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Katniss' POV
I scrunch my eyes trying to adjust to the sunlight beaming in the room from the curtains. I look on my other side and see Peeta not there. Normally this would concern me, but I'm sure he's just at breakfast. Judging by the sunlight, I think it's about 9 a.m. I may have had a nightmare last night, but I haven't slept this good in a long time.
I decided that I wanted some breakfast so I walk to the dining car, normally I would try to make myself look presentable, but having nightmares really do affect the way you look in the morning. I use to think Haymitch was crazy sleeping with a knife and with lights one, but after you've been in the arena yourself, you wouldn't understand, but I have no one to impress anyways. But I guess I need to impress Peeta. Peeta will love me no matter how I look you can prove that by looking at some pictures of me when I was going through the hairy stage as a young girl.
I walk into the dining car and all the attention is set on me. Haymitch looks up from his drink (yes he even drinks alcohol at breakfast) and smiling at me. "What?" I ask, I don't really know why everyone is staring. I can't look that ugly. There's uglier people in this world, I mean look at some of the people from the Capitol.
"You snuck into Peeta's room last night." Haymitch says in a teasing voice. Both Peeta and I can't help but to blush, I gave him a retarded smile.
"So?" I say sitting down next to Peeta still with a smile over my face and I'm sure my checks bright red.
"It's all over the news in the capitol." Haymitch says, and continues to eat his sausage.
"Wow, news on the Star Crossed Lovers must travel really fast." I say and put an end to the conversation. Peeta leans over and whispers into my ear, "I have something to show you after breakfast." I nod in agreement wondering what Peeta would be showing me.
As we leave the diner cart, Effie reminds us that we will arrive in District 10 at about 1:30, and we needed to start getting ready at 12. So that gave Peeta and I a few hours alone together.
We travel to the last of the carts and he opens up a door. The room isn't very big, but it houses a ton of paintings, I wonder if these are all Peeta's? Did Peeta really draw all of these? They look so real. Some of them are rather disturbing. Like at the finale at the Cornucopia where the mutts are destroying Cato, Rue covered in the wildflowers during her death, all of us and the tributes waiting for the gong to sound, and several other images I often revisit in my nightmares. I hate them, but they're all so real looking.
"What do you think?" Peeta asks standing in the doorway while I'm in the middle of the room looking at painting after painting. I guess this is the talent Peeta picked up after the Games.
"I hate them." I say plainly. And turn to look at Peeta. "I mean, they're really good and so real looking but, it just brings me back to the Games. What gives you the ideas to paint them?" I ask.
I'm about to walk out, but I see a painting that catches my eye. I walk over to it and look at it. It takes a minute for the painting to sink in. It's me, the painting is of me when Cato was strangling me.
"They're my dreams. What I see in my dreams." Peeta says. "I guess it helps if I paint because then I know that it was in a dream and it's now in the past." Peeta explains, so he dreams about me. When he told me the reason why he walks the hallways at night was to protect me, I never really took him seriously for it. But after seeing these paintings, I can understand why.
"You dream about me?" I ask, I already know the answer to that, but I can't help but asking.
"I dream about losing you. About Cato actually killing you. And the mutts. When I wake up from a nightmare I have a hard time telling if it was real or not, so I walk the hallways by your room just to make sure you're okay. When we were back home, I would do the same thing, I would walk outside your door." Peeta says, I feel a tear slip down my check. I don't even bother to wipe it away. I pull him into a tight embrace. "I love you Peeta. And I'm so sorry how poorly I've treated you since we've been home from the Games. I was-am just really confused about everything." I say and smile. He kisses my lips, and I deepen the kiss. I feel a fire inside of my stomach, I'm not sure what it means. I've never felt it before.
Peeta is the first to pull away, "Lets go to another part of the train." He says and I agree. We walk until we bump into our prep teams in the hallway, apparently they have been looking everywhere for us and were starting to become concerned.
