Disclaimer : I don't own Reign, any of its affiliates, or anything I might choose to cross it over with. I only own my OC(s).
(Later)
I sat in my chambers, the girls laughing giddily and playing around.
I sat in a chair, holding a silver hand-held mirror before me, and running a pinky stained with a glistening pinkish gel over my lips carefully. I applied the lipstick, unable to shake annoyances and irritations with how things were done, even as I had already changed into a sleeveless, blue silk gown, with a lace cover over the bodice, and thick, frilly lace straps.
The skirt was left a shiny silk, moving silently and softly against my legs as I walked, but even here and now, I couldn't get away from the discomfort of corsets, even of this one was also hidden under the form-fitting bodice of the dress. My hair was left as it was, though I'd changed into a slightly smaller and less pronounced, jeweled headband. At least that I didn't have to suffer through.
Once I was done with my lips, I wiped my fingers on a cloth nearby, before reaching for a kohl stick, and sticking it in the crushed up powder in the small bowl, before scratching it across the edges of my eyelids, dangerously close to my eyes. Again, I couldn't shake the feeling this was somehow tedious, unnecessary, and rather dangerous, just for a hint of color.
And yet, I did it.
I didn't bother with pinching my cheeks for color. I'd rather have gone with a straight, slightly pale olive complexion, or a fresh blush from a walk on a cool day, then go through the pain and discomfort for a slight pinkening that would only last until the areas healed.
"Are all these dresses from Paris?" Kenna twirled in her latest dress of choice.
Greer walked over towards her, laughing and twirling as well, before nodding. "Yes! Every one!"
I looked at the dresses. They really were quite beautiful, if I found a few not quite to my taste. I wore my own numbers, which the nuns had given me, apparently from a wardrobe they had set aside for me, for the day I would return to the Court. I placed my hand against my stomach as I lowered the mirror and kohl stick, staring at myself in the large, full body mirror the other girls were using.
Is this really me?
It doesn't feel right.
"If Colin could see me now, he'd marry me in an instant! I look of age, now! We all do!" Lola was laughing and standing tall and proud, smiling widely into the mirror.
I frowned at the back of her head. Colin? Oh yes, her betrothed. She told me about him. And yet, something twisted in my gut in a way that had a tendril of fear lingering in the back of my head. A tendril of doubt, fear and confusion. A wariness that refused to fade, no matter how happy and joyful the situation before me.
The introductions to the royal family had been quick and, for the most part, relatively painless. I'd met Henry, Diane, Catherine, Sebastian, Francis, little Henry, Charles and Nostradamus. King, favorite mistress, not-so-favored queen (which I didn't blame him for, judging by her cold, aloof attitude), favored son (who had a voice like velvet and appeared to be as kind as he was beautiful), crown prince (who was kind and beautiful, if seemingly withdrawn the more we spoke), the two little brothers, who were friendly and sweet and innocent, and the seer, who was polite, handsome and quiet.
And sent yet another tendril of unease through me.
I heard their names, they welcomed me to French Court, apologized for the circumstances of my arrival, invited me and my ladies to the after-wedding party tonight, and left us to our devices. Elizabeth wasn't there. I guessed because she was hiding away, preparing for her wedding. Same with Philip. I didn't mind. Less royal figures meant less introductions, and a faster get-a-way.
Their names sent different feelings through me, and despite the words I'd been told on each, I was more liable to go with my gut.
Henry and Catherine both sent feelings of unease. Something hot, sharp and tense, that I did not like, and could not shake, that left my polite return greeting strained in my efforts to be polite and kind in return. I did not want to be around them. I did not want to be under their gaze. I did not want to speak with them, and I did not know why.
Diane I felt nothing towards, one way or the other. She and Nostradamus were the most blank of them all. There was a hint of unease towards both, that I immediately slotted in my 'I don't know them, so I don't trust them' category, before dismissing.
The children, again, I felt nothing one way or the other. I felt an instant fondness that came with greeting children, as the one thing I did know, I adored children, but that was it.
Francis, I felt restrained. I felt uneasy, angry, easy, calm... I did not know how to feel, but I felt no attraction. No drawing sensation. No pressure against the walls in my mind. No familiarity. I felt...that maybe, all lies and secrets aside, maybe I could be friends with him, but I felt no love. I felt nothing that told me I could love him.
It was Sebastian that frightened me.
