Jacob's POV:
Her words came out in a whisper. My wolf ears picked them up easily. "No. I'm not." she whispered. Relief over took me. But then again, I should have already known the answer. I had momentarily forgotten, amongst my anger, that bloodsuckers couldn't have children.
She seemed off in a daze, almost as though she had forgotten I was there. I asked her the same question three times. "Bella. .why are you here?"
Finally she answered me, but not without puddled tears streaming their way down her face. It was painful to see her this way, and it was my fault this time. That made it worse.
"I miss you." she said after moments of silence on her end.
"Bella. ." I began, searching for the words that wouldn't brake the promise I had made. I had promised to be good. "Please don't cry." I finally managed to say.
This was to frustrating, not touching her. So, as she whipped the tears from her eyes I moved to help, gliding my thumb over her cheek, removing tears that ran like rivers down her face.
"I miss you Jake." she reminded me. As inappropriate it was for me to smile, I did it anyway, but only slightly. I was glad the feeling was mutual. "I miss you too Bella. More than you know."
I finally let my eyes connect with hers.
I felt I was too close, that I was crossing some kind of invisible line between us, that I was breaking my promise. I took the seat on my couch next to her, massaging her tear in into my thumb with my pointer finger.
"Have you set a date?" I asked, pushing my back up against the couch, "For the wedding, I mean." I let my head tilt back, ableing me to stair at the ceiling, baring myself for her answer. "I didn't miss it, did I?" I asked, my voice as soft as I could make it on such a touchy subject.
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Bella's POV:
"Have you set a date?" I stared at him as he left my side--he moved to the sofa. It seemed so far away. I wanted to follow him; I would have if I could...but I knew that doing so, would only hurt him and myself in the long run.
"Yes..." I managed. "In August."
"So soon?" He whispered, glancing back at me.
Why did I suddenly wish it was him I was marrying in August? Could I see myself happy for the rest of my life with him? See his children running around, Him playing with them...
My eyes filled with tears again, and I didn't hide them. I didn't know how to hide them from him.
Everything between us was so open. So honest.
He knew better than to know that I was okay, when I really wasn't.
"Bella..." He whispered, seeing my tears and shaking his head. "I don't know what you want from me. I don't... know what I can give you."
I looked at him, and then down at my feet. I had been stupid for coming. I had known this would have happened. It was too late for apologies or for second chances. I knew Jacob didn't want me anymore. I wasn't his imprint, and I never would be. If he found the right girl--his girl... I would be a lost memory to him.
It was better that I was with Edward.
I was Edward's imprint.
But I suddenly wished that Jacob had imprinted on me.
My life would be less difficult to live with.
"I just want you." I heard myself whispering and I knew that there was no taking it back. I did want him. I loved him.
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Jacob's POV:
Her answer was something I expected, but for whatever reason, it still shocked me. "So soon?" I said soundly, almost unable to believe it.
I pondered the image. Bella, in her wedding dress. Smiling happily, glowing like the star she was. Her hair pinned back in a bun, a long flowing train laid nicely on the floor behind her, tears of joying rolling down her face as she said her "I do's". I knew it's what she wanted, and I knew he could make her happy. But I also knew, that if it were me she had chosen, that I would have tried my best to be as good, if not better for her.
I looked at her face now, pained and unhappy. This was my doing and there was not a thing in this world I could do about it. There was no changing her mind. She was set in her decision. She chose him. And it was made final by the large diamond ring that sat on her finger. It was a sealed deal.
"Bella . ." I whispered, choking back the emotion I felt was going to burst out of me. I shook my head seeing the tears re-cloud her eyes. "I don't know what you want from me. I don't . .know what I can give you." I said, speaking the truth. If it was friendship she wanted, I'd try as hard as I could to be on my best behavior around her. Until her heart stopped beating, I once promised. But, something in her eyes told me she longed for more. What did she expect from me?
Moments passed by, she didn't say a word. I thought I had lost her again. Finally she spoke, in a tone so low, I was surprised my sharp ears had caught it, "I just want you."
Her words shocked me. Had she really meant that? That she wanted me? My mind swam, unable to comprehend what she meant. I fought for understanding. Could she be taking back her decision? Could she be choosing me?
"Want me?" I questioned. "In what way?" I had to be sure before I did anything rash. I had to be positive of what she meant before I let my mind believe what it wanted to.
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Bella's POV:
"Want me?" He asked. Was he unsure? "In what way?" I looked at him, unsure how to show him how I wanted him.
I knew what I wanted. I knew that I wanted to be with him. I knew that I would always love Edward...there was no changing that...but Jacob.
My Jacob.
I loved him so much.
It hurt so much inside, standing so far away from him. Did he realize that? I walked toward him, holding my breath. I knew what I wanted to do...I knew what I needed to do...and I prayed I had the courage to finally just do it.
I grabbed his warm hand and sat down beside him. I instantly felt better--felt encouraged by his warmth, and his eyes. His eyes were silently praying that I would pick him.
I leaned over and pressed my lips against his, just as he had done before in the past, and I instantly felt his arms wrap around me, and crush me against him.
This is how I wanted him. I wanted to be in his arms. I wanted to be loved by him.
But how could I ask that of him? After everything.
Even with Edward.
How could I be this selfish, kissing him...asking him for something he would be more than willing to give me...
I didn't pull away when I felt him easing away slowly. Instead, I crushed my lips harder against his. I didn't want the moment of regret to fill either of us.
I wanted to lose myself right there. In the moment and never wake up.
"Bella..." He whispered against my lips. And reality was back...but my heart was still throbbing, my heart was still his.
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Jacob's POV:
My eyebrow raised as she stood from her seat. What was she doing? Leaving?
I was ready for her to walk out my door and never come back, but instead she took the seat next to me. Entwining her fingers in mine. I stared at them for a second, unable to fathom what she was going to do next.
I let my attention trail up her body and end at her eyes. In that instant, her face was inching closer toward me. Before I could even think to protest her lips were at mine, kissing me with the same force I had kissed her weeks ago.
I found myself lost in the sensation, unable to think, unable to speak. Finally I caught myself, realizing this would all just make things harder for the both of us when she walked out of my life forever, becoming Mrs.Cullen in a matter of weeks.
As I moved to pull away she pushed with twice as much force. More the I ever thought she possessed. Reluctantly, I finally pushed hard enough to catch a breath, ableing myself to speak.
"Bella . ." I whispered, so close I could still fill her lips on mine. I didn't want to pull away, but I knew I had to get things straight before I let her take this any further.
"Is this what you want? How you want it?" I asked, my breathing still uneven as I moved far enough away to see her entire face. All the beauty it held shot back at me, as though asking me why the hell I had pulled away, when everything I wanted was right there at my disposal.
The rational side of me took over and I coughed to clear my throat. "What about Edward? What about the wedding? What about this!?" I said in little less the a shout as I picked up her hand and shoved the ring in her line of view. "You shouldn't toy with my emotion, Bella." I let her hand drop. "Don't you think I hurt enough as it is?" I stood and paced the floor in front of her, trying my hardest to push the feeling of her lips against mine from my brain. I was furious. More with myself then with her. How could I have let this happen?