Speechless Chapter 2: Prologue: Changes and New Goals, a death note fanfic

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Well once again Thank you all for your reviews, favs, and C2's...etc.

And more thanks to Ice among Fire, who was so kind to beta this chapter!

((Is typing on the computer))

Thoughts/Flashbacks/Dreams

"Talking (duh)"

Chapter 2: Changes and New Goals

~Diary~

Anyway, that was my dear-non-existing-diary-person, how I got myself in the hospital. If this thing taught me one thing, it was to hate the hospitals everything is white, the odd smell that lingers in the air, and dont get me started on that annoying heart monitor – Beepbeepbeep-

~ Scene break – Raito ~ Hospital~

Beep

My eye twitched when I reclaimed conscious for the second time since I come back to awareness.

My head was throbbing a little less, and my mind feeling a bit clearer than it had felt before. Everything was still slightly cloudy and numb though. All right, a tad more than a just little cloudy and numb. I noticed that there weren't any voices talking and assumed that no one was in my room.

Aw, I had at least expected a welcome committee.

Ah, my secret sarcasm was already starting to come back. That must be a good sign. I moved my lips, which were extremely dry, just like my throat. God, I was so thirsty. A little bit of water didn't sound so bad.

Beep

My right eye twitched again. I had been hovering for a half hour between being conscious and unconscious, unable to move my body yet. You would think that this wouldn't be that much of a problem. Oh it wasn't. It was actually nice to feel no pain. The problem was that the only thing I heard was-

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beeeep, beeeep-

My eye twitched once again – that annoying noise. It was driving me crazy!

Well, at least I know that my heart is still beating, I thought, trying to cheer myself up. It didn't work.

Steeling myself, I attempted to speak. After many times of trying I was finally able to part my lips somewhat. I took some air and breathed it out, while holding my tongue against the back of my lower teeth to produce

No sound came out. Only an odd groan as my throat protested.

I couldn't talk

A little more than depressed, I slowly opened my eyes, and blinked several times, trying to adjust my pupils to the darkness. I was glad I could finally open my eyes; it gave me a feeling that I had more control of myself. My vision was still a bit blurry, but I would manage with it. The room was dark, which I was grateful for, and lit by a dimmed light at the other side of the room.

I moved to sit up, and felt that I somehow couldn't move my right arm. So I positioned my left arm to support my weight, grunting as I moved upwards. Only to find out that any vertical movement wasn't a very bright idea.

A wave of dizziness and throbbing welcomed me.

I quickly lay back down, closing my eyes. My head was swirling from the short sensation alone. No more sitting for me for a while.

I decided to analyze my situation first, slowly and without sitting up, before I would end up doing something petty. I opened my eyes again and studied my condition.

My head was bandaged, as well as my chest and left hand. Some sort of cocker engulfed my neck, making it uncomfortable for me to lie down. My right arm was surrounded by a cast and was residing on my chest. I sighed, knowing that it would take a while before I would be able to write again

I glanced halfway down the hospital bed, where my legs were situated; a weight was holding them down.

I noticed my little sister sleeping in a chair, leaning on the cot, and resting her head on my legs. A blanket was wrapped around her shoulders, keeping her warm. She had used her arms as a pillow, soundlessly breathing in and out. I couldn't help but smile at the picture. After being nearly killed, you realize how blessed you are.

"Oh, you look like a perfect school boy. I know your type, gaki! Arrogant, cocky, and oh so brilliant. I hate those people."

I flinched and looked down, angry with myself. Even if the man was crazy, he had been telling the truth. His words had brought the truth to my eyes alright.

What had been going on in my head? I really am arrogant, aren't I?

I was very smart. Yet I continued studying like a maniac, while I actually already knew the stuff. I really wanted to know it word for word, didn't I? I wanted to know it best, didn't I?

I was kind to people. Yet I never let someone close, fearing that they would be enable to keep up. I really thought I couldn't have fun with people who were not as intelligent as me, didn't I?

I was a member of a happy family. Yet I didn't try to spend time with them, but instead had slowly been separating myself from them. I thought that my family was unimportantdidn't I?

