Notes: AN: Lobelia Sackville-Baggins is the most OOC character I have ever written, That is my first and final warning on the subject, but when I tried to write her in an awful light it just wouldn't come out, she wanted to be friends with Bilbo and this is what happens when one of my characters acts out. As for any OOC'ness of our newly returned hero= any returned Bilbo would be changed, more patient, slightly more mischievous and all together Tookish since he is planning the biggest adventure a Hobbit could dream of. Warnings: This isn't going to be a cannon story is any way shape or form. I will mangle, botch and screw with any event or personality I deem to in my quest to Ship my all time favorite Hobbit pairing. If you've read any of my other Redo! or Fix-Its! then you know of this well. Seeing as this particular Bunny had been messing with me for months, if not longer you all should know I have a clear plan on how this will go. That being said this will feature M-Preg at some point in time, all I have to say on that is Dwobbits and it should explain everything. I haven't indulged in a good M-preg fic in a while, so this should be fun. Last but not least. I love feed back, so reviews are always a good motivation to spur me to write more. Any flames, or unfair critics will be used to fuel my drive to complete this story the way I want it to be done. It's likely to be a long story, so sit back and enjoy it!
To the Story!
Waking in his comfortable bed, withing the halls of Bag End was not what Bilbo Baggins expected to do with a start. As the rather confused Hobbit lay staring at his ceiling he tried to remember if Yavanna's Garden was supposed to take the form of a home that a person had loved, but ultimately felt imprisoned by. Perhaps this was his punishment for even thinking that he would be admitted withing Mahal's Sacred Halls? Surely it was proof that when one was once a fool he would continue to be one? The Hobbit who remembered his dying breaths was tempted to stay within his bed for all of his afterlife, and he might have tried if not for the almighty rumble his stomach made midway through the day.
The rumble, and the hunger gnawing at his gut planted a seed of suspicion in Bilbo's mind. The dead needed no sustenance, so why in the world was he hungry? This feeling was no phantom hunger, he knew that much. Suddenly a sharp rapping came and his eyes shot to his bedroom window where the seed of suspicion started to bloom. Either something had happened between his death and waking, or this was his eternal punishment, for a young Lobelia Sackville-Baggins was staring at him with a look of half concern- half outrage and dealing with her was not his idea of a relaxing afterlife. She motioned to the door and he sighed,nodding as he got up, noticing that the aches of age were suspiciously absent as he moved.
Obviously there was a mystery afoot and Bilbo was eager to figure it out. If he wasn't in Yavanna's Garden, or Mahal's Halls, then just where had the Hobbit found himself after his last breaths were taken? For the first time in years a true grin flitted across the aged Hobbit's lips as he moved to his closet and grabbed clothes that he had not seen since before his first adventure with his Dwarrow. It wasn't until he looked into his bathrooms mirror that it hit him. The ravages of time were gone from Bilbo's form, and there looking at him with wide golden brown eyes and a full head of golden curls was his fifty year old self.
Needless to say Bilbo Baggins almost fainted for the first time in years before he got a hold of himself and remembered that there was a rather Irate Lobelia waiting for him at the door of his smeil. He shoved the mystery of his being into the back of his mind as he dressed, the mindset of a proper Baggins easily taking hold as his motions became almost automatic. Even so he noticed that the scars he had gained on his quest with the Dwarrow and had worn proudly were gone. Scars that he would have never chosen to loose in Yavanna's Garden, or Mahal's Hall. Before he knew it Lobelia was inside his home, walking with a cup of tea and looking around. Bilbo kept a sharp eye on her, knowing of her thieving ways.
"Cousin Drogo officially announced his intention to marry that Brandybuck girl. Why I think she might even be in the family way for goodness sake." Lobelia finally spoke, getting to why she was in such a hurry to speak with him that she had resorted to looking into his window like she was nothing more than a faunt. Bilbo's lips curled as he sipped his tea. He remembered this conversation quite well, but why he would be experiencing it again he hadn't the faintest clue. It had taken place three weeks before Gandalf had come, bringing with him the Dwarrows that would forever change his life in fact. He would have thought that his paradise would be living within the mountain with his family.
