A/N:
Hi guys!
This will be some of the craziest, stupidest crap you've ever read.
Chapter one and the soon to be updated chapter three are well written, but this is just mental.
Don't say I didn't warn you all…

"Hey, Ratchet!"

"Ratchet!"
"Hey, Ratchet!"
"Ratchet!"
Ratchet was awake but he kept his eyes closed.
He recognized the two voices but it just couldn't be.
Well, not together, anyway.
He opened his eyes only to see Captain Qwark and Dr. Nefarious standing over him.
"Hey there sleepy head!"
Nefarious greeted.
"Hey, Ratchet!"
Qwark said again.
The pair were grinning stupidly.
"W- Where's Clank?"
He asked, thoroughly confused.
"Clank's busy."
Nefarious answered.
("Hey, Ratchet!")
"Yes, Ratchet, busy…"
Ratchet sat up and turned to Clank who was sitting at the kitchen table.
"I'm seeing how many of your weapons I can eat, so far I've had six!"
Ratchets mouth fell open.
"Even the R.Y.N.O?"
Clank shot him an intense glare.
"Especially the R.Y.N.O."
He then tucked in a napkin, (apparently into his neck) and began to devour a cactus.
Ratchet looked around, it was his and Clank's flat alright.
"What the heck's going on?"
He turned back to Nefarious.
"We're going on an adventure, Ratchet!"
He replied.
"Hey, Ratchet!"
Qwark said… Again.
"Um… Do I get a choice?"
He asked hesitantly.
"Of course!"
Nefarious shouted as if it were the most obvious answer in the world.
"You can come on an adventure, OR,"
"Or…"
"Me and my buddy here will blow your brains out of your ears!"
Nefarious and Qwarks arms both turned into giant laser guns.
"Hey, Ratchet!"
Qwark bellowed once more, this time waving one of his laser gun arms and blowing a giant hole through the ceiling.
"Yes, I'd LOVE to come!"
Ratchet shouted, his tone half-way between panic and sarcasm.
"HORAY!"
Nefarious and Qwark shouted in unison.
Their arms changed back to normal immediately.
"Let us gooooooooo, Ratchet!"
Qwark hollered.
"Yay!"
Sounded Nefarious.
Ratchet stood up and followed the duo out the door.
"Have fun!"
Shouted Clank, who was rubbing his hands together at the plate of Gadgebots sitting in front of him.
"Yeah, I'll try…"

Nefarious looked as though he was looking at a crateful of kittens.
"Awh!"
He cooed.
But when Ratchet saw, he felt as though he were going to be sick.
Qwark and Scrunch were making out passionately.
"Isn't it adorable?"
Nefarious turned to Ratchet.
"Uh…"
"Okay baby, you ready?"
Scrunch asked in a very deep male voice.
"Oh, I guess so…"
Qwark replied, twirling his antennae around his finger.
Scrunch squeezed his eyes shut tight.
"FORM OF A ROCKET BOOSTED MAGIC CARPET!"
He shouted.
Then BAM!
Scrunch was now a green floating carpet, Qwarks' logo on his surface, two giant rocket boosters out his back and his head sitting out the front.
"Get on, hoes."
He said.
Nefarious and Qwark jumped on, Ratchet only stared.
The pairs' arms turned into laser guns once more as they continued to grin stupidly at him.
"Okay, okay!"
Ratchet shouted and he too jumped on Scrunch.
Their arms changed back.
They shot into the air and giant rainbow flames shot out of Scrunches' rocket boosters.
"Hold tight, bitches."
PHWOOSH!
Ratchet could feel the air blowing the skin from his face.
"Where are we going, anyway?"
He shouted over the sound of the wind.
"The land of previous sexual encounters!"
Nefarious replied.
"What?"
"You need to defeat the mega-ex!"
Qwark added.
"What? Why me?"
"Because she's made from all of your previous sexual encounters!"
Nefarious informed.
"WHAT?"
"We're here, hoes."
Scrunch announced.
He transformed back into a monkey and they all fell into a heap on the ground.
Ratchet stood up and brushed himself off.
"All… All of my previous sexual encounters?"
He asked, his voice raising in pitch.
"Yuperoo!"
Qwark confirmed.
"Shit."
Ratchet uttered under his breath.
"Damn, Q! This lighting makes you look HOT!"
Scrunch publicized.
"Oh, you!"
Qwark blushed.
Scrunch raised his one eyebrow and the couple ran off together into a pink fairy-floss bush, giggling.
A/N:
Oh yeah, by the way, the land of previous sexual encounters was entirely made of candy.
On a cloud.
In the sky.
Anyway…
"Awwh!"
Nefarious cooed again.
"They're gunna ha-"
"DO NOT SAY IT."
Ratchet cut him off.
"Ha-"
"No."
"-ve"
"No."
"Se-"
"DON'T!"
"-ntimental conversations."

"What did you think I was going to say?"
Ratchet looked the other way.
"Oh… OH! That's gross! You're gross! But yeah,"
Nefarious looked over at the bush.
"I can totally see where you got the idea… Well, come on, Ratchet! Let's go find those crazy exe's!"
Nefarious skipped along the jelly bean path, Ratchet tailing him.
After a while, (Nefarious singing 'I have a lovely bunch of coconuts' the whole way,) they came across a group of women, all of whom Ratchet recognized.
There was Angela Cross, Sasha, Hydro girl, twin Blargs who went by the names Ling and Cho, and two Veldenians, Tessa and Jen.
"Why hello, Ratchet."
Sasha greeted harshly.
"Wow Ratchet! Did you bonk all of these chicks?"
Nefarious shouted unceremoniously.
"Yeah…"
Ratchet mumbled, feeling ashamed of himself.
"And you're eighteen?"
"Yeah…"
He murmured even lower than before.
"Well. Someone's a bit of a man-whore…"
Nefarious buzzed in a sing-song tone.
Ratchet looked at his feet. He couldn't look any of them in the eye.
"You should probably defeat them about now… They look maaaaaad…"
Nefarious suggested.
"WHAT?"
Angela bellowed.
"You come over here and- WOAH!"
She tripped over her feet and fell flat on her face.
She stood up and dusted herself off.
"Get him."
Ratchet began to back up but all the girls held hands and closed their eyes.
"FORM OF THE WHORE-CRUSHER!"
They all shouted in unison.
First, Jen and Tessa turned into giant robotic legs. Then Hydro girl turned into a giant robotic torso, Ling and Cho into the giant robotic arms, Angela into the giant robotic head and Sasha inside the head, controlling the whole show.
"Oh my god."
Ratchet looked up at the gargantuan robot, mouth gaping, Nefarious sporting the same expression.
Then just as it were about to crush the pair of them like insects, Clank appeared out of nowhere.
The top of his head flipped back, he jumped into the air over the machine and devoured her in a matter of seconds.
"All in a days work."
He ended with a giggle.
Nefarious stood, still staring at where the said 'whore-crusher' once stood.
"Nodical!"
He sounded, then self-combusted.
Then Clank did.
Then Ratchet.

A/N:
Okay, I know that was probably horrible, but I'm posting this for the weirdo's… like me.
Please don't flame :3