It's been my experience that Fate is a mean spirited, bitter hag. I feel this way, because since I was fourteen years old, my life has sucked. I got good grades, graduated at the top of my class, went to a top notch university, and met the best friend I've ever had, while there. But at fourteen, my life was irrevocably changed by a random act of violence.
At fourteen, I became the parent to a mother who couldn't deal with her grief - or anything else, for that matter. I was forced to grow up too soon, learn things too fast, deal with the problems of, not only my life, but those of my mother as well. My mother calls me a pesimist. I perfer to think of myself as a realist. By the time I was fifteen, I was convinced that Fate was one pissed off bitch who, because she didn't get what she wanted, made it her mission to make the rest of the world miserable.
When I was fourteen, my father, a Phoenix police officer, was killed during a liquor store robbery. My mother, who was a little bat shit anyway, completely fell apart. She became obsessed with crystals and communicating with the dead, convinced that she would somehow be able to 'talk' to my father. Meanwhile, I was cooking cleaning, balancing the checkbook, paying bills, and grocery shopping. All of this before I was old enough to have a drivers license. We got by on my father's pension, which honestly wasn't much, and I was sure that if I'd had any siblings, pension or not, we would have been living in a cardboard box. My mother didn't work, and she wouldn't let me get a job for fear of my grades slipping. She was very unpredictable, and had more hobbies than I could count. She was a regular hippie. The only thing missing was a commune. At one point, she even tried growing pot. Let me just say that the only thing that will grow in Phoenix is cactus. Even the grass is shitty there.
Then, my only bright spot was my friend, Jacob Black. His father, Billy had been my father's best friend. Friendship with Jake was easy. We had no expectations, we were able to predict each other's moods and act accordingly, and Jake was the only sane person in my life. In high school, Jake and I started dating. I didn't like him in that way, but it was simpler than trying to talk to the more popular guys, who probably wanted nothing more than a piece of ass. Plus, Jake was relentless. If I'd had a piece of chocolate for everytime he asked me out, I'd have an ass the size of New Hampshire. At the time, I said yes just to shut him up. One thing I was sure of, was that I could trust Jake. In my life of un-sure's, Jake seemed to be the only 'sure'. So, when the time came, I gave Jake the last thing I had to give. That's right, I let him stamp the famous V-card. You know what? It kinda sucked. I shouldn't have been surprised, but I was. I knew it would be painful, but I expected... more. I thought there would be some profound connection, some moment of enlightenment, but there was just,,, nothing. I can't, for the life of me, explain it. It seemed like a complete role reversal. Jake became clingy, and I couldn't wait to get away from him. He eventually moved on to Leah Clearwater, which was great, except every time she saw me, she would give me the stink eye. I hate that. It made me want to slap the taste out of her fucking mouth.
I graduated high school, and managed to acquire a full scholarship to Arizona State University. By this time, my mom had remarried, a guy named Phil, who was younger than her, but he was good to her and she loved him. I happily turned the parental reins over to him, and got on with my life, such as it was. College was cool. Dorm life was crowded, but my roommate was okay. Lauren Mallory. What can I say? She was okay. I stayed out of her way, she stayed out of mine.
During the first few weeks of class, I met Alice Cullen. She reminded me of Tinkerbell, with jet black, spiky hair. All she needed was pixie dust and wings. She would dance and flounce around all the time. I couldn't understand how someone could be that happy. She was from Washington, studying fashion design and art. I had to admit, Alice did know how to dress. Her boyfriend, Jasper Hale followed her and was majoring in history. He was a huge civil war buff. So much so that he would, on occasion, dress as a wounded infantry man and let Alice 'nurse him back to health'. They were a riot. Alice had a big brother, Emmet who was ginormous. He could've been a fucking football team all by himself, and he dated Jasper's twin sister, Rosalie. Rosalie was a walking Barbie doll. Jasper was her male equal.
One afternoon, Jasper came to my door, desperately looking for someone who could teach him to dance. He wanted to surprise Alice with, what he called a 'private cattillion', complete with a southern belle type dress just for her. He was in luck. When I was twelve, my mother insisted that my father and I take ballroom dance lessons. She felt it was important that we be able to dance at my wedding. Pfft! Anyway, I could waltz like a pro, so I taught him. It took a few hours and a broken toe, but he learned, and Alice loved her little cattillion. When I was twelve, I hated it, but looking back, making me take dance lessons with my father was one of the best things my mother did for me.
During the second semester of my freshman year, I started 'socially' dating Tyler Crowly. I thought he was a little strange, but so was I. We kinda fit. He was alright I guess, not the love of my life, but I was nineteen and in college. I didn't plan on meeting the love of my life, period. I doubted that such a person exhisted. Tyler had expectations though. Sex was one of those expectation. I wasn't virginal, by any means, but I wasn't about to just give it up to some guy I saw only occasionally. Unfortunately, that didn't stop my room mate from giving it up; to Tyler Crowley. When I caught them, I was more pissed than anything. I wasn't really surprised, but I thought, stupidly, that my room mate would have atleast some sense of loyalty toward me. I actually did slap the taste out of her mouth. It was easy, too. Just drew back and whack! Right across the cheek.
While she and Tyler stared at me like I'd sprouted another head, Lauren rubbing her cheek, I packed a small bag, and left, but not before insulting Tylers little peter. I called Alice and told her of my circumstances, and, God love her, she insisted that I move in with her and Jasper. Jasper insisted on her insist, and viola, I had new room mates. Off campus housing is a wonderful thing. We were like the Three Muskateers. Over the next three years I became a part of the Cullen/Hale families. Good thing too, because Phil turned out to be as flaky as my mother and they decided to go on some sort of pilgrimage in search of inner peace. My mother also mentioned the Fountain of Youth. Huh? Yeah, they moved to Florida.
With graduation fast approaching, Carlisle and Esme Cullen made the trip from Washington to Phoenix for the event. I loved them as if they were my own parents. In a sense, they were. They cared for me as if I was theirs, including me in everything familial. It was wonderful, the feeling of saneness and normalcy, something I hadn't had in so long.
The morning of graduation, I woke up to find Esme fixing breakfast for everyone. I had the privelage of witnessing her relationship with Carlisle first hand. I say privelage because it seemed so intimate... all the time. Everyone should have something that special. I sat down at the table and watched her. It was hard not to compare my mother to her. She smiled at me and handed me a cup of coffee and sat down.
"Esme, do you think there's someone out there for me?" I asked. "You know, someone who will love me in spite of my flaws?"
"What flaws, Baby Bell? You're perfect."
"Seriously? I'm head-strong, independent, frugal, a glass-half-empty kind of girl. The only thing I've got going for me is the fact that I can recite Shakespeare and spout off medical lingo without missing a beat."
"Like I said, perfect." She smiled. "Bella, you are a beautiful, intelligent woman, who happens to know how to take care of herself. A woman who doesn't need a man to validate her. And yes, there isn't a doubt in my mind that you will find someone who loves you because of those things, not in spite of them,"
"Really?"
"Absolutely. We think you're wonderful."
"You know that I adore you and Carlisle. He's like a second father to me, and you... I couldn't have asked for a better mother."
"We adore you, too. More than you know. C'mon, let's finish breakfast."
By the end of the day, degree in hand, I was starting to think that Fate wasn't so bad after all. I had a decent future mapped out, and I was moving to Washington with the Cullen's.