"Leave it alone Lobelia. Primula doesn't need you trying to stir trouble where there's none to be found. And we've all known that Drogo was going to marry her some day, or have you forgotten the look on his face when he heard her humming that first meeting?" He teasingly warned his childhood friend and now occasional enemy, none of the sharper tones that he had often employed on her present in his voice. She hadn't been as vile as this before she had married Ortho, he swore. She snorted, sitting down and looking at him closely, as if she was trying to figure something out.
"Something is different about you Bilbo Baggins." She hummed and he stiffened slightly. That was a new statement to this conversation. Last time she had taken offense to his warning and this had turned into a snipping conversation that ened with her storming out with a silver spoon that he had to chase down. But then again last time he hadn't mentioned Drogo recognizing Primula as his Heart-Song and he has been rather snappy in his reply to her slight against Primula. Oh dear what was happening here? If he was playing out a memory then surly nothing about it would change.
"I don't see how that could be Lobelia. I am the same Hobbit who fell asleep here last night." Bilbo responded, trying to throw her attentions off. If he didn't know what was going on here then he definitely did not want her catching on to that fact. Lobelia actually rolled her eyes, an action he hadn't seen in years even the first time around this conversation. She leaned forward, her eyes piercing his very being.
"Don't you lie to me Bilbo. I have known you all our lives, through Took behavior and into you adopting the Baggins line after your parents died. And the Hobbit sitting before me? That Hobbit is not the prim and proper Baggins who I argued with in the market yesterday. The Hobbit I am seeing is more so Took than Baggins and as glad as I am to see that spark in your eyes again I'm more curious as to just what brought my friend out from hiding." The Hobbit woman declared leaning back in her seat carelessly. Bilbo stared at her. This was more the Lobelia that he remembered as a child, not the silver thieving harpy he'd known now. The only other time he'd seen this version of his once friend was during the numbness before.
"I assure you I haven't the faintest of clues as to what you're talking about." Bilbo finally replied coolly. Lobelia's lips twitched and she fiddled with the spoon she had stolen before with a twinkle in her eye. Bilbo's eyes narrowed in on that spoon, making sure it didn't 'fall' into her pocket. He didn't need to go chasing her home to get it back, not when he had so much to figure out.
"You're lying, but I'll let it pass for now. Goodness knows you've had a stick up yer bum for far too long and if I back you into a corner it just might get lodged there again. I prefer the Tookish Bilbo thank you very much, and normally he only ever comes out to steal the silver back from me." She giggled, setting the spoon down. Bilbo stared at her with wide eyes as he replayed each and every time she had stolen his silverware in the years before he had left the first time. Lobelia had tricked him into letting his Baggins propriety go for years since his father had died and his mother had faded. How had he not ever noticed this?
"Well played Lobelia. And here I was thinking that Ortho finally managed to install the Standered Baggins stick up yours." Bilbo shot back as he too leaned into his chair and grinned behind his cup. Well if she liked the Tookish Bilbo, then the Tookish Bilbo she would get. If he had learned anything over the years he had learned being a proper gentlehobbit wasn't everything there was in life. She gasped, wide eyed at his statement before throwing her head back and laughing loudly, not even bothering to giggle ladylike at all.
"Oh I so want to know what brought my dear Bilbo back from the grave he buried himself in when he decided to be a proper Baggins. I've missed this absurdly outlandish manner of yours so." She gasped as soon as she calmed laughter down, grinning at him widely and looking younger than he had seen her look in years, even now. Bilbo shrugged carelessly as he realized she wasn't going to be offended. Lobelia really did prefer the Tookish Bilbo it seemed, and after all of her harping on being a proper Baggins and Hobbit over the years it was truely hard to believe. He shouldn't have resisted being such a Took before it seemed.
"I think it's something in the air. There's going to be a change soon." He murmured without thinking about what he was saying as he remembered Gandalf's mysterious arrival and his Heart-Song discovery. Change indeeed, for he had never been the same Hobbit again after that night, and he knew it. She stiffened as he spoke, and he remembered that he should keep better track of what he said. He wasn't a rambling old Hobbit that people indulged and half dismissed anymore, and Bilbo didn't need Lobelia digging right now when he didn't even know what in the Middle Earth was happening to him right now.
"I don't think you're talking about Drogo and Primula's wedding or faunt that lass surely carries in her belly Bilbo Baggins. Have you been having dreams? Is it a dangerous change that we Hobbits need to prepare for?" Lobelia asked in a worried whispered. Bilbo was confused by her reaction, untill he remembered the Took curse of foresight that had plagued him in his younger years, but abandoned him in his later life and the fact that she had been there the night he had woken up screaming that horrible Fell Winter. He had dreamt of death and wolves that night and they had come.
