Perspectives

A/N: Hi Everyone. Firstly, thank you for the amazing support through pms and reviews that the first chapter of this story got. I'm so very sorry that it has taken so long to update. Almost immediately after getting the first chapter up Real Life very quickly threw up one thing after another to kick me hard – very hard. By far the worst was the brutal murder of a close family friend that just knocked me for six. I haven't been able to read or write anything until recently, just needing the space to get things straight in my own head. To be honest, I'm still trying – but life has to go on. So, I apologise for not replying to reviews or pms. I promise I will this time around. Thanks must go to the wonderful JazMitch for her listening ear and gentle support through what has been a very difficult time. I appreciate your support more than you know Babe. Hope you all enjoy this one.

Valerie

It's been a long day. A very good day, but still, a very long day. Lisa crashed out a couple of hours ago and, although they held on as long as they could not wanting to miss a thing, Angie and MA have also been taken off bed, Albert happy to stay with them to let me party on.

I must admit, sitting here in the warm Miami breeze, a glass of fine champagne in my hand, I've had my own battles and questions about all this. And yet it seems so simple now. Sitting here by myself for a little while, just observing, everything's fallen in to place.

It's ugly to say, but the word I would use to sum up my overall feelings has been - jealous. Why? Because I was always the one who was perfect. I could cook, not crease my clothes within seconds of putting them on, walk gracefully, style my hair, make conversation. I pulled off decent grades in school and had been popular with the 'nice' boys. Stephanie was the total opposite – a walking disaster zone. Always was, always had been. To a point, still is. But no, that's not fair, because she's changed.

The person that I was is what attracted Steve to me. We had the perfect courtship, perfect Burg wedding and I was leading the perfect life in California. Until it wasn't. Until he betrayed me and my girls in the most basic of and scandalous of ways. Not only did he cheat on me and leave us, he took everything with him. Leaving me with nothing. Leaving his children with nothing. How could the perfect man do that? How could he throw away the perfect marriage, perfect family, to do that?

I know he was in the wrong, I know that I couldn't have done any more than I had – but still I had this deep longing to know why. I kept our house spotless, the children were well mannered and beautifully dressed, I budgeted so that we lived within our means and I made sure I always looked good. I was Meg Ryan! We had friends and a good social life – hence the need for a babysitter. But it wasn't enough. I wasn't enough. Our children – they weren't enough.

Mom and dad were devastated and embarrassed when I told them what had happened. That Steve had run off and left us destitute. They couldn't have been better to us but I know that mom found it hard to tell everyone that her daughter's perfect marriage had collapsed. At least, she told me, it was clear that Steve would shoulder all the blame, which would keep me in favour with the Burg gossips. And it was true. When I could face going out in public, many of them came up to me and said that they didn't blame me at all and that they know it couldn't have been my fault. At the time I remember feeling comforted. But still, I had this thought going through my head that it must have been my fault.

It was Steph that challenged me on that. It was her that said outright, 'Val, Steve's just been a selfish bastard. He always has been. Just out for himself. It's just that you were too in love to see it.' I was furious at the time. I mean, what the hell did she know about reliable men and a successful marriage? Her own five minute marriage to The Dick was the talk of the Burg for months – a divorce that has gone down in history, for all the wrong reasons. But then I thought about it, and realised that she was absolutely right. When I think back, I did all the work, just happy that Steve allowed me in his orbit. He always said that I was the 'brightest star'. I never, ever thought that I wasn't the only one. Then I remembered, even the decision to start a family was made over dinner one night. Steve was always ambitious and said that his boss had mentioned that family men were always looked on more favourably. Apparently, a married man with children was seen as more stable and trustworthy. I was pregnant three months later and thrilled. Why didn't I think? Why didn't I see it for what it was? Yes, Stephanie was right all along.

She's not a great one for talking about feelings – in fact, it's not a strong suit of the Plums period. But, I lived in California for all those years where everyone is in therapy for something, and maybe that's why I could bring these things up. I caught Steph in a pensive mood one night and asked her about Steve. How had I not known all this stuff and she had? She sighed uncomfortably and picked at the crumbs of the cake she had just devoured. 'Just a feeling' she had said. She went on to say that it was the same one she'd had about Dickie but had ignored, carried up in the wedding and seeing our parents overjoyed at her finally marrying. And there's the difference you see – I never had any of 'those feelings'.

Looking back, Steph has always been more perceptive than me. In the past, I wouldn't have even thought about it, it would never have entered my head that Stephanie could do anything better than me. God, that sounds arrogant now, but it's true. How very wrong I was. But learning that has been a process - one that has lead to this point, with me sitting here being brutally honest with myself.

