Three days.
Three days I have been doing nothing but walk, walk and walk if we don't have to count times I ran from casual wild animals. All the times Gair would kill them without putting any real effort in it and we started to have a pattern in our traveling formation. He walked ahead, sighing in mild annoyance while I took seconds too long to climb over a fallen tree or cross a path.
Regardless minor inconveniences, I wanted to watch over my clothes or at least what's left of them. Trying to keep up with him wasn't easy - not when you looked like a wreck with torn leggings, muddy shoes and dirty hair.
My body took on bruises and before white, now tainted jacket didn't keep the cold. Sleeping turned to be impossible, uncomfortable and horrible, in all the ways you'd imagine. Tiredness, paranoia from the last night's bandit collide and severe aching of my limbs wasn't helping at all. Still the best part crowning all this? Gods know it had to be Gair.
He is the biggest son of a bastard that I've ever met. Like always he rarely spoke but when he did, it was either an order or something that insulted me. No matter the situation and no means of asking any nicer.
I hadn't checked in a while but previously I'd seen how my feet were full of blisters, yet feeling them. A few of them even broke yesterday, Oh, the pain. This is what happens when you have to exercise who knows how many miles without being used to it - as you may know the terrain wasn't exactly the straightest. My thigh muscles loved it.
The biggest mistake in the whole ordeal was, that I never bothered to back talk him about anything. If I did, I could start to cry out of all the negative feelings I had and that wasn't something I'd do in front of him. These were causes of the setting I was forced to be in, it was exhausting in both physical and mental ways. Still during most of the hours I bit my cheek and took it. Even when frustration grew almost too much to handle, I started to miss my home by regular basis. Home and Buddy and his smooth nose sniffing around.
If I wouldn't have touched the portal I'd be sleeping in my lovely, comfy bed. Sure, I would but couldn't regret anymore nor take it back, what's done is done, case closed.
So now thinking about it, wasn't this what I would've wanted a few days ago? Yes, a define dream of mine. Now when I got the whole Skyrim under my feet this whole situation turned a lot less dreamy than I thought. I wasn't so sure if I liked to be here. The actual traveling had to be so hard that enjoying nice things like views - which were still time to time breathtaking - became meaningless. The only thing that concerned me here right now was survival.
I had no clue where I went wrong.
I knew he was the Dragonborn although I never saw any solid proof but why would he hate me so much? Was he a big brat always or am I somehow an exception? No other word for it. I'd kept silent because I thought he would show himself otherwise later but no, the show got worse and I asked, why?
My nerves were stretched to hell and back, the traveling formation had not changed a bit for now. The day became an evening and I knew he would be searching for a place to camp down soon, if not already. The area around us gradually changed to rockier and closer to mountains - one was on our left.
Forest spread everywhere like always, only less thick, making me wonder our location. surroundings seemed familiar to me more or less, but I bet they all would. After all, I couldn't specify much with the lack of bigger land marks.
I proceeded after the man, uphill trying to find right footage amongst the stones on the narrow path. We had left the road while ago. He stopped for a moment and turned to look at me.
"Watch where you step. That fall will break more than a few of your bones depending on how you land" he stated and continued as I glared at him, eyes shooting daggers. I tried to be patient. At least I wanted to try but as time passed I couldn't help but feel bitter towards this guy. I expected something different and the pressing feeling of let down throbbed through my attitude.
Normally the height of this small cliff would have been much but I was too worn out to care anymore. After the first day I quit squealing for the climbing and went for it - Gair appeared to find something in front, waiting for me to come up until I laid eyes on it as well.
A moderate stone platform in the side of the cliff, would be quite a good cover from the winds too. An empty space with little mess. My mind screamed straight hallelujah to the heavens when I understood that we'd be staying here. I wonder how he could've spotted it from back there.
"You still have the wood?" He grunted with his back turned to me and I recalled that I was carrying some branches around. How could I forget, geez. As an appropriate answer, I threw them to the middle, dropped like a sack of potatoes to the ground and leaned on the hard stone. The hardness didn't matter though, just getting my ass down somewhere was glorious.
