Ending Number One

Alex stole a last look on London before he turned around and left the city and his name. Alex Rider had seen his last daylight and Ario Valiente saw his first morning.

And I just can't keep living this way
So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage
I'm standing up, Imma face my demons
I'm manning up, Imma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now

I met many people during my years in MI6. Some were just ordinary citizens, some were rich people with too much influence and some were talented government refugees. People who lived in a kind of limbo. Hated or ignored the government and its forces. People who didn't cared about the law but who dismissed gangs, syndicates or thieves. People who just followed their own rules but didn't damage anybody who didn't deserve it in the process.

It was a long and tiresome project to understand and get myself in the in between 'world' that was ruled by hackers, forgers and mercenaries. People who worked for anybody, good or bad, or nobody. But I succeeded, and it was worth all the work. It took just a few months after that to fix everything that needed to be done to secure my freedom.

Papers that told everybody that I was a Spaniard who was studying in England and was going home to Madrid when I was finished with my studies.

A computer genius helped me to erase all traces of Alex Rider that existed in the governments and MI6's archives. I don't know how he was able to access those files and I didn't ask. Plausible deniability after all.

A healthy account on a Spanish bank that held enough money to set me up in whatever I wanted. From a friend with more money then he knew what to do with.

A scholarship to get me the grades I needed to get a decent work and contacts all around Madrid if I found any problems.

I couldn't wait to give life another chance. Because like I heard once 'If you fail once then don't stop trying. How are you supposed to succeed if you don't try?' Maybe I can find some sort of happiness. I can't let MI6 succeed in their fight to destroy my life. They might have done the damage already but I can fix it. Somehow, maybe... I have to at least try.

So I run, hide and tear myself up
Start again with a brand new name
And eyes that see into infinity

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My new life was perfect. I may not be rich, famous and popular but that's never what I wanted. Neither am I normal, I couldn't adjust to something mundane, but normal enough so that I can be content. My work is still my life but it's now from a choice I have made without being pushed by powers higher than me. A tour guide. It's the perfect work for me. They were overjoyed when they found out my language skills and I'm never bored because I travel all around the world with tourists who I teach basic 'survival' linguistics to in the place we are visiting. I can handle the press and take care of all problems that may come in our way. And my James Bond-esque charm and good looks isn't exactly something that is to a disadvantage. This work like made for me. A spy who wants to be normal.

I'm never alone and I have all the friends I need. If someone asks me about the scar I just says that I was working in Congo when I got caught together with my group of tourists by a guerilla attack from one of the local gangs. They start with all the normal things like 'oh my poor little boy', 'how did you make it?' or 'Cool! Can I touch your scars?'. And that's it! It was such a relief although I do feel bad sometimes with the lies. Then I think that the lies are better for them, they don't need that knowledge. They seem to get more faith in me which makes everything easier. It has actually happened that families have asked to have me as a tour guide because I make them feel safe! Its things like that warm my heart because I have not had people trusting me like that for far too long.

I love my work so much that they need to force me to take vacation. Although, the work itself is almost like a paid holiday in itself. It's like a drug to me, that complete strangers trust me so much and put so much faith in me. It wasn't like MI6, I never wanted recognition, but a 'thank you' every now and again would have been appreciated.

I have still soul deep scars but when I'm working with all these people I can forget everything for a while.

It's their problem I'm focusing on, not mine. And I finally understand the people who become teachers. It's so much fun in telling them a countries history and see them listening to every word. Or having them follow you as ducklings and asking questions. I kind of feel sorry for the teachers who love teaching but gets treated like shit in the school. Believe me, I would know. Brooklands wasn't bad per se, but we had our trouble classes.

I don't wanna change the world
I just wanna leave it colder
Light the fuse and burn it up
Take the path that leads to nowhere

I looked over the city I had hoped that I would never see again. But my girlfriend had insisted because she said something that I couldn't be a tourist guide without having seen London. I couln't refuse her anything.

Because that was one of my stipulations when I took the contract was that I wouldn't have to go to England.

The reason to why Kemina didn't know that it was here I had grown up was not that I didn't want to tell her. I love her so much and when we had confessed our love for each other I had immediately tried to tell her about my life. Tried is the keyword. When I said that needed to tell her she just put a finger on my lips and said that she didn't want to hear. And she said, and I'm repeating her exact words since I have them memorized.

"I don't want to hear it because it's not important. I know that you have had a terrible life and that those scars doesn't come from your work as tourist guide. I'm not stupid you know. But that's in the past and you should get a chance to start from scratch without anyone knowing anything about it. I will be there for you if you want someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on but please don't tell me because you feel like you need to. Because you don't"

That's what I love in her, the understanding. But it's still not like love what I'm feeling for her. MI6 made me unable to love. I'm telling everybody that I love her because that's the word that closest describe what I feel for her. It's more like a need. An urge to feel loved, and have somebody to spoil and worship. Because that something I do, I worship her. She is strong and loving, one of those people you really don't think exists outside crappy romance novels. A cliché. But she's my cliché. She knows that I have a bad past but she doesn't care. She is exactly what I need. Love is often that you forget all your needs and just go head over heels but don't give a damn. But for me it's all about needs. Not wants.

I forget my mental scars when I'm with her and I feel happy, calm and most importantly, safe. Happiness is a reason enough, at least for me, to call it love.

London. It's like I remember it but it feels strange to be back. I'm not scared that anybody will recognize me because I look like a Spanish national. The tan that was fake before is real now because all the sun I've has been exposed to. My blonde hair was changed into dark brown before I went to the airport with my new passport. Together with the eyes, tan and the perfect Spanish accent, no-one even gave me a second glance at the airport. I guess I chose Spain because Spanish was the first language I learned, and it was also the first country Ian took me to.

I know I'm damaged but I have found a reason to live. I am as happy as psychologically possible for me and I'm content.

I'm still feeling tired but I'm healing. But I will never be completely healed. I have lost a big part of my conscience. I mean I saw a man that was a rapist and a murderer, according to my gut feeling, following a young woman. But I just couldn't bring myself to follow him. I didn't want to be dragged into that world again. I'm not proud of it but I have lost the will to change things, to make this world better. I just want to live a normal life worrying about only myself. Doesn't I deserve that? I have sacrificed so much, can't just someone else take up where I left it? I mean why does one person have to sacrifice it all, why can't several sacrifice a little? But that is not how this world works. If it did I wouldn't be here. I just... I don't know how you keep fighting when it just doesn't work. Every time I had defeated one maniac, another one showed his ugly face. I know that nothing can change if you don't try, but it kills your spirit. I think I have fought enough against this crazy world and deserves a rest. Now it's someone elsees turn to step up and take over. I have retired. I don't like to think that someone else have to go through the same as I did but until humans become less selfish, some people have to sacrifice everything to keep us safe. But maybe this time it will be a free choice.

And I'll survive; paranoid
I have lost the will to change
And I'm not proud, cold-blooded fake
I will shut the world away

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A/N I'm so sorry that I'm so late with putting this chapter up! But I didn't think I would get 5 reviews so fast. Awesome work and thank you SO MUCH! And I have been really stressed with tons of homework's and training. I will publish a alternate ending because you know he had a choice to make about what he wanted to do.

And about these odd sentences in my last A/N... No this isn't my first language. This is my third language so a hurray for my Beta who is saving you from weird sentences!

And so sorry again and the name on the songs is in my profile.

I know that this chapter sucks but since I have written it... I can't just let it be and a promise is a promise.