September 1st, 2010

Mood: If someone would come and rape my hair, please, it would make a great improvement.

So, I guess I totally forgot to mention this, but… well, my mom cut my hair! And, uh… well… what can I say?

… everyone's going to hate it! I hate my mom! I can't believe she did this to me! She was all, "Hey, Etcetera-honey, I hate seeing all that hair in your eyes. Let me cut it… just a little." And because I am a complete and utter idiot… ughghhghhhhh…

Should I go to school today? I'm going to ask my mum if I can have a day off. Brb, No-name! (does that make me cool? Using chatspeak in you? Heeheheeeheeeeee)

…Insert your dirtiest word here, No-name. The effing dirtiest.

Mom is such a goddamn bitch sometimes. Urgghh!

Me: Mom, can I have a day off?

Her: No. Why? (she says no before I even tell her! She's such a… sheep poopie!)

Me: My hair looks like… our dinner last night. Spaghetti. And cows. And chocolate ice-cream. Smushed together, like, smush. Ew, right?

Her: Sounds perfectly tasty to me. (like, what the? I'm talking about my hair, here.)

Me: Well, I'm sick. Like, I've got, uh… whaddaya call it? Scorpio?

Her: Cancer?

Me: Yup.

Her: Aww, poor baby. But it's not contagious, so off you go!

She's such a mean, evil queen, right? I mean, what if I actually did have Taurus?...Uh, cancer… I was never good with star signs. Anyway, I could die. Right now. Watch me die, Mom.

I know it's only like, early, but I just had breakfast.

I changed my mind about my hair. My hair does not look like spaghetti-cow-icecream. My hair looks like sloppy porridge. Sloppy, sloppy porridge. Slop.

Needless to say, I tipped it into my mouth, ran to the toilet and vomited. That's how gross and sloppy it was. Mom didn't notice. She, like, hates it when I don't eat my breakfast but what she doesn't understand is that I can't. Food is digusting… and friendly… but mostly disgusting. And fattening.

Oh, Mom's here. I'm just about to get on the bus. What's she saying…? Hang on, Mom.

No, Mom, I do NOT want you to ride the bus with me, NO MOM NO-

It's okay. I shook her off. But I think Victoria and everyone else on the bus saw her crying on me. And kissing me. I have lipstick stains all over my face again and this is the most embarrassing thing ever, ugh and my hair and OHNOOHGODNO. Sorry… that was grammatically incorrect, wasn't it? If you were mean, No-name, you would be so fed up.

What's that? You are? I'm, like, so offended!

…kidding myself into believing you're even slightly animate? I'm so pathetic.

I'm going to go. Victoria's giving me her bitch look. And it hurts.

¡Hola! Me llamo Etcetera. Soy muy, muy hermosa. No… soy feo. Muy feo.

Okay, maybe I'm kidding a little bit. Sorry about that. So, the teacher set us all these tasks but I'm totally done! Yippee! Though... I probably got everything wrong. Oh well! It's not like I have any chance of succeeding anyway.

So, there's this kid next to me. I think he's even worse at Spanish than me! I mean, he's sorta cute, but he keeps asking me for help.

Oh! Oh no you don't! I can see you reading this out of the corner of your eye!

Sorry about that. He just told me I had cute hair. Which is, like, totally a lie, but I gave him my best flirty smile and said, "thank you" like a good girl. Or maybe he's into bad girls? Oh no! Maybe I should wink or pull up my skirt so that he can see my thigh?

...he just went and sat with a real friend. Which is completely against the seating plan.

I'm so telling on you!

I overhead the guy talking to his friend about some creep.

It was me, wasn't it, No-name?

Victoria! Where art thou Victoria? Thy friend of thine – this isn't working for me...

Anyway, it's lunch. School's been boring so far. Like. Boring. I'm trying to convince everyone (except Victoria, because Victoria is a ditcher and a loner and is actually probably making out with some hot guy and that is far more exciting than I am, oh, I wish I was pretty) that my hair is disgusting. They say it's cute.

And Electra just matter-of-factly pointed out that my mum is a part time hair-dresser, but, y'know. Details like that are irrelevant.

Oh, stuff this. I'll be ugly whether I'm bald or own the most luscious locks in the school. Alliteration win!

I just found a block of chocolate in my bag. Holy mother of-! Mom! You can't do this to me! Not now! Not now when I feel so sad and insecure and-

This stuff. It's delicious. Ah, bumbum, now everyone's stealing it. I know why. It's because they're trying to help me with my weight. But! But but but! I will not let them help me, oh no! This chocolate is mine!

Dammit. Why do I do this to myself?

This is Etcy-baby, reporting from her Algebra class. I wonder, No-name, do you know any maths? Cause I sure don't. The teacher just left the class for whatever reason – wait, what? Some nerd is talking to me...

Turns out I've been putting letters in the wrongs places or some shi – poo like that. Ack! Why don't I ever write in pencil?

