"Let me get this straight," Xander said, "you are planning to make an inferior copy of Superman as a contingency plan against him going rogue that you are going to program to hate Superman to an insane degree, so he'll kill him?"

"He won't be weaker to start," disagreed the scientist in charge of the project, "just ... unstable. He should be able to match Superman blow for blow for at least a week before he begins to degrade. That's why we have to rely on the programming. We need him to focus on taking out Superman while he can match his strength."

"Strength," Xander said, shaking his head and deciding to play to his audience. "If I take a Green Beret, strip him naked and drop him in the woods with orders to kill a bear by Sunday, do you know what you have by Sunday?"

"A dead bear," General Eiling and Amanda Waller chorused.

"That's right," Xander agreed. "A dead bear, possibly two if he's hungry enough, but it's not because he's as strong as the bear."

"Humans and bears are a lot closer in strength than a human and a Kryptonian," the scientist argued.

"Yes, however all you're doing here is making a bear," Xander pointed out, "and then letting it loose in a populated city."

"If you've got a better idea, I'd like to hear it, Mister Luthor," the scientist said.

"In fact, I do," Xander said. "We don't need a full Kryptonian to match him, we need a being who can play green beret to Superman's bear."

"I'm not sure I follow," General Eiling said.

"We make a hybrid clone, but we don't try to make him as strong as Superman. We simply get him in the ballpark and give him strengths Superman lacks," Xander explained.

"Good luck with that," Waller said with a snort, "he has super everything."

Xander grinned. "And yet Martian Manhunter could take him down easily."

"Well yeah, he's a powerful telepath..." the scientist trailed off as he looked around at the numerous genetically engineered telepathic beings around them.

"It can't be that simple," the general said in disbelief.

"Can't it?" Xander asked with a grin. "But you're right, it's not quite that simple. I'm saying we make him a strong telepath to go with the telekinetic gifts the Kryptonians have to give him an edge in any confrontation between the two, but I'm also saying that when you program it, don't program it to be a bear."

"What kind of programming are you thinking of?" Waller asked.

"I have a number of soldiers who you could scan in," Eiling said.

"Just soldiers?" Waller asked, as she eyed Luther.

Xander shook his head. "Not just soldiers. If he can be controlled, then he can be turned against you. What you want is someone incorruptible. Someone who is everything Superman appears to be, so that if he does slip the leash then not only will he still serve his purpose as insurance against Superman going rogue, but he'll also do his best to protect mankind from all the rest of them as well."

"A super soldier," the general said with a grin. "A super patriot even."

"One who the Justice League would probably welcome as a member," Xander said. "He or she escapes Cadmus and joins the Justice League, putting them in the perfect position to keep the League on the straight and narrow."

"The Martian would realize she was a double agent," Eiling said.

"The programming is to make them incorruptible, so there will be nothing to find," Xander reminded him.

"Someone who can be trusted to do the right thing, regardless of who's giving orders," Waller said with a nod.

"Loyal to the ideals of the U.S.," the general agreed.

"It'd take me six months," the scientist said, planning to use Luthor's DNA for the human component, since he'd complicated his simple project of creating super men and securing funding for his own research for the next decade.

Satisfied that he'd defused this bomb, Xander turned his thoughts towards giving himself super powers, trying to think of ones Lex couldn't use to take over the world when and if they switched back, but ones that would still be useful and fun.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"Plastic Man!" Xander greeted the hero cheerfully as he stepped into the church.

Plastic Man froze in place before turning his head to look at Xander and then spinning it around a few more times. "OK, I'm confused," Plastic Man admitted. "I was told I was here to raise money for an orphanage, not face off against a supervillain."

"Well, for one thing, I'm not a supervillain. I've always been an unpowered human," Xander pointed out cheerfully.

"Yeah, but you've always been fighting Supes and using some pretty impressive technology to do so," Plastic Man answered. "That puts you in the superhuman weight class."

"Fair enough," Xander agreed. "Batman doesn't have any super powers, but I'd call him a superhero."

"Glad we agree," Plastic Man said. "Now why are you here?"

"I'm here to offer you twenty-five million for a single square centimeter of your flesh," Xander said cheerfully.

"Plastic Man's head unwound itself, spinning him around and making him dizzy. "What?!"

Xander snapped his fingers and three guards came in and set down two briefcases each upon the table. "Twenty-five million dollars," Xander repeated.

"I'm pretty sure you could get some villain to cut a piece off of me for just fifty Gs," Plastic Man admitted. "Why the generosity?"

"The whole villain game got old," Xander replied, "so I figured I'd find myself legal ways to keep myself entertained. It's not like I can't afford it."

"I-I'm trying to figure out the catch to all this, but I'm just not seeing one," Plastic Man admitted.

"Batman will glare at you," Xander pointed out cheerfully.

"He does that anyway and it's not like it's a twenty-five million dollar glare," Plastic Man said. "What do you need it for anyway?"

"That takes a bit of explaining," Xander said. "You see, I have several samples of Kryptonian DNA and I could easily give myself Superman's powers."

"Seriously?!" Plastic Man exclaimed, eyes expanding and stretching his ever-present googles.

"Seriously," Xander agreed. "But then I'd be related to Superman and that would lead to a lot of awkwardness," he admitted.

"Family reunions would be uncomfortable," Plastic Man agreed.

"Exactly, so there I thought about whose powers would have the most recreational uses and..." his voice trailed off.

"And?" Plastic Man asked.

"And which powers would give me hair," Xander admitted.

Plastic Man laughed. "You have a deal," he agreed, offering his hand to shake.

Xander shook his hand and pulled a small device out of his pocket that looked like a pen-light. "Tiny laser scalpel," he said, passing it to the stretchy hero.

"Light meat, or dark meat?" Plastic Man asked cheerfully.

"At least you didn't ask breast or leg," Xander said with a chuckle. "I will take a lock of hair, since it's all interchangeable."

"Ruins the circumcision joke I was going to do," Plastic Man said with a fake sigh as he used the laser to cut off a small lump of hair.

Xander pulled a vial, filled with a glowing green fluid, out of his pocket and added the hair. "Since I'm going to have to drink this, I appreciate it."

"The taxes are going to be murder," Plastic Man said. "Suddenly I feel like voting Republican!"

"Already taken care of," Xander assured him. "Just donate one of those six cases, each holding five million, and you'll have enough tax credit to cover the twenty-five."

"Holy Moly!" Plastic Man exclaimed. "Twenty-five mil' tax-free, and I get to donate enough that Sister Jessica might just forgive me!"

"Forgive you?" Xander asked curiously as he pocketed the vial.

"I was twelve, it was a dare, and it was an accident!" Plastic Man exclaimed nervously. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go buy forgiveness."

Xander laughed and departed the church, his limo waiting at the curb for him.

"Everything go well, Sir?" Mercy asked.

"Like clockwork," he told her. "Now on to STAR LABS so they can mix up my drink."

"Yes, sir," Mercy agreed, signaling the driver.

Typing by: Ordieth