Story: Harry Potter
Pairings: Severus/ Narcissa
Rating: M
Author's Notes: Slightly AU. Six months post Battle of Hogwarts. Lucius Malfoy has died in a freak exploding wand accident, but Severus Snape, after several months at St. Mungos, has survived. Saved at trial by the testimony of Harry, Narcissa and several others, he was given immunity for his actions- even pity for his unrequited love for Lily Evans-Potter, but banned from returning to teach at Hogwarts. This is a story about the redemption of love and about mothers.
Christmas Child: Chapter 2
"Only the Word made flesh can give any sort of hope in a world as grim and ugly and hard and sordid as ours." H
Severus broke their embrace as Narcissa exhaled a sigh of relief. To her surprise, she felt a handkerchief pressed into her hand. She sniffed and wiped her face. I must look horrible! She dabbed her checks. Another one of her mother's rules broken, never let a man see you cry.
"Thank you, Severus," she replied with calm certainty; regaining momentarily her cool persona.
He was now standing beside a cabinet in the parlor, a crystal tumbler in his left hand and a bottle of amber fire whiskey in his right.
"You're welcome." He replied, not looking up. His hand unsteady, clinked the bottle against the glass. Narcissa's eyes widened as she realized this was only the second time she'd seen Severus Snape unnerved. The first had been the night that he'd pledge the Unbreakable vow to her. It hadn't even been a year, but it felt like another lifetime.
Looking down at his handkerchief in her hand, her fingers traced a small black embroidered double S, twined to look like two hissing snakes. The needlework was fine and intricate. She pondered upon what woman had made this thoughtful gift for Hogwart's great potions master.
He watched her studying the pattern. Delicate fingers, pale and polished tracing the motif of his initials, "My mother's work."
"It is beautiful." She looked up and gave him a slight smile.
"She was very skilled with a needle." He turned from her, taking a sip of the whiskey. "When she chose to be."
Narcissa felt there was more to his quip, but did not have time to inquire.
"If I am to engage in this… 'agreement' with you Narcissa. I want to know the truth." Refilling his glass, he returned to the corner seat opposite her, "I want to know everything."
"And I will tell you, please Severus," she boldly looked up and held his eyes. "But no legilimency, no vertiserium." Everyone knew his talent for the dark skills. She could find the strength to tell him, but she was too ashamed to show him.
He did not move, but from the tighting of his voice, she knew she had offended. "I would not impose either on a lady." He fingered the crystal glass thoughtfully before adding. "If I am to aid you in this deception, we have trust."
"Yes, agreed… I will tell you how it happened." Narcissa replied. Then exhaling deeply, "It was only the once time... Two nights before the battle at Hogwarts. We were in the great hall at the manor. It was after dinner… It was late." Her mind turned with broken thoughts.
She twisted the handkerchief in her small thin hands. Severus knew he was making her cringe, but he was unaffected.
"The Dark Lord commanded me to change into my bedclothes and await him in his room. I was so surprised that I had to ask a second time. Of course, Lucius was there and was about to speak, but I took his hand and told him no."
Her dark eyes, now looking up, brimmed with tears. "Severus, there was nothing I could do. If I didn't go as commanded, Draco and Lucius-"
Her expression of sorrow broke his firm resolve. It was the first time that evening that Severus Snape felt like a bastard for making her recant the memory. It was an odd, uncomfortable realization. "You did what you had to do." He knew exactly how she felt. He had marred his soul, she her body.
"I put on my most modest gown and waited in his bedchamber. It seemed that hours past until he finally entered." She stopped to contain herself from sobbing. "I'm sorry, this is the first time that I've spoken of it."
"We need go no further." Her pain and humiliation burned him. "I understand now. Not why, but-"
Her fingers wrapped around his wrist tightly, stopping him midsentence, "If you can bear it, I would like to tell you everything Severus."
He nodded in surprised. He would be her secret keeper. "Yes, of course."
Narcissa swallowed, and steadied her courage. "He came to the bed and touched my face very gently. He said, that it was a pity that Bella had received all the Black passion and that I had received all the beauty. It was then that he commanded me to undress and lay on the bed reminding me that if I were a loyal follower I'd need no Imperius curse to do as he commanded. My only resistance was reminding him I was a married woman." Her voice was distant, lost in the cruel memory, "He just laughed."
Severus's fist clinched at his side. The Malfoys had been such faithful followers, and this was their reward. How could they all have been so blind to his manipulations and lies?
"I then did as he told me. I undressed and laid down…." She laughed now, standing and moving away as she wiped tears from her face. "Closed my eyes and thought of England."
"And Lucius?"
"He knew. He did not hold it against me. I would not let him speak of it."
Was there nothing that the Dark Lord had not done to emasculate her late husband? Then turning to another curious thought. "Was he… beneath his robes, was he a man?" It was an awkward question, but it might have some bearing on the child.
"Yes." She laughed slightly, "I wasn't joking when I said I kept my eyes closed, but every thing felt normal. " Her hands played against the back of the chair. Turning, she paced the study. "He rubbed his hands on me and cooed to me in parsal tongue and then…" She stopped, letting her fingers run across a row of books. "I'm sure you know what comes next and that was it."
