~November~

I'll forever be grateful for Jake coming to my house that day in September. That one day in his garage turned into an everyday thing for us, and it honestly was the best thing to ever happen to me. When we weren't fixing any vehicle, we would either go for walks on the beach, hang out at each other's house, help each other study, go to the movies...everything. We did everything together. The hole in my chest was starting to fill, my appetite had returned, and so had my sleep. It took a week for things to start changing, just one week with Jake, and I was quick to realize it too. It honestly left me surprised at how quickly I was...well...healing. Moving on. Jake made me feel better. He made me feel...alive.

Until he killed me the same way Edward had by leaving me. At least Edward said goodbye. Jacob just ditched me without saying a single word.

I don't even know what it was I did. All I know is that it started two weeks ago on Friday November 2nd. It's November 13th now; exactly two months since my birthday. Since...Jasper almost attacked me. Anyway, we were at the movies with Mike when Jake got...heated.

Mike had run out of the movie room we were in, the gore making him sick, and as Jacob and I followed after him, he tried to hold my hand. The contact that I haven't felt in my hand for so long took me off guard and made me uncomfortable. And the reason for that was because I was starting to believe that I was finally falling for him.

But it made me uncomfortable because I hadn't accepted my growing feelings for him. Honestly, I thought my feelings had only formed because I was confused. With confused feelings, I didn't want to lead him on, which would be exactly what I would have done if I held his hand.

"What? I can't hold your hand?" He had asked, trying and failing not to sound hurt.

"No, of course you can," I had said to him, hesitantly. "I just think it means something a little different to you." I had forced these words out, and was nervous to hear his response.

"Okay, so tell me something," he had began, thankfully not looking upset. "You like me, right?"

I wanted to say no, but I couldn't find it in me to say that one damn word. I couldn't lie to him. My growing feelings were there. I just hadn't accepted them yet. Then again...he never specified if I liked him romantically or platonically.

Rather than say yes or no, I merely nodded. Which was a silent yes, but still not an exact verbal one. Romantically or not, it is the truth though.

Jake had smiled triumphantly when he saw my nod, and had opened his mouth to speak. I was quick to interrupt his unspoken words.

"Jake," I had said in a soft tone. "Don't...don't do this." I knew he had always wanted a relationship with me, but he had to understand at that moment that I still wasn't ready yet. That I needed time. I hope he knows now, wherever he his, that I still do.

So with a tired sigh, I had sat down on a staircase step, waiting for the next events to unfold.

"Why?" Jacob had asked, watching me with intense eyes.

"Because you're about to ruin everything," I had admitted, honestly, as I fidgeted with my hands. "And I need you."

That's another reason why I'm not ready for any romantic commitment with him. Our friendship. I love our friendship. I need our friendship. It's helped me so much. He has helped me through so much. If we were to become romantic and then breakup there's a chance we'll never be friends again. I don't want that to happen. I need Jacob in my life, and the safe route would to be as a friend. He's...he's my own personal sun. I need him.

"Well, I've got loads of time," he had responded. "I'm not gonna give up."

"I..." My heart was beating to fast at that moment. So, so fast. "I don't want you to, but...it's just cause I don't want you to go anywhere. That's...that's really selfish, but...I'm not some car you can fix up. I'm never going to run right. I should be fair for you."

Jacob had taken no hesitation in his answer. "It's because of him, right?"

I didn't answer him as he took a seat next to me. "Look," he had started. He had leaned toward me, but I merely looked down, avoiding his gaze. "I know what he did to you. But Bella, I would never ever do that. I won't ever hurt you. I promise. I won't let you down."

I had nodded over and over again because I knew what he was saying was true. Well, I tried to believe it to be true. I thought Edward would never leave me, I believed he wouldn't, but he did. I didn't have exact proof that Jacob wouldn't do the same. And guess what? He did.

When Mike ruins our moment, Jake suddenly gets pissed off and nearly pounced on Mike, looking as though he was going to murder him. When I stopped him from hurting Mike, I felt how hot he was. Like he had a fever. He then left the theater in a rush, and ignored me for 2 weeks straight.

I've called him countless times, but he never answered. It was his father that told me he had Mono five days later and that it would be best to not visit for a while.

I know two weeks isn't really that long, but it felt like rwo centuries to me. Which is why I am currently on my way to his house now. I have had enough. I can't stand it anymore. I can't stand not being with him or hearing his voice. I'm worried sick, especially since even Billy has stopped answering my calls.

It drove me insane. So insane, that it gave me the audacity to drive over to his house in the pouring rain right now. Something I normally wouldn't do. If it wasn't for the horrible sick feeling in my stomach, I probably would've kept waiting for Jacob to come to me first. I would have respected his wish for me to stay away. But the pressuring feeling is there and it told me to get my ass to him now. I don't even care about the rain, nor do I care if I catch his sickness. The rain has a better chance at getting me sick than he does anyway.

But what I didn't expect at all upon arriving at his house, was to see him walking across his yard with no shirt on and his long hair chopped off. I honestly didn't know it was him at first.

"Jake!" I quickly called out to him as I slammed my truck door hard, ignoring the cold, wet rain.

