"You've got to be kidding me." Raven deadpanned as she held up a familiar blue and white dress, a look of revulsion clear on her face. From across the room, someone scoffed.
"You ain't got it so bad, Sugar." Billy Numerous scowled as he held up a revealing red dress. The other heroes and villains around him laughed and hooted, and the duplicating boy threw the offending article to the ground.
"It ain't right! Having a dude play a lady's bit." Billy crossed his arms over his chest and sulked.
"Just be glad I didn't add a wig to go with it." A familiar voice spoke out loudly through the crowd, and all eyes turned to the large double doors of the set, revealing the terribly familiar figures. Miss Witch stepped forward, Ishtar and Anita close behind.
"FLASHY" The twelve year old cried with glee as she noticed the red headed speedster, and rushed towards him, her blue dress flying behind her. Kid Flash let out a loud "Oof" as the small girl tackled him to the ground, and beside him, Jinx growled. Miss Witch signed and placed her head in her hands once more.
"Anita, now's not the time. I need to get my cast in order." Without a word, Ishtar flicked her fingers, and a yellow bubble of energy swallowed the twelve year old, and hovered her back to her director's chair.
"So, do you ever talk?" Beast Boy questioned the tall blonde woman. The only response the changeling received was a slow shake of the head, and a pointed finger in the direction of Miss Witch. Beast Boy gulped, and hurried over to where he was wanted.
"Now then," Miss Witch spoke up, demanding the attention of everyone around her. "I want all my cast members who will be playing furniture here." The short woman commanded, and once again, several cast members found themselves being dragged over to her side by an invisible force.
"Will someone please tell me how she does that?" Cyborg exclaimed loudly, but only received a dark glare as a response.
"Okay. Since you all need to change into furniture, and we really don't have the budget to make costumes, I've come up with the perfect solution. Mumbo, step forward please!" Miss Witch commanded, and a blue skinned man with a large nose in magician's clothing stepped out from the crowd. From his place beside Cyborg, Robin growled, and prepared to lunge, but Starfire was ready, and grabbed him from around the middle.
"Smart move, Firefly. As part of your contract, there is to be no fighting on set... at least while I'm here." Miss Witch praised the Tameranian, and continued.
"Mr. Jumbo will preform the necessary spell to turn you all into your characters, temporarily of course. Mumbo Jumbo, if you will." Miss Witch stepped aside to give the criminal magician room to work.
"Alright-y, let's get this party started! Robin, step forward if you will." The magical man commanded, and the boy wonder ground his teeth together as he complied. Arms stiff by his side, Robin fought the urge to rip his torturer's face off.
"Now then. A few magic words... And... PRESTO!" Mumbo Jumbo waved his magic wand, and a red cloud puffed around Robin, obscuring him from view. After a moment, the smog cleared, and in Robin's place stood a toilet.
"DUUDE!" Beast Boy exclaimed in amazement as he stood over his transformed leader, and a chorus of laughter erupted in the room, from villains and heroes alike. In the center of the commotion, Mumbo gave several bows as roses were thrown at his feet, his hat sweeping the floor with each elegant bob.
"Thank you, thank you. It was all my pleasure " The blue magician gave a final bow and was about to place his to hat back on the head, when a short figure stepped up and snatched it from his hands.
"That's quite enough, now would you please turn him into the candle holder, like we agreed." Miss Witch stood, top hat in hand and hands on her hips, clearly not impressed. Mumbo gave a nervous chuckle, and turned his attention back to the toilet that was Robin.
"When I get my hands on you, Mumbo, you're going to be blue from lack of oxygen!" The toilet-Robin bellowed, the seat flapping up and down to resemble a mouth, earning the boy wonder another burst of laughter from the crowd, and a second round of applause for the magician.
"Very well, very well." Mumbo snatched his hat back from Miss Witch, and crammed it impatiently back on his head. "Abra Kadabra... Alakazoodle" With several small jabs from his wand, a puff of pink smoke engulfed the toilet that was Robin. After a moment, the mystical smoke vanished, and in the boy wonder's place was a dirty pair of underpants.