"You're welcome" I hissed and closed my eyes.
"Where are we anyway? You still haven't told me. I find it rather disturbing if you don't know like you have a habit of doing. Besides we've been walking like five hours straight now, are we close to anything yet?" I did sense the atmosphere around tighten a little bit and heard him moving a few feet judging by the steps.
"You haven't asked. We are in Falkreath, and it seems you have a habit of complaining about everything, is it? You ever going to cut it off?!"
I flashed my eyes open and swore I saw red dots hovering around. How dare he? After the silence I have kept out of respect he doesn't deserve, he decides to blame me for complaining? All the while he's going at it full ahead? Not today brother, not today. My fists clenched when the rage started to build up. I've been scratched, mocked, ordered around, ripped and treated like a piece of horker shit without any reason and I was getting enough of it.
Who does he think he is? Does he care about anything other than himself? I don't understand what the big problem here is and my bad vibes with days built up got the better of my emotions.
That is my problem, I trust people to be fine and then they usually prefer to prove me wrong or I need to check high expectations. This time though I will do something about it, forget all the exhaustion and soreness. This is different, the game is on if that's how you play.
Gair, this time without his helmet - guess he took it off when I wasn't looking - turned without motion to watch me peel myself up. I stormed to him.
"You!" I pointed him with my finger, this time speaking with far more force than expected.
"I don't know what the fuck is going on in your head, but I won't take this anymore. I am sick of you treating me like some piece of damned trash. You are a disaster - a freakin' son of a bitch and I will say I'm ending it right here. Do you even know how frustrating that is, like all the things wouldn't be hard enough, you have to make it two point hell! Where did you come out from? Oblivion?!"
He snarled. "You agreed to -"
"No! That is not an excuse, don't give me that one. Shut your ass up, you're not interrupting me. I don't give a crap if you are the Dragonborn, to be honest, I did expect a little bit more but no, you're acting clever as a braindead mudcrab!"
Served. I had no idea what I was saying right now. All the things just popped up to my mind and I blew everything out on an instant, whatever I had figured out. The lines on Gairs face darkened when his obvious annoyance kicked in. Too bad I forgot to call him a milk-drinker, which would've been appropriate. He could've opened his mouth unless I didn't get to it first.
"You know what? I'm done! You are an empty-headed brat, a queen of brats! I'm not playing your game anymore, I have gotten my fair share of your bloody stupid attitude!"
Now I stood in front of his face and for the first time checked our height difference, when I directed my eyes up an inch to take a stare. My throat got tingly from all that screaming and if my eyes could shoot fire that would have happened. Breathing was fast and heavy.
I didn't even wince when the man took hold of my wrist and squeezed it. I could tell I was getting to him for good. Gair observed my face up and down like he'd be deciding was it worth to Shout me out of the realm.
"Shut your damn mouth woman or I will shut it for you" I heard him snarl behind his teeth and that phrase by chance pushed straight to my feelings. In the moment of blind hate I did the most unbelievable thing I could ever think of, the very last one. I surprised myself as good as I did the man - I shoved my arm free and slapped him.
I heard my palm hit his cheek with a force and his head jerked a bit to the direction I'd done it, otherwise, it did nothing. Yet.
Oh my Nine gods, I bitch slapped The Dovahkiin. Right there I realized I went further than I should have. Too bad I way too furious to think about it.
Afterward, there was this strange frozen moment, when I was sure we both thought the same questioning thing. His blue eyes turned on me painful slow, this being the first time I saw some kind feeling in them. If I could read right, something near of a slight shock, assuming you can say that about him. For sure had this wide-eyed expression going on as well. Regardless I had to be mad.
Deciding, I wouldn't stay to find out how thrilled he was for this escalated moment to happen, I stormed out with exaggerated hand waves. I needed some air and time away from him. Making my way to real ground level from the rock with casual almost-slips, I did bring myself to stay somewhere in the range (not that stupid to go too far) I knew well all the things lurking around in forests.
