I can't believe I'm here again. I swore to myself that none of them would see me again. Damn why didn't I pay more attention before I accepted the gig? Wait, the guys wanted me to do WHAT?
"Ok guys after I explained everything that happened you want me to do this? Do you want me to die up there? Honestly most of the songs are about what I felt while near these people." They had to be kidding.
"Rose it's the only way you will heal." Josh told me.
"Fine" Was all I said before we were on the stage. I was so frustrated. First when I try to tell them my story they don't believe me and now that they do they want me to sing the songs about my life? They do want me to die. I saw Lissa holding Christians hand near the back. Mia and Eddie cuddled up a couple seats away from them. Adrian was sitting beside Lissa looking drunk as usual. Seeing all the familiar faces was like a slap to the face. These were the people I missed most in the world. I looked closer and saw the complete happiness on their faces. The darkness was starting to rear its ugly head. Why do they get to be happy? My mind savagely asked me. I decided to ignore that part of my brain and get on with the show.
"Hello! You all know me. I'm Rose Hathaway and we are Shattered! So the guys are going to be a pain in the ass and make me tell you the story of my life. You might know parts but no one knows all of it. I went to St. Vlads and met who I thought my soul mate was. He shattered me and that's how we started. You all know how I ran away 3 years ago. So let's get this started." Shouts and cheers followed my little speech.
When everything is wrong I'll come talk to you You are such a blessing and I wont be messing You're my best friend
You make things alright when I'm feeling blue
With the one thing that brings light to all of my darkness
and I love you, and I love you
Yes I do
I knew I was still singing but my mind was being evil. It reminded me every time I sung about why I wrote the song. This one had a memory from Kindergarten playing through my head. Lissa and I were paired up for writing classes and I was pissed. Our names were so long it was torture. So I threw my book at the teacher and called her a fascist bastard. Good times, good times. I was also looking at Lissa throughout this song so she would know it was for her. I saw happiness on her face and felt the emotion through the bond. You're my best friend
and I love you, and I love you
Yes I do
Yes I do...
Yes I do
"I wrote that one when I was still by my best friend and sister's side. Before all the shit with guys started. Lissa Dragomir that was for you! At 15 we ran away for two years. At 17 we were finally found and brought back. I wrote this one when I fell in love with the guy who shattered me."
You almost feel ashamed
That someone could be that important
That without them, you feel like nothing
No one will ever understand how much it hurts
You feel hopeless; like nothing can save you
And when it's over, and it's gone
You almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back
So that you could have the good
The cabin. That beautiful time where we finally gave in to our feeling for each other. I have to say it was the happiest time of my life. STOP! DON'T THINK OF THAT YOU WILL END UP IN DEPRESSION AGAIN! I shouted to myself in my mind making my voice falter a little. My emotions were everywhere, mostly focused on the love I still felt for Dimitri.
We found love in a hopeless place
We found love in a hopeless place
We found love in a hopeless place
We found love in a hopeless place
Lissa knew who I meant and was giving me a look while asking me questions through the bond.
Are all your songs so happy and joyful? I like it. It's different from you!
Was this one about him?
Why did you leave?
How many songs do you have?
Are you staying for good now?
I ignored her no matter how much I wanted to answer.
"Soon disaster struck. The attack on the academy took many lives. He was taken and I thought I would never see him again. How wrong I was, but when I did see him again it was not how I imagined it."
You're taken away from me,
you're taken away from my heart.
You're runnin' away with my love,
I never even got a start.
Flashes of the attack were running through my mind. The worry about Dimitri and the fight itself. The pure fright and agony I felt when he was taken. The horror I felt when Mason told me he was turned. I knew my voice would start to break during this song, because it always did. I was starting to get dizzy with all the memories. I knew the guys were right though. This was the only way I could heal. I had to wipe my hands on my dress so I could still hold the microphone. I had to push through the pain to finish this song and the ones after. The darkness was not helping the fact that I had to stay calm.
You're taken away from me, You were my whole life and now you're gone. Taken away, taken away, taken away,
you're taken away from my life.
You're runnin' away with my heart,
when I think about you now.
My future plans have been withdrawn.
away from my heart.
Taken away, taken away, taken away,
away from my heart.
"I was so in love with him I ran to Russia to try to find him. I killed an unknown amount of Strigoi while there. I was caught and used as a Strigoi blood whore. I escaped and got the guy I loved back. Or so I thought. Four words he said to me broke me. Shattered me. They were LOVE FADES, MINE HAS." I knew I had tears running down my face. It was a good thing that I wore very little makeup onstage. My whole body was shaking. I could barely concentrate. I just wanted to go back to Russia and talk with my dad again. We had gotten close while I was gone. I missed him because in the last 3 years he had been a better parent that my mom had in 21.
Pain, without love You're sick of feeling numb Pain, without love Anger and agony Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
You're not the only one
I'll take you by the hand
And I'll show you a world that you can understand
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Are better than misery
Trust me I've got a plan
When the lights go off you will understand
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain
"I felt all alone. I ran to my father in Russia. Meeting my band members on the way. We grew close and they are like brothers to me. This one I wrote only a few days after I left. I was missing everyone, but him especially. He caused me so much pain but that's how love works." When you walk away I count the steps that you take When you're gone I've never felt this way before When you walk away I count the steps that you take When you're gone And all I ever wanted was for you to know When you're gone
Do you see how much I need you right now?