I'm sat down in my room that they have magically transformed into a makeshift beauty studio. Like normal, I'm hosed down, almost every hair is plucked off of my body, (according to Octavia, my hair grows very fast for a girl of my age.) Cinna gave them special orders not to put any makeup on me yet.
"I don't know why Cinna didn't want us to put any makeup on you yet, you could really use it." Octavia says and the rest of my prep team leave to fetch Cinna and tell him I'm ready. I don't take any offense to Octavia's comment, mainly because I guess because it's true.
I lay on the table they laid out for me only a blanket covering me, I wonder if I've convinced President Snow and the Districts yet. I don't know how I could, I mean we kiss, sometimes I even start the kiss, we tell each other we love one another, we're soon to be engaged. What if he wants us to have kids? I don't even want to get married and now we might even have to have kids? And without a doubt whatever kids we do have will most likely die young because right as they turn 12, they're names will be in the reaping bowl awaiting their death. And I cannot have that happen.
I don't even notice Cinna walk into my room until he says something. "Well Katniss, today is going to be a little different with your clothing and the makeup." Cinna says. When he says this I hope it isn't a dress, but it probably wouldn't be appropriate to wear my hunting gear to one of the stops of the Victory Tour in honor of Peeta and I.
Although the other members of my prep team left me with no makeup on, Cinna outlines my eyes with black eyeliner and a little mascara along with a hint of gray eye shadow. The dress he has me wearing is like a gray and blue ombre dress that hugs my skinny figure and shows off my curves and goes all the way down to my ankles. They're mockingjay colors.
"What do you think?" Cinna asks as he straightens the final piece of my hair.
"Not going to lie." I say, "This is probably my favorite dresses."
"I'm glad you like it." Cinna says as he sprays some hair spray in my hair, Cinna told me they use that stuff in the Capitol to keep their hair styled the same way for long periods of time. "Ombre is the new fashion in the capitol." At first I didn't know what an ombre was, but Cinna told me it's when one color collides with another matching color.
Cinna escorts me to the dining car where Peeta already awaits, Effie is next to him giving out the instructions for tonight. Even though I don't listen to them and I'm sure Peeta doesn't really care, she insists on telling us proper manners. Peeta is dressed in a gray tux similar to the color of mine just not an ombre. "Make sure to smile. Especially you Katniss. You didn't look very happy in District 11." Effie says and looks at me.
Of coarse I didn't smile, I wan't happy, Thresh saved my life and ended up dying and Rue died right in my arms. I couldn't stop thinking about Snow's threat. And how am I to prove my love to Peeta when I don't even know how I feel about him.
I ignore Effie's comment and continue to listen. I zone out and don't really pick up exactly what she wants us to do, but I'm sure it's look happy and smile. Or somewhere along the line.
Effie ushers us to the entrance of the train, "Chins up, smiles on." She reminds us in her high pitch cheerful voice. I grab Peeta's hand and prepare for the cameras and all of the press. The door opens and I'm immanently blinded by all of the light bulbs going off. "Katniss!" I look in one direction. "Katniss over here!" Another voice says, there is a lot more press than in District 11. "Katniss, are you and Peeta thinking about starting a family soon?" Another asks. kids? Really kids? I'm not even a legal adult yet, I'm 17.
I ignore most of the comments and Effie escorts Peeta and I to the stage. "Don't worry, I hate this as much as you do." Peeta says and squeezes my hand. The crowd has turned their attention to the stage where Peeta and I stand.
We start our speeches, I'm pretty sure bot of their tributes died in the blood bath or around that time frame. At least I didn't know them. It's going to be hard when we visit District 1 and 2 were I had parts in all four deaths. Peeta and I don't really say much but how sorry we are about their losses to their families.
At each District, you say a victory speech and then you and the most important people of that district are invited to a ball. Peeta and I dance together most of the night, where ever he goes, I follow. I never let him leave my side, it's almost like if I do, he'll be gone forever.
When we're on the dance floor, many people want to take pictures with me. I don't mind, but after a while it gets annoying. "Do we really have to do this 10 more times?" I ask Peeta and rest my head on his shoulder. We're dancing to an favorite song of North America's, it's really slow and used a lot during sad moments.