Finally stopping on top of a small hill I laid down and sat there next to a lonely tree. The hill rose high from the other side where I watched and such revealing to me the whole view. As far as eyes could see. I couldn't believe him, no one's telling me to shut up when I have something to say. Asshole.
Couple Zen breaths in turned my anger down a bit after twenty minutes or so. Soon I was able to focus on the orange sunset, painting the nature with all shades of yellow, red and gold. I was starting to feel some time slowing down, it was a rare occurrence. All the mountains colored beautiful now but a detail out there made me feel like it wasn't as pure for sunset as it should've been. Small amount of mist formed somewhere closer to the open ground. Touch of gloominess, perhaps.
Recalling Gair stating that we were currently in Falkreath, this strange feeling that disturbed me explained itself. Falkreath, the city associated with Arkay, was it? Always darkish in there. I mean here. While pondering the fact that clouds weren't covering the sun, I found fast enough myself thinking about the Divines. Did I believe in them? I located in Nírn after all and well the answer wasn't that hard: I did.
Daedra are out there as well, so why wouldn't others, all part of the past. Martin, Oblivion crisis, Red Mountain and all that, you know the list. It was pretty clear, the sliver of awe creped upon me. Though Divines were in Skyrim mostly the matter of belief I rather knew them to be there. This fact packed a bunch of new questions related to me. What was the portal? Who opened it or did it open by itself? Why it opened right there, in that time? Was it coincidence? Or not a coincidence?
A knot formed into my stomach, these thoughts were growing too big for me so I dropped them.
I had no answers.
I only realized, what kind of advantage I could have here? Thinking for the first time, that I could know what would happen, at least for many parts. Where in the story he was going right now? Or was there story at all, are things even going like in the game or is it different? Can it be different? Why couldn't it be this wasn't a game, this was life and everyone can make anything out of their decisions.
Sadly there was only one way to find out, to somehow stay in here or I mean to stay in touch with Gair. He was a total dimwit to be around, but how on earth it could be all of him. Although my feelings towards him were spiky I couldn't help but think the whole legend of the Dragonborn, the predicted hero who would save the universe and the souls from being eaten by the…the World-Eater.
My heart skipped a beat. Alduin is somewhere out there. Alduin and the dragons. A small spark of curiosity trapped in me, I wanted to know what the dragons looked like. I wanted to see with my own eyes, what a wonder but at the same time, a dark voice in me told that you shouldn't want to. Not unless there was no choice. Dragons were the matter of life and death: to wish to encounter them was an unwise thing to do. They were dangerous beasts that crushed whole villages if they wanted to and well you can't spawn back if you die.
Somehow the thought of the First-Born of Akatosh was much scarier than it was before and to say scary was to put it mild. A black ancient red-eyed dragon, bigger from the others with a power that outmatches anything and an ability to summon rocks down the sky. I shivered from the thought of seeing him and told myself to stop before I'd freak out. The adventurous or stupid part of me fangirled even him right now, but I got to stop. Alduin isn't going to give you an autograph and a fan picture with a hug.
I sighed and smiled a little at the same time. You know, think if I could take a selfie and hashtag it Alduin: Best Friends Forever.
Golden hour shone in the sky and for moments I let my thoughts flow. Some birds left their nests and lonely deer jumped somewhere among the trees down the hill. Inhaling calm and quiet was relaxing. Mountains threw darkening shadows around the plains. I turned my eyes to watch the stone tower which peak could be seen somewhere far and wondered what's in there. Mages? Bandits? Or nothing, only ruins. I almost felt the urge to investigate but I wasn't qualified to do that. Kind of sad.
I'd like to know how to fight and start collecting stuff from robbers and bad guys - perhaps little less bad guys as well. Who knows there could be something rare.
In the evening the wind would turn colder. It blew from the mountains and there on the darker side of the horizon, flickered already a few stars. I had no idea how long I'd been sitting here but I felt the tiredness pressing my eyelids down. In this haze I mentally startled myself when I heard the man speak behind me. Somehow he'd gotten to me without noticing or keeping a sound, sneak skill much? Or then I dozed off.
