Fira, another dear friend and a die hard Entreri lover, got this as a belated B-day present since she didn't like it when I called her on the phone and sang, "Happy Birthday to you. You belong in a zoo. Cuz you look like a monkey and you act like one too."

The Mini-Halloweenies

Two

Semdai - (rushes about in frantic disorder while blaring POTC[Pirates Of The Caribbean] and just making a lot of noise)

Entreri - (enters, yawning) Do you have any idea what time it is?

Semdai - Actually no. What time is it?

Entreri - (growls) It is 1:30 in the afternoon.

Semdai - (puzzled) Then why are you still in bed? The sun came up eight and a half hours ago.

Entreri - Why should I care when the sun came up?

Semdai - Aren't assassins supposed to be up with the sun and down with the moon?

Entreri - (confused) What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Semdai - You wake up with the sun and you go to sleep when the moon goes down.

Entreri - That leaves like (puzzles) less than an hour of sleep a night!

Semdai - Is that why you're always so grouchy?

Entreri - (slightly annoyed) Assassins are nocturnal! We sleep during the day and stalk at night! Get it right!

Semdai - No wonder you're such an ass sometimes. You don't sleep.

Entreri - (annoyed) I sleep at this time of day!

Semdai - No you don't. You're here trying to confuse me at this time.

Entreri - (very annoyed) No! I- (stops) You know what?

Semdai - What do I know?

Entreri - You are trying to piss me off!

Semdai - (eagerly) Did I succeed yet?

Entreri - (roars in frustration) I am going back to bed!

Semdai - Before you go, are you doing anything later?

Entreri - (thinks) Not that I know of. Why?

Semdai - I've got a friend who wants to meet you.

Entreri - (skeptically) Who's this friend?

Semdai - Her name is Fira.

Entreri - What's she like?

Semdai - She has the major hots for you.

Entreri - (puzzles) But we've never met before.

Semdai - I sent her some pictures of you.

Entreri - (suspicious) What kind of pictures?

Semdai - (holds up the doubles) This kind. I got double copies so I could have a set for my scrapbook.

Entreri - (grabs the pictures and looks through them, he gets more pissed) What the hell!? These are pictures of me undressing! (stunned disbelief)

Semdai - Yeah, I finally got that camera I hid in your room to work.

Entreri - How many of these cameras do you have?!

Semdai - In the whole place or just your room?

Entreri - (flipping through the pictures) Holy shit! There are cameras in the showers too!

Semdai - Fira wanted a special picture of you.

Entreri - (stressed) She wanted a picture of my nakedness!

Semdai - She needs to know your size so she'll be prepared.

Entreri - (exasperated) For what!?

Semdai - (superhero stance) Trojan man!

Entreri - (face falls)

Semdai - (studies one particular picture) Have you ever considered getting a tan?

Entreri - What are you talking about!? Wait! I don't wanna know!

Semdai - Do you have anything nice to wear?

Entreri - (stress taking over) What?!

Semdai - (thinking to herself) Maybe you should just wear your normal outfit...

Entreri - For what?!

Semdai - For when you meet Fira of course.

(Later...)

Entreri - (bound very tight and gagged. No chance of escape)

Semdai - (trying to shove Entreri into a crate with Fragile: Live Contents in red letters on the sides)

Entreri - (tries to say something along the "lines of let me go!")

Semdai - (sweetly) Hold still, Artemis.

Entreri - (bangs his head on the crate)

Semdai - (gasps) Oh you poor baby. Let me kiss that better.

Entreri - (screams something that sounds like "Psycho!" and tries to wiggle away)

Semdai - (sweetly) Now you behave yourself at Fira's house and make this a happy birthday for her.

Entreri - (gulps)

Semdai - (closes the crate and teleports it to Fira's front door)

(At Fira's apartment...)

Fira - (jumps out with blades in hand) Have at me cowards!

(crickets chirping. Muffles from within crate)

Entreri - (bangs on crate wall with his head to attract attention)

Fira - (suspicious, kicks the crate lightly with her foot)

Entreri - (chews through the gag) Someone help me!

Fira - (jumps back) What's this? A trap to make me activate some kind of trap?

Entreri - No! Semdai locked me in this crate and sent me to someone named Fira. Are you her?

Fira - (blades at ready in a flash) State your name and business!

Entreri - (fearful) I'm Entreri. And I just wanna go home!

Fira - (suspiciously) As in ARTEMIS Entreri?

Entreri - Yeah that's me.

Fira - (puts a blade through the crate) You lie!

Entreri - (barely misses being impaled) You've got it all wrong! Just open the crate and see for yourself!

Fira - No! It's a trick! If I open it I will blow up!

Entreri - (frantic) Why would I allow them to blow me up too? C'mon please open the crate!?

Fira - The great Artemis Entreri would never plead for his life!

Entreri - I'm not pleading for my life! I just want you to open the damn crate!

Fira - (sets the crate on fire) I will not be tricked.

Entreri - What the hell are you doing!?

Fira - I told you, I wont be tricked.

Entreri - (thinks fast) Semdai sent you a bunch of photos of me! Right?

Fira - Photos? How big are you?

Entreri - (stupidly) I'm about five ten.

Fira - (skeptically) Five inches by ten centimeters?

Entreri - (realizes what she really means) Oh that kind of big. You saw my picture, I'm an extra large.

Fira - (puts out the fire with an extinguisher)

Entreri - Holy shit, that's cold!

Fira - (finally opens the crate and looks in. Her eyes get wide) Entreri? (pokes him with sword)

Entreri - Ow! What the fuck was that for?

Semdai's hand - (appears out of nowhere and slaps Entreri) Watch your mouth!

Fira - (recognizes Semdai's hand) Semdai!

Semdai's voice - Happy Birthday Fira, I hope you enjoy your present. He's all yours for the night. Please return him tomorrow afternoon at the latest.

Entreri - I will get you for this, Semdai!

Fira - (slyly) Come my precious. (drags Entreri into her apartment)

Entreri - (screams) NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

The End...