This chapter is based off the second half of the song and is unrelated to the first chapter. It is written about Penny, and it will help to know it is set before she said I love you to Leonard.
Still don't own the song of the characters. Balls.
Teach my skin, those new tricks
Warm me up, with your lips
Heart to heart, melt me down
It's too cold, in this town
Close your eyes, lean on me
Face to mouth, lips to cheek
Feeling numb, in my feet
You're the one, to help me get to sleep
Penny lay there and thought about Leonard. She thought about his smile, his laugh, his touch… His touch… His touch was something special. It was so different to anything she had ever experienced before. There was no point in lying, she had been around the block. She had been with her share, and probably a few other peoples share of men. Some people would say she was promiscuous, but she would say she was young, and just having fun. Yet, even with all those men she had been with, none of them had made her feel like he does. None of them had given her even a percentage of what he gave to her. She wasn't used to it, to men being so attentive, so fixated on making her feel good, and so passionate about her. When he touched her, with those soft, wonderful hands, she would shudder, every single time. Her skin just wasn't used to it, her body and her mind weren't either. He lit her up inside, in a way she never knew was possible. She never would have thought when she moved in all those years ago, that this little guy could make her feel so good, could make her body tremble and her knees weak. He didn't seem the type, but he certainly was.
She had noticed it for the first time, when he would touch her accidently. When he would brush past her, or sit so close to her that their knees touched together. Skin never touched skin, but it didn't need to, it still gave her chills. Chills she wouldn't acknowledge, because she had thought he wasn't her type. He wasn't tall, muscular and confident like the guys she was usually attracted to, but she found herself craving those touches, however brief and however slight. She would sit beside him, hug him, and kiss him on the cheek, just to get those little chills back. Those little chills grew though, becoming waves of electricity that ran throughout her body, waves that she could no longer deny. He wasn't like those other guys, but maybe that was a good thing.
She thought about his kiss. His lips on her lips, on her neck, on her stomach and everywhere else. Just thinking about it made her heart beat that little bit faster and her cheeks become that little bit redder. He was so soft and so gentle, yet he could be so firm and so commanding. Every time those lips touched her skin, no matter where on her body it was or how hard or soft that kiss would be, a fire would build inside of her. That fire spread throughout her body and burned, hotter and more intense than any fire that had been there before.
She thought about those things now, as she lay, alone and cold in her bed.
It was always sunny in Pasadena. It rarely rained, and even at night, it was never really cold. It was one of the reasons she loved it here. Sometimes though, the nights were cold. Those were the nights when he wouldn't stay over, whether it was because they had had a fight and were both being stubborn, or because she had to work late and didn't want to disturb him when she came home. Those nights were the worst. It was weird, because she had slept alone in that apartment many times before, but somehow, after having the experience of him sleeping beside her, holding her as they slept, she could no longer be without it. It could be the height of summertime, when the days were scorching hot and the nights were warm and humid, but it made no difference, because if he wasn't there beside her, she would feel cold.
It was that moment, when she lay there craving his presence beside her, that she realized just how deep her feelings for him went. It was then that she realized she had fallen for him. There was no way she could deny it anymore. He had gotten into her heart and now, without the soothing sounds of his heart beating next to hers, she found herself unable to sleep. She would toss and turn, unable to get comfortable in the place where she would always say she felt more comfortable in than anywhere else. Her bed had always been her favourite place to be, she could lie in it for a whole day and feel like it had been a day well spent, but now? Now it was the equivalent to spending a night on a pebbled floor, because he wasn't lying beside her. She wondered how she had done it for all those months after they had broken up, but the answer to that one was simple; Alcohol, and plenty of one night stands. They had replaced him and become the things that would help her sleep on those cold nights, but it wasn't the same, they didn't give her the warm feeling inside that he gave to her. It infuriated her that someone could have this much power and control over her, even if he didn't realize he had it. It annoyed her that something as simple as not having him beside her, kept her awake for most of the night. And it terrified her, because she didn't even know she could feel this way about someone. She didn't know this kind of love existed.
She lay there wondering if he was awake too and as she looked at her phone, she contemplated texting him to come over and stay the night with her, but she never sent that text, telling herself she didn't want to wake him up if he was asleep. That wasn't the real reason though, she couldn't text him, or head over to his place and stay, because she knew if she did, she would be admitting to herself, and to him, that she couldn't bear to be in her own bed without him. So she would stay in her cold bed and she would drift in and out of sleep as she let her pride get the better of her. She couldn't let him know she loved him, and was now dependant on him. She couldn't let him know the power he had over her, not yet, she wasn't ready.
She lay there and imagined him. She imagined that he was there beside her, in the hope it would help her sleep. She imagined his head resting against hers as he drifted off, his lips grazing her cheek as she lay as close as she could beside him. It was such a simple thing, so minor and almost insignificant, but she had felt that touch on her cheek so deeply, that when she imagined it now, it almost felt real. She could almost feel his breath on her face, his forehead on hers, his hand on her waist and his legs intertwined with her own. But the problem with that was that when she opened her eyes, and saw the huge empty space beside her, she was hit, square in the face, with disappointment.
