I do not own Harry Potter in anyway, I just love Snape. Darling is my only character in this story. I hope you all enjoy!*
xxxxxxxxxxx
Snape paced in the classroom until late into the night. He threw tables and chairs and ripped up books and yelled. He wasn't proud of himself. It had been years since his last tantrum. With a tired sigh he cleaned and restored his room with his wand and then he sank down in his chair.
How could he have done that? He'd never in his life considered taking a student- all though several had tried, male and female- over the years. Now that he had sobered and calmed, he still barely felt a flutter of attraction for Darling, and he was trying to. Had that blasted potion reduced him to nothing more than a hormone crazed beast? Why had he felt such a powerful lust for her when it was evident that he didn't possess it before or after?
The look in her eyes had burned into his very blackened soul. It was a scar that would remain forever. He thought about her alone, crying in the shower and washing his monstrous touch away at this very second. It just didn't make sense to him that he could mistake her unwillingness for passion. He recalled now her pleading to him, closing her legs, pushing him... squirming away not to... why hadn't he paid any attention? It was obvious that she didn't want him, even if her body responded. A rush of heat spilled through him at the thought of her orgasming around him. He hated himself for it.
He was torn between wanting to talk to her and wanting to forget about the whole horrendous deal. Perhaps if he possessed a time turner... but no. They would never allow him to have one.
This was bad. All of the wrongness had compounded and sat like stones inside the pit of his stomach.
He knew morally that he should go and turn himself in for this. She shouldn't have to suffer in silence for his foolish stupid mistake.
xxxxxxxxxxx
Darling trembled underneath the hot water. Her stomach and nether regions ached and burned. She couldn't believe that this happened. She had lost her virginity, to Professor Snape. She should have left when she first noticed his odd behavior. He seemed... drugged.
She reached between her legs to clean there and her face crumpled back into weeping. She was still bleeding slightly, more than she thought she should have been. Professor Snape had been very rough with her, even her arms were bruised where he'd held her down. Why didn't he realize that she was a virgin? She was only 16, after all. She'd never even been kissed before him.
She felt betrayed by her own body. She couldn't believe that she'd had her first orgasm while she was so afraid. It felt really good but it hurt, like he was going to rip straight through her. It was confusing and it made her ashamed to admit that now it was over, she couldn't stop thinking about it. It was horrible and frightening while it was happening... but now she didn't know how she felt. She replayed the encounter over and over in her mind until she was certain she'd scrubbed every inch of herself clean. Then she made her way back to the Hufflepuff common room and went to bed.
xxxxxxxxxxx
Severus kept his eyes open and searching for Darling the next morning at breakfast. She had a double potions lesson with him today, and he was anxious to see if she would come back to his class after he had mauled her. Finally he spotted her. She stood silently in the doorway of the Great Hall, her eyes locked on his.
He was disappointed when she backed out of the room, fear in her eyes as though he'd jump up and ravage her right on the Hufflepuff table. No one else had noticed her retreat and he contemplated going after her for a moment, fearing that she'd do something drastic. He got up swiftly and made his way out to find her.
It took a few minutes, but he finally found her hiding in an alcove by one of the numerous stained glass windows in the hall. Her eyes flashed in panic when she saw him and for a moment he thought she'd bolt.
"I'm not going to hurt you, Darling." He said gently, doing his best to make his face and eyes soft.
She choked on a laughing sob, "That's what you told me last night."
He winced at that, she had said it gently and just stated it as a fact, but it twisted the blade in his gut all the more.
"I promise you, Miss Fairchild... I'm not a monster. I don't normally go around grabbing and... and, well. You need not worry about that happening with me ever again. It was a toxicity induced ecstasy and it will never happen again."
The girl sniffled and nodded her head. "Okay, Professor.".
"Do you hurt?" He asked gently, noticing the hand pressed against her abdomin.
"Yes, my stomach hurts still and my... I'm sore there too."
He glanced up and down the hallway before offering his hand to help her stand. "I have a potion in the classroom that will help, as well as a salve that will soothe... that."