I glanced at my little sister, and couldn't help but smile. No, I hadn't thought that my family was insignificant yet. My eyes widened in surprise. Would I have in the future?

Realization hit me, and I clenched my hands. I had slowly started to convince myself that doing all this would make me perfect. 'Did I really think I was going to become absolutely the best that way?'

Was I really starting to think that every person had to be perfect?

That I had to be perfect?

Everyone?

I couldn't help but starting to grow guilty, angry, and slightly ill with myself for not realizing how lucky, stupid, blind, and too many other nameless things I had been for such a long time.

I stared at the ceiling, thinking it over before I eventually got bored and started inspecting the room in which I would be forced to stay in for a while.

My gaze shifted to the left as I gradually turned my head. I saw another hospital bed with someone sleeping in it. The bed was occupied by a very familiar figure. I felt my face soften as I studied my mother's face. It was calm and peaceful. I was sure that she was lying there facing me so she was able to observe everything in case something would happen.

Mom is always so caring. I bet that even Dad couldn't make her go back home to sleep. I smiled at the predictability of my mother. She was sweet and loving, but she could be unbelievably stubborn when she wanted to be. I couldn't help but chuckled mentally. It gave me a content feeling, being cared for. I looked at my mother's face some more and then noted that she still had on her regular clothing. This was the first time I had seen her sleeping like this. I started to feel a bit guilty for making her worry.

I tiredly laid my head back and stared at the ceiling, my eyes half-drooped. I was about to go back to sleep, when a thought interrupted me.

So, where is Dad? I frowned as the thought went through my head. Did he go back to work?

I turned with difficulty to the right, since my arm and neck were kind of stuck, and noticed the window.

I made a note to myself to wake up slowly next time, so I maybe would be able to prevent a headache if there would be much sunlight. My attention drew to a chair in the corner, next to the window. It was nearly out of my sight, but I could still catch Father sitting in it. His back was indolently leaning against the back of the chair. His head was lowered a bit down to the left, resting his chin on his chest, while resting against the wall behind the chair.

His eyes were closed, and his mouth was slightly ajar. His left arm was hanging by his side, the other one on his laptop, which was situated on his lap. He most likely had fallen asleep while trying to get some work done. His left hand twitched a bit.

Workaholic I thought and a small, tired smirk formed on my lips.

I stared lazily at my father's figure and relaxed, knowing that my family would be and had been by my side the whole time. I could feel the exhaustion turn back to me. My eyes started to drop. I stared at the ceiling as I let my thoughts wander. My eyes closed and I nearly was asleep when I heard a calm voice mutter something.

"Rest well, Raito-kun. I'm proud of you."

I felt my lips shift into a small smile.

Thanks, Dad. Don't push yourself too much.

Scene Break – Dreamscape ~

I shivered.

I don't know where I am, but I don't like this one bit

I was falling.

I screamed as I could feel myself fall drop faster.

Only no sound came out. Wind blew against my face and into my eyes, causing some tears to escape from them.

I'm falling, Where am I? Oh God, I'm falling too fast. At this speed

I already knew that if I would hit the ground, I would be dead.

I declined faster and quicker. Then, a small, faded red dot appeared underneath me.

I continued falling, and the red light rapidly grew in size.

I saw a bottom forming, and I was coming closer with great speed.

I closed my eyes, waiting for the moment that I would reach the ground. Then

Nothing

Surprised, I opened my eyes. I was floating about two meters above a slab of pavement, as if thin threads where holding me up like a puppet by my middle, my arms, my legs, and my ankles. I let out a sigh of relief, but found that I could only turn my head as I studied the area I had landed in.

I was in an alley, where everything was lit by a dim, red light.

Then suddenly, the threads dissolved into nothingness, and I was released. Gravity made me fall down again, and I quickly reacted, landing in a crouched position with one hand on the ground. I narrowed my eyes. I knew this place, but I somehow couldn't put my finger on it. I straightened myself and looked around once more.

My eyes widened. There, a bit further on the ground, laid a boy. A certain white-haired boy, to be exact.

