Thanks to everyone for reading. Enjoy!
"Danny?" Steve cracked open the door. "Yo Danno. You home?"
"Where else would I be?" The words were flat, monotone. No sarcasm. A forced sort of nothingness employed by Danny when he was truly reaching his limit.
Steve tread carefully, unsure of how to approach. "My house? Celebrating Jerry maybe?"
A hint of amusement crept into Danny's voice. "Uh huh."
"Hey, I'm sorry." He really was sorry. Keeping this from his best friend had only made everything worse. And it now occurred to Steve that he wouldn't get anywhere with those simple words of apology.
And he was correct.
"Save it, please." Danny turned up the volume on the baseball game.
Steve sat beside his partner on the couch, bumping into him, not worrying about a silly thing called personal space. He realized Danny was holding the chef's hat. Strangling was more like it. The poor thing was all balled up and twisted in his lap.
Steve put his hand over Danny's. "Hey, look at me."
"Don't tell me what to do."
"Oh this is getting somewhere." Steve stretched out and dug in. Arms spread across the back of the couch. Legs wide, pushing his friend toward the opposite end. He ignored Danny's glare and pretended to be very interested in the game.
/././
Steve had been prepared to wait all night. The seating arrangement was comforting, and his nausea had not returned. He knew he was not getting off easily, and he was anxious to try a new tactic tonight. He just wasn't sure how his partner would react. That blind spot alone was enough to make his stomach lurch if he thought about it too much, so he didn't. Instead, he enjoyed the moment.
Until Danny opened his mouth again. "Hypocrite."
"What?" Steve didn't register the word immediately. Once his brain caught up, he knew he was in trouble.
"You got mad at me for not telling you I was thinking about retiring. Retiring! Not disappearing from existence!"
"Danny." Steve practically whispered as he looked around his friend and gestured toward the bedrooms. "Charlie?"
Danny wrinkled his nose. Like he'd have this conversation with his son in the house. "I dropped him with Rachel."
"You sure that was a good idea?"
"I needed to be alone."
Steve sat stock straight, his words clipped like he'd been hurt. "You still wanna be alone?"
"Oh that's rich."
"What?"
"You're - Danny stopped, hand scrubbing his face as he took an unsteady breath. "You're sick. And you didn't tell me."
"I told you."
"Tonight. After how much time went by? And if Charlie hadn't just about exploded, would you have told me?"
Steve looked away.
"See, you wouldn't have." Danny shook his head and headed to the kitchen, muttering. "Son of a bitch."
Steve followed, drawn like a magnet. "Say what you really feel, buddy. Come on. Lay it on me. Don't hold back."
His comments only added fuel to the fire.
Danny didn't look at Steve once he started speaking again. He kept his voice low, measured, like he was talking to himself, mulling things over. "Now it all makes sense. I should have seen this coming. You acting like - like you have nothing to lose. That stunt you pulled -"
"I saved lives."
"Sure, you did. This time."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means luck runs out, Steven."
"None of that was luck, Daniel."
"Bullshit." Danny coughed into his hand as he turned to fiddle with the coffee maker.
"Gee, you said I needed time outs." Steve looked around dramatically. "I'm not the one with potty mouth."
"That's all you got? Seriously?"
Steve got in Danny's face. "Seriously."
The air was electric. Both men were out of breath and maybe a little stunned. It felt like they'd hit a wall. They stood there for a few seconds trying not to look the other one in the eyes.
The moment cracked, and Danny exhaled loudly before fumbling to put the coffee back in the fridge. Steve took a step or two back, picking at the hem of his shirt. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but he just shook his head. Danny's eyes were shiny with tears, and it took an obvious effort to keep himself in check. But he still had words to say.
"I love you. And I'm so tired." Danny leaned heavily against the counter. "I spend so much time worrying about you."
Hands on his hips, Steve didn't seem one bit sick. He looked pissed off. "Not gonna argue that."
"It's what people do, Steven. When they love someone, huh? Do you get it? You could die from this."
"I could die from a lotta things, Danny."
"And most of them I'm aware of, babe. Like the dangers of our job. The risks you take. The ones we all take. But this. I didn't know." The bite left Danny's voice as he spoke.
Steve softened a little. "I didn't want to worry you."
Danny chewed on his bottom lip, as a tear slid down his cheek. Instead of simple anger, his eyes flashed something raw and fragile.
"So you hid the fact that you're having spells? You didn't think someone would notice eventually? This isn't some small shit. Radiation poisoning. Fuck." Danny pounded the counter. "Why the hell didn't you let me handle that bomb?"
"Then you'd be in this situation." Steve crossed his arms over his chest.
"So my life is more important than yours? Huh? Because that makes perfect sense."
"No, that's not -"
"I have kids, I know. Blah blah blah." Danny shoved Steve as he moved past him to leave the room.
Steve kept pace with Danny, not losing a beat. "This is happening to me. We can't change that. Hey, stop. Where are you going?"
"I need to lie down."