"Yeah, but I'll be with you this whole time." He says, I look up and give him a long and passionate kiss. "We could sneak out you know, I don't think many people would notice."
"Let's do it." I say. "Anything to get out of here." We walk over to the nearest door and stand by there for a few minutes so we don't attract too much attention. We slide out the door and walk until we find our train. "I think this is." I say and open the train door.
We walk to our rooms, "I'll come to your room after I shower." I say and give him another kiss and leave.
I turn the shower on blazing hot. One of the best things about being rich and a victor now is the privilege to showers. In showers is where I do all of my thinking now. And tonight is no different. Do I really love Peeta? I don't know. I need to if I want to save Prim and Gale and my mother. I have a capitol shower at home, but I still don't have a clue what all of the buttons do.
I rinse my hair out and step out of the shower. I decide just to grab a shirt and pajama shorts. I make my way to Peeta's room. I open the door and see Peeta watching the rerun of our Victory Tour stop. "Hey." Peeta says and walks over to hug me. "I was just watching the rerun. You looked amazing." He says.
I always blush every time he compliments me. "You didn't look too shabby yourself." I say. Peeta leads me over to the bed and we both lie down. He wraps his arms around me and I rest my head on his chest. I can hear his heart beat loud and clear. I remember in the arena this is what calmed me down a lot.
We continue watching the recap when Effie walks in. "Oh my!" She squeals at the site of Peeta and I cuddling. "I don't mean to interupt, but we were worried about you two. We couldn't find you after the ball."
"We just left a few minutes early to beat the rush when it was over." Peeta says making it up. We left because we wanted to get away from all of those people and to be alone.
With that Effie leaves. I lean up to kiss him, "Thank you." I whisper. Peeta seems confused.
"Thank you for what?" He asks.
"For always being there for me, no mater how poorly I treated you." I say.
"Well no problem I guess." He says and chuckles. He kisses me again. I feel that same fire again that I felt earlier, and it makes me hungrier for me. I roll Peeta on top of me and continue kissing. I give a tug on his shirt signalling I want it off. He responds and throws it on the ground. Soon to follow are my clothes and the rest of his are as well.
We made love to each other several times that night.
When I wake up in the morning, I find myself naked in bed with Peeta and I recall the events from last night. I roll over not wanting to get up. "Up, up, up. It's a big, big, day." Effie says, I quickly pull up the covers over my bare chest and hope Effie doesn't notice the clothes all over the room. I'm sure if she notices, knowing that gossip mouth of her's, this news would be all over Panem in a matter of hours.
Effie exits the room after she says that and I'm great full for that. Last thing she needs or wants to see is the both of us in our birthday suits.
"Peeta," I nudge him, "Peeta, up, up, up, we got a big, big day." I say mocking Effie.
The rest of our Victory Tour has gone by rather slowly. The worst District we had to visit was District 1 and 2. Because in a way, I helped kill all four of those tributes. Glimmer, I dropped a tracker jacker nest on her, Marvel, I shot him with a bow and arrow, Clove, I was right there, and Cato, that was in the finale and I killed him to help put him out of misery faster. I saw all of their families eyes give me looks. Some was with sorrow and pain and others with hatred.
Tonight was our last stop before our huge party back home in District 12. Whenever I look at Peeta, I always think about the night after the party in District 10 and how perfect it was.
For the Capitol Ball, you always see victors decked out. And this year is no different. I'm wearing a low v-neck dress that covers just enough skin to keep my breast covered, the dress goes down to my ankles, but after mid-thigh, it's a net showing off my legs. My makeup is very well defined, I have tons of eyeliner on, bright red eye shadow and some mascara. But at the ends of the eye shadow, it curves up into mockingjay wings. And Peeta is wearing an all black tuxedo.