"Not all change is bad Lobelia, and the change in centered around me, mostly." He murmured absently, thinking furiously. Had the life that Bilbo remembered all been a forewarning dream? All other insights that he had gained from having Took blood, the diluted Fae blood running strong in it, had been vauge in nature. Nothing detailed like the eighty years he had remembered living clearly. But. But Maybe the Took in him, and the Valar had played a part in what he was starting to believe wasn't the afterlife he had been heading towards.
He didn't feel as if his tainted soul had been shoved back into his younger body, so if he was truly in the past and had not dreamed this then what was happening? But, Bilbo could work with this situation. He would see if Gandalf came in three weeks and he would be prepared for it this time if it happened. And if it did then he could change the outcome, Valar willing that is. Lobelia frowned deeply not at all calmed by his words as she reached out and touched his hand gently enough that it was if she thought he would break.
"Bilbo, you've never dreamt anything good when it comes to change. That's how I lost my friend. You dreamt of the wolves coming and then your father fell victim to them and your mother faded. And You blamed yourself for it Bilbo, like the idiot Hobbit you really are. If you've dreamt again tell me, please. For the first time in years I've gotten to speak civilly with you and I don't want to lose you again if something horrible happens and you get it into your head to blame yourself for it once more. Another one of those will break you Bilbo." She whispered, her voice ragged. Bilbo looked at her closely and then sighed.
"I may have seen Gandalf in my dreams last night. And he will being an adventure that I am needed on if my dreams are correct." He whispered hesitantly, unable not to give her something even if he didn't understand this yet and her hand tightened on top of his. He watched as Lobelia's eyes widened in fear and she shook her head in denial as he finished speaking. She had a determine look on her face that scared him.
"No! I shant let him take you. Every Hobbit in the Shire knows that Gandalf and his adventures bring nothing but trouble for those who join him!" She protested, her other hand clenching the teacup that she was holding. Bilbo was shocked yet again by her reaction, and left wondering just when he had forgotten how much she cared for him. He had spent years cursing her thieving, snarky ways. He sighed, holding her hand gently as he tried to sooth her fears.
"If my dream is right and he comes, then I will be going with him Lobelia. There isn't a choice in this matter, because his little adventure hinges on me presence." He spoke, low and soothing though her grip on his hand only tightened more as he saw tears appear in her eyes. Bilbo felt guilty that his words were causing her this much distress, and her distant and prickly behavior once he returned broken made sense now. She had recognized the Fading's Call as what it was instead of the numbness he had name it as and couldn't handle getting close to him knowing what was going to happen. If he ever happened to see his Lobelia again he owed his once friend an apology, more so then she owed him one.
"I'm going to lose you just as soon as you walk out that door on this adventure, right? That's why the Tookish Bilbo is back. This adventure that you dreamed of doesn't need a proper Baggins to suceed and that only means trouble in my books. Reconsider you fool, you have a long life to live still." She rasped shakily. He smiled at her calmly, trying to show her that he wasn't ruined. Even in the throws of the Fading's Call Bilbo Baggins had managed to live a wonderful life for eighty years. Not that he would be telling the woman sitting with him that little fact. Once Lobelia heard of the call he would never be able to leave his home without and escort and she would hunt his heart-song down just to lock him up too.
"If he comes then I have a chance at living a proper life to it's fullest Lobelia, there is no guarentee that you will lose me. Adventure don't always mean things like that- look at my mother. She had many grand adventures, and she always survived them." He tried assuring her.
"A chance is not worth you dying or coming back as good as it Bilbo. The fact you dreamed of this adventure scares me." She shot back sarcastically. "If I see that wizard I'm chasing him away with my umbrella, mark my words." She added, untangling her hand and gripping the umbrella that was indeed sitting leaned against his table although he had told her a thousand times before just to leave it by the door. He chuckled at her statement, sipping his tea. Lobelia wasn't going to change her mind it seemed.
"No you won't Lobelia. If my dreams are true, I will be a much poorer Hobbit for missing the chance that Gandalf brings and that will just not do. Your worry is quite unnecessary in the given circumstances." The old Hobbit turned young denied, his lips turned upward and his eyes sparkling as he put on the familiar airs of a proper Baggins in the same breath of talking like a Took faunt rearing for it's first real adventure. Lobelia sighed, shaking her head, a small smile playing on her lips, erasing the frown she had affixed to them..
