"No! Please! Don't take my baby!"
"Katniss, its okay, wake up!"
Blinking her eyes, she peered blearily at the copper haired man bending over her, grasping her shoulders and shaking her slightly. She jumped as realization set in. "Dammit," she snarled.
He sat back, releasing her while tossing a rueful smile her way. "That sounded like it was all kinds of miserable, kitten."
Katniss rolled her eyes and sat up on the cot, wincing as her back and neck protested. "Bugger off, Odair."
He leaned back and smirked. "Can't kitten, we have incoming."
"Shit, why didn't you say something instead of trying out your latest pickup line?"
Dr. Finnick Odair snickered and rose smoothly from the rickety cot, holding out his hand to help her up. "You've got time to wash your face and get something to drink, kitten. Hell, it's not like we're going to be able to do anything more than make them slightly less dead."
"Ever the optimist," she snapped, sliding her legs over the edge of the cot and rising quickly, grimacing as pain shot down her spine once more. She wasn't as young as she'd been the first time she'd come here and the living conditions were wreaking havoc on her body. Of course it didn't help that every time she closed her eyes she saw Peeta and the baby that almost was, held in the loving arms of someone that wasn't her. The nightmare played on an endless loop anytime she managed to catch more than ten minutes of sleep, leaving her bleary eyed and barely conscious, muscle memory and repetition getting her through all but the most intense moments of her time here. "Who was it this time?"
"Badu and his gang. They must've heard that we're getting a new shipment but not all the pertinent details, so they're going town to town to bust a few heads and see if something shakes loose." Katniss shivered, despite the heat. Badu was the worst of the worst, a self made warlord with a penchant for violence and a taste for barely old enough girls.
"He must not know I'm here then," she said softly, wiping her sweaty palms on her shorts. "If he did, he'd have been here, busting heads. He's the one with the bounty on my head."
"Jesus, kitten. What the fuck are you doing here then? You know he isn't the type to just play touchy feely. He will kill you if he finds you."
Katniss shrugged, trying to play it off, but her hands were shaking so much she stuffed them into her pockets. "Marvel told me he was dead."
"Fuck," Finnick breathed, raking a hand through his hair. "We've got to get you out of here, now. Badu's right behind all those poor sods shambling their way here."
Katniss turned to face him, shaking her head. "It's too late, Finn. I'd never make it anyway."
"Then we'll hide you," he said, closing the distance between them.
"Where?" she asked, scoffing. "There's no place here that he won't look, you and I both know that."
Finnick sighed again, dragging his hands through his already disheveled hair. "We'll figure something out kitten," he said softly, slinging his arm around her shoulders and hugging her. "We have at least an hour, I'm going to go round up the troops, see if we can brainstorm an idea."
Katniss leaned into his hug briefly, taking the comfort that he offered. They'd had a rocky start when he'd first arrived, brash and cocky and so full of himself that she couldn't help but try to take him down several pegs. They'd finally moved past that when their temporary camp had come under siege by competing warlords, stuck in the middle of a two day battle that left both sides reeling and barely anyone alive. They'd spent a harrowing night burrowed underneath the tents, listening to bullets whine overhead and the pained cries of the wounded they'd been unable to move in time. When the fighting had finally stopped, they'd turned to one another and fell into each other's arms, two lonely and desperate people in the center of hell, seeking solace and comfort in the oldest of ways. She'd cried when he'd pushed into her, his face buried in her neck, murmuring another woman's name into her skin. She'd closed her eyes and saw not copper hair, but thick, blond curls and laughing blue eyes. Her fingers had moved over a back that was muscled and firm from lifting heavy bags of flour all day, not wiry and lean from the many years spent on fishing boats before he'd become a doctor.
Neither of them had said a word when it was over, reaching for their clothes and getting dressed in silence, walking to the canteen and pulling out the bottle of whiskey, taking turns drinking from the bottle. "How do you bear it?" She'd asked quietly as they sat in silence across the table from each other. Finnick stared back at her in disbelief. "I don't, Katniss! Obviously, I don't. I drag myself out of nightmares each morning and find there's no relief in waking." She'd dropped her gaze to the table, tears streaking silently down her dusty cheeks. He'd sighed. "Better not to give into it. It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart." She'd never asked who Annie was, and he never commented on her calling out Peeta's name as she'd surrendered to her body's need, but their relationship changed that night and she knew for certain, if he hadn't been there, she'd have lost what little sanity remained in her.
He pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head. "Stay here, kitten, we'll figure this out."
Katniss sighed and nodded, sitting back down on her cot. Finnick left the tent and she reached into the box tucked beneath the cot, pulling out the small box of letters from home. Lifting the lid, she traced gently over the handwriting on them – Prim, Gale, even Haymitch had sent one. Gale's she knew were emotional landmines and she hadn't quite been able to read them yet, but it helped knowing they were there when she was ready. Prim told her what she needed to know, and what she didn't ask but was dying to know. Pulling out the latest one, she opened it and began reading.
Katniss,
Since you haven't asked, I'll tell you because I know you're dying to know. He's still here, working in the bakery. I'm not sure if it's living, what he's doing, but at the very least it's surviving. I go in to see him every week when I pick up the cakes that Rory loves so much he can't live without, and he always tells me he's doing fine, but I can see in his eyes that he's lying as much to himself as he is to me. I still can't believe you walked away from him, and all that you had together. As long as I live I'll never understand it. I love you big sis, more than anything, but you can be dumber than a post when you get your stubborn up.
When are you coming home? Your niece wants to spend time with her "cool" aunt and do all the things that Rory and I refuse to let her do. She carts your picture around constantly, asking when Aunt Kat is coming home. Yes, I'm being a bitch playing the kid card, but dammit, I miss you! You don't even have to come back here, just out of that godforsaken hell hole. Every time I turn on the news I hear more and more stories of the unrest over there. I know you're staying as safe as you can, but you have no idea how hard it is to not be able to call you or see you. Hell, maybe you do and you're just avoiding me because I tell you what you don't want to hear. Gale says you do the same thing to him. He's super pissed at you, by the way, for not bothering to respond to a single one of his letters. He told me to tell you that he's touring for the USO and if you can't manage to get your ass to one of the places he's visiting, he's going to be very upset because you didn't tell him you were leaving and you haven't called him since the airport in Paris. He sent tickets and passes to your offices in Paris because he isn't sure that you'd get them wherever the hell it is you are right now. I don't even know if these letters are reaching you, maybe I'm writing to you and you don't even realize. Shit, I can't go there – I won't go there. Come home, Katniss. The world can save itself; you've done more than your fair share.
If you are reading this, know that I love you, big sis, and I'm worried about you, pretty much daily. If you could manage a phone call to let us know you're okay, I'd greatly appreciate it. Talk to Gale, he misses you just as much and it's killing him that you're shutting him out. We both want the best for you, I hope you know that and we love you more than anything.
Love Always
Prim, Rory and Selena
PS Buttercup misses you too.
Katniss laughed as she read the postscript. That mangy old cat hated her guts and was probably reveling in the fact that she wasn't there. Brushing away the tears that had gathered in her eyes, she folded the letter carefully and tucked it back into the small box. The box went back into the rucksack she had packed to go in case of emergencies, filled with the things she couldn't live without. As she tucked the box back into it, her hand came into contact with something soft. Stifling a sob, she pulled out the length of soft orange, lifting it to her nose and inhaling deeply. It still smelled like him, but barely. Cinnamon and the faintest hint of dill clung to the flannel. Closing her eyes, she inhaled deeply again, her stomach quivering as she realized she'd forgotten what his voice sounded like. The vision she had of him was getting hazy around the edges, like a faded photograph and it hurt worse than she could even put into words. Images from her nightmare returned and she sobbed softly into the length of flannel, crying for not only Peeta, but the possibilities that she'd left behind.
The sound of pounding feet on the hardwood floor of her tent startled her and she rose quickly, tucking the scarf back into her rucksack and reaching for the gun she also kept beneath the bed. Finnick was the first through the doorway and he stopped short at the sight of the small gun pointing right at his heart. "Easy kitten, it's just the cavalry. The truck is here and we're getting you the hell out of here."
Katniss frowned, lowering the gun. "What do you mean the truck is here?"
Finn shrugged, closing the distance between them, keeping a leery distance from the ugly black pistol she still held. "Leeg raised Jackson on the radio and told her to hightail it back here because we were about to go through a shitstorm. We're evacing asap and we'll come back after it's safe." He spun on his heel and began walking to the door of the tent. "Get your things; we're leaving in two minutes.
Katniss glared at his back. "And what about the wounded on their way here?"
Finnick stopped and turned to look at her over his shoulder. "We can't help them if we're dead, can we now?"