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
Everything that I do reminds me of you
Do you see how much I need you right now?
The pieces of my heart are missing you
And when you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah
The pieces of my heart are missing you
"I always wondered about after all I did where my happy ending was? It never came. Not after hunting and killing. Not after saving my love and defiantly not after the 4 words that shattered me and created this band. I wondered was I ever going to get one."
Lets talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something you said?
Yes, it was what he said, but it was what I did as well. I brought him back with Lissa's help.
You were all the things I thought I knew You were everything, everything You've got your dumb friends It's nice to know that you were there It's nice to know we had it all
And I thought we could be
That I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be
But we lost it
All of our memories so close to me
Just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done
So much for my happy ending
I remember that day well. I had only gotten to Russia a few days before and was out with my father and his guardians. There was about 8 Strigoi and 4 guardians not including me. When they attacked I didn't fight. I dropped my stake and was ready to accept death as the Strigoi grabbed me. Before he could kill me though one of the guardians killed him and I realized that there were no more. To say Abe was pissed was an understatement. I was locked in the house until further notice with a guardian with me at all times. Eventually I pulled out of that part of the depression and started to become a human again. I was then allowed out of the house. That was about 6 months after I left. We had then started the band and in the two and a half years since we had started as a garage (or in our case mansion basement) band we were really successful. Now anywhere in the world we went most people knew our names.
Stuck in my head again I've given up I hyperventilate
Feels like I'll never leave this place
There's no escape
I'm my own worst enemy
I'm sick of feeling
Looking for hope somehow somewhere
And no one cares
I'm my own worst enemy
"Those who know me know I ran away 3 years ago. Probably everyone knows it. Novice at the top of her class and Guardian to the Princess running away? Ya right. But I did and I'm proud of it. Being here had caused me too much pain and when I left I was as happy as I could get with half a heart and soul. When I realized where we were going today I tried to convince the others to cancel and turn around. None of them new my story until I explained it on the way here. They told me that this was the only way for me to heal. This next one is for all my friends I left behind."
I miss you
I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear
Every once in a while
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you, sha la la la la
I miss you
I looked right at my little group of friends remembering the fun we had and all the pain we went through together. Parties, running away, even classes were fun when I was with my friends. Spokane, The attack the rescue, they all caused us pain but we had gotten through it because we had each other. I realized that when I left I had made them feel like our friendship had never mattered. It was the exact opposite; I needed them more than I wanted to let them know.
"The final song tonight is for that guy who broke me. He knows who he is."
I wonder if he knows He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar She better hold him tight He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar So I drive home alone 'Cuz he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
He's all I think about at night
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do
Can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
Give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes
And know she's lucky 'cause
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do
As I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down
And maybe get some sleep tonight
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do
"Lissa, Guardian Belikov" Was all I said. This was so not the time for this. The others must have left.
"Rose!" She squealed hugging me. I thought I heard an almost silent "Roza" But I could have been mistaken. I refused to look at him.
"Guys this is my best friend Lissa. And that is HIM." I said my voice slightly breaking. They looked at me an immediately knew what I meant. Josh made his escape when he saw our manager and wanted to go talk to her. Nick, Ben and Drew left to go back to their rooms for some sleep.
"Well I'm going back to my room. Lissa you want to come?" I asked. It would be nice to catch up with her after 3 years. I had honestly wanted to visit her every day in the past 3 years that we were apart. I just couldn't handle the pain of being near him again. I still can't. The pain of what he said is still paralyzing. She nodded and we left. He came as well.
"What do you think you're doing?" I asked him.
"Going with my charge" He replied.
"No you're not. I can take care of her, and I refuse to be near you." I was getting angry at him for being a douche.
"Why?" He looked at me as if to try to read me. He must be stupider than I thought. The darkness was at its peak and if He didn't leave me alone he was going to get hurt. I had done some training with other shadow kissed and know how to use it as a major weapon. I normally would save it for when I really needed it but I was in a bad mood. The guys knew I flew into rages for what seemed to be no reason and at that point to leave me alone. They also knew there was no way to calm me down. Actually there was two ways that nobody knew about. Work out in the gym until I collapse or Dimitri. Or Dimitri used to be able too. I wasn't sure he still was and I wasn't about to find out.
"Do you really not remember? Are you that stupid? 'Love Fades, Mine Has' do you not remember that? Not remember how you shattered me?" With that I turned and started to walk away. He grabbed me. That well known spark of energy was passing through us again making my body tingle. Unknown to him I had be training with EVERYONE I could while I was gone and I was about to put him on his ass. Not to mention I was fueled by the darkness I took from Lissa this morning. Yep he was about to get his ass kicked.
SONGS USED
YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND-WEEZER
WE FOUND LOVE-RIHANNA
TAKEN AWAY-BEFORE YOU EXIT
PAIN- 3 DAYS GRACE
WHEN YOUR GONE- AVRIL LAVIGNE
MY HAPPY ENDING- AVRIL LAVIGNE
GIVEN UP- LINKIN PARK
I MISS YOU- MILEY CYRUS
TEARDROPS ON MY GUITAR- TAYLOR SWIFT
IN LESS THAN AN HOUR IALREADY HAVE PEOPLE FOLLING THIS! THX GUYS! UR THE BEST! THANK YOU DPOWER FOR BEING MY BETA!