"That was quite a hit you did back there" his soothing voice stated before arriving closer to me. I got once more hold of my offense, without being able to recognize the changed delivery. I huffed saying nothing and he moved beside me only to lean on the tree trunk mentioned before, I felt his eyes on my back.
"…And I think, perhaps I might have deserved it" he kept going on with words making me raise an eyebrow. Still, I didn't let my surprise to show him and fixed my sight somewhere else.
"Yes, you did" Gair didn't get mad at my bragging. Instead, he went silent.
"And I am..." he paused. "...pretty sure I have been a little too nasty for you"
"That's putting it easy. You were a massive..-"
He interrupted. "I admit that one. You are nothing but right Bria"
I raised my gaze at him and we examined each other for a brief time. I tried to read the situation and for my amazement, I remarked on the mans face something else than strict coldness. Hard to describe: he looked relaxed but his eyes were somehow deep, even a little disturbed. The remarkable point here was that I heard my name said out loud. He had never done it before, not a single time yet still spoken soft.
Whatever else was on Gairs mind, came out having problems of escaping his throat. Uncomfortable wording and in my whole life, I couldn't have imagined him talking like that.
Clear that for once he didn't know what to say or if he knew he was hesitant or unwilling to express.
I stood up from my place and faced the guy. Knowing I couldn't be much angry watching him to be like that, I thought we'd gotten a share of that. Strange feeling, plus I might have regretted the slap after all. Realization stabbed my brains.
"Are you trying to apologize?" I approached this sentence walking on thin ice, afraid it would break if I took the slightest misstep. I could swear I saw the relieve for a second and now the real hint of a smile came across his lips.
"I could be"
I let a small chuckle come out of my mouth. It was unnecessary but I couldn't help it since now he was the one looking out of place though he handled it well. Now I understood what kind of man he was. He was the man type. Gair frowned at me.
"Now I know what's the problem here. You know I should put you through this, you would deserve it after what you did" I rubbed my forehead. "…But fortunately I am not a cruel person. And I did slap you so...I'm sorry for that. Still serious tho, stop being a jerk"
He cleared his throat. "I do hope the problem isn't a magic goat though. Scary beast that one"
As his phrase faded, I couldn't believe he said that. I stared at him for a moment watching how he dared to smirk at me, eyes shining in mischief. During this, both of us had a little fun. Anyway, he dropped it to be as before.
"We aren't even yet. I'll forgive you if you can be whatever else than a total idiot"
"So a massive idiot it is then" I threw with a stick and finally, with these words, agreed to return to the camp.
When the sun later on fell behind the horizon, swift darkness covered the area, leaving us to sit around our campfire. Embers cracked occasionally but otherwise, none of us hadn't spoken a word much after our quarrel earlier. I sat more or less comfortably on the edge of the cliff watching the clear night sky, drowning in thoughts until they were interfered. Gair pushed in front me a piece of bread with a slice of rabbit meat on top.
To be honest it was the best thing I've ever seen. Without opposing this offer, I took it and started to munch in deep silence but unfortunately it didn't take me long to eat. I practically inhaled the food, I was so hungry that if I'd have waited a couple hours more I could've fainted. You remember those times when some of your respective households were mad at you and they'd start to pull out the cards like: you've never been really hungry!
Well, I guess there was a first time for everything. I wasn't hungry, I was starving. Rationed meals are all about getting used to it and I never got to that point. What would your body tell you when you stop eating like a horse? Instead of every half an hour going to the fridge, you are eating two times a day (not even big amounts) and massively increase your energy consumption by walking hours straight. It beats the hell out of you and I wasn't feeling any better than in the past two days.
The only thing concerning me: the possibility of the physical over exhaustion which would be completely absurd concept to the guy sitting a few feet away. Okay fine he's not stupid. No other choice in here but to keep moving so nagging about it wouldn't make a difference. I understood.
