Tuesday Afternoon
Leslie Knope got off the phone and frowned. This wasn't good. In no way could this be good. She had to do something.
"Tom, I've got an errand to run. You're in charge until I get back."
Tom frowned. "Where are you going?"
"I need to find Ron. It could be a matter of life or death." Leslie grabbed a set of keys from back of a drawer in her filing cabinet.
"Oh damn. Should I be worried?" Tom asked.
"I'm not sure yet. I'll let you know." She turned and dashed out the door without another word.
Tom sat in the empty office and shrugged. "Ok then! I'll just be here, running the Parks Department!" He muttered under his breath, "Yeah, cuz I totally know how to run a freaking department. There's six items on the calendar today. No one cares but me. And I don't even care. Oh well. At least Ron will be happy that nothing got done today." He stood up from his desk and went into the main department office. "Donna, I'm gonna go get a massage and some froyo. I'll see you later."
All the way in her car, Leslie tried to calm herself down. She didn't know what she was going to find, but it wasn't going to be good or pretty or nice. She had to prepare for the worst.
Ron's car was the only one in the driveway. That was probably good. Or it could be bad. Or it could mean nothing at all. It was one of those.
Leslie inserted the correct key into the lock of the front door and entered the house. She had never been in there before. It was nice. No sign of chaos yet. That was a good thing. Or it could mean that the worst was coming.
She wandered the house, feeling more and more nervous as she went. Finally she reached the bedroom. Leslie opened the door and screamed.
Saturday Night
Tammy returned to Ron's house after picking up some ingredients at Food N Stuff. After all, Ron's fridge held eggs, sausage, beer, and barbecue sauce. This was all perfectly acceptable to Ron, but not quite conducive to a romantic meal.
Ron opened the front door for her and helped carry the grocery bags into the kitchen. "So what are we having, and can I grill something?"
She rolled her eyes. "No grilling. I'm doing all the work. You can just sit back and pour us each a drink and maybe keep my company while I cook."
With a smile, he quickly brought in a bottle of Lagavulin and two glasses. He poured her a small amount, not knowing if this new personality she was trying out allowed her to drink. She downed it in one swallow and held out the glass for more.
"Oh come on Swanson. I wanted a drink, not a sippy cup!" she teased.
"I just don't want you to think I'm trying to get you drunk. You said you wanted us to try to be different, so I'm trying to help."
Tammy smiled. "I appreciate that. But the only difference between me drunk and sober is a little bit of dizziness. I'm crazier sober than I've ever been after a couple drinks. Except this one party in college. I drank three Solo cups full of what I think was green gin. I may or may not have slept with an entire frat house and possibly sold my hair to a creepy guy in the corner. Either way, I woke up two days later with a shaved head and a nasty case of crabs." She turned back to the stove where she was sautéing some green beans.
Ron frowned. "Are those vegetables?"
"You don't have to eat them if you don't want to. I think they're delicious so I'll have some. I do wish you'd try a little green in your diet. But this is America, and you're free to clog your arteries if that's what you want to do."
He smiled. It was sorta strange how well she knew him. Just for that, he decided he would try a couple of beans.
They sat down to dinner an hour later with plates of chicken parmesan, sautéed green beans, and fresh garlic bread. Their lighthearted conversation ceased as Ron wolfed down every scrap of food he was given. Tammy ate at a reduced speed, watching happily as her man devoured the meal she prepared for him.
Ron looked up at her. "Is there…?"
Tammy pointed behind her. "In the pan on the counter. I made extra, so if there's any leftovers, you can microwave them during the week."
He stood up and got a second and third helping of chicken.
"I'm glad you like it, Ron," Tammy said as he sat down with more food.
He nodded. "Chicken is one of the lesser proteins, but this is surprisingly good. I don't think you've ever cooked for me before."
Tammy smirked. "You were always more argumentative when you were hungry, so if I was mad at you before dinner, I would tell you there wasn't anything in the house. As soon as you left to forrage, I would make something for myself. Sometimes I would cook something really delicious so the smell of it would torture when you got back."