"Mumbo." Miss Witch growled menacingly as the room around her once again burst into uncontrollable laughter. The blue magician cowered away as the short director grabbed the wand from his hand, and pushed him back into the crowd of heroes and villains.
"What happened? What am I now?" The waistband on the pair of underwear flapped open and shut, once again resembling Robin's mouth, and the villains and heroes laughed harder. Billy Numerous and Beast Boy were holding onto themselves as tears streamed down their faces.
"Don't you worry about it." Miss Witch flicked the wand as she spoke. "Why. Won't. This. Thing. Work?" With each word, another colourful smoke cloud appeared, and Robin's shape changed rapidly. From a pair of underpants, to a rubber duck; a life preserver a bundle of roses; a baby's pacifier; and finally a very familiar candle holder.
Miss Witch glared down at the magic wand in her hand which was currently smoking slightly from the end, and gave a disapproving look towards the villainous magic man.
"I got it for a discount..."
"Okay. Cyborg, you're next." Miss Witch commanded as she shooed the transformed Robin off center stage to make room for the colossal metal man. Cyborg gulped loudly before standing in his leader's former spot.
"Just don't turn me into some sort of ladies product, deal?" The older titan spoke nervously, and Miss Witch shrugged.
"I think I got the hang of this." The short brunette spoke offhandedly as she gave the wand another small flick. A rusty brown cloud of smoke surrounded Cyborg, and the mechanical teen let out a shriek of surprise and terror. The smoke quickly vanished, and on the ground stood a very familiar clock, with it's arms covering it's face.
"Please don't let me be a tampon. Please don't let me be a tampon. Please don't let me be a tampon." Cyborg prayed to himself, making Beast Boy and Billy Numerous fall over themselves once more with laughter.
"You're not a tampon. Now move over so Starfire has some room." Miss Witch rolled her eyes and pushed the animated clock into the crowd with her foot, allowing the Tameranian room. A second later, a pink and white teapot stood amid a cloud of red smoke.
"NEXT." Miss Witch bellowed, and Jinx was pushed into the center of the crowd, before being transformed into a fancy wardrobe. Black fire went next, and a moment later a black and pink feather duster stood in her place. Finally, Melvin was ushered before the short director, her wide blue eyes looking sweetly up at the strange woman, before being turned into a teacup.
"Okay, now because of this mishap, we are far behind schedule-"
"What schedule?" Robin spoke up from his place on the floor, cutting Miss Witch off. "None of us have any idea what's going on here!"
"Ishtar." The strange director spoke without stopping her trek off stage. With a slow nod, the mystical blonde flicked a hand towards the talking candle holder. Once again, the boy wonder was suspended mid-air by a yellow bubble of energy surrounding his head. Ishtar gave an evil smirk, before wiggling her fingers, making the energy bubble flip and spin around, preforming back-flips and other spins and turns.
"Okay, Everyone off stage." Miss Witch commanded, and once again, an invisible force swept the new cast members off the set. Several heroes and villains looked around in confusion.
"Brother Blood, if you will." Miss Witch smiled warmly at the aged cult leader, who gave a curt nod.
"If you insist...
"Once upon a time, in a faraway land, a young prince lived in a shining castle. Although he had everything his heart desired, the prince was spoiled, selfish, and unkind-"
"I am not!" Beast Boy interrupted, a silly grin on his face.
"Anita." Miss Witch commanded once more, and Beast Boy was slammed into the ground as a large script was send flying into the back of his head. Eyes traveled back to the twelve year old swinging her legs in her director's chair.
"I didn't know you could do that." Speedy commented after witnessing the telepathic ability the young girl possessed.
"She can also go into your mind and make you think you're a raccoon for the rest of your life. So stop interrupting!" Miss Witch snarled, and turned her attention back to the cult leader. "Go on."