She hated being this cold. She hated it when her body would shiver and her fingers and feet felt numb, so she would fight it. She lay there, in her bed, layered up like an onion in a desperate bid to fight the coldness that surrounded her, but she never won. His absence overpowered those layers, rendering them useless. She became weak, unable to fight it anymore. She needed to sleep and the one who would help her wasn't far away. He was only across the hall and with him was all the heat she needed, all the warmth and all the comfort. She could no longer deny the feelings he gave to her and she hated to admit it, but she needed him, more than she had ever needed anyone, and there was very little she could do about it. No, there was nothing she could do about it. He had found his way into her mind and into her heart, and he wasn't leaving. So she gave in. She finally gave in to the voice that begged her to go over and see him, and ignored the one that told her that she was stronger than this and she didn't need him that much, because that voice was a liar.
There's a firefly, loose tonight
Better catch it before it burns this place down
And I lie If I, don't feel so right
But the world looks better, through your eyes
She let go of her pride as she got up from her pebbled mattress, let herself into his apartment and crept, as quietly as she could, over to his room. She opened the door and saw him, nothing but a bundle under the covers, and smiled. There he was; the one that would warm up her shivering body, the one that would hold her and gently caress her as she drifted off into a happy and peaceful sleep. She slid in beside him, tucking her knees under his, wrapping her arm over his stomach and nuzzling her nose into the back of his neck and she breathed a sigh of relief as her whole body began to warm up against his skin.
She felt him stir as her body touched him and he turned around to face her. He didn't open his eyes to her though, he was still asleep. He didn't show her those sweet, chocolate holes that were perched beautifully on his face. She was disappointed, wanting nothing more than to see them staring back at her, but she was glad. Relieved that she didn't have to explain to those questioning eyes why she was there.
She shuffled closer, touching her nose against his, giving her all those warm feelings that she had craved. She held her breath, determined to stay as quiet as possible so she didn't wake him, but seeing him there in front of her, his warm body inches from hers made her chest heave. She couldn't understand how this man could make her feel this way when he wasn't even conscious. He was simply laying there peacefully beside her, yet she yearned for him. She wondered how on earth she would ever possibly be able to explain to him how he made her feel, how his touch gave her chills and his kiss lit her up. How was she going to make him understand how much he meant to her, how much she needed him and how much she loved him, when she barely understood it herself? But it was okay, because for now at least, he was asleep and she wouldn't have to explain it.
She kissed him lightly on the lips, and placed her hand on his side, getting ready to finally settle down and get some sleep, when his eyes slowly opened. She felt bad for a second, but seeing his gorgeous eyes, inches from hers, took her guilt away. She smiled at him as he looked at her with a glimmer of confusion on his face, probably wondering why she was there and when she had arrived. "I couldn't sleep." She told him in a whisper, but her eyes said more. Her eyes told him she wanted him, she needed him, she couldn't be without him and that she loved him. Her eyes told him the words that her mouth wouldn't let her speak, and she hoped he heard them. She wanted to tell him properly, but she couldn't. She kept those words inside, burning around her body, little fireflies that she couldn't let loose, because if she did that little fly would ignite a fire, a fire that she wouldn't be able to control.
She hated that she couldn't find the courage inside of her to tell him. She had been hurt before after saying those words and she was terrified that it would happen again. If only she had met him first. If only he had been the one to show her the wonderful world of love before the others. Before those heartless men took her heart and her innocence and squashed it and tore it up, leaving it ruined. Leaving her ruined and unable to give herself to him fully, like he deserved. Those men had forced her to put up a wall, a wall that she was determined to keep up, even as he chipped away at it.
Those eyes of his stayed on her as they lay there together. He still hadn't spoken a word, he just looked deep into her eyes and gently stroked her cheek. He didn't ask her why she was there, he just accepted it. She wondered if he knew everything that she was feeling inside, if those eyes that were burning a hole through her soul knew how much she loved him. He couldn't know, how could he when she barely even knew it herself? Yet those eyes, that stayed focused on her convinced her that he knew. They told her that he knew her better than she knew herself, and they would wait for her. They would wait for her to be ready to tell him out loud how she felt.
The words inside of her bubbled up, and her eyes watered, those words needing a release that her mouth wouldn't give them. His eyes became worried and concerned, confused at why she was suddenly tearing up. He deserved to know, he really did, but those god damn walls of hers wouldn't collapse, so the words stayed choked in her throat. She cursed herself as she kept her eyes from weeping. Hating herself for not having the courage to tell him. For not pouring her heart out to him, like she should. So she kissed him. She stared deep into his eyes, and then kissed him again. Determined to show him how much she loved him in the only way she knew how. She stroked her hand up and down against his side, then pulled him tightly against her, as her body that just moments ago was freezing in bed, began to burn up. And she showed him how much she loved him, not with words, but with her body. She made love to him, and as they lay, in the wake of ecstasy, she promised herself she would tell him properly. She would stop lying to herself, and she would tell those eyes about everything she felt inside. Not tonight, not tomorrow, but one day. Soon.