He shifted quickly from anger to concern. "Hey, are you alright?"
"Am I alright?" Danny stopped abruptly, causing Steve to run into him. "Am I alright?"
Danny pushed away with a giggle and continued to his bedroom, disappearing into the bathroom. The water ran for a minute, and then Danny came back, shirt unbuttoned and chest hair twinkling with a few errant drops of water. His eyes were red. Jaw tense.
"Danny, please, can we hit the pause button?"
It was clear Danny had no intention of pausing anything. "My best friend tells me he's sick. And he wonders if I'm alright."
"I'm fine now." Steve jumped in when he could.
"Yea...now. You say that. I'm so tired of you lying to me."
"What?" Now Steve was mad, the fire rekindled. "Lying to you?"
"Hiding things."
"You really wanna know the truth?"
Danny frowned. "Yes, of course I do. We're partners."
Steve pushed his partner onto the bed. So hard he bounced.
"Hey, what are you -"
Steve crawled on top, pinning him. "Telling you the truth."
Stunned, Danny didn't move.
"I want us to enjoy our time together. And not worry about how sick I am or how sick I might get."
"Time together?" Danny's eyes were wild with confusion and surprise. Then everything clicked. And the truth wasn't such an innocent thing to want. "Steven, would you get off me?"
"No. I won't."
Steve grabbed Danny's hands, raising his arms above his head. "If I get off you, I can't do this."
He kissed Danny. First on the neck, making his friend shiver and arch his back. Then he brushed his lips against Danny's mouth, asking for permission.
Danny turned his head. "No. You can't make this better. Not like this."
"What? I love you."
"I know you do. I love you, too. But this -" Danny freed his hands and scooted out from under Steve. "Not now. Not like this."
The hurt in Steve's eyes was a dagger to Danny's heart.
"I can't do this, Steve. I love you too much."
Steve rolled away putting some space between them. "I don't get it."
"Yes you do."
They stared at one another until Steve's face pinched with pain.
"Hey, babe, you alright?" It was Danny's turn to worry.
Steve closed his eyes and exhaled loudly, hands fisting the light covers.
"Steve, hey." Danny's voice was soft and concerned. He moved closer to his friend, careful not to jostle the bed too much. "Hey, how can I help?"
"Puke." Steve's hand covered his mouth and Danny flew into action.
/././
"This is love, Steve. Caring for one another. The other stuff...it's icing." Danny waxed poetically as he flipped on the vent fan.
"Please don't mention food right now." Steve hovered over the toilet bowl, shaking.
Danny darted out of the room, returning with a fluffy robe. He draped it over his friend. "This okay?"
Steve nodded before vomiting again.
Danny sat on the edge of the tub, waiting, watching.
"Doc says this is normal." Steve wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and then on the robe.
Danny rolled his eyes and sighed. "Always the animal."
"Sorry. I'll clean it." Steve wrapped himself in the robe. "It's so soft."
Danny melted with a sigh. "No, it's okay. I didn't mean it. It's all okay, you big goof."
"This should go away eventually. The meds are working."
"Sure." Danny held on to the tub, knuckles going white, eyes watering.
"Hey, I'm okay."
"It's alright to admit you're not, babe." Danny closed his eyes, letting his tears prove his point.
Steve averted his eyes, taking great interest in the scant contents of his stomach. He flushed the toilet and leaned back against the tub.
Danny knew he wouldn't get a verbal response. It took a lot for Steve to let him see this much. So he changed the subject.
"Feel like taking a shower?"
Steve perked up a little. "Yea, that would be good. Thanks."
"You know where everything is. Let me know if you need help, okay? I mean it. Don't be shy. After what you just did -"
"I didn't do anything, Danny."
Danny rubbed his neck. "I'm lucky I don't have a hickey."
"You're nuts. I did not -" He tried to grab Danny's hand, so he could see his handiwork.
Danny laughed, batting Steve away. "Just messing with you. Under different circumstances, I'd be happy -"
"To get a hickey from me?" Steve smiled, and this time it met his eyes.
Danny blushed. He recovered quickly. Getting back to the business at hand. "Get a shower. Relax. Take as long as you like. No crazy Navy showers tonight."
Steve chuckled.
"What?"
"You said Navy."
"Of course I did." Danny tilted his head and flashed a quick smile.
"I love you, Danny."
"I love you, Steve. Now get in the shower."
"Bossy. I like that." Steve pulled off his shirt, flinching. Bruises blossomed here, there and everywhere.
Danny had to look away.
"Hey, we saved those girls."
"You saved them."
"We all did, buddy. Without the team..." Steve paused, visibly collecting himself. "I wouldn't be here if not for all of you. Especially you."
Danny stopped breathing for a few seconds, but then he seemed to hit the reset switch. "Shower now. Big, life changing revelations later."
I know some of you may want to see the team's reaction to Steve's news. That may come later in a "missing scene" sort of story. If the muse comes up with something. This story is all Danny and Steve...