As I touched the water, a shock of cold and shivers ran down my spine. My throat was burning from the screaming all the way down the cliff,
but I had made it, I had survived the jump. I started to kick my feet to go up for air. As I reached the top I only had the time to open my mouth to try to take in some air before I was hit by wave that through me against the rocky side of the cliff, and then everything went black.
Everything was black, I could feel my body drifting from side to side in the cold water and I could feel the pressure in my lungs begging me for air. The pain was almost comforting, it had been a while since I could feel anything. Every day since Edw... he had left I was lifeless,
I felt like a stone statue with a hole in the chest for only reminder that I once had a heart. I didn't live, I survived, my days consisted of school without any conversation, eating as little as possible without worrying charlie and sleeping if you could call it like that. The nights were long, the nightmares were horrible and coming every night without exseptions. As my mind drifted to that dream I always had about the night in the woods that changed my short uneventful life, I was caught with a sharp pain. It was like the whole in my chest was trying to suck my hole body through it. It was like the dead part of my body was trying to spread and then I realized it was,
I was dying, I was here alone and unconscious in the stormy water of la push. This was it, this was the place I was going to die.
That's when I saw him, everything was dark around me except him, it was like he was glowing. He was exactly like I remembered him, messy bronze hair, flawless white skin and big golden eyes, he was perfect like always.
"Be happy" his velvety voice said I wanted to tell him to stay, that I couldn't live without him, that it was just too hard to live when you knew that you had already found and lost the love of your life.
As if he could read my mind he answered me "Bella live, let me go and fight for your life, you deserve to be happy"
Before I could make sens of what he said, he was gone. He was gone and something inside, told me it was the last time I would ever see him.
then I noticed someone else had taken his place, Charlie. Why was my dad here? Why would I imagine my dad here with me while I was slowly drifting into my eternal sleep?
"bells, honey fight for your life, don't give up"
"Remember bella, I love you and I always will no matter what happens, never forget that"
As I could see the figure of my father slowly disappearing in the darkness, I felt a warm comforting feeling on my left arm radiating like electricity through my body. Heaven, I was going to heaven.
I was still drifting in darkness, my mind wandering to people I would hurt by letting go of life. Charlie who would be all alone, Renee that would blame herself for allowing me to come live here, and Jake. Jake who was there for me when no one else could understant. No matter how depressed I was, one smile from my Jacob and every problem I had just seemed lighter in instant. He had never given up on me when every other friend I had just couldn't stand my zombie attitude like Charlie called it. Jake was my sunshine and now I was letting him down by letting go of life just like that without fighting. That's when it hit me, I had jumped of a cliff, in a storm, alone. Everybody in my life would think that I had committed suicide because of Edward, A boyfriend who used me as one of his distraction when I was 18, how lame did that sound. Sure nobody could understand the bond I had with him, but still he was gone why was I hagging on to someone that didn't want me? Why couldn't I be like every other girl and get over it? I had to move on, I had to live for Charlie, for Renee, for Jake, for me. A wave of realization came over me, yes, I had to live for me, for my future, for college, to have a house, a job, kids. Kids, something I just never thought about any more. With Edward it was out of the question and, I had just forgot about it to be able to spend eternity with him, but now did I want kids? Now that Edward was gone and never coming back, I had to have a plan. What college was I going to? Where did I want to live?
Did I want kids? All those questions seemed hard to answer at first, but then I felt light, like I was just a normal graduate who had life choises to make. It was like I was a normal 18 year old who had a hole world open to her and just had to choose which way to go. For now all I knew is that I had to fight for the life I wanted, I just had to live.
A panicked voice broke my thoughts "Breath, Bella for the love of god don't do this to me, breath"
The voice was low and seemed far away, but I would have recognized it among thousands, Jake.
"Bella, Bella"
The voice was becoming louder and seemed closer and closer.
My head was pounding, my eyes burning, and my chest was sore. I tried to inhale, but an intense pain came through my throat burning like fire as the rest of my body felt like ice shivering like a leaf.
"thank god Bella can you hear me, Bella"
I opened my mouth to tell him that everything was OK that it wasn't what it looked like, but nothing came out, only more pain. I tried again, but the only thing I could get out was
"Jake" The voice that came out of my mouth wasn't mine it was low and rough.
Suddenly, Jake was holding me, not only physicaly, but also emotionally, I felt like I was going to break down in tears. My body was exhausted and I couldn't help feeling guilty about All the emotions Jake was going through because of me. He and his pack were risking their lives because of me' and I stupid week human that I was, jumped off a cliff just to see an hallucination of a creature that was never coming back, god was I stupid or what. All my town was in danger because I had a vampire looking for me and all I could think of was hearing and seeing a person that didn't want anything to do with me.
The shivers started to fade as I let myself relax in Jake's embrace. My head was resting in his neck as the rest of my body was curled up against his hot bear chest. My breathing slowly evened out and I could hear Jakes heart beating against my shoulder, it was almost beating as fast as mine. I just relaxed, letting myself be rocked by Jake's slow deep breathing and rapid heart beat. As I stood there for what seemed like hours, a strange feeling came over me, this felt like home. Jake's arms around me, his smell and his warmth made feel like home,
like I was exactly where I belonged. I released myself from Jake's embrace and looked at his face, the dark circles under his eyes told me he was exhausted. The expression on his face was one of a strong man, a warrior, nothing like the Jake I knew. As I focused on his deep brown eyes, I could see the little boy he used to be, I could see the sadness of loosing his mother when he needed her the most, I could see that nomather how many people he had around him he felt alone just like me, alone in the darkness and pain of loosing someone important in your life. Sure, my mother wasn't exactly the perfect motherly person everybody wished to have, but she did her best, and the thought of loosing her was enough to have tears threatening do come down. Jake, the perfectly happy boy with the brightest smile had so much on his shoulders. How did he overcome all those obstacles in his life and still have the bright smile that brightened my days. My motherly instincts took over,
and I hugged him with all the strenght that was left in my body. I wanted to make him feel better, I hated to see him suffer, I wanted to be the one to make him happy, he was my sunshine, and I wanted to be his, I wanted to be his everything like he was for me.
Jake was my best friend, my confidant, my crutch, my everything. He was the only one capable of putting a little smile on my face when I was in the darkest places of my life, he was the one who never stopped talking when all I could do was listen because the hole in my chest was too painful for words to come out, he was the only one to understand that talking about Edward was to painful so he would change the subject when the conversations drifted to him. For all those things I loved him. I knew I loved him as a friend, but was there more to it? I was so comfortable when I was in his arms, I almost felt normal, hole, alive. Was he fixing me? was I starting to heal? Was I ready for that kind of relationship with Jake?
All those questions in my head were not helping my headache at all, but all I knew was that I loved Jake, and if one day my heart was hole again he was the only one I would give it to. That was if I wasn't to late.