Disclaimer: Yeah, I don't own Kingdom Hearts or anyone in it. Sad, but true.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Not That I Care
2
No Memory
Hello?
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me
Is there anyone at home?
--Pink Floyd
The red-head raises one gloved finger.
"Rule one," he says, "Nobodies, good. Heartless, bad. Rule two: Kill Heartless to get hearts. Rule three: Don't piss off the Superior. Rule four: Saïx will eat you. That's about it." He counts his fingers. "Four rules. Got it memorized?"
Then he turns away with a yawn and stretches his arms. "Naptime."
It's hard for Roxas to believe that someone this annoying could really exist, and he wonders briefly if he's still dreaming.
The red-head is walking away down a white hall, lined on one wall with huge windows. Outside night has the castle and city wreathed in darkness. An odd, heart-shaped moon regards The World That Never Was from high above.
"Hey! Hey!" Roxas chases after the red-head. "You can't just walk away!"
The red-head looks down at his feet in surprise. "Well look at that, my feet are moving anyway."
Roxas grits his teeth. "Xemnas told you to show me around." I don't want to be left alone here, Roxas thinks, but he doesn't say it out loud. He'd never admit to the fear he's feeling, least of all to this red-headed jerk. He woke up only a few hours ago from dreams of darkness and giant keys to find himself assaulted by what looked like insects with glowing eyes. It wasn't long after that the men in black hoods showed up and took him back here.
He can remember nothing from before that—nothing at all. Just the dreams. There's something terrifying about that fact. About the idea that Roxas doesn't even know who he is.
The red-head looks back at him, green eyes narrowed in amusement.
"You were someone's little brother, weren't you?"
"What? No," Roxas answers. Actually, he's not sure. Does he have brothers? Sisters? Parents? Does he have a family at all?
Why can't I remember? What happened to me?
"At least tell me your name, so when Xemnas asks who he should kill I can tell him."
The red-head grins. "See, you're already getting the hang of how things work around here. And the name is Axel. A-X-E-L, got it memorized?"
If he says that one more time, I swear…But then Roxas realizes that Axel has stopped walking and decides to take advantage of the situation.
"What did you mean back there?" he asks, his voice cool. "When you said we're nothing?"
Axel gives him a curious look. Roxas meets his gaze, unafraid. Something tells him he was always this way, always the tough one, always brave. But who was he brave for, and why?
He wants to know; he wants to remember.
"I meant what I said," Axel says at length. "We're nothing. A Nobody's what's left over when a Heartless takes your heart. You split in two; a Heartless and a Nobody, 'cept the Heartless keeps your heart. That's why you've got nothing in here." Axel flicks Roxas's chest. Roxas pulls away, glaring at him. "Like the rest of us."
Roxas raises a hand to his own chest, his eyes distant. I'm a Nobody. So I was…somebody, but I got turned into a Heartless…maybe that's why I…
"Then what's a Heartless?"
Axel rolls his eyes and sighs in a long-suffering kind of way. "Why do I have to do all the explaining? You fought 'em before. Those 'black bug-things,' as you brilliantly put it. They come from the darkness in people's hearts and then take the hearts of others. It's all very dark and poetic. Can I take a nap now? I'm tired."
"You're annoying," Roxas corrects him.
Axel runs a hand through his flame-red hair. "Well, yeah, that's what people tell me."
Roxas folds his arms and thinks for a moment before speaking again.
"So when you become a Nobody," he says, "you lose all your memories?"
Axel gives him that curious look again, as if Roxas is an interesting species of insect, or an unusual cloud. Roxas is learning to hate that look.
"No, that's not how it works. We all remember most of it. Why?"
Roxas looks away again, out the window toward the heart-shaped moon. So I'm still the odd one out. "No reason," he answers.
Axel actually tilts his head, like a confused dog. "You're saying you don't remember anything?"