"Well, if you must go on this adventure then we better prepare for it shouldn't we? There's no telling when that Hobbit stealing, adventuring wizard will come after all and I wouldn't like it much if I found that you just up and ran out your door with no word or preparations. We Baggins have a reputation of being prepared and proper and it wouldn't do it disappoint now will it?" She murmured, her teary eyes drying with a quick swipe of her hand as she blessed him with a rather mischievous look for a Sackville Hobbit.
"And exactly how would one prepare for a life changing adventure?" Bilbo teased, feeling younger than he had even when this was the first time he had lived. As much as the Hobbit was reluctant to admit, when he had taken the Baggins mantle he had aged beyond his years. Why now he positively felt like a tween if he was completely honest with himself, and wasn't that an odd feeling? Lobelia snickered, setting her cup down as she watched him with fond eyes. He had been a foolish Hobbit for far to long to forget that Lobelia had once been his fiercest friend, but he had pushed her away and she had grown bitter.
"By plotting and planning carefully my dear Bilbo. Now did your dream reveal just what kind of adventure that mad wizard is plotting? Any information will help when we're obtaining and packing your supplies for this foolishness. Oh and you must see your Grandfather Took, you know he loves a good adventure and he might have some advice on keeping your fool self alive out there." She hummed, teasing him even though there was a note of seriousness clear in her voice. Bilbo could tell that Lobelia wasn't exactly happy with his decision, but she wasn't fighting him anymore. May Yavanna bless her ever worrying heart. For all of his stiff and rather standoffish behavior, by Hobbit standards, she still cared.
That being thought, Bilbo knew that he had to be careful with what exactly he said next. He didn't want to worry her more, and he didn't want to change things more than they would be by this meddler knowing about his upcoming adventure. If Gandalf truely came into the Shire looking for an adventuring Hobbit, then Bilbo had more than enough work cut out for himself with his Company alone.
He tried not to think about how his early days with his family had gone, it had been hard work for the Hobbit to earn their respect. Work that he would have to repeat, while trying not to let Thorin get to him too badly with his then cruel words. Mahal and Yavanna knows that he loved his Heart-Song from the moment the first strains of his sad song had tumbled from the Dwarfs lips, but Thorin had been so cruel and cold before the incident with the Pale Orc. If that incident happened again Bilbo would do his damndest to make sure that Orc didn't live though- because it had killed Thorin in the end and that was not happening again.
"I should think that any proper adventure would involve traveling, and sleeping in the wild. If you're so insistent on helping me prepare for a visit that might not even happen, then we should begin there." Bilbo replied primly, drawing himself from his deep thoughts and answering Lobelia when she kicked his shin. She was still the same old nag as always, even if she'd somehow become the Hobbit he had enjoyed playing many a trick with again. She rolled her eyes, snorting as she picked up her cup and finished it.
"Of course. Fetch us some parchment and a quill now will you? Then we shall start our lists. Are you planning on hosting a dinner for Gandalf, should he arrive? Not one that you invite other Hobbits mind you, but my mother used to tell me that when that Wizard came calling, he didn't normally come alone." Lobelia hummed, already in her planning mode. Bilbo snorted under his breath as he set his cup down and went to retrieve the required supplies. He may be a fool of a Took, but not even a Took would go against a Sackville when they were planning something considered life or death. That Hobbit family easily was known for their strategic abilities, which is why they always worked closely with the Thain and other impotent figures.
Heavens, Lobelia's keen mind in planning was half of what had made her so fun to be around when they were younger. It helped that his father encouraged him to spend time around more leveled nature fauntlings- to temper the wild nature of his Took cousins of course. It had backfired most spectacularly when it came to taming Bilbo's wild nature when she joined in on his fun though, but Bungo had never complained. He had loved his son no matter what his stuffy family said about his rather Tookish nature. Bilbo had always thought if his father didn't have a mischievous streak of his own then the marriage with his mother would have never worked.