Soka.

My hand twitched and a shiver went down my spine.

He was lying in a pool of blood.

I started shaking as I slowly leaned forward, reaching for him. Maybe he wasn't dead yet maybe he could still be saved.

I stopped my action, my hand frozen in mid-air. It was red. My hand was covered in blood. I looked at it in horror, and then as if a switch turned on in my head, I stumbled back.

As I moved, my foot caught on something. I started and fell on my back on the ground. I quickly sat up and stared at the body I had just tripped over.

The doctor.

A knife was lying next to him and I noted it was caked in maroon. I stared at it in horror. Then I shifted my eyes to the doctor, not believing what was happening.

I felt panic rise in my stomach, and it took the better of me.

Trembling, I struggled up and fled. I ran to the white light at the end of the alley, seeking escape. But with every step I took, the light only moved further away. It didn't appear that I was getting closer to it. I quickened my pace, but it made no difference.

The distance didn't decrease. I was panting as my ears picked something up.

Footsteps.

I heard footsteps following me. I quickened my pace hastily, and the footsteps followed my rate.

I would accelerate, and the person following me would as well. It didn't matter how hard I ran; I never got closer to the light, nor did I lose my pursuer.

What is happening?

I desperately thought. Suddenly I tripped and hit the ground; before I had the chance to get up again, a hand grabbed me from behind and pushed me against the wall of the alley. I could not help but stare in those crazy blue eyes.

Shiro...

"Nice hair, a pretty face, beautiful eyes." He said and once again traced my face with awful tenderness. I closed my eyes as he made a circle around my right eye and when he smeared the rest of my blood over my cheek and nose. I felt like throwing up again.

"I bet you also have a perfect charisma, don't you? You're the most popular guy in school, and you take all that shit for granted! You ignorant son of a bitch! I hate people like you so much! They always want to help people, but if you aren't pretty or if you aren't good with words, they throw you away like trash." His voice had an echo in it and swirled around in the air.

I tried to break eye contact. I tried to look away from his crazy eyes, but every time I did, he would lift me higher off the ground and push me roughly against the wall. My feet were currently hovering 5 inches above the ground. I couldn't breathe.

I can't breathe! I can't breath! I need air!

I desperately made eye contact again, taking a gasp of air when the grip on my color slightly slackened. His eyes glanced over me.

"Oh, you look like a perfect school boy. I know your type, gaki! Arrogant, cocky, and oh so brilliant. I hate those people." His hand touched my face as he trailed the places where he had put his blood before. My stomach turned violently. I couldn't get away.

"I hate those people... I hate you!"

His insane eyes stared at me, willing me to die. I closed my eyes, trying to escape him. I was hovering in the middle of darkness; the crazy blue eyes appeared. I couldn't evade him. The eyes multiplied themselves, starting to circle around me. They laughed at me, taunted me, and threatened me. Then, five other Shiro's stepped out of the shadows, each holding a knife. Laughter fluttered through the atmosphere as they slowly started to drew closer to me. The grip on my collar disappeared, and I landed on the black surface. I tried to back away, but they had already surrounded me.

"I will find you, little shit!" one whispered, an echo following it.

"No one will be safe around you!" one said louder, with laugher in his voice.

"I'll hurt you!" another said with venom in his voice.

"You'll try to flee, gaki!" The repercussions filled the air.

"No one will be able to save you"

I panicked and tried to get away. Suddenly, an arm from behind me wrapped itself around my neck. I felt a cold, sharp metal resting under my chin. My eyes widened and shifted to the right, locking it with the person holding me. Two crazy blue eyes stared at me, like a predator staring at his prey. I could only stare back.

"And. I. Will. Kill. You!" he growled as the other five voice remained silent. He moved his arm. I tried to scream but no sound came out.

My eyes widened-

~ Scene break – Raito - Hospital ~

- and shot open as I flew up into a sitting position.

A pain erupted from my chest. Two strong hands stopped me, pushing me slightly back.

I absently noted that I was hyperventilating. Sweat covered my forehead. My eyes darted around the room until they locked with two other worried ones.