The intensity of the mixed up jumble of emotions I felt towards him hit me hard, like a concrete wall slamming into me out of nowhere. I felt intrigue, I felt a tugging/pulling/drawing towards him. I couldn't help but notice every detail of this man. From the slight heart shape of his lips, to the slightest smiles and smirks he'd give. I noticed his eyes, whether they crinkled in the corners from early onset laugh lines when he did smile, to the sheer iridescent color of his eyes!
I noticed the honey tone in his words, and the thick accent that didn't quite ring French in my ears, despite my knowing better. My own accent was...very different, but amazingly enough, no one batted an eyelash. I didn't have the same smooth curl to my words they did. I felt...lacking. Different.
And no one noticed.
I struggled to shove all thoughts of him aside, only to find myself consumed by them moments later once more. I felt warm, hot, tense, at ease. I felt no unease or anger or sharp, ominous feelings towards him.
I trusted him!
"You know what I want to do? Explore!" Aylee's voice knocked me out of my musings, and I watched her smile widely as she turned towards me. "We haven't been here since we were children! Surely the castle's changed! Who's with me?"
"I am!" Kenna cried, laughing giddily.
I watched the girls all laugh and echo her, before smiling slightly. "Go. I'll find you later. There's something I want to see." They all raced off, and I found myself smiling a little as they went, before letting it fall away once they were gone. So cheerful and completely at ease here. I wish I could be like them.
"Sterling."
Looking over my shoulder, I found the dog I'd befriended several days earlier as his head perked up immediately. He was so easy to befriend, and sweet and loyal almost instantly. I chalked that up to his being a dog, and dogs loving unconditionally. I stood and straightened and turned towards the dog, walking over quietly as I smoothed my hands down the dress I wore. Reaching out, I took his shaggy head in my hands and stroked his face gently.
He was a large, grey Scottish Deerhound. A large dog, not all that outwardly attractive, really, but very well behaved and very friendly. "Want to go for a walk with me?" I stroked my hand down over his head once more, before pulling back and reaching for a dark green cloak I had, slipping it on over my dress, and fastening it shut with a smaller, jeweled brooch at the front. "Come on, Sterling. Let's go, boy."
Unlike what I'd told the girls, I had no destination in mind.
Generally, I just wanted to get out and explore the castle, myself, but be left alone to my thoughts while I did it. Would anything spark the memories? Would anything be familiar? Maybe I should seek my betrothed. Maybe he could help me...but no... I was told it was best not to talk to anyone about...
Scotland must be seen as strong, therefore, the queen must be strong!
I must be strong!
I must do this alone!
I grit my teeth, still debating on finding and speaking to Francis. Maybe a trip down memory lane would help. Maybe he could show me around, and I could get to know my fiancé all over again. I knew that the rightful thing to do was to go meet up with my betrothed and get to know him, but...where would he be? How would I find him? Would it be proper to ask for him?
Deciding against the action, once more choosing to be alone with my thoughts, I decided to ask about something else, instead. Wandering out of the room and along the corridors with Sterling at my side, I let the cloak fall over my arms, keeping them warm of the cooler air as we went. The dog was ever silent and alert, walking patiently beside me as I wandered up and down random halls. I bypassed guards, undoubted on their patrols. I bypassed busy looking servants as well, deciding that my inquiries weren't really worth interrupting their duties and forcing them to deal with possibly unpleasant masters or mistresses as a result.
Truthfully, I had no idea where I was going.
It didn't take me long to find the entrance, where I found myself standing just within the wide open doors that peered out at the large, immaculate yard, and the lake beyond. Going for a walk sounded intriguing. In fact, the possibility of going for a ride had my fingers twitching...until I remembered I was a queen and would need guards watching over me.
Seeing a random servant wandering by, with nothing in her hands and no brisk pace to her steps, I casually stepped half in her way. "Excuse me." She looked up and her eyes widened. Immediately the blonde dropped into a graceful curtsy.
"Your Grace."
I hate titles... "I was wondering... The chambers I'm staying in now, over in the West Wing of the castle, would you happen to know if those are the same chambers I stayed in six years ago?" At her confused look, I shook my head. "I was hoping to visit my former chambers, briefly, however the ones I'm in now are not at all familiar to me, and I can't quite remember where my chambers were, before." It felt like a shoddy excuse.
Six years, and I didn't remember where my chambers were?
She nodded, before shaking her own head. "I am afraid I do not know, Your Grace. I was not here six years ago."
"Ah, but I was."