"No. I mean, sure I remember things. I remember…the sun rises in the East and sets in the West, and a river flows to the ocean, and I remember what the sun feels like and what grass feels like and what sand feels like and the smell of palm trees, and, and…" Roxas casts around frantically for something, something solid, anything. "I know what it'll feel like if I punch that wall. I know what punching you will feel like." Axel smirks at that. Roxas points toward the strange moon. "I know that's not what a moon is supposed to look like. I just…" Roxas grits his teeth, suddenly furious. "I can't remember who I am."
Axel stares at him, that same confused-dog expression on his face. He looks almost intrigued by Roxas's outburst.
"Nothing at all?"
Roxas glares at him and doesn't answer.
Axel gives a faint smile. "How interesting," he says. "I guess you really are a Nobody."
Roxas feels a stabbing sensation in the place where his heart should be. He wants to hit Axel. He wants to knock that little smile off his face. Axel can remember. Xemnas can remember. They can all remember, judging by what Axel said—all of them, except for Roxas.
I don't even know who I am.
"Can you shoot lasers out of your eyes?" Axel asks suddenly. Roxas blinks, looks up at him.
"What?"
Axel turns on his heel, his cloak swishing, and he starts walking. He points down the hallway.
"So down here are where the higher-ups stay," he says. "Xemnas, Xigbar, Xaldin, Vexen, Lexaeus and Zexion. One through Six. Got it memorized? I'd avoid this place, especially when Xaldin's in one of his moods—he tends to stab people. Hey, you're not following."
Axel gives him a reproving look over his shoulder. Roxas trots up behind him wordlessly and follows in silence, listening to Axel go off about the higher-ups and how uptight they are.
He decides not to mention that Axel seems to have forgotten his nap.
-------
Time in The World That Never Was seems to run the same as anywhere else—though Roxas wonders how he knows that—but the sun never shows its face here. It's as if even the sun has forgotten this place and its inhabitants. Not that Roxas cares. If everything wants to forget him, best to forget everything.
Though I don't really believe that, he thinks, laying a hand across his forehead.
He can't sleep. Third night in a row now. Since it's night all the time, it took him awhile to get used to the schedules. "You just sleep when you want," Axel said with that stupid grin of his. "I sure as hell do."
He's gotten to know the castle and a good part of the Dark City. He's met most of the Organization members, except a few who stay in the lower levels—"the antisocial ones" is what Axel called them. Demyx, Number Nine, is the only one Roxas thinks he can stand. He's not quite as annoying as Axel. He's actually friendly at times. Not that Roxas wants friends here.
Roxas rolls over in bed. Wind has blown the curtains in his room aside, revealing the ever-present light from the heart-shaped moon. Kingdom Hearts. The salvation of the Nobodies, according to Xemnas—though Axel doesn't seem to be so sure.
He finally sits up, rubbing his face. He flinches as his feet touch the cold floor. They really need to heat this place.
Roxas leaves his room and steps out into the pale hallway. He picks a direction and starts walking, passing doors counting down from twelve to seven. Roxas hear snoring from the door marked "8" and he rolls his eyes.
He picks his way downward through the maze of halls and stairways and strange rooms that make up the castle. Eventually he finds himself in the well-lit library. He's been attracted to this place since he got here. No one's ever here, except for Larxene—who, despite her rather acidic personality, doesn't bother people when she's reading.
The library isn't quiet tonight, though. Roxas hears two people arguing somewhere deeper within. Roxas sighs; he wanted to be here alone in the silence, with just the books. It's not the same as sleeping, but at least he wouldn't have to think; that's the beauty of books. He pads down a row of shelves, away from the voices. But when he steps out into the open, someone calls to him.
"Number Thirteen!"
A man with long, light-colored hair waves at him. He's standing before an armchair, in which sits Larxene, holding a book. Roxas tries not to look too disappointed and trudges over to them. The man gives him a fake-looking smile, like plastic.
"So you're Roxas," he says, looking Roxas up and down. "The newest addition. I'm Number Four—Vexen."
"By four he means 'four times more annoying than anyone else,'" Larxene puts in, not looking up from her book.
"Annoying? I'm merely asking you for that book! I've told you I need it for my research." Vexen looks up at Roxas again. "I'm the Organization's scientist and main researcher."
Roxas could care less. "Good for you." Vexen narrows his eyes at him.
