Part I - Chapter 2

It was raining again as Veronica drove home from the Women's Health Center, and she found herself wondering if it would ever stop raining. Southern California had never seen such a wet spring and summer.

The rain suited her mood, though. If only it could drown out her thoughts. She gripped the steering wheel tightly and gave a mirthless little laugh, pondering why she'd even bothered to visit the Health Center. She'd spent many a day over the past few years marching in support of a woman's right to choose, but it turned out that when push came to shove that wasn't going to be her solution.

Well, perhaps it wasn't so ironic after all, she mused. She was choosing. Choosing not to terminate the life that was inside her, choosing instead to have this child. Logan's child. She hoped it was the right choice.

Veronica sighed. Now that she'd made the decision, she'd have to figure out how to tell all the important people in her life. Neither Mac nor Wallace were around at the moment, so she could defer those conversations for at least a little while.

Her dad was a different story. She knew she couldn't put off telling him much longer. And oh, yeah, she just couldn't wait to see the disappointment in his eyes. She'd seen his pride in her at graduation, and again when she was accepted to Stanford Law, and now she'd made a mess of it all.

Stanford. She'd have to get in touch with Stanford, see if she could defer until next year. And if she couldn't, well, there were other law schools. None, of course, of the same caliber. Not without moving across the continent.

But she was going to think positively about Stanford. They would allow her to defer, under the circumstances. This was the twenty-first century, right? She couldn't be the first woman to ask for a deferral because she'd gotten herself knocked up by her on-again-off-again boyfriend of nearly a decade whom she hadn't seen for six months before she went crazy with lust...or longing. Or maybe a little of both.

Veronica sighed again as she turned into the parking lot of the complex where she and her dad had lived since she was sixteen. She let herself into the apartment, and headed for her room, exhausted. How could such a tiny being sap so much of her strength? She hadn't even felt like eating much lately. She chuckled to herself. If she didn't tell her dad soon, that alone was going to alert the investigator in him that something wasn't quite right.

But right now her dad would have to wait. She had something she had to do first, something she couldn't put off any longer.

She pulled her phone out of her bag, and scrolled down until she reached Logan's number. Veronica wondered what it said about the strength of their connection that no matter what the status of their relationship, she'd never been able to bring herself to delete his number.

She'd seen him only once since that night, and even then solely because he'd tracked her down and cornered her. Before that, there'd been dozens of phone calls, and even more texts. Logan was nothing if not stubborn. Persistent.

But she'd pushed him away every time.

As soon as she'd woken up next to him that morning, with the sound of the rain batting against the red-tiled roof of his beach house, she'd known that she'd made a terrible mistake.

Six months apart, and it had taken only one glance, one smile, and she'd been caught all over again. She couldn't even blame the alcohol, because she'd barely taken a sip of her second drink when Logan had come waltzing over to their table, looked into her eyes, and mesmerized her, just like he'd been doing to her since she was 17 years old.

At least, that's how she preferred to think of it. She must have been mesmerized, or hypnotized, or some other "ized," because how else could she rationalize jumping into bed with him without a second thought. Without, if she were being perfectly honest, any thought at all. Her face heated as she remembered that they hadn't even made it out of the car that first time.

That's when it probably happened, she figured. When that tenacious Echolls sperm had made its journey to the egg and completed the job of fertilization. She thought about all those charts Ms. Hauser used to have back in Health Ed. Maybe she should have paid more attention.

Of course, once they'd gotten into Logan's bedroom, he'd pulled out a box of condoms from the drawer of his nightstand. She laughed ruefully. Wasn't there an old saying about "closing the barn door after the horses had bolted"? Well, these particular horses appear to have moved like lightning.

She'd known he'd be upset when he found her gone that morning. But she'd been too afraid to stay. She'd written the note and called a cab, and then waited outside in the drizzling rain just to make sure he didn't wake up, see right through her ruse, and send the cab away when it arrived.

It had been so terribly hard to leave. She'd woken up, looked over at his naked body, and wanted so badly to curl up against him and just stay there forever. It had terrified her that when she was with him, she could still feel so damned much.

He made her want things that she knew she could never have. Intimacy. Fidelity. Eternal love. She'd already learned over and over again that life just didn't work that way.

Veronica sighed now, remembering that moment with vivid clarity, as she pressed Logan's number. She wondered if he was even around this summer. He'd finally stopped calling a couple of weeks ago, just about the time that Veronica had begun to suspect that her nausea and fatigue were not symptoms of a persistent strain of the flu. Sometimes irony just followed them around like a lost puppy.

When Logan didn't answer, she left a message, and had to wait only ten minutes for his return call.

"I'd pretty much given up on ever hearing from you, Veronica." His tone wasn't hostile, but it was wary.