He felt silly being unable to say the proper name, but she seemed very uncomfortable talking about it at all. She was just a girl, who's innocence had been stolen by his selfishness and idiocy. She took his hand reluctantly and allowed him to help her up.
"Thank you." She said, following him down to the Potions Classroom. She sent her things down on her normal desk and waited while he rumaged through his stores for a painkilling salve that would be suitable for a delicate area such as a woman's vagina. Triumphant, he found one that was normally used after child birth made of witch hazel and aloe. Then he found a pain-killing draught for her to drink.
When he came back from his supply room, fat tears were rolling down her cheeks, but no noise escaped. He followed her gaze to his desk where not even twelve hours before he'd taken her on it.
"Darling?" He asked softly, bringing her attention to him. She tore her gaze away from the desk with a hard blink and looked at him. He handed the draught and salve to her.
"Drink the draught and use the salve when needed..." he said and then warned "it's for external use only, do not put it inside. It may cause iritation."
She was silent as death, but she nodded to let him know she understood. He went to his desk and spotted a strip of blue fabric underneath it that he quickly grabbed and stuffed in his robes. He definitely didn't want anyone to find that and he especially didn't want Darling to see the panties that he'd savagely ripped from her.
He watched her covertly until the start of class and she did an acceptable job in pretending that there was nothing wrong with her.
Jule, a nice Hufflepuff boy tried to get her attention but she studiously ignored him. Snape felt the bitter tang of regret. Normally, the girl would have at least exchanged pleasantry. He eyed the boy, wishing silently that he'd been the one to eventually deflower her.
He scowled, feeling like a creep for imaging his students being intimate together, but she had deserved to know the touch of a kind and gentle man on her first night as a woman. Someone who definitely wasn't him.
He paled at the thought. He had made her a woman with his touch and cursed her to have the shadows of suspicion gather around her when it came to men. The guilt stabbed at him again, but this time he pushed it away, taking twenty points from Gryffindor when a boy accidently added the wrong ingredient and smoke began to fill the room.
"Class is dismissed." He growled, using his wand to dispose of the cloud of black smoke that was taking over his room.
Darling got up as quickly as she was able to and gathered her things to leave. She hoped Professor Snape didn't want to talk to her... but she knew that he did.
Sure enough, as soon as she was on her feet Professor Snape was there, looking down on her with his dark eyes.
"Miss Fairchild, I would like a word with you." He said, a fellow student just leaving arched a brow at his gentle tone but left quickly when Snape turned his sneer on him, and then his gaze returned to the girl. She looked down at her feet.
"I suppose so, Sir... but I'll be late to transfiguration."
"I will give you a note for Professor McGonagall." He reassured her.
She carefully looked up at him. He seemed really tired, like he didn't sleep at all last night after what happened. She, on the other hand, slept in a little too late and barely made it to the Great Hall for a breakfast she didn't eat.
Professor Snape felt completely and totally responsible for the misery in the young girl's eyes. They had darkened from sage to bottle glass, and there was a haunted look to them now. He gently pulled a blonde curl away from her face, and his heart squeezed just a little when she flinched. He could tell that she had tried to suppress it, but after all... the last time he'd touched her like that he raped her. He wasn't even sure why he touched her now.
"Are you going to be alright?" He asked. Her lip trembled but she nodded.
"I'll be alright... eventually, Sir." She attempted a smile but it was very forced. He laid his hand on her shoulder, disregarding the way she shook and looked into her eyes, searching for truth but he could see nothing below the thick layer of hurt in them.
"Should you wish to speak to me, please don't hesitate. I am here to listen and I would like to help you to move past this. I can not change what has happened, but believe me... I wish I could."
"Yes, sir. I understand... until then, can you please just treat me like you did before? Back when I didn't exist." The miserable sincerity in her gaze knocked the breath out of him.
The question caught him off guard. Now that he had become entangled with her, how was he supposed to just stop?
"I will try, Darling."