We have reporters taking our pictures,I feel hands touch me, I guess it's cool to touch a real live victor of The Hunger Games. An example of a person who beat the odds of dying. It makes me feel uncomfortable with all of that and there is even more pictures. But like Peeta said earlier, he was right by my side the whole time.
Girls from the crowd gushed at Peeta and how cute he looked. Before the official start of the ball, we do an interview with Ceaser Flickerman. I sit next to Peeta on the love seat they provided for us and across from us is Ceaser. Instead of his hair being blue like last year, it's a pinkish redish wig. And he even changed his lipstick color I think.
"How does it feel to be back in the Capitol?" Ceaser asks us, "Well, it's nice to know we're here not because we're about to die." I say and it's true, and the crowd bursts out laughing. No wonder why they can't see through Snow, they're so gullible.
"Yeah, that would always be reassuring." Ceaser says with a laugh.
"Now Peeta, how does it feel to be with the love of your life?" Ceaser asks,
"Now that you mention it," Peeta says and gets down on one knee. "Katniss, I've loved you since I set my eyes on you when we were six. You're the most beautiful woman who has ever lived. You may not think you are, but you are. The way you took responsibility for Prim after your father died, was incredible For most people, the Hunger Games tears people apart and their families, but for us, it brought us closer together. Literally. But Katniss, will you marry me?" Peeta asks. Even though this marriage is fake, I can't help but to cry some.
"Of coarse." I say through tears. I was actually crying over a fake engagement and soon to be marriage.
"And one more question," Cearser says, "Will there be any mini Mellarks anytime soon?"
Both Peeta and I can't help but to chuckle a bit, "We're still both 17, just kids. It would hard to raise a kid when you're just a kid yourself. But we will I'm sure whenever we're meant to have kids, we will." Peeta says.
Snow personally comes up to the stage and congratulates us with our engagement. We mouth a conversation to each other. "Did I fail?" I mouth, he gives me the nod of the head. I freeze in terror, Prim, who only just turned 13 will be killed. And Gale. And his siblings little Possy is only five. But if President Snow wants me to be broken right now, then I'll have to be whole.
Peeta and I dance and take pictures with people. Some people touch us inappropriately making us feel uncomfortable, but Effie says we must let them do that. It's 'good manners' in the Capitol while in District 12, it's a form of rape, sort of.
"I love you Peeta." I say, I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn around. A tall plump man who looks like he hasn't shaved in a while is right behind me. He isn't dressed up ridiculously like some people here are. Which makes me want to trust him more.
"May I?" He asks and bows down.
I look over at Peeta and he nods at me "Um, I guess." I say and we begin to dance. He puts his hands on my hips and I put my hands on his shoulders, it feels really awkward for these arms' not to be Peeta's.
"I'm Plutarch Havensbee." He says, "I'm the new Head Gamemaker for this year's Games."
"Oh, it's nice to meet you." I say trying to sound convincing because one, I really don't care and two, how could you create something that would be death of a lot of other people? I notice him look down at his watch, and in the middle of it is a mockingjay. "I like your watch." I say trying to start up a conversation.
"Thank you, it's one of a kind. I must go though, I have a meeting for the Arena for this year's Quell. It starts at midnight." He says.
"Midnight? Isn't that a little late for a meeting? The Games are nine months away." I say questioning him.
"It's supposed to be a secret, so don't tell anyone. But just remember, it starts at midnight." He says and gives me a kiss on my cheek and runs off into the crowd of Capitol people.
I struggle to find Peeta, but immanently feel stupid when I realized he was with bakers from the Capitol. When I walk up to him, him and a few other bakers are in a deep conversation about how to mix colors so that the cake looks perfect. I don't really care for the baking part much so I walk up to him and hook his arms with mine.
After the Ball, Effie escorts us to a nearby hospital. "Effie why do we need to go here? Peeta or I are sick nor injured." I questioned.
"All the victors must come. Just to make sure your wounds are healing up nicely." She says, I still don't buy that.