"Well aren't you a delight?"
She laughed. "I was awful to you, Ron. And I really didn't need to be. But you just made me so mad! And I know exactly how to destroy you when I want to."
Ron blinked, not wanting to make any sudden movements. Scary Tammy was making an appearance.
"But that's not what I want to do anymore, Ron. I told you that I want us to start over and have things be better. I'm gonna be better."
Instead of responding, Ron redirected his attention at his plate, eating two more helpings by the time Tammy finished her first. She cleared their plates and started the unenviable task of cleaning the kitchen.
"Hey Ron, why don't you put on some music while I wash the dishes?"
Something about Tammy doing such a domestic task as washing dishes was just so innocent and beautiful that Ron couldn't help but smile. "Why don't you sing me something?"
She stopped and turned around to look at him suspiciously. "How do you know I sing?"
Ron tried to hide his grin. "I notice things too. You used to sing all the time when you thought I wasn't around. You sing in the shower and when you do laundry and when you clean."
Tammy smiled and used the back of her wrist to push her glasses back up her nose.
Ron didn't break eye contact with her, although he might have been on shaky ground at this point. He smirked and said, "See? I know you too. I'm just not evil and use it against you."
She scoffed and returned to washing dishes. Ron stayed his ground and waited. After a couple moments of awkward silence, she started to hum a little. A minute later, she began properly singing. It was an old jazz standard, As Time Goes By, which Ron should not have recognized. Ron didn't know the tune, but Duke Silver did. But that would stay under wraps for a while.
It was utterly incredible. Ron could hardly believe that it was Tammy who was singing sweetly as she cleaned his kitchen. She was like a different person, but it was still Tammy. She was just…nice. This woman had just cooked him a meal without nagging him to eat his vegetables or yelling at him for not having any proper food in his house or getting upset about his drinking or trying to poison him in any way. And, because it was Tammy, it was all incredibly sexy. Ron smiled. Dinner had been great, but he was ready for dessert.
He came behind her and wrapped his arms around her middle. She tilted her head back with a smile so he could kiss her neck. Despite the rough texture, she did love the feel of that mustache on her skin. Tammy moaned as he nipped at her ear. She twisted in his grip and threw her arms around his neck, kissing him soundly. Their tongues danced and tangled together. His hands roamed her body, one finding its way to her ass, the other making its way up her back beneath her shirt.
Tammy's whole body was on fire. Ron always had that effect on her. She never had let on that she went crazy for him just like he did for her. This was it. Tammy got her man. It was back to the way it was supposed to be: dirty and twisted and beautiful. Just like it always used to be.
Like it always used to be.
Tammy broke away from Ron and scurried to the other side of the kitchen. She couldn't be so close to him or she would never be able to resist. God he looked good, hair all disheveled from her eager hands. His eyes had that dazed sex look. Poor guy didn't even fully understand that she wasn't in his arms any more.
She tried to catch her breath. "I'm sorry, Ron. I shouldn't have done that. I should go." Tammy straightened her blouse and went to find her purse.
Ron shook himself back to reality. What the hell just happened? "Why are you leaving?" he asked as he followed her into the living room.
"I told you, Ron, I want us to start over. Fresh. New. We can't fall back into our old patterns, or this will never work," she explained as she frantically grabbed her car keys.
She was right, and Ron knew it. And until that moment, he hadn't realized how much he wanted their relationship to work this time. For real. Something always brought Ron and Tammy back together, and that deserved a chance. He slumped down on the sofa.
Tammy stopped running around and turned to him with a sad smile. "Thank you, Ron. You don't know how hard it is for me to leave you right now. I'd give you a kiss goodnight, but then I'd never get home." She turned and went out the front door.
Ron jumped up and raced out after her. "Tammy, wait!"
She was about to get in her car. She stood at the open door and protested, "Ron, please don't."
He grabbed her arm to stop her. "No, I'll let you go. I just wanted to say…thanks for dinner."