"Uh, I just need to talk to you. It won't take long. Can you meet me somewhere? Maybe the lounge at the Grand?"

"Actually, I'm in L.A. with...a friend." he said. "But I can be back by about six and meet you then. How's that?"

"That's fine, Logan. Six it is." She hung up before she could open her mouth to ask about either the friend or the noises she'd heard in the background. It had sounded like he was in a club.

Didn't take him too long to move on.

The thought came to her unbidden, and she knew that it wasn't fair. That if she'd agreed to see him again, he would have been happy not to move on at all. But she couldn't seem to help herself.

Goddammit,Veronica! You can't have it both ways. Her head had always known that. It was her heart that was the problem.

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The long drive from L.A. to Neptune gave Logan the chance to get over the shock of Veronica's call, and to ponder her sudden request for conversation. Why now, he wondered, when he'd done nothing but try to get her to talk to him for the past six weeks. Ever since he'd woken up to an empty bed and very little explanation.

He'd been euphoric that morning, visions of his night with Veronica filling his head and her scent all over his sheets. So when he'd found the other side of the bed empty, it hadn't at first occurred to him that she might be gone. She must be in the bathroom, he'd thought. Or the kitchen.

That's how stupid he'd been. Stupidly in love.

It had taken him a half hour to find her note propped up against an empty milk carton on the kitchen table. She had to leave, she'd said. An appointment, she'd said. He'd known it was bullshit immediately. And yes, he was hurt. But even more, he was bewildered. Didn't she understand that they were never going to get over each other? Hadn't last night shown her that?

So he'd called and he'd texted, and at first, she'd answered his calls, and responded to his texts. But all she'd say was that it had been a 'mistake'. She might as well have been reading from a goddamned script, because the dialogue never varied. They should have been more sensible. It had been a huge mistake. There was no chance they could get back together.

When she'd stopped taking his calls and answering his texts altogether, Logan knew he'd have to confront her. Damn! Why was she so fucking stubborn?

He'd wanted to catch her alone, someplace where she couldn't immediately run off, but he didn't he want to invade her home. He remembered all too well the last confrontation he'd had with her in the Mars living room. It hadn't ended well.

She'd taught him a bit about surveillance, but never did he think he'd be using that knowledge in quite this way. He finally saw his opportunity one day about a week after she'd stopped taking his calls. He'd followed her to Mars Investigations and saw her father leave the building almost immediately and taken his chance.

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Okay, he thought, this should work. You won't want to cause a ruckus in the office because you never know who might be right outside. He knocked on the door and then opened it before she'd even responded.

"Logan!" She stood up abruptly. "What are you doing here?" She was practically hissing.

Logan moved to a spot just inside the office and closed the door behind him. His voice remained calm, but his words were like bullets aiming for a vital spot. "She doesn't take my calls, she won't answer my texts...she decamps from my bedroom in the middle of the night..."

"It was not the middle of the night!"

"...in the fucking middle of the night, and now she wonders why I'm here."

Veronica was still, except for the arms she wrapped around her body, as if for protection against the bite of his words and the harshness of his tone.

"This isn't going to work, Logan. We aren't going to work. We never do. And no matter how much you harass me, I'm not going to say anything different."

"So we can't even have a discussion like two rational adults? We aren't kids anymore, Veronica."

"You're right, Logan, we're not kids, and you can't expect me to...to feel like I did when I was seventeen."

"Why not?!" he shot back. "I do. And so do you. You're just too damned stubborn to admit it." His voice had risen with his frustration level, and by now he was practically shouting.

He heard the door open behind him and he swung around, half-afraid he would find it was Keith returning. But it was a middle-aged woman in a blue coat.

"I can come back if you're busy, Miss Mars," she said timidly.

"No, no, come right in. This...gentleman was just leaving."

Logan felt her hand on his elbow as she pulled him out into the corridor.

"Don't do this again, Logan," she said. "I can't have you just...just...invading my personal space."

Her eyes narrowed as she hissed at him. "I do remember being seventeen, and taking care of this jackass who was making my life a living hell by planting a bong in his locker. Bet I could come up with something even more creative nowadays."

He looked at her in amazement. Now she was finally copping to that - and threatening him with worse! He wondered why the hell he was even bothering.

"See you around,Veronica," he said as he slammed out the door.

Well, he thought, that went well.

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In desperation, he'd called Mac for advice. He knew he shouldn't put her in the middle, but maybe she'd felt sorry for him, because it was from Mac that he'd finally heard about law school. He couldn't believe that Veronica hadn't told him herself.

Yeah, they'd had plenty of sex that night, making up for lost time. But they'd also talked. About school, about their friends, about what they'd been up to in the last six months. He'd regaled her with a million stories about his meteoric rise from office boy to executive during his practicum at Gant Publishing.