"Right this way Ms. Everdeen." A doctor says and leads me off into the dull white hallways. He leads me into a room and instructs me strip all of my clothes off and lie down on a hospital bed. "The doctor will be right with you Ms. Everdeen." The doctor says and walks off back down the white and dull hallway.
I can't help but wander why I must be here. I don't have much time to think before the new doctor comes in. "Hello Katniss." He says and walks over to shake my hand, "I'm Dr. Kain, and I'll be running a few tests on you and asking you a few questions."
"What kinds of tests?" I ask
"Just some bloodtests. Now, can you remember when you started to have your period?" He asks.
It takes me a minute to think about that, "I started when I was about 11, but I skipped a lot because of malnutrition and when I was in the Capitol rehealing from all in the injuries in the Arena, they gave me medicine and said I might not have my period for another year so the medicine to wear off." I explain. I wonder what they're doing to Peeta.
They take my height and weight and a few blood samples before I'm allowed to get dressed again.
When I'm released, I walk back to the lobby. Effie told me Peeta is already back at the train getting ready for bed. She escorts me back to the train. I walk to my room and take all of the makeup off and walk over to Peeta's room.
"What did they do to you at the doctor's visit?" I ask him when I opened the door.
"They took my height and weight, same as they did to you right?" He asks me.
"No, I had blood tests done, asked me questions on my period, my height and weight. And other stuff around that area." I say.
"Well, I'm sorry you had to go through that then." He says and kisses my forehead.
We get in his bed and he wraps his muscular arms around me.
I'm walking alone in the woods back home in District 12 I think, but they also look like the arena. It's getting dark and I know that it's not safe to be out here that late and all. I'm walking home but nightfall keeps coming quicker and quicker. I start to run when I see Rue, "Run Rue!" I scream, it's almost like it's replaying her death. I sing her to her death and she dies in my arms.
I keep moving on, and now it's pitch black outside and I can't see a thing until a see a fire. And a boy with blonde hair, "Peeta?" I yell, I run over to him and he turns into a mutation and...
"Katniss, Katniss, wake up. It was just a dream. I promise." I'm in Peeta's arms while he's trying to comfort me. I'm sobbing right now. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asks and strokes my hair in a gently, carrying way. I shake my head. How could I tell him that he died in my dream?
I don't sleep much the rest of the night, just in and out of it.
I wake up from the sun beaming through the window. I smile and look over at Peeta knowing I will be waking up to this for the rest of my life. Since we're now engaged, President Snow insisted that 'we move in together' as part of the act. Although he also said it had to be okay with my mother. I actually enjoyed Peeta proposing to me but that thought also brought back bad memories that Snow said I had failed. I wanted to run off the stage and cry my eyes out, but he wants me to be weak, so I'll have to be strong.
When Haymitch, Effie, Peeta and I were eating breakfast, it hasn't hit me that I have no clue how I could explain all of this to Gale. I love Gale, but he's my brother and you can't date or marry your brother. That'd be weird. For the Victory Tour, you visit all of the districts and the Capitol, but your last stop is your home district. And you have a feast for your whole district. For everyone. So no hungry bellies tonight.
Tonight will probably be the first night since Haymitch won all of the people in District will go to bed with a full belly. And every month, for a year, we'll have a feast just like this.
"Katniss? Katniss? Were you listening to me?" Peeta asks. I'm taken out from my thoughts.
"No, sorry. Could you repeat that?" I ask.
"I said when we get home, do you want to start moving your things over to my house." He asks. I look up from eating my pancakes, I look into his ocean blue eyes and how kind and calming they always are.
"Yeah. But we also have to get ready for the Feast tonight." Peeta nods and turns his attention back to his breakfast.
"Well, thank you Effie for everything I guess. I'll miss you." I say trying to keep awkwardness form from this silence.