"But then, one winter's night, an old beggar woman came to the castle and offered him a single rose in return for shelter from the bitter cold. Repulsed by her haggard appearance, the prince sneered at the gift and turned the old woman away, but she warned him not to be deceived by appearances, for beauty is found within."
As Brother Blood spoke, the the cameras off set operated on their own, focusing on an elaborate miniature castle with beautiful stained glass windows.
"How'd they get the money to make that?" Kid Flash questioned his transformed girlfriend as another question came to his mind. "So... if I sit in your wardrobe, does that count as sex?"
"Anita!" Miss Witch bellowed once more as the narration was interrupted.
"I got it." Jinx snarled in response, her eyes glowing pink. The wardrobe Jinx flung one of her hinged doors open, smacking the speedster in the face with a magically charged slap, and Kid Flash went flying to the other side of the room.
"You can go on now." Jinx spoke sweetly, earning herself an eye roll from her old headmaster.
"And when he dismissed her again, the old woman's ugliness melted away to reveal a beautiful enchantress. The prince tried to apologize, but it was too late, for she had seen that there was no love in his heart, and as punishment, she transformed him into a hideous beast, and placed a powerful spell on the castle, and all who lived there."
Offstage, Beast Boy was cornered by Anita, a look of terror on his face.
"Stop being a baby. This won't hurt." The dark haired child scolded as she stepped closer to the changeling, and Beast Boy cowered. Eyes widened in surprise as the young Titan transformed before them to a giant, howling, green beast.
Beast Boy uncovered his eyes, and pouted. "You said that it wouldn't hurt." He whined, and several onlookers chuckled.
"Can we please hurry it up? I have a show to put on!" Miss Witch called from her director's chair, and Beast Boy gulped. Hurrying over to the set, he got into character and shredding an oil painting depicting his face as Brother Blood continued his narration.
"Ashamed of his monstrous form, the beast concealed himself inside his castle, with a magic mirror as his only window to the outside world. The rose she had offered was truly an enchanted rose, which would bloom until his twenty-first year. If he could learn to love another, and earn her love in return by the time the last petal fell, then the spell would be broken. If not, he would be doomed to remain a beast for all time. As the years passed, he fell into despair, and lost all hope, for who could ever learn to love a beast?"
Brother Blood ended his monologue without complaint, and several of the HIVE academy student gave him a polite response.
"Very well done, Brother." Miss Witch gave a curt nod of approval, before turning her attention to the others.
"Alright, Belle. Costume change." Miss Witch turned towards a glaring Raven, an evil smile on her face.
"Not happening. I don't sing." The gothic empath snarled, and Miss Witch tutted.
"Just because you don't, doesn't mean you can't. Go change." The director's sweet smile changed to a glower rivaling Raven's in half an instant. "Need I remind you that you signed a completely binding and legal contract?" A short staring contest ensued. The rest of the room watched with baited breath, before finally, grunting in frustration, Raven marched to the changing room.
Moments later, the gothic teen returned, wearing a very familiar blue and white dress. Since her hair was too short, the blue bow that was supposed to hold Belle's hair back was instead being used as a choker necklace.
"I feel stupid."
"You're playing a Disney princess, so it doesn't really matter how you look." Miss Witch snapped, and pointed her pencil in the direction of the stage, where the scene had changed from a miniature, gothic castle, to a rural cabin, with a small trail that cut through fields and ran over a river via a small bridge.
"How did they change that so quickly?" Speedy leaned over to whisper at Aqualad, who just shrugged.
"Quiet on the set!" Miss Witch bellowed, and nodded to Raven to continue. Resisting the urge to roll her eyes, the telepathic goth began her lines, singing about the poor, provincial town in France that she grew up in. Swinging her basket from side to side, Raven quickly stepped down the path that lead to the small on-set village, before having to weave through the several cast members acting as townspeople, singing about their daily lives.
Finally done singing, Raven enters the bookstore, where a very awkward-looking See-More stood, wearing an apron.
