It was the day of the party, all the eager teens were waiting for school to end and get hammered. The week after the beating was a little tough, getting slammed into lockers, called names, threats too. But it died down and they took me back in, I didn't really have a choice, to be honest. It was hard to talk to Castiel in front of The Boss, but I guess he got used to it. That doesn't mean the name calling stopped though. Bridgette was real flirty with me today and kept talking about the party. I bought her lunch and disappeared to find Cas like I do everyday. We met up behind the tree under the thick foliage and sat. He brought me pie every few days.
"So, Cas, there's a party tonight at one of the football players house, I'm not sure which one.."
"And?" He sounded skeptical.
"Wanna go? I mean, Bridgette is making me and I at least want to be there with someone I don't feel like stabbing." I laughed nervously, wishing Castiel would say yes.
"What's in it for me? I don't see a reason I should go other than you."
I smiled, Castiel was really cool. He made sure to always be at my aid whenever someone harassed me or hurt me. I think he enjoys my company too, I'm the only one I've seen make him smile or laugh. Every time we sat together he would make little comments as he read his books, and even the days where we sat together and never spoke, It was still nice being with him.
"Please Cas, what'll it take?" I pleaded. I didn't know how I was going to survive the night without him.
Castiel grew quiet. I knew he was contemplating it because he always puts his hand to his chin and stares off whenever he thinks deeply. A small smile lifted up. "I'll go, I have nothing to do tonight. But I need a ride."
"Of course man!" I grinned, "I'll be there at 8:30."
I went through the rest of the day quick. The school was talking about the party all day and it seemed everyone was going. A few times a year someone would throw a huge party that the kids never forget. It's sort of a stupid tradition and I've gone to some of them with Bridgette before. I wouldn't say it was enjoyable in any way. I walked Bridge over to her bus, she winked and boarded it. "See you tonight babe."
It was weird, I was feeling sort of excited to go to this sleazy party. I couldn't quite place it, maybe because Id be hanging out with someone to keep me from going crazy. I wonder why Castiel decided to join me, he's honestly a great friend. I wonder how mad Bridge would be if I stopped by Cas's house. I would actually like to see that, maybe she would lay off of me during the party for a bit. Arriving home quickly, I showered and slipped back into my clothes. Dad was gone, but the Impala was still here. It was a gift for my 16th birthday from my dad, a hand-me-down. It was still the only car we had, and my dad used it from time to time, but I loved it. She was sleek and dark black. A strong 67 Chevy Impala. Her engine purred and the feeling of the old car was indescribable compared to modern day cars. I made Sam a quick dinner of Mac and Cheese while he watched TV. I had to leave in an hour, so I decided to kill time and spend it with Sammy. 20 minutes later, my cell went off.
"Pick me up. x" Bridgette texted me, it was time to go.
"Sammy, I'm going to be out tonight and I'm not sure when ill be back, be safe okay? Go to Jessica's if you need to." I pulled my jacket back on with a sigh.
"Dean, I'll be fine. Dad will be back soon anyways. Please be safe too."
I waved and headed out. The sky was already dark and the air had a chill to it. It was almost winter and I could only imagine all the girls in little clothes biting down on their teeth from the cold. Slamming my door shut and blasting the radio to drown out my thoughts, I drove my way to Bridgette's house. She lived a few minutes away by car, but too far to walk. Thank god. Her house was big, like Castiels. I pulled up front and saw her run off her porch towards me. She was a wearing tight shiny miniskirt, matching stilettos and a top that made her boobs pour out.
"Deaannn, you like?" She was really excited, she wouldn't sit still and her face beamed.
"Always." I smiled. She was a pretty girl, honest. And I know tons of people that would kill to have her. I think she doesn't fully know it, and that's why she does the things she does, seeks attention and coats herself in cosmetics. She says she is pretty and acts like number one, but I can tell that that's how she wants people to see her. Even though she was popular and pretty, I wasn't feeling it with her. Her personality and begging was annoying, but that wasn't it.
"Dean, we're going the wrong way." Bridgette moaned, her feet kicked in frustration.
"Relax, I'm picking someone up."
"Oh my fucking god," She let out the loudest groan I may have ever heard, "Are you picking up your stupid new boyfriend?"
"Stop calling him my boyfriend," I barked, "It's like I can't even have a decent friend without someone coming along and crushing things! Look, we're here, then we'll be at the party before you know it." I pulled the impala to a stop in front of his house, he was waiting on the porch. I honked the horn and he jumped up and ran to the car. He wasn't wearing his trench coat as usual. He wore just a white T shirt and basic denim pants.
"Dean, thanks." He climbed in the back and shut the door gently, "Hello Bridgette."
