behind me. It hurts so bad to walk away from the one you love, but I had no choice, I didn't want to be her doll anymore.
"Wait," Ali cried out, "Em, please!" I turned around and looked at her. She looked so helpless. I had never seen her look like this before, and while a part of me was dying to go to her and tell her I was not going anywhere, another part felt good watching the girl who hurt me over and over again finally seem defeated. "Em, I love you, I do. I do, I really do," she was stammering and slurring her words but I listened, she was looking me right in the eye but her lip quivered and she still seemed unsure. She acted as though every word could set off a bomb if she said it wrong. "I...I'm...I'm just not...I'm not sure...I'm not sure of what...of what everyone will think...and I...I..." I went over and kissed her, hard. I dropped my bag and pulled her close, her body felt warm against me. Fresh tears fell from her eyes onto my face but I didn't care. I wrapped my arms around her, and she went limp to my touch. She wrapped her arms around me and we just stood there, kissing, and everything felt right. After what felt like a perfect eternity, I whispered into her lips, "Since when does Alison DiLaurentis care what anyone thinks about her," and I felt her smile into my lips as she kissed me harder.