I don't own Pokemon. Yet…

Let the journey begin!
PART 1- Decisions Decisions

Lolcat wakes up, and tumbles down the stairs in sheer excitement without looking at his most prized possession, his NES (Is this 1984 or something?), knowing that today he will receive his first pokemon from the good Prof. Oak. Forgetting that wild pokemon live in tall grass, Lolcat strolls out of his house and into Route 1...

"WAIT!," professor Oak yells as Lolcat takes his first steps outside, "Wild Pokemon live in tall grass! There's no way you could beat a one foot tall rat or bird without your own pokemon, didn't you learn that in Trainer School?"

Lolcat replies, "No, there is no trainer school in Kanto, remember? Plus, we live in some out-of-the-way hick town that nobody ever visits with only two kids in it. Why do we need a Trainer School anyway?"

Lolcat forgives Oak for yelling at him, and Oak takes Lolcat and his grandson Fool (Oak hates kids) to his lab and gives them their first Pokemon. Lolcat walks up to the three Poke balls and thinks... "Hmm, I remember from A Beginning Trainer's Referendum that the three Kanto pokemon are Bulbasaur, a grass/poison type, Squirtle, a water type, or Charmander, a fire type. I know that since this is a Nuzlocke challenge, Charmander could die to the first two gyms or to poison damage, but learns some good moves and can hit the hardest. Bulbasaur is a good choice because he cannot be poisoned and can beat the first two gyms easily, but rival battles could be a real pain, squirtle is the most defensive, though the middle gyms could be tough...which one should I choose?"

...

"Professor Oak," Lolcat cried, "I choose for my first pokemon...

...
Squirtle!"
Professor Oak then tells Fool to get his first pokemon too, and he (being the douche that he is) chooses Bulbasaur, the grass type.
Lolcat names his Squirtle Kitteh to commemorate his love of Lolcats.
Afterwards, he goes to the OPTIONS menu to set text speed to fast and battle style to SET and checks his Squirtle's nature (Docile, so no bonuses or hindrances)
"Yo Lolcat," Fool says, "Let me take you on, because I'm not controlled by AI and will probably just spam Growl the whole time!"

BOSS BATTLE- RIVAL BATTLE ONE!
Rival Fool would like to battle!
Rival Fool sent out Bulbasaur!
Oak: "Oh, for Pete's (a religion reference in POKEMON?)sake... So pushy, as always
Lolcat.
You've never had a Pokemon battle before, have you?"

"I've beaten this game twice. I know how to kill a stupid grass mushroom thing"

"A pokemon battle is when TRAINERS pit their pokemon against each
other."
"Yeah…Most people who beat this game twice know that…"

"The TRAINER that makes the other TRAINER's POKEMON faint by lowering
their HP to "0" wins."

"Am I talking to a fucking wall or something?"
But rather than talking about it, you'll learn more from experience.
Try battling and see for yourself."

"Yeah…I have enough experience, capice"

KITTEH used Tail Whip!
Bulbasaur's defense fell!

Oak: Lowering the foe's stats will put you at an advantage.
Lolcat: Yeah. That's why I did that.
Bulbasaur used Tackle (Squirtle HP 16/19)
KITTEH used Tackle

Oak: Inflicting damage on the foe is the key to any battle.
Lolcat: I know what I'm doing. Stop wasting my stupid time.
BULBASAUR used Tackle (Squirtle HP 13/19)
KITTEH used Tackle
Kitteh's attack missed! (Oh shit...)
Bulbasaur used Tackle (HP 10/19)
KITTEH used Tackle!
Bulbasaur used Tackle (HP 7/19)
KITTEH used Tackle
Bulbasaur used Tackle (HP 4/19)
Kitteh used Tackle
Bulbasaur fainted!
Kitteh Leveled Up to level 6!

After that decisive victory, Kitteh leaves the lab with another 80 Pokedollars and Fool stumbles out in denial of his own failure...oh yeah, and Lolcat heals his Squirtle!

TEAM AT END OF PART ONE
Alive and in party

Kitteh (Squirtle) Level 6

In the Alive box

NONE

Dead:

NONE, and hopefully it will stay that way!

END OF PART ONE.

Please read and review. This chapter is much worse than those to come.