Anyway, nerd over here is going to help me out.

He wants me to finish his English homework because he heard that I was a total English nerd.

YOU HEARD WRONG, NERDY NERD.

I'm watching TV and procrastinating. And uh, what is with these ads these days?

Sometimes, when I cook... I weep... Yeah, me too buddy. Cause I know I'm about to make myself even fatter.

I love to multitask and I love to listen... and if there is no woman for me to listen to, I practice my listening face... I love to listen with power... I love to hear the problems of your friends... tell me more...You sound like my man. Come right over and oh yes, use that listening face, c'mon baby-

I don't even know. Night!

September 2nd, 2010

Mood: Porridge-defying queenly queen mood.

I am rather proud to say that I succeeded in getting up early and snatching some toast. Yes, we have bread! BREAD! Sucks to have such a busy mom that never goes shopping... anyway, I ate my one piece of bread and then I had a shower. I think my hair actually looks decent today. I mean, I'm still ugly, but my hair looks a little, teensy bit better.

So, I texted Victoria this morning – and well, everyone else, but no one really seems to care about my chirpy good morning sunshine! Anyway, she was just... just like... urgh. "Etcy, I'm sick."

I can imagine her saying that with her pretty "piss-off" face. Haha.

So, um... what is it today? Friday? YAY – oh, way to ruin my parade, Mom. It's Thursday. Or so she says?

The calendar is against me too. F this poo.

I'm so clean... you know, the other day, Plato and Pouncival were trying to teach me to swear. I was like, "Only those who are too uncreative to find other words swear, you know." They laughed at me and rattled off a list of words I didn't even know!

No, No-name. You do not get to learn them. They're my secrets, teehee!

But yeah. Is it creepy that Plato's kinda cute when he swears? Yes? It is? Thought so. If anyone reads this, I think I'm going to throw myself out of the bus.

Except... my mom would probably run up and catch me, huh...

Speaking of! I have a plan today. I refuse to be embarrassed further! From now on, I am Etcy, independent and majestic! Ooh, I like the sound of that. Independent, majestic Etcetera. Like, Etcetera pronounced Etceterahrr, with the "ra" all fancy-schmancylike.

What was I saying? Let me read back... oh, right. So, I'm going to leave super-early and my mom will perform her dastardly deeds no further cause she won't even be there this time! I'll tell you of my success later, No-name. Insert winky face here!

...

I don't even...

Electra is comforting me. I'll write later, No-name.

We found Jemima alone. Turns out she's a total loner on her bus and always gets to school far too early. In my head, I called her a nerd, but I would never do that out loud. Even when she's alone, I bet Jemima has toms drooling all over her precious face. Eurgh.

Bio...

Teacher is talking about dissecting things... he's drawing something on the board. What is – EURGHHHOMGSNFJKK

I'm in the bathroom. It smells like vomit and poop in here.

But I am so, so innocent. Well, I didn't do the doodoo anyway. I think I'm going to hang out here for a while – wait, someone's coming in. Gotta go.

I'm in the nurse's office. Teacher wass showing pictures from the internet. I'm too delicate for this kinda thing. I think I'll hang out here until lunch or something.

Ooh, you know what that means! Sleep! SLEEP!

The nurse woke me up. She had the most sour look on her face. She says, "It's lunchtime, kiddo, you should get some food in you."

And I was all, "No miss, I don't think I can keep it down."

And I'm proud. Just think! I'm going to be skinny in no time. Now, I need to find something in my bag. Hang on a mo.

More chocolate was in my bag. My mouth is smeared with it.

Before I get depressed again, I should tell you what mom did this morning. So, I got out of the house nice and sneaky, just like I said I would. Everything was perfect. I got on the bus and chatted with Electra for a while.

And then I notice the car racing up alongside the bus. And my mom. Frantically waving. Waving all the stuff I need for school at me.

They stopped the bus for me. And mom got on. And... and... she came and said (jokingly) she was going to give me a spanking for being so silly. And I was so red. And everyone was laughing at me and my mom winked, gave me her usual kissy morning ritual and left.

I feel worse now. Goodbye, No-name. Goodbye.

I got to go home early because I vomited up all the chocolate.

I didn't try. I just... I saw this diagram of the internal organs in a cat and I... I couldn't help it. Poor nurse. She smelt horrible after that.

I'm going to text Victoria. Seeya later alligator.

OH MY GOD VICTORIA ISN'T REPLYING PLEASE DON'T TELL ME SHE'S DEAD OH MY

Mistoffelees just texted me. She's taking a nap. Am I really that boring...?

Urgh.

A/N: So! We have Victoria! Etcetera! Jemima! Anyone else? :D This ended up so long. Oh! And by the way, those ads Etcy mentioned? They're real.

I'm still looking for possible names for Etcetera's diary. Whoever's name I choose can request a oneshot from me? XD