You see, I had always thought of Stephanie as a loser. Not super bright, not super pretty and always with the capacity to make a sow's ear out of a silk purse. She was a dreamer, a drifter, no wonder my mom wanted to see her married. If anyone needed a husband to reign her in, look out for her and keep her out of trouble, it was Steph. But Steph was just too independent and what man wants that? Of course, she let mom wear her down regarding Orr and, heaven help me, I'm guilty for putting the pressure on too on that one. Orr was a sleaze from the outset. But he was a very successful man with lots of prospects. He wanted to be in politics and the Plums are a high profile, perfect Burg family so Steph was the perfect choice. Mom was beside herself and daddy didn't put up any objection. Grandma, god rest her soul, wasn't at all keen, but then she never thought anyone was good enough for her precious Stephanie. Turns out she was right. Spectacularly so.

Anyway, the very public collapse of Stephanie's marriage just added to my opinion of her. Don't get me wrong, I've always loved her and I was genuinely upset for her and they way in which The Dick humiliated her. How she conducted herself afterwards, however, I thought was horrendous. Until it happened to me. Only then did I realise that I was judging her from my perfect ivory tower. I never allowed for her hurt and embarrassment, never imagined how deep the wounds were – until that night when I discovered Steve's betrayal. And who was there to support me? Steph. Even when I went through my nutty phase of wanting to be a lesbian, she never once, told me to get a grip or laughed at me. She gave to me what I didn't give her the courtesy of doing – she didn't judge me. She even said my situation was worse because I had the girls, that I did the right thing by leaving, that it wasn't my fault.

I know that nothing I've said points to jealousy, but I'm getting to that. I realise now, that I was so caught up in my righteous anger against Steve, in trying to let the guilt and shame of a failed marriage go, that I resented Steph her freedom. Really resented her, especially her relationship with Joe. Steph, the loser had an exciting job, was single and having wild monkey sex with the hottest, most eligible guy in Burg history. And he wanted to marry her, but she said no! No, to Joe Morelli! No girl has ever said no to Joe Morelli for anything, except Steph and when she does it he chases her ever harder! It was just not fair. Joe Morelli had never even looked at me!

Oh and then I realised why she was saying no. Ranger. Not only does she have Morelli sniffing around her like a dog on heat, but Ranger as well. Ok, so he played it cooler – a lot cooler – but it didn't take a genius to work out that he wanted Stephanie too. I was seething. Skinny Steph, who never eats healthily and never exercises, who got laid off from a mob related job, who rolls around in garbage getting god knows what in that mop of uncontrollable hair has two of the sexiest men on the planet drooling over her! And what I really didn't understand was how these two gorgeous, intelligent men, who could have any women they wanted, let her pull their chains until she finally made a decision.

I grab another glass of champagne and move so I can see them dancing. Steph raises her head from where it was tucked in the crook of his neck and smiles happily at me. She looks beautiful, soft and happy, so very, very happy. I'm glad. Truly I am. It may have taken me some time, but she has given me a different perspective on my whole life.

Observing Stephanie and her relationships from afar was eating away at me and I couldn't make my feelings change. I had met and married Albert and before I could blink Lisa had arrived. It was just right for me. A man that loved me and my children and was willing to take us all on. Albert wasn't the handsome, ambitious man that I had always envisioned in my youth – but then I'd married him first time around and look where that had gotten me. But Albert was there. And I did love him. But seeing the life Steph was leading made me feel trapped. I'm not proud of it, but part of healing and coming to terms with it is to see yourself in the cold light of day. She was leading the life I wanted, the life I had missed out on. She was having amazing sex, being her own boss at no-one's beck and call and I was struggling to feed my family with no social life whatsoever. She would mooch meals at mom's and if she was short of cash Ranger would magic up a job for her. Or she lived with Joe for a while. Is it any wonder I was jealous?

When Steph finally made her decision though, I saw a different side to it, to her. Yes, the man is hot in a way Albert will never be, but there's more to it than that. I see that now. He truly loves and cares for Steph. He lets her be who she wants to be, advises her, cajoles her to be better, but was and is always there to catch her. He loves her unconditionally. I see the way he looks at her as though she's his whole world and she, in turn, adores him. If they are in the same room, he's constantly seeking her out, checking that she's alright and when they are together, he is automatically reaching for her, touching her, caressing her. She's no better. Her smile could light up Trenton and there's a lust in her eyes that is almost embarrassing to watch. She seems aware of him all the time, as though she has a sixth sense that's all about him.

And I realised just how jealous I really was. Insanely jealous. I mean, I wouldn't give up my girls for the world, but I had done everything right. Why hadn't this happened for me? What right did she have, the girl who had been a misfit her whole life, to have that kind of love, demand that kind of adoration? It's what all young girls dream of isn't it? A gorgeous man who loves them so intensely, wants to marry them, make them his? But not Stephanie. No, she wanted to fly, wanted to discover things, move away, be independent. She didn't care about any of that and yet, she's the one who got it all. An incredibly rich, breathtakingly handsome, well respected man who allowed her to do all those things, no pressure applied.