"Hi." Bridgette mumbled quietly, I guess she didn't want anything to do with him. I started driving again, no one really said anything the rest of the ride, which was thankfully not long. we were finally on the last street and we followed the flashing lights and sounds of yelling. After pulling up, Bridgette rushed out of the Impala to meet her group of barely dressed friends. She waved back at me and ran in.
"Well its good she's excited." I sighed, parking nearby. Cas and I got out of the car and made our way to the large and crowded house. The music was loud and it was sort of a mess, the party animal kind. A boy stumbled past me and puked all over the curb, dropping his red plastic cup and spilling booze. There were the people sitting on the front lawn and had their shit together, then there was the kids making out against the walls and behind trees, and then the kids puking and crying; We weren't even inside yet.
"Is this a normal party, Dean?" Cas looked around as we stepped inside. His expression was disturbed and priceless. He didn't seem to know what was going on.
"You've never been to a party like this? Stick with me man." I laughed. We made our way slowly through the crowd of teens and towards the food and drinks. The chips and pizza slices were disorganized and messy, but the alcohol was in better shape. I slid the cooler out from under the table and pulled out two cheap bottles of beer.
"Fuck it. Cas?" I held out a bottle for him.
"I- I shouldn't." He looked down, he always did that.
"C'mon man, It's one beer, nothing will happen."
Castiel took it hesitantly. Eyeing it weirdly before popping the cap off and taking a swig of it. I was expecting a weird face or something, but his face remained still and emotionless. "What else happens at parties?"
We wandered around, stopping to watch games of spin the bottle and truth or dare. I lost track of how many times Bridgette has kissed someone and taken her shirt off. She did come and try to be with me for a bit, slipping her hands up my shirt or pulling at the waistline on my jeans. She got bored after I didn't give in to it, we did kiss for a bit, it was lame. Cas and I started our second beer, because why not? A short girl with pretty black hair came up to Castiel and started flirting real intently. She didn't go to our school but she wanted Cas. Getting really close and hinting strongly about wanting to get him alone. I don't know if he has never talked to a girl before or if something else was the matter, because all he did was stand there awkwardly and quiet. She gave up and left and Cas let out a short breath. I was laughing really hard, he told me to shut up but man was he cute like a puppy. We went around and took note of what all our classmates were up to. It was amusing watching the freshmen get buzzed and panic and the most unpopular of people getting it on. Castiel was clearly getting nervous as I went to grab a third bottle of beer for him and I. He declined it, so I drank both. I wasn't drunk but I was pretty damn close.
"Dean, you seem sad." Castiel turned to me, we were leaning on the wall watching another game of spin the bottle. Bridgette was playing this one too.
I was, it just suddenly washed over me. I never got to have fun like this, friends, a lover even. And here everyone was, feeling on top of the world with each other. "Yea, I'm just.."
"Lets talk about it, somewhere quieter." Cas pulled me off the wall and I followed him up a set of stairs. This floor was less crowded than the one below, multiple hallways branching out. How many rooms does a rich family need? It still wasn't quiet up here, Cas led me down a hallway past rooms which were clearly occupied from the sounds of it. He peeked into a room at the end of the hall and grinned.
"It's empty, we have privacy to talk." He shut the door behind me and we plopped down on the big bed. It must have been the parents room or some kinda guest room. The decor was simple and everything was neat and tidy. The lighting in here was slightly dim and calming.
"Dean, what is the matter?" Cas asked, sitting beside me.
I swished the last of the beer in my fourth bottle around, I sighed, "I'm stupid and drunk, I left Sam all alone just to come to this stupid party, I have no idea where Bridgette is and she is probably mad. And I dragged you along and made you stay with me in this stupid house."
Castiel was quiet for awhile, contemplating again. He was always so serious. "It was fun coming here with you, Dean," His sky blue eyes slowly moving up to mine, "I like being with you, no matter where."
Castiel made me really happy, he said what I wanted to hear and meant it, he was a great friend. "I still can't be a brother to Sam or a decent human being to anyone."
"One step at a time, you have me to help now, right? I can help." Cas stuck his hand out and onto my arm, It felt reassuring.
I scooted farther up onto the bed and turned closer to him, "Cas, you're great. You're so fucking great," My words slurred slightly, and I laughed, "You're the only friend that I even have and care about."
"I care about you too, Dean. I know you're troubled, and I want to be there." He smiled, looking down again. His body shifted over towards me a bit.
"I'm drunk, but I'm honest when I say you're the best thing in the fucking world, not just your personality but all the little things on the outside too," I sat up, closer to him, "The way you look down when you're contemplating things and when your hands fumble when you want things, like now!"