Jake stopped walking, but he didn't turn around to face me.

"Hey!" I snapped. I stomped my way towards him quickly, but my heart is beating faster.

When I reached him, I immediately begin interrogating him. I don't care if his back is facing me. I know he can hear me perfectly clear whether his eyes are making contact or not. However, I will admit his back is...beautifully distracting.

"You cut your hair off?" I started. Jake said nothing. It was in this moment that I saw the black circular marking on his right shoulder. "And got a tattoo?"

"Bella-" He said, but I cut him off, not wanting to hear anything he has to say until I'm finished with my questions.

"I thought you were too sick to come outside? Or pick up the phone whenever I called?"

He then said two words that crushed my soul: "Go away."

I remembered the way my heart had shattered when Edward left me. When he said he didn't want me. That I wasn't good enough for him. But when Jacob said this to me, it honestly felt way way worse.

"What?" I wanted him to face me, but I knew if he did, he would see the hurt in my eyes. Although, he probably heard it in my voice. I was afraid that he'd pity me though if he saw me, and that's the last thing I want.

I'm tired of people pitying me. What I do want more than anything though is answers, and with his back facing me it's easier to keep myself together. I don't know what I'd say or do if I stared into his eyes.

"Go away." He repeated, louder that time. The tone of his voice told me that it hurt him more to say it than it did for me to hear it.

"What happened to you?" I asked, knowing that something must have gone terribly wrong for him to act this way toward me. He would never act like this on his own free will. "What's wrong? What-Hey!"

He started to walk away from me, and without even thinking, I leaped forward and grabbed his arm to stop him. As soon as our skin had touched, an electric wave spiraled through me. We both pulled away, surprised at the intensity of the shock we shared. You could say it left us...well...shocked.

It was then that Jake decided to whirl around and make eye contact with me. When our eyes connected something happened. There was an immediate total shift in the atmosphere. It was...I can't explain it. It's indescribable. All I know was that the intensity I felt as soon as our eyes had connected was an intensity I have never felt before. It made me feel truly, completely hole. It made me feel warm despite the cold rain that soaked me. And the way Jacob stared at me made me feel so much warmer.

He always stares at me like I'm a Queen. But right now, he's staring at me as if I'm an angel. I've never seen him look so happy before. I've never seen a person's eyes and smile show so much happiness. His smiles were always contagious, but the situation I'm placed in didn't have me smiling. If anything, his smile pissed me off.

"Why the hell are you smiling?" I snapped, glaring at him as hard as I could. It was then that I realized there were tears in his eyes.

Before my glare could falter and I could ask him what was wrong, I was being tightly pressed against his chest. I stiffened in surprise and in spite of myself hugged him back. I couldn't just not hug him. Despite the fact that I'm beyond mad at him, I missed him so much. More than...more than I've ever missed Edward. Plus, he always has been an amazing hugger.

"No reason," Jake answered, still holding onto me. "I just missed you so damn much."

I ignored the way my heart fluttered and asked, "Then why did you ignore me? What did I do wrong?" Tears that I had been fighting back since I got there started to find their way into my eyes. I fiercely blinked them away.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Bella," Jacob said. Then in a harder voice, "It was all me. I'm sorry. I know that sounds lame too. The whole 'it's not you, it's me thing', but it truly was about me. Can you please forgive me?"

"Only if you tell me why," I answered, then pulled out of his embrace. "What made you think something was wrong with you to avoid me?"

Jake opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off from a voice in the distant.

"Jacob!"

Jake and I turned our heads in the direction of the voice, and what I saw made my eyes go wide.

It was Sam Uley along with Jacob's friends Embry and Quil and three other guys. Paul, Jared, and a boy who looks like he's at least 14 or 15. All of them were shirtless and in jean shorts. Obviously, there was a fashion trend I was missing out on.

"Is that...Sam?" I asked, hoping that maybe my eyes were wrong. "And...Quil and Embry?"

Jake's answer was hesitant. "Yeah."

"I thought you hated him?" I questioned, more confused now than ever. "And what are Quil and Embry doing with him? I know they were avoiding you for awhile, but I didn't expect for them to be hanging out with Sam. Did you know?"

"I recently found out," he answered. "And I don't hate Sam. I never did. He, Paul, and Jared just freaked me out is all. But it's all good now. I understand everything. Plus, how can I hate him when he's the only one who found you unconscious in the woods in September, remember? You gave me one hell of a scare."

I didn't want to remember to embarrassment that I felt after I was returned home or the reason why I was even in the situation, so I ignored him and said: "Is he the reason why you've been avoiding me?" I was surprised by the strong wave of jealousy that flooded through me. "Since Quil and Embry are with him is that why you're with him too? What does he even want with you?"

"I promise I'll explain everything," Jacob said as he reached for my hand to give it a squeeze. "Right now isn't the time though. I need to go. There's a lot that needs to be discussed, and plus I'd rather we not be in the rain."

"Of course there's a lot that needs to be discussed," I grumbled, hating that I wasn't going to get my answers right this instance. "But when?"

"Soon."

"Do you promise?"

"I promise."