Severus rubbed his brow in contemplation. Yes, I know what comes next, but why? It was out of character for the Dark Lord. He was a psychopath, yes, but not a rapist. He'd never revealed any sexual interest in women or men. The concept of love and desire seemed totally foreign to him; a silly human nuance that he could abuse and twist to maintain his control.
"He then thanked me and told me to dress and leave… As I was leaving his bedchamber, he forbade me to take any elixir that might cause menstruation."
Severus understood. "He wanted you to bear his child."
"Yes. That is what I think now and the truth of the matter is that I thought so many times about doing it—drinking nettle tea." Her eyes gleamed with a giddy madness. "Getting rid of any essence early on would have been so easy."
"You did the right thing, Narcissa." The child in Narcissa's womb was not the only soul in Spinner's End that evening conceived in malice. Severus rubbed his temples, his voice low with dark words of his own mother. "A child can not choose how he enters this world."
"I thought of that, too Severus." Narcissa responded, returning to her seat. Tired but relieved after her confession. "Though I am surprised hear you say it."
He raised his eyebrows.
"I thought," her voice caught, hesitant. "I thought your first reaction to my condition my be a 'potion'."
"Then you do not know you as well as you presume."
No I don't. Narcissa thought, her mind racing from mystery to mystery regarding Severus Snape, but foremost in her mind, "Why are you agreeing to marry me, Severus?"
"Touché, my dear Mrs. Malfoy." He replied, gently setting aside his empty tumbler. "Why did you ask me?" He was certain there were more eligible men than just himself. More powerful men with larger bank vaults and better looks.
Narcissa didn't miss a beat. Her eyes locked with his, willing him to look away. "Because you are a good man, Severus."
Heat pricked his cheeks and he looked away. Was it possible he was blushing?
"That is why I trust you. That is why I asked you to protect, Draco. I saw what Lucius and the Dark Lord never did."
"My 'goodness'." Severus added sarcastically.
"I wasn't the first. Do you think I'd forgotten you and Lily?"
Now he knew he was blushing.
Narcissa smiled coyly. "You loved her."
His face twisted with pain. "You weren't the only one who attended the trials, Narcissa." There was not a single witch or wizard who didn't know about his unrequited love for Lily Evans and how because of it, he'd vowed to protect her son, Harry Potter. Severus was forced to admit their relationship to the world to save himself from Azkaban.
"Severus, I knew before it came out at trial. I knew twenty years ago. I was there when you begged the Dark Lord for her life and were denied. "
Severus rested his head against his hand, sighing heavily. Once he would have been angry at her words, but he had changed. So many disappointments, so many cruel realizations, so much humiliation made public this past year, her words no longer shamed him. "I loved her and I could not save her…" He confessed sincerely; voice low.
"Her love saved you." Narcissa added softly. "And yousaved her son… and mine."
He was quiet, looking into the fire, contemplating her words when Narcissa broke the silence. "You shall have access to my vault, money will not be an issue. I assumed we'd live at my home. You know, I'm living in the hunting lodge. The Manor is all but destroyed."
He was startled by the change of topic.
"You'll have access to all the rooms. I don't know what retired Potions Masters do in their free time, but if you should wish to set up a potions laboratory or run an apothecary shop, I will assist you in however I can."
Furrowing his brow, "I'm not marrying you for Lucius's money."
"I know, I just-"
He silenced her with a wave of his hand. Then standing, he walked to the fire and leaned heavy against the mantle. How could he tell her why he was marrying her, when he hardly understood himself? The truth was simple. She needed him and some lonely dark part of him needed her. It wasn't logical, but it was truth and he felt it deep within his being. He didn't want to be alone anymore.
"Let us not discuss this further tonight, it is late and I do not wish to argue." He waved his wand, magically stoking the fire. "I'm sure we can obtain a special license at the Ministry on Thursday."
"On Friday, Severus. I'd like us to tell Draco first. He knows nothing. He's been in Norway these past four months."
"And you wish it to stay that way? His ignorance?" He asked, folding his arms. His form black against the dying amber flames.
"I thought we would let him and everyone else, believe the child was conceived the night of Lucius's funeral. It was only a month after the actual date and everyone saw us together."
There was a long pause. "Alright, then." Being former Deatheaters, he was sure the wizarding public wouldn't put it past him to sleep with his friend's wife the night of her husband's funeral. Cold, duplicitous bastard that he was.
"We're already despised, Severus. What is one more social sin?"
"Naught to me, Narcissa." Even after he was pardoned for his crimes, he was still reviled.
"'Tis better that people think the worst about me, than to know the truth." Then touching her belly, "And at least the child will not come into this world without a name."
My god. I am to be a father. She was standing at his side now and he looked down at her small bump, contemplating its mystery. "It is not the best name to give a child."
She took his hand and brought it with hers to rest against her stomach. Severus was breathing rapidly. Oh Severus, you're nervous just like a real father. "Shhh, love! He will hear you." She whispered, smiling tenderly.
A little foot bumped against their hands. "My god." He whispered in surprise and for the first time, that evening, he returned her smile.
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