Then, to make matters worse, he whisks her off to Hawaii and she comes back with a rock on her left hand that probably cost more than my parents' home and a smile wider than the Grand Canyon. Everybody was shocked and then beyond thrilled. My mother was just entering in to wedding planning heaven, when Mr Perfect stepped in to call a halt to it all. He and Steph hadn't decided about the wedding yet, so no halls were to be booked, no priests visited, no invitations ordered. Mom's mouth was still open with shock when they left and so is was up to me to pick up the pieces. Yet again, Steph had gotten her own way and I was mad at her for not letting mom have her moment, especially after our two failed marriages.

So, I went to visit Steph the next day with a view to letting her know just how selfish she was being. She's always been one to take the easy route – as her wedding to Dickie showed – so I anticipated all being well again by lunch time. Wrong. Love has changed Steph. She said that her man had given her the strength to realise that this was her life – well, their lives – and they didn't have to do anything anyone else said. I was shocked, but it was clear that with him at her side, her confidence had suddenly mushroomed. I disagreed until she pointed out that I was a fine one to talk seeing as I'd bailed on my own wedding and taken off to Disney. She had a point. Sitting back and taking a breath, I could see what she meant, how she felt. She said that a Burg wedding reminded her of that movie 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding'. I got it. Immediately. Everyone else took over, and before you knew it, the date, time, venue, guest list, church, reception and food had been chosen. All the bride really had to do was chose some colours, go to a fitting and turn up! I remember looking like a cream puff in my wedding dress. In the pictures you could barely see my face for acres of frothy tulle. Then I realised, that all the Burg weddings are the same. Steph wanted different this time and I got the impression that this was how she felt about her upcoming marriage – that this time it was going to be different.

Of course, we had no idea just how different.

Steph asked me if I wanted to help her plan the wedding and then tell mom the plans. I confess I really didn't want to, I was that angry. I told Steph that I didn't have the time, what with supporting Albert and the girls and she said that she understood, making me feel awful. Next thing I knew, Mary Lou called and gave me the tongue lashing of my life. To say I was shocked was the understatement of the year. Sweet, ML, the girl who had done exactly what the Burg expected of her, marrying her childhood sweetheart, popping out babies and creating the perfect Burg home, dared to lay into me about Stephanie's wedding. She called me a selfish, jealous and ungrateful for what I had. To be honest, I didn't really understand all of what she meant, just enough to make me see that she was, in part at least, right.

I was trying to make sense of it all when he got in on the act. He was pissed that I'd upset Steph so badly. He was so controlled, so incredibly intense, yet didn't raise his voice and hardly moved, his face showing next to nothing. I could see why people would be petrified of this man. But I could also see the burning love he had for Steph. And worse still, he saw through me. Right through me. He made me hold a mirror up to myself, my life. He forced me to count my blessings, showed me I was making comparisons and holding on to resentments, telling me that ultimately I would be the biggest loser. He's a man of few words, but boy does he make them count.

I hated feeling how I did. And so, I examined myself, thought about what ML had said, thought about what he had said, thought about the change I saw in Steph and how happy she was - and apologised to my sister.

Which is why I find myself here, in Miami. Steph and I talked it out - for hours and hours.

They couldn't have a church wedding what with both of them being divorced, so they decided to hold a ceremony overlooking the ocean in Miami. Point Pleasant had been the first choice, but they didn't want to wait and Miami was warmer. I think that the distance also allowed them to control the guest list, which helped too. He flew us all down, put us up in a beautiful villa and the family that he had here were wonderful hosts.

The wedding was beautiful. Steph looked radiant in a simple, elegant, form fitting ivory gown – no tulle anywhere in sight. She carried some white lilies but her smile was the most beautiful thing in the room. My girls were gorgeous in their bridesmaid dresses and performed perfectly with not a pony trot anywhere to be seen.

As they took their vows, I thought about everything that had happened to get to this point and it all came together. I had three beautiful, bright, healthy children, a home and a husband who loved me – really loved me. Okay, so he may not be a super hero, or even a handsome, Cuban James Bond, but he was a good man. He loves me and the girls. He is honest and kind and works hard to ensure that he does his absolute best to provide for us all. Sure, he gets it wrong sometimes, but he's constant and loving. There is no pretence and I trust him. Completely. Sure, more money coming in would help – but we have a roof over our heads and food on the table. We're not in debt. But we are happy.

I look again and the happy couple and silently thank them for making me realise, through their journey to this point, that I too have been on a journey. Not just through a failed marriage and the stresses of being a parent, but a very personal journey. I've grown up, been able to acknowledge my flaws, my petty yet destructive jealousies and deal with them. I've been able to recognise them and make sure that my girls don't become inflicted with the same. Most of all I've realised how important it is to count your blessings. Real ones. My health, my family, a second shot at a marriage with a man who is really committed to it. And getting a relationship back with my sister, in a way that it should be.

Ranger and Steph look over at me and I smile – a genuine smile of joy for them – and raise my glass in acknowledgement.

Happy wedding day Mr and Mrs Manoso – and may you always be able to count your blessings.

If anyone wants to request any Perspectives, please do so and I'll see what I can do