She'd teased him about having an "in" with the big boss, and he'd explained to her very seriously that the practicum was supposed to get him involved in every level of the business. She'd laughed at his earnestness and told him his enthusiasm was kind of "hot." And then that had been the end of that conversation.

But with all they'd shared that night, not once had the words "law school" ever passed her lips.

It had been more than a week now since he'd spoken to Mac. Every day since, he'd wondered if he should try again with Veronica, try calling her, or cornering her. And now, suddenly, she wanted to talk to him. Somehow, he wasn't convinced he wanted to hear what she might have to say.

After nearly two hours on the road, Logan pulled into the garage at the Grand and parked. A sudden reluctance to open the door had him wondering whether what he was feeling right then was anticipation or anxiety.

You are such a fucking coward, Echolls. You wanted to talk to her. Here's your chance.

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The Neptune Grand lounge was nearly empty when Logan walked in and looked around for Veronica, finally spotting her sitting at a small table in the darkest corner of the room.

She looked up when she saw him approaching.

"Hey," she said, and it seemed to him that she looked particularly small tonight, maybe even a little forlorn, but that was probably just his imagination.

"Hey, yourself. Do you want anything?" Logan motioned toward the bar.

She looked down at her drink as if she'd forgotten it was there.

"Uh, yeah, sure," she said. "You can get me a club soda."

A club soda? Well, why the hell not? Maybe she needed to be sober for whatever the fuck it was she was going to lay on him. He had a sudden terrible fear she was going to tell him she was sick, dying. But would she want to meet him in the lounge at the Grand to give him that kind of information? He shook his head to rid himself of such morbid thoughts.

When Logan returned with their drinks, he sat down facing her.

Veronica looked up then and tried to smile, but he thought it didn't quite reach her eyes.

"How've you been, Logan?" she asked casually, as if nothing was going on between them, as if nothing had ever gone on between them.

His eyes narrowed as he studied her. He was too nervous, too anxious for small talk. If this was another round of you're out of my life forever, he wanted her to just get on with it.

"This really doesn't feel like a chit-chat moment to me, Veronica. I've been trying to get you to talk to me for six fucking weeks." Anxiety was making him sound harsher than he intended. "Not much more than a week ago, you were threatening me with god knows what if I didn't leave you alone. Obviously, there's something going on that you want to talk to me about, so why don't you just rip the band-aid off and get it over with."

"Fine," she said curtly, with just the smallest hint of bravado. She looked down then, focusing on her hands, watching them intently as they spasmodically rubbed up and down the surface of the glass tumbler.

"I'm pregnant."

It took a few beats for the meaning of her words to sink in. "What did you say?"

She looked up then, and he suddenly saw how nervous she was.

"I'm pregnant, Logan."

"Okay," he said, his voice, his whole demeanor, unconsciously softening. "Are you sure?"

"As sure as three pink plus signs on three different home pregnancy tests. And then, yeah," she conceded, "I went to the Women's Health Center and had it confirmed."

Logan nodded, trying to take it all in. He'd never suspected that this was why she'd wanted to talk to him.

"It was in the car, wasn't it?" he said, remembering how it had been, how full of joy he'd felt to be with her again. How quickly they'd gotten out of control.

"Yeah," she said, softly. "Must have been."

Logan took a deep breath, desperate to offer his support, but unsure exactly what it was she wanted from him.

"What can I do to help you with this, Veronica?" Logan was certain that the next words out of her mouth were going to be a request to accompany her when she had the pregnancy terminated. The Veronica Mars he'd known for more than ten years had never wanted anything to do with motherhood. It was her body, and her choice, and he knew he had to support her decision.

"Do you need me to come with you?" She'd been quiet for a while now, and he wanted to reassure her. "Because that's not a problem. You just tell me when and I'll take you. I'd never let you go through this alone." His voice trailed off uncertainly as he caught the expression on her face.

Her mouth twisted in anger. "Well, you seem to have this all worked out. Do I get a vote?" The words were as bitter as the expression on her face.

"Of course you do," he hissed. "Yours is the only one that matters, but you already know that. What the hell is wrong with you? You asked me here for a reason, didn't you? I thought it was because maybe you actually needed me. But no, that's not it at all, is it?" He sighed. "It's still pretty much business as usual, right, Veronica?"

She barely waited for him to finish before she charged in.

"What's wrong with me? Here's what's wrong with me. I tell you I'm pregnant with our child, and all you can think about is how fast you can get me down to some clinic so you can hold my hand while I get rid of it." Each word was bitten off with contempt.

"Well, screw you," she said, as she rose from her seat, shaking with anger, eyes glistening with unshed tears. "I don't need this."