They were familiar. I raced through my mind to connect them to someone and suddenly recognized them to belong to my father. I partially relaxed at the information and tried to find my calmness.

I'm all right. It was just a nightmare. Calm down, breath in, breath out, calm down

I heard people talking to me, but I couldn't get myself to listen what they were saying.

I grunted from the pain that emitted from my chest; I squeezed my eyes shut. My left hand groped at my chest. I grunted some more. My chest was not the only thing that hurt.

Damn, seems like the painkillers have worn out.

"Raito, lie back down! You had a bad dream. You've got a high fever!" My mother's voice.

High Fever? I wondered

The two hands, which were still holding my shoulders, pushed me gently back. I didn't even try to resist, knowing that it would only cause trouble. I held my eyes shut and attempted to regain some control of my throbbing head. It didn't work

I heard the heart monitor speed up again, and flinched when I saw something move towards my face. I stared at the hand hovering above my head, which was quickly pulled back in surprise, before it halted in its tracks.

My heartbeat calmed down again. I was still staring at the hand that was still hovering in the air. It moved to my forehead, and took a cloth, that I hadn't noticed before, from my head, before replacing it. It felt nice and soothing. I smiled at my little sister, who slightly blushed as she replaced it again.

"Raito, go back to sleep. You need to sleep your fever out!" That was, of course, my mother again. I was slightly annoyed at the fact that I had to go back to sleep, not wanting to, but I knew that she was right. Still, stubborn by nature, I ignored the order.

Also, I didn't want to go back to sleep. Back to the nightmare...I shuddered.

I slowly felt a certain feeling burst in my chest. I recognized it immediately and opened my eyes in horror. Oh, no. Please, I don't want to-

I opened my mouth and coughed. I coughed once, and then again and again. I winced every time I did so.

Soon, the coughing changed into a coughing fit and it hurt horrendously. Ah, man it hurts I need water, now I moved back to sitting, trying to ignore the sick feeling that washed over me.

I brought up my left hand up to my mouth, making a drinking gesture. My sister reacted immediately, and I estimated that she got me a glass of water within 5.03 seconds.

But I knew that in this condition, my observation skills sucked; plus, everything seemed to go so fast so it might have also been 6.43 seconds.

I shakily took the glass and brought it to my lips. My hand was trembling and I immediately realized how bad my control over my body actually was at the moment. I tried to drink it, accidentally spilling a bit over the sheets and fortunately over my dry lips. Sayu quickly helped me drink it, holding the glass still.

It was like a blessing from Heaven as it cooled down my burning throat. I gulped the water quite fast, causing me to cough a little bit again. This time it didn't hurt as bad as it first did.

Then, it felt like my brain was turned on.

I lost my voice. My eyes widened as I remembered the words I had been caught up in the conversation between the doctor and my father. My hand holding the glass started to shake even more. My mother reached out quickly took it from me. I barely took notice. I stared at the end of my hospital bed as I slowly moved my hand to the cocker on my neck.

My voice was really gone.

I raised an eyebrow at the nurse, hoping that she would tell me that my voice was fine. She just smiled sadly and gave a quick bow before walking away.

It confirmed my suspicion. I closed my eyes, grasping the reality. How am I going to be a detective now?

A hand dropped on my shoulder. I tiredly looked up and stared back at my father. He was smiling like the nurse, but it was different. I couldn't find any pity in his eyes. There was something else. It was support. It was one of the reasons why my father was my idol. I glanced at my mother and Sayu. They had the same look in their eyes. I would be all right.

"Don't worry, Raito! You are just going to be a mute detective or something!" cheered my sister, trying to lighten the mood. I just made some kind of funny noise, trying to confirm it. My father and mother smiled. I had changed, and they knew it. I smiled, too. I felt like I had opened my eyes and I had a new goal.

Yes, I will just have to become a mute detective.

~Diary ~

Recovering was a personal torture. It was so unbelievable boring. After the first time I woke up I was still tired and numb for a couple of days and had some nightmares that I that I prefer not to bring up.