Cas tensed up and clenched his fists. "I don't know what you mean."
"And the way you smile real big when we talk and how consumed you are when you read. I love watching you mutter comments under your breath and you never even notice that I'm watching."
Castiel smiled slightly, and I wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or what, but It felt like everything was slowing down. He shifted his body closer and looked up at me. "I notice plenty, Dean. I see how you're mood changes around me and how sometimes you get quiet when we talk, even if you're happy."
I didn't know how to reply. No one else could point out the things in me that only he saw. It seemed every time we spoke we got closer and closer, our legs were pressed together at this point, his face only inches away from mine. I dropped the bottle and it rolled off the bed, my hand sliding closer to him.
"Cas," I whispered, our faces almost touching and the tension in his eyes building up as I got closer. I could feel his warm breath, short and jagged against my lips.
"Dean, I-"
I don't know what overcame me. I grabbed his chin and pulled him forward, our lips interlocking. My hands holding his face gently. Soft and warm, the kiss lingering on. My heart started racing and I felt embarrassed. I jerked away quickly.
"Fuck, I didn't mean to, I have no Idea what happened and-" Castiel let out a dreamy smile and gently pulled the flap on my jacket towards him, embracing me with another kiss. I let out a satisfied groan, our lips moving together in synchronizing motions. I could feel the corners of his pleasing and soft mouth lift into a subtle smile. The light, loving kisses were incredible, but I wanted more. I pulled away and he adjusted his body so he was facing me. My breathing grew heavier and I leaned back into him. gripping his thighs and pushing harder on his mouth, our lips pulling on one another.
"Dean." Cas gasped softly, his hands moving up near my neck from behind, clutching my back intensively. I took my hands off his thighs and pressed him onto his back. Our lips met roughly and tongues collided. His hot breath had a faint scent of beer and it left me with shivers in my spine. Cas tugged my jacket off desperately and I threw it aside. The bass from the loud speakers downstairs filled the room with muffled rumbles and quakes. The light from the dim orange lamp beside the bed gave Castiel's silky skin a luminous glow. On top of him now, my heart was racing and I couldn't drag my eyes off of his perfectly toned chest through his tight shirt. His mouth was slightly parted and begging for more of me as his eyes stared up into mine. I've never kissed Bridgette like this before, ever. I know it bothered her that I was never in the mood to kiss, but I never knew why. She said it was frustrating how I never "tried to lead onto bigger things", but I swear I couldn't. Maybe if I was drunk enough, because who knew that right now I was going to be on top of my best friend, clashing tongues, and feeling the rush of adrenalin course through me. This was wrong, I shouldn't be doing this, but I couldn't stop. His hands were clinging to my shoulders and pulling on the neck of my shirt aggressively. I gave in, to every pull and tug. Anything his body wanted me to. The denim on our jeans grinding roughly against each other. I'm not sure why I was on top, since he clearly knew what he was doing more than me. I pulled my mouth off his, taking in a quick breath.
"You're good," I panted, "Show me more." It was desperate to beg for more but I was dying for him.
"Anything for you, Dean." Castiel whispered, rolling over until he was hovering over me. I pulled his shirt over his head, he didn't hesitate to take mine off either. His eyes trailed up and down my bare torso, leaving him tense. "The light..." Cas mumbled, nodding his head in the direction of the lamp. I stretched my arm over and pulled the cord. The room instantly went dark, leaving only a deep blue glow from the midnight sky to fill in through the curtains. I rolled my eyes back onto him. I watched his eyes scan my bruised body, his smile fading. His serious expression made me nervous. I started panicking, I felt a heavy weight of guilt and I knew I shouldn't be doing this. My mind stopped racing right when Cas planted his lips on my jaw. Overwhelmed my the sensation of his kisses trailing down to my neck. The ecstatic massage of his lips and tongue going further down on my body made me grow hard. Cas noticed and I saw him grin lustfully. His mouth worked its way down lower until they hit my waist, unable to go further. He stopped and slowly peeked up at me, acknowledging my heavy breathing before looking back down and wrestling my jeans lower. His heated breathing only made my tension stronger.
Castiel was about to get further, to the best part, but the thud against the door and then the loud creak made us flinch back. A sniffling girl with red hair strut in, pouty lips and runny makeup. She noticed us and her hands shot up over her mouth.
"Dean is that you? Are you-" She looked at Cas, who was still lingering on me, hands trembling and releasing the grip on my jeans, "Oh my god." She turned to run out the door, a malicious smirk replacing her frown.
"No, wait- uh-"
"Amanda, I believe." Castiel finished for me. He began sitting up slowly and adjusting himself. A sliver of worry masked under his calm expression.