"And CUT!" Miss Witch bellowed, causing everyone to stop what they were doing. Raven crossed her arms over her chest, her annoyance clearly shown.
"What now?"
"Character change." Miss Witch spoke with a falsely sweet smile. "Happy Raven will be filling in your part in this scene, since you can't gush." The director explained as she quickly pushed the dark empath off stage, and replaced her with a smiling, preppy Raven, in an identical dress.
"Right on! My time to shine." Happy Raven cheered herself on as she stepped onto the stage.
"Ah, Rachel." See-More exclaimed, a forced smile on his face.
"Good morning! I've come to return the book I borrowed!" Happy Raven squealed and several cast members stared at the emotion in shock and awe (and in some cases, disgust).
"Uhh... Finished already?" See-More asked as he stared in shock at the giggling Titan.
"Oh, I couldn't put it down! Have you got anything new?"
"Not since yesterday." See-More let out a nervous chuckle, and took several steps away from the emotion.
"That's all right! I'll just take this one." Happy-Raven giggled once more, and held up a book, a large smile on her face, unnerving the other cast members instantly. Offstage, the real Raven face-palmed.
"That one? But you've read it twice."
"Well it's my favorite!" Happy-Raven exclaimed shrilly, making See-More wince. "Far off places, daring swordfights, magic spells, a prince in disguise!" At the last part, the giddy Raven gave an exaggerated wink towards Beast Boy, making the original Raven grind her teeth in frustration.
"Er, well if you like it so much, it's yours."
"But sir!"
"I insist!" See-More exclaimed, practically pushing Happy-Raven out the set door. "Now get out of my store." The evil villain muttered under his breath.
Happy-Raven exited the shop, thanking the villain over her shoulder before Tramm, Argent, Pantha, Wildebeest, and Hot Spot could break into song. As the Raven look-alike disappeared into the singing crowd, the camera panned over to see a goose being shot out of the air, and Slade and Red X standing below it.
"Wow! You didn't miss a shot, Gaston!" Red X exclaimed sarcastically as he leaned against one of the fake shops. " You're the greatest hunter in the whole world... well, except when it comes to Robins and Ravens." The thief mocked, and Slade resisted the urge to snap his neck.
"I know." Robin's nemesis ignored the side remark against him, and leaned against his prop-gun.
"No beast alive stands a chance against you, and no man for that matter."
"Red X! Stay to the script before I replace Slade's prop for a real gun." Miss Witch glared at the arrogant thief, who only gave her a mock salute, and continued on with the script.
"It's true, Lefou, and I've got my sights set on that one!" Slade pointed the mussel of his gun towards an oblivious Raven, now on set.
"The inventor's daughter? Well if crazy's your thing..."
"Red!" Miss Witch yelled a warning.
"Just giving some truth to the script." With a final glare, Miss Witch gave the trained assassin the nod to continue.
"She's the one. The lucky girl I'm going to marry." Slade declared in his usual low voice, adding a creepy effect to the whole scene.
"But she's-" Red X stared off, his voice full of boredom, but was quickly cut off.
"The most beautiful girl in town."
"I know-"
"And that makes her the best! And don't I deserve the best?"
"Whatever you say boss." Red X stated in boredom, and the entire set repressed shudders as Slade started singing... sinisterly.
"Is it just me, or is Slade a little too into his role?" Beast Boy leaned over to whisper to a transformed Cyborg, and the mechanical clock-man nodded, his eyes transfixed upon the singing and dancing nemesis.
As Slade passed the three bimbettes, Kitten and Terra easily fell into the role of 'fawning fangirl' as both of them swooned over the water pump. Beside them, a grumpy Billy Numerous plopped down on the lever, getting the other two soaked.
Ending his song, Slade stood before Raven, his hands held behind his back in an imposing position.
"AND CUT" Miss Witch bellowed, and the cameras stopped rolling. "That was a great first shoot. We will continue tomorrow." The director turned to leave just as Robin cried his usual battle starter, and the entire set was destroyed.