Logan reached out and grabbed her wrist before she could take a step, holding her in place with the lightest of pressures.

"Veronica...sit down." He saw her stubborn, set face and added, more softly, "Please."

Veronica sat, but her expression didn't change.

Logan couldn't bring himself to let go of her wrist, terrified that she'd try to leave again. He wracked his brain for the best way to continue the conversation, a way that wouldn't make her angrier than she already was, and he finally settled on being direct.

"You want to keep this baby. Our baby." His voice was tentative. He'd made it a statement, not a question, but still, he waited for her response.

"Yes," she said, chin raised in defiance. "I do."

She hurried on, and it was clear to Logan that she already had it all worked out, and that he wasn't going to figure anywhere in her plan.

"I don't need anything from you, Logan. I can sign any paper you want that this baby will have no claim on you...or your money." Her eyes swung down to where his hand was now lightly holding her wrist, and then back to his face. "I just thought you had the right to know. That's all."

She leaned back a little then, as though she'd said what she'd come to say and could finally relax. He let go of her wrist then, no longer afraid she would run out on him, as he rapidly tried to readjust to what she was saying.

Logan picked up her hand, clutching it tightly, and thought about everything she'd told him in the last few minutes. And everything he needed to say in return, if she'd just give him the chance.

"Okay, Veronica, you've had your say, so how about now I have mine?"

She sat there, waiting, as still as a stone.

"This baby you're having is part of me! Look around, Veronica. How much family do I have? Trina? That's a laugh. And now you're telling me that I have a child coming into the world and you think I'll want nothing to do with it?"

As he spoke, his voice had gotten softer and softer. And he was still clutching her hand.

"You've already decided that we don't work, but you don't get to decide this. I want in, Veronica. I want in."

He suddenly felt like pinching himself to see if this was really happening. Veronica was having his baby...and he was okay with it. More than okay. He was fucking overjoyed.

Who'd have ever thought that he'd be overjoyed at the prospect of becoming a father?

Veronica had been sitting there, silently watching and listening, but now he could see the beginnings of a smile on her face. He rubbed his thumb softly across the back of her hand, the hand that he'd never let go of. He grinned suddenly, feeling absurdly happy.

"Well, Mars, it looks like we're about to become parents," he said, his grin widening. "When do we get to give the expectant grandpa a heart attack with the news?"

Veronica shook her head as if to clear it, and then she, too, began to grin. "No time like the present, I guess."

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Her dad was taking the news amazingly well, Veronica thought. Maybe he had been a little suspicious, after all. It was a relief not to have to hide it from him any longer.

All he'd said was, "You're not kids anymore, so I have to assume that you know what you're doing." Keith had always known when to bow to the inevitable.

"Thanks, Dad." Veronica hugged him. "I think you just want an excuse to buy all that Padres stuff they have for babies," she added, smiling at Keith's sudden guilty look.

She was amused by the wary expression on Logan's face as he stood beside her. He looked like he was waiting for her dad to pull out one of his guns and take potshots at his private parts. Veronica began to laugh hysterically, whether from relief or from her silly, solitary musings, she wasn't sure.

Both men looked at her like she'd gone crazy.

"Hormones," Keith intoned, shaking his head. "Mood swings. Cravings. Ah, yes, I remember it well." He smirked at Logan. "Good luck."

"Uh, Dad, why are you wishing Logan good luck? I think you're the one who's going to be needing the luck since I'll be living here."

Keith's eyes narrowed and the look he gave Logan was suddenly unfriendly.

"I don't understand," he said, swinging his eyes back toward Veronica. "You're here together to tell me, you obviously made this baby together, but..."

"But we're not together," Veronica matter-of-factly finished the thought for him.

"Why not?" he asked Logan.

"I think you'll need to ask your daughter about that, Mr. Mars."

Keith looked to Veronica for an explanation, but she just shook her head.

He sighed. His daughter had always been incredibly stubborn. He knew he'd get nowhere if he tried to press her for an explanation today.

He moved the conversation in another direction. "What about law school, Veronica? Stanford?"

"Well, there is some good news there, Dad. I talked to them this afternoon and there's a very good chance that I can get them to defer my admission until next year."

Logan turned to look at her. "You didn't tell me that," he said. "That's great news."

"I didn't think you knew about Stanford." Veronica looked at him in surprise. "Unless...Mac told you, didn't she?"

"Yes, she did, but only after I pushed. I don't understand why you didn't tell me yourself." His confusion about this issue was obvious. "I would have been happy for you."

Keith sighed as he looked at the two of them. He never would understand their relationship, but he'd come to accept that there was a connection between them that was probably never going away. And now with this baby...yeah, he might as well get used to the idea that Logan Echolls would be a part of his life forever.