"Amanda wait, please, It's not what it looks like, I'm drunk." I begged, a lump growing in my throat.
"Dean, wow, Bridgette will be so freaked to hear about this." Amanda, the red head who happened to be my girlfriends best friend taunted.
"No, don't! I wasn't... I'm not like-"
"Too bad Dean, I never knew you and your boyfriend here would be so bold as to bang right here at the party." She rubbed the black smudge of mascara from under her eyes as she turned back to the door.
"Wait! Why're you crying? I can help, just don't say anything..."
She stopped abruptly on her way out, still and quiet. "You sure? I think you could help just fine." her bubblegum pink lips twisted into a greedy smile.
"Anything." I shot Cas a look, he was about to speak up. I felt like dying, this was never supposed to happen. I should have never caved in to this sick desire.
"Well, I just saw Josh leave with some slut. That should've been me!" Her voice growing whiny, "you guys are friends, right? Get him to be mine and I won't tell a soul."
I didn't trust her, but I could never let anyone know about this. I nodded, "Of course." Desperation was in my voice. Even with the lights out I could see Castiel fumbling with his hands anxiously. A wave of anger coursed through me, "I'm leaving." I grabbed my clothes and rushed to slip them back on. Amanda giggled faintly into her hands. I stormed out of the room, Amanda following my heels.
"I knew it, I fucking knew it!" She couldn't stop laughing, chasing me down the stairs.
My fists tensed up, "Amanda, Shut the fuck up or forget about Josh." The rage I felt towards her made my skin boil. I just wanted to punch her.
"Deanie, I think I'm the one who has control over you right now." Amanda cooed as I walked out the front door of the house. The shock of the chilly air against my hot skin snapped be out of my fit. I had troubles controlling my temper, I would always get so consumed with the aggressive thoughts that would clutter my mind. I sighed and turned around. one last look at the party. Through the wide windows on the first floor, I caught a glimpse of Castiel walking down the stairs. We met eyes briefly and he mouthed the word "Wait". I didn't, I got in my car and drove off as fast as I could, trying to shake the fact I abandoned Cas and Bridge there.
"Goodnight Dean. I hope you feel better." Sams silhouette was standing in my bedroom doorway.
"Yea. 'Night Sammy." He slowly shut the door.
I was spread out on my bed, clutching my phone. A kept telling myself that this night should've never happened, but in honesty it was one of the best nights I've ever had. I held the screen above my face, scrolling through contacts to text Josh.
"Hey man, what do you think of Amanda?" I actually could care less about hooking them up, I just needed her mouth to be kept shut.
"Nice ass, why? did u tap that" He replied, I wondered what was happening with the girl he left with.
"no, but you can."
"What?"
"she's got a thing for you." I trembled as i hit the send button. I really hoped that the anxiety in my mind would leave.
"who doesn't, ha but is she dtf"
This. This is why i never text the boys. They don't seem to care about anything but boning girls and wanting power. Maybe it wasn't worth it, maybe I could just move away and forget this mess. "well if you date her she's all yours."
"you know i don't do serious relationships Dean."
"Well she's willing to do anything so i think you should just take it." This was frustrating. Josh really had a big ego, but he usually did get his way with girls.
"you're pushing this real desperately huh dean?" He replied, 5 minutes later.
I bit my tongue, I was done for the night. I didn't want to deal with this anymore, the overwhelming stress and panic that settled in me was making me nauseous. "Whatever, just thought I'd mention that Amanda wants you."
"Well let's see how bad she does on Monday then."
I set the phone down on the stand next to my bed. I pulled the switch on my lamp and let the darkness engulf me. It's 1 in the morning and just as I thought my mind would rest, my phone buzzed. I reached over and grabbed it, grumbling to myself.
"Dean I know you're probably..." A text from Cas, I hesitated before opening it fully, "Dean I know you're probably asleep. And If I awoke you I apologize. Maybe once you're awake and see this you can understand. What happened earlier was great, you made the first move you know, and I've been wanting that for awhile now. I hope what I felt was the same for you. I see why you wouldn't want Amanda to speak of it, and I'm sorry for-" I deleted the message. I couldn't finish it, A nervous weight barred down on my chest and it made my heart race. I tossed the phone back over and buried my face in a pillow. As my drowsiness ate at me, I could almost feel Cas's lips on mine. My lips hummed at the thought. I could still feel his mouth, going lower and lower down my body. The lingering touch on me made me feel even more guilty. I wanted to keep fantasizing, I even wanted for the real deal again, but a loud voice in my head scoffed and told me I was wrong. I collapsed into a deep slumber, I planned on sleeping the entire weekend so i wouldn't be conscious.