The sudden voice had me jumping and spinning with a startled gasp. A hand went to my chest as I turned, stiffening briefly, only to find my eyes locking with incredible blue.
Sebastian de Poitiers stood behind me, smirking a little, looking quite smug and amused. As our eyes locked, he bowed briefly, before turning his gaze to the girl next to me. "You may be excused. I will see to the Scottish Queen's questions."
"Yes, My Lord. Your Grace."
I turned and absently bowed my head in thanks to the girl who wasted no time in rushing off. Immediately, my heart lurched into my throat, and I found myself suddenly...quite excited and uncomfortable with his presence. This strong sense of contradictions that flit through me had my brow lowering over my eyes as I struggled to figure out whether I was happy to see him, or alarmed.
"So... I hear you don't remember where your old chambers are. Was your last stay truly so forgettable?"
The one of his voice was light, and as he spoke, I found myself looking at him, unable to help myself. I knew it was only polite to look at who was speaking to you, but as his voice sounded, it felt impossible not to look. My eyes locked on his, but as he asked me his question, I couldn't hide the sharp wince, or the undoubtedly pained expression that crossed my features.
"'Forgettable'." The word was sharp and bitter on my tongue, and left an acidic burn in my throat, and had me blinking rapidly against it as it turned to my eyes. "Perhaps I'll wait until another time. I believe I'm in need of air, at the moment." I struggled to ignore the way his own smirk faded, or the way his eyes narrowed.
He'd caught me, and now I felt trapped.
He couldn't know.
I couldn't tell him!
Scotland had to be strong!
With my heart lurching in my chest, I turned my back to the man behind me. He's the bastard. I'm a queen. I don't need to be formal or curtsy to him. "Excuse me, My Lord."
"Wait!" Before I'd gotten three steps, a firm, strong, warm hand wrapped around my arm. Conveniently enough, where the cloak had fallen back, leaving bare skin for him to grasp.
I gasped, surprised, and turned sharply as my arm positively tingled.
"Forgive me. I meant no offence."
"And I took none."
"And yet you look ready to cry-"
"I am a queen, I do not cry!" I snapped, ripping my arm out of his grip with an ease that startled even me. At my side, Sterling growled ominously, reminding me of his loyal, protective presence. While I was happy to have him warning people away from me, the last thing I needed was to anger the king by letting my dog rip a chunk out of his 'favored' son's leg, so I put a hand on the dog's head, hearing him fall silent. "Do not think me so weak." I spoke quieter, taking a deep breath, eyes solely on the dog.
"I never called you weak, Your Grace." The confused look on his face spoke volumes.
And yet you make me feel it. I thought, taking note of my body's traitorous actions and reactions in his presence.
Silence reigned between us, and I ran my fingers lightly over Sterling's head, watching as he slowly relaxed and sat. I didn't relax until several moments after he finally sat down, and I heaved a breath as the tension melted back out of me...for the most part, that is. My stupid arm was still tingling!
"Tell me, why come to the main entrance in looking for your former chambers? Why not simply ask your page?"
"Page?"
I finally gathered the strength to look up at the bastard before me, who looked almost infuriatingly unbothered by my earlier outburst. I was willing to bet my look was as blank as it felt, but in all my lessons, 'pages' was not something I'd covered. The first thing that came to mind was a sheet of paper. A page from a book. Obviously, that was not what he was referring to.
He raised an eyebrow at me. "Your messenger? Guards?" Then his eyebrows drew down. "Was there no one outside your room to help?"
"Of course." I shook my head. "But they were all busy, and to be honest, I still have yet to decide between tracking down my former chambers or going for a walk. Or a ride."
Suddenly, he was smiling again. "Come now, Your Grace. I'll show you the way to your former chambers. If I'm right, my brother should already be there."
Frowning in confusion, I watched him turn and begin up the flight of stairs behind us, before he paused and turned to me expectantly. Francis? Or another brother? What would anyone be doing in my old chambers? Were they not bed chambers anymore?
A small voice in my mind whispered I should dismiss him and leave. It told me that following him and allowing him so much freedom around me could come back to bite me in the ass one day, and yet, I found my feet moving towards him. Despite the voice warning me that I didn't know if I could trust this man... I found myself following him further into the castle, and down unfamiliar halls.
And the entire time, I found myself hearing faint, indistinct voices in the back of my head, whispering things I felt like I needed to know, but could not make out.
Whispers that urged me forward.
Written : Feb 2, 2014
Hope you like it.
R+R please.
Thank you.
Kitten