Sorry its been so long...I've been stuck on this chapter for awhile. Honestly, it's not my best. Reviews are always wanted and criticism is accepted! Seriously...i've only gotten a few reviews from a couple awesome readers :D

And here it comes, the infamous disclaimer! I dont own any of these characters...even though that's what i asked for for Christmas:'(

So raise your glass if you
Are wrong in all the right ways
All my underdogs
We will never be, never be
Anything but loud, and nitty gritty
Dirty little freaks. . .

-Pink (Raise Your Glass)

The Secret Life of the American Vampire:

Chapter 2: Mascara & Petticoats

I threw the car into reverse and sped down the driveway, going ninety and backwards. One, because it's super badass. Two, because I was too busy thinking to even bother shifting to drive.

Where was I going to go?

Of course I would go clubbing. But where were the best clubs located?

I had reached the end of my driveway and as the Volvo hit the asphalt, I spun the steering wheel, making the car do a 180. Soon I was speeding down the forest-enclosed road, with the sun setting behind me.

Washington wasn't exactly known for its nightlife, so I'd have to go out of state if I really wanted to party.

The farther I am from that buffoon Jacob, the better, I thought. I could still picture him laughing at me for my love of Jersey Shore. That dick.

Wait a minute. Jersey Shore… as in New Jersey.

"Gasp!" I said aloud for dramatic affect. I now had a destination. Not New Jersey, of course. Now that's just one place I would never go to, even if I was home to my Idol. Just the thought of being in that filthy place made me shudder. I didn't have enough Clorox wipes on me to get rid of the germs and STDs that were sure to be there. No, but a state much classier. New York.

New York City was home to some of the most fantastic bars ever.

"Oooo I'm so excited!" I squealed with delight as I clapped my hands together, steering with my knees.

But even with my superior, kickass driving skills, it would still take at least fifteen hours to get there.

"Darn it," I muttered. But then another brillant idea popped into my head.

Why not just take a plane? I could get on one in Seattle, and be in New York in five hours. I looked at the clock on my dashboard. It was 5:30 now. If I could catch a plane soon, I could be in New York before midnight.

"Hell. Yes."

I could already envision myself dancing on stage, wrapping my legs around a stripper pole as people threw dollar bills at me. The imaginary poof that my hair was styled into almost brought me to tears. I could be like Snooki!

A smirk appeared on my icy lips. I'll show them morals.

The small, adult part of me thought that this was a bad idea. That I've never had alcohol before and that it might effect me in strange ways. But the huge, angry teen in me beat the crap out of the adult bit until it shut up.

If I was going to 'get down' all night, then I would need awesome clothes. I looked down at what I was currently wearing; jeans with Dockers and a button-up shirt with a peacoat over it as usual. All designer, of course. But the garments had suffered cuts and tears throughout mine and Jacobs little ordeal earlier.

Good thing I always kept extra clothes and a vanity in my trunk. I smiled to myself. This was going to be awesome.

I reached the airport in about twenty minutes, driving at speeds of almost 100mph the entire time. Luckily, a flight destined for New York was leaving in 10 minutes. I hastily bought a ticket and went through security with no baggage check necessary.

As I was walking towards my gate, I noticed two teenage girls and their mothers staring at me, mouths gaping open. After hearing their inappropriate yet flattering thoughts about what they wanted to do to me, I decided to have some fun.

I quickly whipped out my comb that I always had stowed away in my coat pocket and pretended to "accidentally" drop it on the floor. Of course after it had been on a nasty, germ covered airport floor, there was no way in hell that I would ever let it touch my precious bronze locks again, but what was to come was worth it.

I placed a carefully manicured hand on my hip and with an attitude worthy of Britney Spears, I said "Oops, I did it again. I am just soooo clumsy." I slowly bent over, wiggling my plump, perfectly sculpted butt in the air, as I stooped to pick up my contaminated brush. The thoughts of all the passerbyers swarmed into my heads, all of them revolving around how attractive I was. Even the men had stopped to admire my gluts of steel.

I bent back upwards, much to the displeasure of the crowd that had gathered, and walked over to the girls. I grabbed one of their hands and placed my comb into her sweaty palm. "Keep this, as a reminder to how you'll never be as good as me," I said to her with a sincere smile. She began hyperventilating and passed out, flopping around on the ground. Foam began forming around her lips.

Neither of the mothers made an effort to help her, but one did kick her in the stomach and shout, "Get up Anna! Your embarrassing me!"

I turned to the other girl and winked at her, expecting a similar reaction. Instead she ripped off her jacket and revealed a Team Edward shirt underneath. "Take me now!" she shouted.

I looked at her and instantly regretted my pity wink. I scowled. "Ew."

"But its legal!" she cried. "Your not eighteen yet!" What a pathetic attempt to seduce a sexy vampire like myself.

"I am 108 years old thank you very much!" I screamed into her face. I grabbed the nearest suitcase and tore it in half. I tossed the shredded luggage to the side and shouted to the crowd, "Nobody saw anything. Got it?"

They all seemed to be in a trance, thanks to my beauty. Their thoughts were filled with surprised faces, being grateful that I had acknowledged their existence.

One grossly obese man, however, disagreed. "The gay bar's that way!" he shouted, gesturing in the opposite direction.

If a vampire could cry, I would be drowning in my own tears. My face twisted in agony. "I have a wife you dick!" I quickly turned in the direction of my gate and elegantly made my escape, flailing my hands in the air and attempting not to step on my petticoats.

"Flight 2098 for New York is now boarding." I heard over the intercome.

"Thank God," I sobbed. I could already feel my mascara running down my cheeks, even though no tears escaped my eyes. I quickly shoved my ticket at the attendant at the front desk. As soon as I was checked in, I tore it back out of her terrified hands and ran to the plane entrance.

I was so ready to leave this mediocre city. My escape was waiting.

So what did you like/dislike? What wasn't funny and what was... Please review and comment! Even constructive criticism is appreciated!