Our eyes met when I spotted him glancing at me. I had well time to take a proper look on his facial features now that he was without his helmet for longer time. Gair did look pretty good, perhaps even handsome if it wasn't for his long-time-traveling- appearance. It ruffened up anyone - the first of my thoughts.
He had a strong, not so wide jawline and the beard did fit him but once again my wondering went towards his eyes. They were pretty, even mysterious and looked like his real eye color somehow should be something else under that.
I suspected in some way his eyes were connected to him being the Dragonborn. I wanted to solve this Sherlock Holmes case of the strange eyes but I'd bet that he wouldn't know the answer himself either. Plus it would be unusual if I'd start asking questions about his eyes. I don't practice to be a creeper.
"I like the double moons…" I said quietly and glanced upwards. "They are nice. We don't have moons like that" Cool opening line.
Gair did the same glancing but returned his frowning look upon me.
"And you mean what by that phrase? How do you don't have two moons?"
"Never mind, shouldn't have said that"
"Are you a Nord by any chance?" I changed the subject and nodded towards the man hoping he would ignore my light tongue. Damn, I didn't even think about what I was saying, I just said what I thought. He seemed to recall my protectiveness but didn't push me any further.
"Yes, I am"
I smiled at this answer.
"Hah, knew it! I always knew the Dragonborn would be a Nord and now it's confirmed. Actually, that may have been a stupid question, you can't be mixed with anyone else, you're too...Nordy" This sudden burst of talking seemed to make him listen to me at least for a while, which was new.
"…So umm. Any special abilities? I mean sure, besides the shouts for you, anything specific?" I had the flow on. The man crossed his arms before complying.
"I've heard about one. Some people say it happened to them, some say it won't" His answer made me pull up an imaginary question mark and I continued in interest.
"What do you mean you have only heard about it?" Gair shifted his weight from one side to another and gave me a significant look.
"By this specific thing, I'd think you're referring to a supposed release of power that frightens your enemies as a real warrior would? Haven't heard from anyone who'd done it out of their will. May or may not happen"
By the tightened atmosphere I reconned he'd heard enough questions, so I quit expressing my interest on racial abilities.
"But what of you? You told me, that you're not from around here and yet here you are asking me things which are pointing you know more than most individuals"
Should have known that he would return the favor but I really couldn't say against it since I was the one who started. We both tried to avoid the conversation about ourselves but still engaged to ask stuff, me mostly and I admit I would like to know him some more.
"Well let's say I…" a thought passed my head. "...read a lot. It's complicated so the whole thing is more understandable that way. I have many things that tell stories about places and I have read nearly everything. Several times. I dare to think I know many things"
"Stories do not always tell the truth"
This sentence rang in my mind for a while, it did match to some of my questions so well. He could be right and I had to stop relying on the things I thought were true, but it didn't feel quite right. I was positive there is stuff to achieve with my knowledge of the future. At least an alternative one but for now this should wait for another time to come out. I didn't want him to think me as a complete nutjob just yet.
"So where are we, I mean you going besides Falkreath? I know you have a destination"
He threw a new piece of wood into the flames and switched his position on the rock he was currently sitting. At the same time, I dragged myself into the range of the warm fire.
"If you must know. I am heading to the Throat of The World"
My head snapped when I heard this. High Hrothgar, of course, Arngeir and the Greybeards. But what for? Intuition told me this would't be his first journey up there. Has he already tried to find the horn or was this something else? The point in this being, what if the monks could help me? I knew that if anyone knew anything about the mystic forces of the universe, it'd be them. The plan in question felt almost perfect but how on earth am I going to get myself with him?
For now, even thinking such plotting made me sloppy, so all I did was a big dive under the wool blanket which we kind of shared - NOT at the same time. Don't you even dare to put a thought for it. I'd never do anything like that, not with him.
This was because I knew he would take the first watch so I had time to close my eyes. Somehow the tiny external sounds coming from the fire created some athmosphere. I had to say: a great feeling of safety came around whilst knowing the man was awake, watching the skies and the land.
The lack of wind here helped my dreams to catch on even more and it took me a minute or two to fall into a deep slumber.