Tammy kissed him softly on the lips. "It was my pleasure." She got in her car and drove away before she couldn't anymore, leaving Ron in a slight daze in front of his house.
Sunday Morning
Ron Swanson woke up early in the morning, unable to sleep in anymore. He glanced at the clock and groaned. Six in the morning. He rolled over and stretched, staring at the ceiling.
His sleep had been plagued with the strangest dreams. Tammy was a giant chicken, pecking him to death. But then she showed up as a horse and kicked at the chicken. Horse Tammy neighed at him, telling him to climb up on her back and ride into the sunset. A deer then entered, still as Tammy, warning him against riding Horse Tammy. Leslie Knope had then entered the dream as an elephant trumpeting congratulations on Ron's luck on getting back with Tammy. It was all very strange. Ron sighed. This was what happened to men who went to bed sexually frustrated.
All he knew was that he missed Tammy. But it wasn't the crazed clinginess he often felt when he was torn away from her naked flesh (usually by Leslie Knope in her endless attempts to help him to not destroy his life). No, what Ron wanted was to just be around her. Having her spend just one sane evening in his house, which had once been their house, had been better than he could have ever imagined. He wanted her back. She could cook for him and sing and talk to him and share his life.
This was a disaster. He was already in love with her. Again. Without fail, every time he saw Tammy, all his good work of focused hatred went right out the window. Ron would have to be very careful, lest he end up falling back into the usual crazed role that was reserved for the Ron and Tammy relationship.
Ron got up and showered, trying to get Tammy out of his mind just for a little while. He tried alphabetically listing all the different types of wood he had used in his woodworking projects. Alder, ash, balsa, beech, birch, cedar… He got all the way through oak before he just had to give up. Oak made him think about Tammy. He had been making a table from oak when he proposed to her the first time. Actually it had been more of an awkward blurting during sex. On top of the oak table. He groaned and went back to the wood. Pine, redwood, rosewood, spruce, teak…
Tammy was having similar problems in her condo across town. She had a restless night's sleep, filled with sex dreams about Ron. She kept rolling over in bed, expecting his sturdy form to be beside her. Finally she couldn't take it anymore. This was just stupid. They had broken up plenty of times and she had never had this much trouble being without him. Perhaps her recent experiences had made her weaker. Which, again, was just stupid. Thoroughly annoyed, she got out of bed, got dressed, and went to the library. It was closed on Sundays, but maybe she could get some work done while no one else was there. And maybe then she could distract herself, knowing that Ron would never willingly come to the library.
Tuesday Morning
Leslie got into her office bright and early. Between planning her wedding and honeymoon and all of her City Council projects, she hadn't been able to give her full attention to the Parks Department. As usual, she was the first one into the office. Then again, no one was expected to be in at seven A.M., but Leslie was there all the same.
Jerry, Donna, Tom, Andy and April all meandered in around nine, but by that time, Leslie was on her third cup of coffee and had already written, reviewed, and submitted sixteen proposals. Strangely, Ron hadn't come in yet.
A little after ten, Leslie's phone rang. It was Ron.
"Knope, I'm taking a sick day. I'll see you tomorrow. Bye."
"Ron, wait! Are you okay? Should I come over and bring you soup? Or a plate from JJ's?"
"No, I'm fine Leslie. You don't need to come over. Actually, you shouldn't come over."
He hung up, leaving Leslie rather confused.
"Hey Tom?"
"What's up?"
"Was Ron in the office yesterday?" she asked.
Tom swiveled his chair to face her. "Yeah but it was weird. He came in late, didn't talk to anyone all day, and left at three. And he was wearing the red shirt and black pants."
"Damn." Something was up. Leslie knew it. She just wasn't sure what. She pulled up the Pawnee City Government directory on her computer and picked up the phone. While trying to suppress the feeling of nausea it caused her, she dialed the Library Department.
"Hi, can I please speak to your Deputy Director? … She's not in today? Okay, thank you."
This wasn't going to end well.