Chapter Two

"Szayel, your experiments fuck with my head." Szayel heard his own voice say. For a moment, he thought maybe Nnoitra was controlling him with the mind-controlling drug, but, no, he could move his arms freely. He opened his eyes and saw himself, lying on the ground, rubbing his head. What? I'm not rubbing my...he looked down at his hands; he could see his fingers! And two little gold bracelets on each, scarily skinny wrist, this isn't my hand...this isn't my body! Szayel screamed, which sounded very strange, since it wasn't his voice, either.

"What the fuck happened to my voice?" Nnoitra croaked, still holding his, or rather, Szayel's head in his hands, "and stop screaming; your stupid failed experiment gave me a massive headache."

Szayel scrambled to his feet; a task easier said than done. He nearly fell over from the altitude difference. The lack of depth-perception nearly caused him to trip over his new, curly-toed boots, as well.

"Oh..." Szayel said, "the experiment didn't fail...it just didn't turn out the way we had planned."

"W-what's going on?" Nnoitra seemed to finally notice he wasn't hearing his own voice when he spoke, and opened his eyes, "what...the...fuck...?" he turned to where Szayel was shakily leaning against a work bench, trying unsuccessfully to reign in his long limbs, "Szayel you fucking stole my body!"

"You stole mine as well," Szayel said, "well, that wasn't supposed to happen..."

"You're telling me..." Szayel never noticed how feminine his face was til Nnoitra was talking to him with it, "what, did we switch bodies or something?"

"It seems so," Szayel nodded, staring at his new hand. This one-eye thing was going to be a problem, "hm."

"Reverse it!" Nnoitra cried, staggering to his feet, and looking quite upset about the foot in height he had lost, "reverse it now!"

"You know, I would if I knew how," Szayel said, rubbing his temples, "believe me, I don't, in fact, enjoy being a giant," he stared down at Nnoitra, "though I see how it's tempting to stomp on people."

"Oh god!" Nnoitra cried, "I haven't felt so short since middle school!"

"We have to tell Aizen-sama!" Szayel said, "this is not a good development; he needs to know about this."

"No!" Nnoitra cried, his amber eyes wild, "no! We can't tell anyone about this!" Szayel looked him over, wondering if he ever looked so crazy.

""What do you mean?"

"If anyone found out that I was in Szayel's body, I'd become the laughing stock of the Espada!" Nnoitra cried, tugging on the neck of the uniform.

"I'm in your body," Szayel said, "I should be just as embarrassed."

"No! I'm cool," Nnoitra stuck out his tongue, which just didn't have the same effect, "you should be honoured."

"You're so vain!"

"Me? You're the one who changes his clothes before every battle!"

"Okay, fine," Szayel glared at Nnoitra, "we won't tell Aizen-sama. It'll look bad on my account, anyways. So we'll just pretend to be each other until I can find some sort of antidote."

"How long will that take?" Nnoitra asked? "This...is horrible...fuck, I have a headache, too."

"I have no idea," Szayel said, tapping a long finger against his bottom lip, "given I'm a genius, perhaps not too long. But we'll have to do this all in secret. It would looks strange if Nnoitra was hunched over a workbench in Szayel's lab, yes? So I'll have to do all my research in your room, and you'll have to take my spot here. Essentially, we will have to switch lives for a while."

"What? What the hell would I do here?" Nnoitra stared at a bubbling test tube over a flaming Bunsen Burner, "I don't even know what you do all day."

"Yes, what exactly do you do all day? Torment Ulquiorra?"

"Well, yeah."

"Exactly. Just stay in here; it'll only take a week or so." Szayel waved his hand and walked, only stumbling a few times, towards the door, "and don't eat all the Fraccion, either."

"Yeah," Nnoitra mumbled, leaning back on the workbench, nearly setting his uniform on fire, "just don't eat Tesla. He's my bitch, not yours."

"Don't worry," Szayel said, leaving the laboratory, "I'm more interested in looking at Santa Teresa than little girls."

"Hey!" Nnoitra cried, "you can abuse Tesla all you want, but don't touch my sword! Szayel!"

Szayel was already long gone, trotting down the hallway in anticipation. What a great opportunity for some research...