"You're most welcome Katniss. You and Peeta were the best tributes I've ever had." Probably because we're the only ones who actually did survive. "I'll be seeing you again when it comes time for the Quarter Quell announcement." She says. Not only do Peeta and I have to mentor our two new tributes this year, it will be a Quarter Quell, every 25 years, the Capitol adds some sort of sick twist to the Games. The first Quell was the people in your District voted who would be sent, and the second one, the year Haymitch won, they're were 48 tributes instead of the normal 24. I could only imagine what hell it will be this year. To mentor kids and watch them be brutally murdered, I wonder how Haymitch did all of this for 23 years.
"Oh come on you two, we just arrived at the train station." Effie says and ushers us both up. The train doors open reveling our home, District 12. There isn't much cameras flashing, which I'm totally okay with. After a while, the crowd dies down and prepares for tonight's feast. Even though this is District 12, as plain and boring as it can get, Effie is still walking around with a new gittup on. Like today, a bright aqua blue shirt and a white lace shirt under it.
I see Gale in the crowd, I try to smile at him, but he avoids my eye contact once he saw that I saw him and I can't help but to feel guilty. Peeta and I walk back over to my house to gather my things after we leave the crowd.
Peeta and I don't say much on the walk over to the Victor's Village. It's not that long of a walk to there from the train station. Prim and my mother wait in the living room for me. "We were learning about you in school today Katniss." Prim says and gets up to hug me.
"You did?" I ask trying to sound enthusiastic about it. It hurts to think that in just a few short years, she could be dead because of the careless mistake I made.
"Yeah. My teacher even said I am very lucky to have an older sister like you." She said.
I hug her even tighter now and try not to cry. No, she's unlucky to have a sister like me because she might be dead soon because of me.
"Katniss, I'll need to talk to you and Peeta alone. Prim why don't you go over to town and pick me up some gauz, I'm almost out." Prim nods her head and takes the money from Mom and walks out the door.
When she is sure Prim is gone, she sets us done to talk to us. "I know you two are getting married and the Capitol wants to throw you two a huge wedding and wants you to move in together. I don't have a problem with that. I want you to be careful. We don't need kids running around here anytime soon." My mom says with a soft yet strict tone.
"I understand Ma'am." Peeta says.
"Do you understand Katniss?" Mom asks.
"Yes Mom I understand." I say giving her one of my annoyed looks.
Peeta and I walk upstairs to gather my things. Before Peeta and I won the Games and I lived in the Seam, I had only a few pairs of clothes. My mom has bought me some more now, but I still maybe have eight or nine different shirts and believe it or not, that's a lot. I also pack my diary, I don't write in it often, but just for safe keeping, a picture of my dad and I the day before he was killed, and a picture of Prim and I she gave me for my 12 birthday.
I put it all in two cardboard boxes. "This is all of your stuff?" Peeta asks in astonishment.
"I had to hunt for my own food, I didn't care what I looked like. I was in survival of the fittest mood." I say in response. Peeta chuckles.
"Should we go over to our house?" He asks, and I love how he said 'our' house.
Cinna has me dressed in a short black dress with bright red and orange heels, I guess to give me the 'girl on fire' look. My makeup isn't heavily done, Cinna calls it the 'natural look'. Peeta is dressed in a black tux and a red and orange tie to match my dress.
"Well, at least we don't have to speak again tonight." Peeta whispers in my ear and I feel shivers run all the down my spine.
The feast is amazing. It's almost just like the Capitol food, but not as good. It was amazing to hear little kid's voices when they found out they could have more to eat if they wanted too. And the best part is no one will die of starvation tonight.
"Is this Feast almost over?" I ask Peeta while we're dancing to a slow song.
"I hope so because that means its the sooner we can get home." I nod in agreement.
He's right, the party ended a few hours after that conversation. I could barely keep my eyes open. My feet were killing me from the eight inch heels, I have tons of makeup on.
During the party, Hazel slipped me a note telling me that Gale wanted to meet up tomorrow to talk about what's happened the past few months. And I know he'll be talking about the proposal from Peeta. But I'm just not ready for all of this.
I walk into my new home with Peeta and fall into a dreamless sleep with Peeta's arms around me warding off the nightmares. All I could imagine what Gale wanted to talk to me about.