The fever disappeared quite quickly, and I was soon able to stay awake for longer intervals, which was not always a blessing. They gave me fewer painkillers as the pain started to lessen. My arm would be in the cast for a fair amount of time, but it would heal perfectly.

As soon as the doctors thought I could handle the information, they explained what had happened to me. It seemed that the kick that Shiro had given me had been harder than I had thought it was. My vocal cord had been critically damaged, and they had no choice to operate as soon as I got to the hospital in order to avoid blood streaming into my lungs. Somehow, the recurrent laryngeal nerve, which I remembered was a nerve by my vocal cord, got damaged in the operation and healing process and damned me to muteness, for most likely forever.

They were surprised by the amount of calmness I showed as I accepted my future curse, but I suppose they didn't expect me to have already acknowledged the fact that I would just have to handle this in the future. Though, as soon as they when were gone, it showed that I hadn't dealt with it as much as I had hoped, and my family had to get me out of a small depression once again.

My father had gotten me a laptop, so I could communicate with everyone around me. I would type with my left hand on the computer, as the other was still in the cast. The others would just read it and reply. It felt a bit stupid that that was the only way to communicate, but I was still overjoyed that I was able to speak to people to a certain degree.

Then the biggest problem appeared.

Dear-imaginary-non-existing-person-in-this-diary meet Boredom

Boredom meet Dear-imaginary-non-existing-person-in-this-diary-that-Brian-wanted-me-to-imagine.

Yes, I got awfully bored.

My family decreased their amounts of visits, after a bit of persuasion from the nurses and myself, and visited me mostly on visiting hours. The rest of the day I was asleep or trying to entertain myself.

One time, I was even so bored that I watched a movie with some kind of new pop idol by the name of 'Ryuga Hideki'; and I will tell you, I don't like movies, so I think this says something about the level of boredom I was in. It didn't really manage to entertain me either and I quickly formed a dislike to this Ryuga.

After some days, I had thought about nearly everything that had come to mind, even about how to become a better person; since, though I would happily like to deny it, I might have gone too far with my game.

Then the doctor whom I had helped came to visit me one day. His name was Brian Keller, yes the Brian I mentioned earlier, and I finally recognized him as the person who was a very well-known American psychologist. Eventually, he went from visiting me once a week to a couple of times a week, which was very welcoming, since it was far better than watching TV. Though, it was kind of annoying that he thanked me for stepping into the fight at least 334 times... every week.

Almost immediately, we ended up talking about his job, and he was as I had expected, the well-known American psychologist.

And like everyone said, he was indeed a very good one, and that annoyed me a bit occasionally. Since being a psychologist of such a degree meant that he had a very good charisma. Good enough to, somehow, get me to talk to him about my nightmares. And I will give it to him; to get me to talk about something like that is very, very special.

He also found out that I had enveloped an obsession with perfection within my last years. I was quite startled when he stated that if he hadn't found out, it might have led to problems within three years time. I was also warned that if didn't try to fight this fetish soon, I would get serious psychological problems. So we talked, and it was with him that I started with the progress of letting go of my perfection, since, as he explained, it wasn't something that would go away immediately.

But it helped.

And he started to earn my respect.

After some time, even my admiration for his skills, and this interest was soon noticed.

Somehow, I was so interested, that at one afternoon after a discussion, which he had won again, (yes, I wasn't happy with that) I had asked him to teach me some of his skills. He had agreed to try and teach me some things. And so I learned and learned and learned. I was like a sponge, absorbing everything he told me. He seemed to enjoy having such a motivated student and the visits got longer and more frequent.

Obviously, he still won many discussions we had and was more skilled with analyzing characters (and surprisingly, situations and making observations), but I started to get progress. I started to see that I could read people better and deeper. To practice, we would choose a person from the hospital, and he made me analyze her or him. Then, he would do the same and by some means, he always was one step ahead of me. This irritated the hell out of me. But hey, he did teach me that people couldn't be the best in everything. Yes, he had made me drop my pride quite a bit down, but had I survived. I wasn't the perfect son anymore, and somehow, my parents seemed happier than ever with me.