When Bilbo returned it was to Lobelia doctoring two cups of fresh tea with liberal amounts of brandy from his pantry. He gave her a pointed look and she shrugged, setting the bottle on the table. Rolling his eyes, the male Hobbit sat down, setting the parchment, two quills and an inkwell down, before looking at his friend once more. Lobelia was sipping on her doctored tea as she watched him and he couldn't resist asking why they were going to start drinking this early in the day any longer.
"Tis't even Tea Time yet Lobelia, so what is the occasion for drinking?" He asked, picking up his tea cup all the same. She rolled her eyes and shook her head as she grabbed a piece of Parchment and a quill.
"I found myself wishing for a strong drink once I realized that I somehow agreed to help you plan this adventure of yours and I think I'll need a load more of it before the day is through." She said primly. Bilbo just shook his head, taking a drink on the tea and wincing when he found it to be mostly brandy. The little weasel was trying to get him drunk during this little planning session. He shot her a dark look and she smirked. Right, so Lobelia obviously knew that he was holding something back then. He wouldn't fall for her trick though, so she was going to be sorely disappointed when all she got out of this was a nasty hangover. It would serve her right, although Ortho was going to have a fit tomorrow.
"I don't think I shall have much more than this cup Lobelia dear. I haven't even eaten yet!" He proclaimed, reaching over and grabbing an apple from his fruit basket as his stomach reminded him just why he had made the decision to get up before Lobelia had come knocking. The female hobbit snorted, already scribbling away as she thought of supplies he would need.
"Eat then, I'll get a start on this. I suppose it will be a rather long adventure, since you mentioned traveling and sleeping in the wilds above all other things, so we'll need to keep your pack's light enough to carry and make sure you have a kit you can carry on your person at all times in case the pack gets lost. Don't look so surprised Bilbo, I am no fool and I'm sure that you know much more of this adventure than you will ever tell me. I'm sure it would scar me for life if you did." Lobelia grunted at him, not looking up to even see Bilbo's reactions to her words. He chuckled, biting into his apple.
The Hobbit would let his friend have her go at this for now, and revise whatever she came up with on his own time, but he had to admit that having her strong support right now was comforting. If Lobelia hadn't shown up today Bilbo was convinced that he would have spent the day, and maybe the better part of this week trying to convince himself that this was all an elaborate dream brought on by his illness that he had been suffering from before. He never had really dreamed of Lobelia before, so her presence grounded him. Humming, Bilbo ate his noon meal, highly away he's already slept through half a days worth.
Well, he really should get used to eating less before the others came. It would help if he didn't spend the first week nursing a sore stomach and light head because of the sudden difference in diet. Even after he had returned to the Shire after the Quest he had never truly gotten into the habit of seven meals a day again, although he had done well to teach Frodo the traditional meals times. The lad was a growing Fauntling back then after all. He grinned to himself as he ate and Lobelia rolled her eyes at him once more when she looked up at him and stretched out her hand while taking a break from her writing.
"What is it now Lobelia?" He hummed, his tone friendly. She sighed and shook her head at him.
"This dream has changed you Bilbo, and it's for the better I daresay. You're lighter, more free and I've never seen a dream affect you like this. If I didn't know better I would say that you've finally found you're Heart-Song. But that's just rubbish, you wouldn't have resonated with them in a dream and you haven't been anywhere outside of the Shire since yesterday so I know you didn't stumble upon them. And I'm not fool enough to think that they're among the Hobbits of the Shire or you'd already have found them. It's rather confusing to tell you the truth." She said in her blunt manner, not holding back in her opinion.
Bilbo tried not to freeze as she spoke, because she was entirely correct. He should only have the theoretical knowledge of Thorin being his Heart-Song at this moment it time, because even if he remembered the Dwarf King singing, he hadn't actually heard it yet. But there was no denying the fact that he recognized his Dwarf King as his Heart-Song as completely as he had the night Thorin sang. This bothered the returned Hobbit only because he had no idea how it was possible, but then again his current situation in general shouldn't have even happened if he went by conventional means.
"Well I for one, am more than happy to be having a civil conversation with a dear friend who has the most unfortunate habit of running off with my good silver." Bilbo spoke finally, his tone suggesting that the conversation should be ended there. He wasn't about to deny his Heart-Song, even if it was to say that he hadn't yet found him, but he wasn't about to tell Lobelia he had found him either. She gave him a suspicious look, before going back to her lists without another word and he sighed to himself. If he couldn't lie to Lobelia then what chance did his stand when he was finally faced with his Dwarrow?