"I'm not leaving," she said firmly, folding her arms across her chest.
He spun fully around, stomping back over to where she stood. "You are leaving if I have to pick your sorry ass up and carry you out of here, do you understand? You're not dying today, kitten."
"I'm not leaving. I took an oath that I would help these people and me running away from the threat isn't helping them, is it?"
Finnick closed his eyes briefly and bent forward, slinging his arms around her waist and hefting her up onto his shoulder. "Being a martyr isn't going to get you anywhere, Katniss," he grunted as her knee connected with his abdomen.
"I'm not a martyr, Finnick. Put me down, you arrogant ass! I have a job to do!"
He grunted again as she pummeled his back and he set her down, grabbing her shoulders and shaking her hard. "Listen to me, you stubborn, willful bitch! I've fucked up a lot of things in this life and I will be damned if I let you fuck this up too. Annie's gone, dead because of the same stupid belief that she could make a difference in the face of pure evil. Badu will KILL YOU, if he finds you here, and chances are, he'll kill the rest of us too, for harboring you. So, would you kindly get your ass in the truck so we can try and save some lives?"
"I can distract him, draw him away from the camp," she insisted.
He sighed and shook his head. "Do you love him?"
"What?"
Finnick leaned in so close she could see the minute freckles that bridged his nose. "Do. You. Love. Him?"
Her eyes closed and she swayed as pain seared through her, curling around her heart like barbed wire. "More than my own life."
Finnick grunted. "Then get your ass out of here and onto that truck and live to take the chance that I never got. Fix whatever is between you, Katniss, because finding someone to love in this godforsaken world is a blessing you shouldn't squander." His voice was soft and so filled with pain it made her ache. "Don't make the same mistakes I did, Katniss. Find your way home to him."
The truck horn honked loudly, startling them both. Katniss grabbed her rucksack and followed Finnick out of the tent, slinging the bag onto her back as they ran. Cressida opened the door, pulling them both inside as Jackson floored it, spewing rooster tails of sand high into the air. Mitchell handed out guns and Katniss took one of the rifles, tucking her pistol into her waistband after she set the safety. Her eyes met Finnick's across the seat and she smiled sadly. "I'm sorry about Annie."
He shrugged and she could see the fine sheen of tears glistening on his eyes. Reaching out, she clasped his hand tightly. He squeezed back and it was the last thing she saw before the world turned upside down.
Bullets whined around them, pinging into the metal skeleton of the truck.
"Ambush!" Jackson shouted, leaning out the window to take aim at a tall, masked figure that popped up out of the brush on their left side. The man went down with a wild scream, his finger spasming on the trigger of his assault rifle, peppering the truck with bullets.
Katniss lifted the rifle and sighted her shot, taking aim at another masked figure that was charging towards them from the right side. The truck hit a boulder and bounced just as she pulled the trigger and she cursed as her shot went wide. The world narrowed to the feel of the stock against her shoulder and her finger on the trigger. She heard screams and blocked them out, concentrating on taking out as many of the masked soldiers as she could.
It felt endless, like time had stretched out into one continuous loop of bullets and screams and blood – so much blood. The stench of it filled her nostrils and she gagged as it consumed her. When her finger on the trigger just made a clicking noise, she tossed the rifle aside and reached for her pistol, taking careful aim with each of her precious bullets. Fire blossomed across the desert and she found herself standing up, leaning out the window. "If we burn, you burn with us!" A bullet thunked into the roof next to her head and strong hands jerked her backwards, into the truck as they fishtailed, the tires struggling for purchase in the slick sand. It was hell on earth.
The noise and the heat and everything else faded to background noise and all she could concentrate on was the rapid thump of her heart. In that moment, she felt like she could feel Peeta's beating in time with hers, matching it beat for beat. Thousands of miles separated them, but through the haze, she could see his face, watch his hands as he kneaded the dough for the next day's batch of bread, flour dusting over the thick hair at his wrists. Finnick was right; she needed to fix what she'd broken. There was no guarantee that he'd be willing to even listen to her, but she had to try, not only for the connection they shared, but for Finnick and Annie as well. She'd found her home when he'd followed her out of that stupid party all those years ago, it was the one place that she knew with every fiber of her being belonged to them alone. She'd broken it and it was up to her to fix it. She had to trust not only in him, but also herself. Awareness slammed into her with painful clarity and she raised the gun in her hands, sighting down the line and squeezing.