Soon, he was released, and we said our goodbyes, saying he was going back to America. He gave me his card, telling me that if I ever needed something or an ear that would listen to me, that I just had to call. I was released a couple of weeks after that.

I still have his card in the drawer of my room. I don't think that I really need it any time soon, but maybe I will visit him sometime.

When I had recovered completely, I went back to school, and many people started to pity me as soon as they heard that I had gone mute.

I didn't like that. I actually really hated it, especially the fan girls who started to gossip. I ignored most of the people who suddenly tried to befriend me even more. I was happy that people didn't know what had happened, since the newspapers hadn't stated my name in the article about the incident, which my father had taken care of.

Then a new student showed up: Suzuki Katsu... TchVictory. Well, he kind of lived up to his name. He was kind of like me but a strange guy. He mostly ignored people around him, but he seemed to give me more attention, but I assumed it was of my status as the intelligent kid.

Katsu too was intelligent, nearly on par with me. Well, not really. He wasnt a dangerous rival or anything near that, so I didnt really care.

HE soon got on the list of the top students, and while he still wasn't competition, I can't deny that I had been slightly annoyed for a short amount of time.

However, I quickly got used to the idea. Teachers didn't ask me to answer questions anymore, or at least, not often, since they didn't know how to react to my disability. I couldn't show anyone how good I was at the rate I had done before. Which, actually, wasn't that bad.

After the accident, I had stopped with trying to make everything as perfect as possible, thanks to Brian. I wasn't the ideal son anymore, and I also stopped being the perfect and over-achieving student, though I still got the perfect scores in everything. Hey, why change what could help me in the future?

I was fine with that. I had transformed, and I was happy that I had.

After some days, Katsu had seemingly decided to try to befriend me and, although he still was a bit bizarre, I decided to give him a chance. He had been trying non-stop for two weeks anyway. That should mean something, right?

He still wasn't a real friend, though.

Then there was my voice, or more like the lack thereof. Everything had gotten a bit more difficult since I lost my voice. I had to learn how to use sign language, for example. This went quite fast, but there was still quite a lot to comprehend.

My family insisted that they were to learn it too, so that they at could read what I said. I also had to catch up with everything that I had missed in school, but since I had already worked further than I had to before the accident, it wasn't really that much. Anyway, I was kept busy.

But I found out that I liked it more this way. I wasn't bored anymore.

After I had caught up, I admitted to my parents that I had been kind of bored all right, maybe a little more than kind of bored. So my mother introduced me to playing the piano, which she had played when she was young and still sometimes did at a friends house.

My parents bought a piano for in the house, and I nearly refused, arguing that it was too expensive to buy just because I was bored. They surprisingly countered by saying I should just see it as my (very late) birthday present, and that they had been planning to anyway. I remember we had quite a laugh as they saw my face, unable to counter that argument (actually, I could have, but I didn't want to spoil the mood).

As soon as my mother got back to the level that she had reached before, she started to teach me. I found myself enjoying these moments and memories quite a lot.

I cherished the idea that I still could make sound and tunes even when I was mute.

It also made the bond between my mother and me stronger, and we both started to practice more every day, gradually becoming better as time passed.

I was soon content with my life again, but this time I enjoyed every minute of it.

Yet, it was not that the accident had brought only good.

Ever since the mishap I had developed a small phobia for knives. And couldn't help but be a little I was a bit nervous near alleys. I also got the habit of checking my surroundings more, and the people around me. I knew that if that Shino would see me again, I would be in trouble. My father reassigned me back to the fighting lessons, which I did with much effort. My master approved this endeavor, and gave me some private lessons now and then. I'm quickly getting better, but still no challenge for a fighting master.

All in all, I had been kept very busy. My life was a hectic one, indeed. But that time I had a goal, and I would fulfill it; nothing would stop me.

Losing was not an option.

~Raito

-End Prologue-

-TBC-

Thanks to Ice among Fire for beta-ing this chapter!

Now the good stuff begins! *evil smile* So please continue reading!