"What are you doing up at this hour, Roxas?" Larxene asks, glancing at him.
"I couldn't sleep."
"Aw, did baby have a nightmare?"
Roxas shoots her a glare, though she's not looking. "I just came here to read."
"Roxas, I've heard that you have no memories from before you became a Nobody," Vexen is saying, looking miffed at being ignored. "Is that true?"
"What's it to you?"
"I'm conducting a large-scale experiment on memory," Vexen says, grinning rather hungrily. "There's a girl with the ability to manipulate memories who I'm researching; and a whole project in motion, to try and sync this girl's powers based on the floors of a building—a castle. Perhaps you'd like to participate? Join the experiment?"
Roxas gives him a narrow look. "You want me to be a guinea pig?"
Vexen coughs politely. "Hardly a guinea pig. I promise my experiments aren't life-threatening. We might even discover why you lost your memory."
"You'd look cute all wired and lit up like a Christmas tree," Larxene says with the ghost of a smile.
Roxas steps backward, glaring at the two. It seems that every new Organization member he meets is crazier and more freakish than the last.
"I don't think so."
Vexen steps forward quickly and grasps Roxas's shoulder. "You want to get your memories back, don't you?"
"Not with your help."
Vexen's smile fades. "Number Thirteen, you're the lowest ranking member of the Organization. You dare talk back to me?"
Roxas tries to pull away but Vexen's grip is strong. "Let me—"
"Well, if it isn't Mr. and Mrs. Hyde," an annoyingly familiar voice says from behind Roxas. Vexen looks over Roxas's shoulder and his eyes go cold. He releases Roxas and steps away. Roxas turns to see Axel behind him, in an undershirt and sweatpants.
"Ugh, you're lumping me in with him?" Larxene mutters and returns to her book.
"How weird to see you out of the basement, Frankenstein," Axel says. "I get it, your lab coat is getting dry-cleaned. So your experiment blew up in your face again? How surprising."
"Your jokes are losing their cleverness, Number Eight," Vexen says, his voice like ice.
"Well, I did just wake up." Axel lays a hand on Roxas's shoulder. "Really, Vexie, you should know by now that no one wants to be your lab monkey. You already have one to play with, don't you? Or have you killed her off already?"
Vexen just snorts and turns away from them. "I'll need that book, Larxene."
"When I'm done with it. Vexie."
Vexen huffs and storms off.
"And Frankenstein stalks back to his cave," Axel says, releasing his grip on Roxas, yawning. "Back to bed."
Roxas watches him walk away. He glances at Larxene, who seems to have forgotten Roxas's presence. Roxas takes off after Axel.
"I don't need your protection," Roxas snaps. His hands are clenched and his face feels hot. The last thing he wanted was for someone to come to his rescue, Axel least of all.
"No, I don't think you do," Axel agrees, catching Roxas off guard. "Presumptuous, aren't you? I didn't do it for you, you know."
"Then why?" Roxas asks, confused.
"You wouldn't be half as interesting if you became one of Vexie's research subjects. Things get so boring around here, I need something to entertain me."
"Is that it? Well, I'm glad I can be so damn entertaining."
Axel laughs. "Save that energy for tomorrow, kid. You're gonna need it. It's your first mission, and guess what? I'm coming with you."
Roxas gapes at Axel's back. Axel chuckles at Roxas's silence.
"Does Xemnas want to torture me or something? Why do you have to come?"
Axel shrugs. "Who knows? I never know what that guy is thinking. Not exactly pleased with it myself, but what can you do?" Axel stops before his door and looks back at Roxas. "So get some sleep, shorty."
"Hey!"
But Axel is already gone.
Roxas snorts, folding his arms.
"Asshole," he mutters, and heads back to his room.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eh, I don't know about this chapter, but I wanted to introduce Roxas's side of things. I figure it'll go like this, switching off between their viewpoints—at least up to a point, -koff- Roxas is an angsty little Nobody, isn't he?
Thanks for the reviews, and stay tuned for more! Sorry if this chapter is suckage. We're going to get into the action after this.
Feedback is candy for my soul.